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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I do not get it!! I know this female ENTJ (The Executive) and I'm trying to get to know her better. It's not working! She seems to be shutting me out of her life. I'm not interested in her sexually (I don't want like a "relationship") or at least I don't think so, there's a part of me that is undecided, but for the most part I'm not interested (or am I?) at least not till I get to know her better. Anyway we've been mutual friends for two years, (I've always wanted to get to know her better) and my best friend (Male INTJ) has recently started dating her best friend (Female ISFJ). So I see this as a great opportunity to get to know her (ENTJ) on a more personal level. It's not working. When I talk to her via text she'll talk to me for a bit, then I guess get bored and leave, (not very friendly with her phone?) but then again I tend to ask questions, generally of a philosophical nature, and these might bore her. Over text at least. When we hang out 2 on 2 it's us two and the "lovers" and she seems to be having a great time, but has trouble making follow up events. My theories: one, (and this attribute was on her personality portrait) she gets stresses out with making commitments, especially being pressured by us 3. This is my most likely theory, 2. She's jealous of the lovers and doesn't want to hang out with me and my friend because she loses her friend to him. But I'm very sure she has a lot of fun hanging out with us, or she's just a great actor, a very great, great actor. The rest of the theories don't have enough evidence or aren't plausible enough to be mentioned, however I have thought of the possibility of the ENTJ liking my best friend (INTJ) and it is very very unlikely. Any other theories? Or more evidence supporting my theories? Why she not opening up? Most people do , especially with this amount of effort on my part. Possible variables: She doesn't have a traumatic past. She does have a teensy wincy inferiority complex, to her older sister (I'm the oldest of 3). And there is some religious conflict in her family. If this affects anything. Yeah, please help me out because she's a lot of fun to be with but hard to get together with. I'm writing this on an iPhone so sorry about mistakes, and I can only see a small portion of the screen at a time, so I haven't been reading this through.
 

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I don't mean to sound direct, but take a minute to consider she might not reciprocate those feelings you have for her. No matter how hard you try sometimes attractions will never be mutual. That's just life.
 

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Well, that might be a little hard for any of us to answer since we don't know her.

Speaking as an ENTJ, I don't like it when people constantly try to get my attention. I tend to think they're clingy and I have a difficult time with that. I'm generally a distant person, and I don't let people in my close circle too often. I'm very private.

When I get asked to hang out with someone, 9 times out of 10 I'll graciously decline the offer. I don't dislike them, it's just the way I am. The majority of my friends I keep at a distance and there are only a couple of people I'm really close to who I actively hang out with.

That could just be me though, I don't like speaking for ENTJ's as a whole. We're all different in some way or another.

Try starting this thread in the ENTJ forum and see what kind of responses you get.
 

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Speaking as an ENTJ, I don't like it when people constantly try to get my attention. I tend to think they're clingy and I have a difficult time with that. I'm generally a distant person, and I don't let people in my close circle too often. I'm very private.
Yes. And I think 2 years is enough to 'evaluate' someone. I would talk with people that start conversations with me, but if I'm not interested in/ don't find talking to them interesting, I would let the conversation die.
Maybe she really does have a great time hanging out with you guys, but she's just not interested in you romantically.

If you're feeling brave, ask her point blank what she thinks of going out with you. *shrugs* I'm sorry, but there's a chance that maybe she's waiting for you to ask, because one can't really reject anyone who haven't 'officially' asked.
 
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Hmm.

*hugs* I hope it'll get better. :) it must have been bad for you.

Her interest aside, what are you planning to do about this matter? What do you think you can do to her, at least for the matter of her shutting you out?
I get this feeling that you're trying to dissect her and finding the reason WHY (and deepest apologize if it isn't true). But it'd be better to focus on yourself, because when ENTJs aren't interested, they won't change their decision no matter what reason they have, had, or whether it's been dissected or not. If any, it's not going to be pretty for both sides.
 

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I know I am an INFJ, but...

I often seem like I am having fun with people, when actually I am just having an ok sort or time, or they are slowly killing me inside. I am also a great actress. What is most telling for me is my consistancy in initiating or chosing to contact you, or respond when you contact me.

If I think you are "ok" I wont attempt to arange or initiate anything outside times we'd naturally cross paths, or a bigger social gathering. If I was asked to an event I'd usually go, but I'd never organise it, and I would not agree to just hang out or comunicate via text. If I dislike you, I wont acept any invitations, lose your number and try and shun you...but, in a non hurtful way. People who are just ok I like, but I struggle to connect or talk with outside our normal context or when there is not something to disscuss, say a film we just saw or the annoying couple in the room. This is because we really have nothing in common but shared expirence.

What happens is we sit about, and people say: remember that time when.... happened? and it is the same expirences we discuss each time, not interests or other things, we don't create new memories. I get really really bored and feel bad because they are a nice person and really trying.

People often get the impression I like them more than I do or we are closer friends, because I am just a nice and friendly person, who really listens to people...But they don't realise I am like this with everyone. (well, ok, not everyone, but a lot of people)

I have a carfully selected circle of people I really like, who I activly pester to talk to or hang out with me. Everyone else is nice enough to talk to when they are there. It's not I don't like them, but I don't think we can form a better connection.

I am an anti-social INFJ though, not a people person ENTJ, and people do drain me, so that probably feeds into me response.

I think you just have to acept she just doesn't want to get closer. You certainly couldn't do anything to get me to open up if I've decided it wouldn't go well, or I think you arn't that easy to talk to or have fun with. Unless she discloses her real feelings or reasons why she isn't into getting closer (which I would never do as it would be mean) then you can't do anything about it.
 

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What if she's a lesbian? That's similar to how I act around boys.

Tbh I hate texting, it takes too long just to have dumb small talk. I'd have to like someone a lot to bother my ass texting them and they'd have to be someone I don't see a lot . I only text to plan things with friends. No matter what topic, I'd enjoy face-to-face contact so much more and avoid texting because it costs money, the longer the text is, the more money it costs and it takes way too long to text on my iphone. I'll always be honest if I'm not having a good time and I'll go home. I would never pretend to have a good time.

It's not about getting to get to know her better, it's about her getting to get to know you better. You'll need time. It's better to melt ice than try to smash away at it.

I agree you should ask if you do like her . She'll probably love you for it if she is attracted.
 

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ENTJ do what they want. end of story. Its like trying to move a brick wall with your bare hands.
This isn't about controlling an ENTJ to do what you want.

Why would you try to move a brick wall with your bare hands if you could climb over it or dig under it anyway? There's more than one option.

Did you know Gandhi was racist and slept with minors ?
 

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This isn't about controlling an ENTJ to do what you want.

Why would you try to move a brick wall with your bare hands if you could climb over it or dig under it anyway? There's more than one option.

Did you know Gandhi was racist and slept with minors ?
thanks, there really is. he does have some awesome quotes tho.
 

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ENTJs are naturally not very interested in people (their feeling function is inferior and least utilized). If by opening up you mean her telling you how she feels or some heart-throbbing stories about her friends or ex's or whatever - not going to happen. Her mindset is very different from yours so you're just operating on different wavelengths.

The fact that she is having fun being entertained by you 3 doesn't mean that she is going to try and pair up with you. You seem to imply that somehow your friend hooking up with her friend has to encourage her to become closer to you, and I fail to see why and how. You see it as an opportunity but it doesn't sound like she is any into you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I am trying to dissect her, I guess and I can be clingy, her shutting me out just makes me want to dissect her more! It's frustrating, but thanks, I am talking closely with her best friend in an attemp that she'll help me figure things out or that shell let some info leak? I'm not the boldest person ESP. If I'm gonna be going to school with her, I'll see her everyday
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I am trying to dissect her, I guess and I can be clingy, her shutting me out just makes me want to dissect her more! It's frustrating, but thanks, I am talking closely with her best friend in an attemp that she'll help me figure things out or that shell let some info leak? I'm not the boldest person ESP. If I'm gonna be going to school with her, I'll see her everyday
 

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I like the idea of concentrating on yourself. It is easy to want to save the world and yet the world has to want to be saved.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
This is more about dissecting her, than it is romantic, in case you guys got the wrong impression, but there is some attraction
 

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This is more about dissecting her, than it is romantic, in case you guys got the wrong impression, but there is some attraction
Ok, but she doesn't sound like she wants to be dissected. It's a pretty intrusive and agressive term don't you think? Why not use the word understand? That...sort of rubs me wrong.

Why try and keep forcing it? Why not just take a step back, and just see what happens over time?

If you want to freak her out, or seem like you are romaticall interested, by all means, continue.
 

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How is minding her own business & doing her thing shutting you out?
 
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