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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I need help figuring out my boyfriend's type. :)

At the beginning of our relationship, he tested ENTJ. Now it's almost been a year later, and he tested ESFJ twice. He seems to display qualities for both, but sometimes I feel like he's more ENTJ and sometimes I change my mind and think he's ESFJ.

He might be testing ESFJ because I recently got into a car accident and was sad that he couldn't be there to take care of me since he's back home in NorCal for Christmas and I'm in Southern California since I'm from here.

I also have an INTJ friend who's a computer programmer too, and when I ask them for advice, they seem to have the same opinions. They both think very rationally with things (probably because it's their field of study), but my boyfriend has a better grasp of emotions and feelings than my INTJ friend who struggles with that. :p

  • He's studying computer science, so he has to think very logically.
  • He's a lot more mature than me (ENFP)
  • Very cool, calm, and collected most of the time
  • Logical and rational thinker, unlike me. He doesn't mind that my thinking is very illogical, though
  • Whenever I need him for help, he will drop everything to try to find an answer or a solution
  • He's very observant and thoughtful: For a Christmas present to me, he bought me a camera of my favorite brand and said he figured I'd like it because he always noticed me going to look at cameras whenever we went shopping. Even though he knew I broke a lot of my previous cameras, he said he felt like it would make me happy to have one again. He spent a week researching and asking his friends about the best camera to get me, and I thought he was really thoughtful for doing that. :)
  • He's normally clean, but around midterms and finals, his room can be a mess since he leaves his clothes lying around on the floor. When his finals are over, his room is super clean and then the cycle repeats :p
  • He doesn't like inefficiency or wasting time even though I'm very inefficient because my mind is always wandering everywhere
  • Very blunt and straightforward with his words and opinions
  • VERY good with words. It makes me jealous because I'm so scatter brain
  • Very good at teaching complex programming concepts to me
  • Very consistent with communicating with me every day
  • Always loves to talk about how our day is going :)
  • Very affectionate in person and is always courteous and considerate
  • Typically very outgoing and many people find him likeable
  • Small circle of close friends from high school, although he can make friends easily. He seems to only really open up to me.
  • Doesn't get jealous when I'm talking to other guys at parties; He actually enjoys the freedom we let each other have at social events because this gives us time to catch up with our friends separately rather than being those couples who never separate at parties
  • Always seems to mirror my emotions and enthusiam
  • Very open and comfortable with talking about emotional stuff, but it's mostly me talking and he listens; he provides his insight if he feels I'm not being assertive enough or if I'm being "too nice"
  • I feel like he loves to be adored and appreciated, but he doesn't shower it in return; He feels that if he says "I love you" too often, it makes it less special
  • Doesn't seem to plan much, but when he plans things for me and they don't go well, he can get upset
  • When he's really tired and I'm still awake, he won't admit that he's tired because he tries to stay up with me as much as he can. He'll admit that he's tired when he's practically passed out. :p
  • He doesn't really use his social network accounts online; He has a facebook but rarely uses it only to Poke me in a few seconds if we're having Poke Wars :p He has a YouTube but he doesn't even use it to favorite videos or anything xD
  • Loves his family dearly
  • Is into fantasy football and loves playing video games
  • Loves collecting the Marvel vending machine chibi figurines and other small toys of TV shows that he likes (Simpsons, Batman, etc)

I hope this is enough info! Feel free to ask any questions that can help you with figuring out his type. I will greatly appreciate it! :D
 

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Well, he sounds EFJ from the way you describe him but when it comes to the more intelligent Feelers and/or Sensors, types become muddled and unclear. What makes you think ENTJ or ESFJ? How did you come to those two choices?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, he sounds EFJ from the way you describe him but when it comes to the more intelligent Feelers and/or Sensors, types become muddled and unclear. What makes you think ENTJ or ESFJ? How did you come to those two choices?
I had him take the Jung test a few times. :p ENTJ he tested almost a year ago, and now, he's been testing ESFJ.
 

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I had him take the Jung test a few times. :p ENTJ he tested almost a year ago, and now, he's been testing ESFJ.
Yeah, I score ENTJ and ENTP all the time on Jungian tests and I'm an ENFJ/ESFj lol. MBTI test results are often malleable as they describe tendencies and often wander around when life circumstances change. I think I've even scored ISTP once when I was hung over and under a lot of stress. lol!!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Yeah, I score ENTJ and ENTP all the time on Jungian tests and I'm an ENFJ/ESFj lol. MBTI test results are often malleable as they describe tendencies and often wander around when life circumstances change. I think I've even scored ISTP once when I was hung over and under a lot of stress. lol!!!
Ooh that makes sense. :p I think I can see him matching ENTJ mainly from his logical/systematic way of thinking and his bluntness when it comes to voicing his opinion. Him being ESFJ would be more from his caring sides. He does have a pretty strong Feeling side, though. I can't tell!

Even though I feel like I totally get him and at times feel like's he's super predictable, he still comes off as mysterious to me! xD
 

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Ooh that makes sense. :p I think I can see him matching ENTJ mainly from his logical/systematic way of thinking and his bluntness when it comes to voicing his opinion. Him being ESFJ would be more from his caring sides. He does have a pretty strong Feeling side, though. I can't tell!

Even though I feel like I totally get him and at times feel like's he's super predictable, he still comes off as mysterious to me! xD
Hahaha well good for you! He sounds like an awesome guy. :p
 
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What would be some N or S descriptions? I only threw in what came to mind at the moment. xD
That's kind of tricky. Valid, trustworthy, non-stereotypical ones are rare… Hm, well we're dealing with either Ni, or Si auxiliary, right? I've been thinking about what it means to be an Si-dominant lately and I came to the conclusion that introverted sensing is somewhat of a helpful thing to have when deciding on things. Si is what I like to refer to as Homeostatic. They'll pick the choice that will not disturb their equilibrium, so the choices are always easy to make from that vantage point. So, the main question I'd think about is:

"When analyzing a situation is he more apt to choose the decision that helps him remain in that level state, or is he a tad more volatile (Se) and disregarding to his physical state?"
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
"When analyzing a situation is he more apt to choose the decision that helps him remain in that level state, or is he a tad more volatile (Se) and disregarding to his physical state?"
I'd guess that he'd be more like the former. I would be the latter. :X

When I come to him with a problem he quickly reasons through it calmly and logically. He doesn't mind helping me out, either. In fact, he makes it his mission to find a solution if I come to him asking for help with a problem. When I analyze a situation, I can get pretty overwhelmed and my emotions can get to me and I can get really volatile if I'm under enough stress. He's never like that. Which is amazing. x_x
 

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I'd guess that he'd be more like the former. I would be the latter. :X

When I come to him with a problem he quickly reasons through it calmly and logically. He doesn't mind helping me out, either. In fact, he makes it his mission to find a solution if I come to him asking for help with a problem. When I analyze a situation, I can get pretty overwhelmed and my emotions can get to me and I can get really volatile if I'm under enough stress. He's never like that. Which is amazing. x_x
I think you are seeing his Ti servicing his Fe, then coupled with Si… I'd say ESFJ.
 

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I don't think of ESFJs as "highly logical" thinkers. They have Ti, but it's inferior. The ESFJs I have known have been sweet, simple, down-to-earth people. The general description sounds like it could be ESFJ. Most of the people who are heavily computer oriented that I know are Thinkers, but that is by no means a rule.

I am very curious as to how a relationship between an ENFP and an ESFJ would go. I know of one INTP who is with a ESJ, he committed (they're both men) and got rings after 6 months of courting and have lived together now for 7 years. The INTP hates his situation, feels they have absolutely no intellectual compatibility and is completely bored. He feels stuck because he can't financially afford to leave. If gay marriage were legal they would probably be married, and the eventual separation would be even more difficult. Anyway, I know that is a tangent rant. Sorry for Ne-ing on your post, lol. The guy you're seeing sounds like a wonderful person. And INTP and ENFP are obviously very different types. I just wonder how a long-term relationship between a person who uses Si as their preferred perceiving function and a person who uses Ne as their PF would go. I always feel like we are from different planets when I have conversations with ESFJs.
 

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Sounds like he uses Te, Ni, Se, Fi, much more than Ti, Ne, Si, or Fe.

He sounds results-oriented, and he relates to you through Te-Fi. From your description, one would have to look for the T in either the dominant or auxiliary cognitive functions.

He sounds like an ENTJ that I know. ENTJs can be very caring people, even though the cognitive functions may make it sound ultra-rational and ultra-efficient. He might have gained a lot of insight from you regarding relationships.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I don't think of ESFJs as "highly logical" thinkers. They have Ti, but it's inferior. The ESFJs I have known have been sweet, simple, down-to-earth people. The general description sounds like it could be ESFJ. Most of the people who are heavily computer oriented that I know are Thinkers, but that is by no means a rule.

I am very curious as to how a relationship between an ENFP and an ESFJ would go.
That's why I find it strange that he's ESFJ because my mom is ESFJ. I love her to death, but she is way too controlling and overly emotional. He's not like that at all.

Our relationship is very mutual and understanding. We actually benefit from each other a lot, so with the Benefactor-Beneficiary dynamic, I'm not really sure where we he and I would fit.

I'll give a chat convo and a discussion we had last night. It really shows how differently we think, but we came to the agreement to disagree. I think this was the most serious conversation we've had so far and you can definitely tell our differences.

Oh & before I forget! We've been together almost 1 year and known each other almost 2. :)

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ENTJ/ESFJ: You need to realize that life will throw things that are unexpected and unwanted so instead of trying to avoid them you need to take them head on because at one point in your life you will be forced to.
ENFP: Yes, I know. And I'll figure out how to hold my ground when the situation arises. :p
ENTJ/ESFJ: You just told me you try to avoid your ex's and you can't even say happy birthday? Because you're afraid feelings will come back?
ENFP: Yes, but I doubt I'll ever see them again! D:
ENTJ/ESFJ: You still seem to try to avoid everything from what you say. That's the coward's way out. **My emotions were actually going crazy here because I thought he was showing disapproval toward me.
ENFP: Cowardly. How so? :O **Me trying to lighten the mood. I was in super panic mode at this point.
ENTJ/ESFJ: It's pretty self-explanatory. **He was sooo frking blunt and cold about it. Damn him for being right and I didn't want to admit it! D;
ENFP: Oh, I see. **Long pause, trying to collect my feelings and understand his reasoning. He was right, anyway. I hate admitting defeat and he won, hands down.
ENFP: You're right. I admit, it is the coward's way out, but for me personally, that's the best way I can cope with ended relationships. I don't understand how people can be friends after and I wouldn't be able to handle that emotionally.
ENTJ/ESFJ: Then that's how you have to handle it then. Everyone's different. =P **I think he could tell that I was panicking, so he tried to lighten the mood.
ENFP: I still sensed some disapproval on your part ;[
ENTJ/ESFJ: How so? That's just unacceptable for me. Everyone's different. I do not expect you to act how I would. You're not me. I don't control you.
ENFP: I know >.< But I do admire a lot of things you can do cuz I can't do a lot of those things. ~.~ I don't know how you do it.
ENTJ/ESFJ: Like what O_O
ENFP: Blunt, rational, quick thinker, assertive, you don't second-guess or doubt your opinions and you see right through things right away. I'm either not like most of those things or I'm muchhhh slower and inefficient than you! D;
ENTJ/ESFJ: I see you admire me so much! :D
ENFP: It makes me wonder why you're so fascinated by me :p
ENTJ/ESFJ: Because you're not afraid to be yourself.
ENFP: Neither are you.
ENTJ/ESFJ: Oh, I am. You just don't notice it because I'm always so calm and collected about everything, but I assure you I am..
ENFP: Whaaat. That's hard to believe D: Are you afraid to be yourself around me o_O? Or have I not seen your true self D:
ENTJ/ESFJ: No. I'm 100% myself around you lol. I mean with people I don't really know. Obviously when I'm comfortable I'm gonna be myself. But you don't have that problem. You don't change your personality around people. You're always you.​

And then the conflict was resolved and all misunderstandings were cleared. :D Yayy!
---------

These are some other benefits we gain from each other:
  • Never get tired of hanging out and talking to each other :)
  • Willing to share lots of hobbies and interests :D
  • My passion, motivation and enthusiasm toward my careeer goals motivates him toward his. (I've graduated and am going back to school for a B.S. Computer Science like him. He's finishing up his last year. He watched me diligently and tirelessly job hunt for 6 months after my graduation to finally get the job I have as a web developer, so he knows how hard-working I am.)
  • He keeps me grounded when my ideas and fantasies make me lose sight of what's going on around me.
  • He said I helped him become more patient and less volatile. For him to learn about me, he had to hear me out through my illogical unstructured thinking. (My mind comes up with tons of ideas, no structure and all stream of conscious.)
  • He said he used to be really different and had no patience before I came around. He would look down to people if they weren't on his intellectual level, but he I feel like he doesn't do that anymore. I'm like suuuper below his intellectual level LOL. But I work hard and am passionate about my goals, so he admires that about me.

I hope that gives more insight! :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Sounds like he uses Te, Ni, Se, Fi, much more than Ti, Ne, Si, or Fe.

He sounds results-oriented, and he relates to you through Te-Fi. From your description, one would have to look for the T in either the dominant or auxiliary cognitive functions.

He sounds like an ENTJ that I know. ENTJs can be very caring people, even though the cognitive functions may make it sound ultra-rational and ultra-efficient. He might have gained a lot of insight from you regarding relationships.
I did read some research on ENTJ before and they have a tendency to be very good leaders.

Before we started going out, he was in the running for President in his fraternity and he was the most likely vote, hands down. I heard stories of how much respect and admiration his bros had for him and about how his speech (on the spot) was one of the best speeches they ever heard. I'm sure he was going to be the best vote.

But when elections came around again, we were already dating, and his priorities changed. He saw how hard I was working toward graduating and finding a job, and he started realizing that he needed to start focusing on his career.

So.. I'm sure he has some ENTJ qualities of leadership and high competence in whatever they do. I actually became president in my sorority and he would give good, sound advice whenever I was having trouble dealing with the girls. He would call me out when I was being too nice and not assertive enough, too. So blunt and honest. x_x

Both coming from fraternity/sorority backgrounds gives us another common understanding with our lifestyles, so that's another reason why we can understand each other so well. Greek definitely helped us develop and mature in leadership as well as socially. We were a lot less developed and more immature just a year or two ago, so that lifestyle was definitely a catalyst in our personal growth. :p
 

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From that conversation you had with him, he sounds like an ENTJ to me. I really enjoyed reading that. :) I would post conversations I've had with my INTP in a thread but they are usually too romantic/sexual or personal, lol. I dated an NTJ of undetermined E/I (he tested as ENTJ but I saw a lot of Fi and he was very private, so I questioned the E), and some of our conversations seemed to go like the one you posted above. He would tell me something I did or do is irrational and I would explain to him why I handle(d) it that way. The way your guy communicates doesn't seem ESFJ to me. Obviously I can't tell for certain from what little I've got to go on, but NTJ is my gut (Fi) feeling.

I just finished reading everything you wrote about him actually and he sounds totally ENTJ. I don't know of any ESFJs who condescend to people because of their intellectual abilities. That is classic NT behavior, especially Te user behavior. I would bet money he's an NTJ, not an SFJ. It sounds like you're helping him tap into his Fi, and he's helping you tap into your Fe. That's great!

I am happy for you and also a bit envious. My relationship with my INTP is in a torturous state right now. I am very sad that I don't have him with me for Christmas. *Sigh*
 

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Sounds like possible ENTJ behavior to me. I emotionally (generally) have good intentions towards others, and people can derive a lot of that good emotional intent from my actions. I am not very emotionally aware ("why am I feeling this? In fact, what the heck is this I'm feeling!?), but I have even been known to verbalize an emotion occasionally. It just usually comes in the form of a compliment (more "you're awesome because..." than "Hey, I like you"). I'm not the tin man. :proud:

As for your boyfriend specifically, I think the easiest tell would be Te vs Fe. From what you've said, I'd be willing to bet he's a Te. That means he's probably either ESTJ or ENTJ. Now, a harder determination. ENTJs and ESTJs are both generally successful, and can be hard to tell apart by a third-party observer. They have their tendencies, but mature, well-rounded individuals of either type can display the behavior you've specified. It all comes down to Ni vs Si.

I have no Si. I don't internalize rules or norms. I don't value tradition. I don't generally pick the "proven option" unless it fits the path to my goal that my Ni has generated. If you see much use of the Si function at all, he's probably ESTJ.

Ni, on the other hand, is much more abstract. Much less concrete. I spend a good portion of my time in my own little world of possibility. I generate plans, predict events, and think through solutions. My thinking is very "outside the box" in nature because of that Ni. Te helps me make judgments on my Ni possibilities. Different potential paths to a goal always exist, and Te helps me determine which would be the most effective. I'm future oriented, and plan and predict well into the foreseeable future. Si, on the other hand, would be adept at applying existing, proven concepts to any given problem in the present, giving ESTJs a tactical focus and a very "common sense" intelligence. ENTJs are more strategic, with a more "intellectual" intelligence. If he demonstrates significant Ni, he's very likely ENTJ.

According to the theory, people can't support both Ni and Si in their top 4 functions.
 
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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
As for your boyfriend specifically, I think the easiest tell would be Te vs Fe. From what you've said, I'd be willing to bet he's a Te. That means he's probably either ESTJ or ENTJ. Now, a harder determination. ENTJs and ESTJs are both generally successful, and can be hard to tell apart by a third-party observer. They have their tendencies, but mature, well-rounded individuals of either type can display the behavior you've specified. It all comes down to Ni vs Si.

I have no Si. I don't internalize rules or norms. I don't value tradition. I don't generally pick the "proven option" unless it fits the path to my goal that my Ni has generated. If you see much use of the Si function at all, he's probably ESTJ.
He does seem to value tradition. At least family tradition. Celebrating birthdays and holidays seem really important to him, too. I'm not really sure to what extent they'll influence him, but he absolutely holds his family at a really high regard. He's even moving back home to San Francisco to be with his family when he graduates! I'll be stuck in SoCal studying. But I have a feeling going back north for him has better opportunities for a job in computers and technology with his degree. I'm sure he's well aware of that. :p

Different potential paths to a goal always exist, and Te helps me determine which would be the most effective. I'm future oriented, and plan and predict well into the foreseeable future.
I can tell he figures out every possibility and can easily evaluate the best one. I always seem to have gaps in my evaluations, which he easily fills in. :p But.. I'm not sure to what extent he is future focused. He has done some things that I made it obvious he was planning for the future. I have a formals coming up in March and he brought his dress suit down.
Me: Why'd you bring your nice dress suit?
Him: I brought it down for you!!! I'm gonna be your date right!? D;

I asked did ask him what time frame he lives in so that I could figure him out and he told me this: "I live in the present building from what I learned in the past to create my future. :D" Very... happily. ~.~

Would his statement be an indication of Ni?

I told him that I have trouble living in the present because I'm always wondering about the possibilities of the future. I take into account my past, but sometimes I reject them if they were not good experiences. He seemed to jump into action a bit when I told him that I think about the future, but he told me I need to learn to appreciate what I have in the present or I won't realize the good things that I have right now.

I looked up Ni and Si on Wiki and I got this. The bolded part goes with his previous statement:

  • Si is responsible for perception of physical sensations; questions of comfort, coziness, and pleasure; and a sense of harmony and acclimation with one's environment (especially physical). Si understand how well a person or thing's behavior agrees with its nature as well as the differences between comfortable behaviors and positions and uncomfortable ones.
  • Ni is responsible for the estimation of the passage of time, the understanding of a course of processes in time, and forecasting. Ni understand how things may change and evolve over time and throughout history. Ni is acutely aware of events that are occurring outside of the immediate perception of the moment, and sees events as part of a continuous flow. Ni perceives the possible ramifications of future events and notices ties to the past. Ni observes behavioral patterns and can assess a person's character.
Thanks much for all of your insight. It's really informative. I really appreciate itt. :D
 

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He does seem to value tradition. At least family tradition. Celebrating birthdays and holidays seem really important to him, too. I'm not to what extent they'll influence him, though. He does hold his family at a really high regard. He's even moving back home to San Francisco to be with his family! I'll be stuck in SoCal studying. But I have a feeling going back north for him has better opportunities for a job in computers and technology with his degree. I'm sure he's well aware of that. :p



I can tell he figures out every possibility and can easily evaluate the best one. I always seem to have gaps in my evaluations, which he easily fills in. :p But.. I'm not sure to what extent he is future focused. He has done some things that I made it obvious he was planning for the future. I have a formals coming up in March and he brought his dress suit down.
Me: Why'd you bring your nice dress suit?
Him: I brought it down for you!!! I'm gonna be your date right!? D;

I asked did ask him what time frame he lives in so that I could figure him out and he told me this: "I live in the present building from what I learned in the past to create my future. :D" Very... happily. ~.~

Would his statement be an indication of Ni?

I told him that I have trouble living in the present because I'm always wondering about the possibilities of the future. I take into account my past, but sometimes I reject them if they were not good experiences. He seemed to jump into action a bit when I told him that I think about the future, but he told me I need to learn to appreciate what I have in the present or I won't realize the good things that I have right now.

I looked up Ni and Si on Wiki and I got this. The bolded part goes with his previous statement:

  • Si is responsible for perception of physical sensations; questions of comfort, coziness, and pleasure; and a sense of harmony and acclimation with one's environment (especially physical). Si understand how well a person or thing's behavior agrees with its nature as well as the differences between comfortable behaviors and positions and uncomfortable ones.
  • Ni is responsible for the estimation of the passage of time, the understanding of a course of processes in time, and forecasting. Ni understand how things may change and evolve over time and throughout history. Ni is acutely aware of events that are occurring outside of the immediate perception of the moment, and sees events as part of a continuous flow. Ni perceives the possible ramifications of future events and notices ties to the past. Ni observes behavioral patterns and can assess a person's character.
Thanks much for all of your insight. It's really informative. I really appreciate itt. :D
You're quite welcome. I don't know all that much compared to others on here, but I have looked a bit into my own type. I went back and re-read the conversation you portrayed a few posts back. Really sounding ENTJ. So, tell me. What are his flaws? It's obvious that you idealize him (as many others do to the ENTJ type, for some odd reason), but list as many of his drawbacks as you can.
 
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You're quite welcome. I don't know all that much compared to others on here, but I have looked a bit into my own type. I went back and re-read the conversation you portrayed a few posts back. Really sounding ENTJ. So, tell me. What are his flaws? It's obvious that you idealize him (as many others do to the ENTJ type, for some odd reason), but list as many of his drawbacks as you can.
Oh man. That's one question I can't answer. :p ENFPs tend to glorify their significant others and close relations. It's really hard for us to identify (and sometimes even accept) any faults in them if you're that special or important to us. That's why I really respect his ability to straight up point out my faults, and he's willing to help me understand and explain why my faults need to be improved.

I really can't make a laundry list of his flaws because of that glorification. xD

I noticed he can be really lazy and seems to procrastinate, which I feel like he could use his free time to get an internship or part-time job. He usually finishes all his projects and homework, though. I didn't think he would be very diligent cuz I only remember him playing video games when I first met him LOL, so his work ethic surprised me and gained my admiration. He's really focused on his computer science degree right now, but with the amount of time he has to invest into his projects, he gets drained and uses his free time to regenerate.

He does seem to want to start focusing on his career by getting an internship, but he's more focused on finishing school than splitting his time between work and school. He watched me spend 6 months tirelessly search for a job after I graduated, and he admired my enthusiasm and diligence. I have a feeling he gets inspired by my motivation, even though I get really carried away and become a workaholic. I also have a feeling that when he graduates and gets a job, he might become a workaholic.

  • Procrastinates
  • Spends a lot of time playing video games when he's not studying
  • Can leave his clothes lying around his room when he's stressed with exams, but it gets super clean when his schedule clears up
  • Stopped going to the gym since we started dating.. I think that was my fault lol T__T but he says I'm so much fun to hang out with :D
  • Overeats!! He doesn't like taking out food when we go out to eat, and I usually only eat half my food, so when I'm full he tries to finish all my food =___=..
  • Kind of threw out his old health ethics when he started hanging out with me. He used to gym twice a day and eat healthy (Subway). But I think he wants to treat me out all the time, so we eat out. And I feel like he doesn't accept feeding me Subway a decent way to properly care for his lady.
Hmm.. I feel like a bad influence to him. LOL :D
 
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