Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
20 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm an INFP and currently in a somewhat confusing relationship with an ENTJ. The thing is, it would be inappropriate for him to make any kind of move because he's my boss, so I'm not sure how to interpret some of his behavior. He seems to favor me out of other employees, always notices my reactions to things and draws attention to them, and has kissed me twice on the cheek while embracing. But, I can't be certain. I definitely sense some chemistry here, and I'm not as sensitive as the INFP stereotype suggests, so I'm not bothered by his dom Te--if anything I think it's exciting.

So what are some things you would do in this situation, if you couldn't show someone exactly how you felt or go after who you want? Or, in general, how do you act when you like someone, even outside of a situation like this? Also, bonus question, what do you think of INFPs (or ENFPs-as I definitely act like an ENFP a lot) in general?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,157 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,117 Posts
If its someone I like, I generally open up a hell of a lot more.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Elistra

·
Registered
Joined
·
423 Posts
I do this thing called telling them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
Being honest usually does the trick pretty well, games are attractive in theory but they take too great a toll on one's time
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
130 Posts
Since I am only interested in guys that will actually man up and pursue me what I usually do is make it apparent that I'd be interested and wait for them to respond. If they don't I wait around until another guy comes along. Admittedly, I'm 30, single and have only been in one (unhealthy) long-term relationship in my life... so maybe that's not the best life advice. (Or maybe it is - while I'm inexperienced romantically that means I don't have a slew of good OR bad relationship experience to go off of).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
I tell them. Then when I find out they like me too, I analyze our compatibility and if I conclude that the relationship will be difficult, i.e. that I will need to use my "feelings" a lot (often the case), I run away. But since this has only happened towards other FPs, they generally pull me back.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
I'm an INFP and currently in a somewhat confusing relationship with an ENTJ. The thing is, it would be inappropriate for him to make any kind of move because he's my boss, so I'm not sure how to interpret some of his behavior. He seems to favor me out of other employees, always notices my reactions to things and draws attention to them, and has kissed me twice on the cheek while embracing. But, I can't be certain. I definitely sense some chemistry here, and I'm not as sensitive as the INFP stereotype suggests, so I'm not bothered by his dom Te--if anything I think it's exciting.

So what are some things you would do in this situation, if you couldn't show someone exactly how you felt or go after who you want? Or, in general, how do you act when you like someone, even outside of a situation like this? Also, bonus question, what do you think of INFPs (or ENFPs-as I definitely act like an ENFP a lot) in general?
I would not waste any time. I usually make it obvious when I am at least fond of someone, so if an ENTJ makes an effort to speak to you or hang around you they like you on a basic level, then they wait until you give them more cues to keep going. We are quite dominant, but we don't act unless you let us know somehow that it is okay, because we are aware we can be way too strong and generally are quite weak in reading emotions.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15 Posts
but we don't act unless you let us know somehow that it is okay, because we are aware we can be way too strong and generally are quite weak in reading emotions.
Oh yeah I forgot about that part, I definitely would only say something if I sensed some mutual interest back.
I'm not sure I agree with your reasons though; while we are quite weak at reading emotions and often come off as too strong, when it comes to "liking someone" I think our big egos prevent us from developing feelings to those that don't like us back. Just my theory though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
I like INFPs. One of the only people I still stay in touch with from High School is an INFP. I don't know if I would date one, since most of them tend to be a little too clingy for my liking.

It really depends on what you mean by inappropriate. Being nice to you doesn't really say anything conclusive. Honestly, the only way you are going to find out is if you be a little more upfront in showing your interest in him (assuming you are, since this whole post makes no sense if you aren't). As stated above, ENTJs (or just Te dom people in general) tend to not show any signs of affections if we don't feel like it's ok. Let him know it's ok, then he'll either immediately change his interactions with you to being strictly professional, or he will drop the professionalism a little more from time to time. Pretty simple to work out from there
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
294 Posts
I like INFPs. One of the only people I still stay in touch with from High School is an INFP. I don't know if I would date one, since most of them tend to be a little too clingy for my liking.

It really depends on what you mean by inappropriate. Being nice to you doesn't really say anything conclusive. Honestly, the only way you are going to find out is if you be a little more upfront in showing your interest in him (assuming you are, since this whole post makes no sense if you aren't). As stated above, ENTJs (or just Te dom people in general) tend to not show any signs of affections if we don't feel like it's ok. Let him know it's ok, then he'll either immediately change his interactions with you to being strictly professional, or he will drop the professionalism a little more from time to time. Pretty simple to work out from there
Please explain how clingy they get.Because this is what I see the ENTJs keep saying about INFP as romantic partners.

you know..aside depending and smothering.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
Please explain how clingy they get.Because this is what I see the ENTJs keep saying about INFP as romantic partners.

you know..aside depending and smothering.
How I would describe it is, the INFPs I know reside almost completely within their bubbles. Comparatively, while ENTJs are one of the more introverted extroverts, we will spend a lot more time outside our bubble than within. When people get into relationships, the natural tendency is for both people to sort of merge their bubbles. When I'm outside the bubble, the INFP in question would get more and more frustrated from the lack of company within their bubble, leading to them eventually being convinced that I don't appreciate their presence within this bubble compared to how much they appreciate my presence. Because for INFPs the respect of the bubble is almost equivalent to respect for their person, whereas for us ENTJs respect for the bubble literally just comes down to respect for the bubble. That creates misunderstandings where the INFPs see the ENTJs as insensitive or uninvested and the ENTJ INFP as clingy or depending or smothering.

Of course, these are all broad generalizations. I have no idea how much you like your own bubble, how much your boss likes his bubble, or how much you all understand the difference in perspectives towards the bubble. The reason being, if this barrier is overcame, I feel that ENTJ-INFP relationships can be extremely rewarding, even perfect to a certain extent. But again, I don't know your scenario. Maybe he doesn't mind you in that way because you come across as more extroverted?

Point being, so many different factors come into play when trying to "figure out" if he likes you or if he even has the potential to like you (which is what I assume you were trying to figure out by asking what ENTJs thought of INFPs). Speculation is fine and dandy but really you aren't going to get any concrete evidence until you make some concrete decisions. Doesn't have to be so concrete that it gets awkward between you two if things aren't what you want them to be, but should be concrete enough that it actually gives you something tangible to work off of instead of just running around in metaphorical circles.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
294 Posts
Hahahaha to start with,please excuse my English as English is not my native language and no,I am not seeing any ENTJ xD/in a relationship with one,but I understand how you come to that assumption.Actually,I don't even know any ENTJ in my life,neither do I have them as friends.But I am very very very intrigued by ENTJs you see,I am a creepy lurker that have been reading stuff while observing the ENTJ forums.From the outside,I can see that you guys are very informative and knowledgeable.Sometimes,can be very charming and sarcastically hilarious.Not to mention,A+ at giving good advises and tips.I understand how ENTJs can be really great and inspiring leaders :laughing:

How I would describe it is, the INFPs I know reside almost completely within their bubbles. Comparatively, while ENTJs are one of the more introverted extroverts, we will spend a lot more time outside our bubble than within. When people get into relationships, the natural tendency is for both people to sort of merge their bubbles. When I'm outside the bubble, the INFP in question would get more and more frustrated from the lack of company within their bubble, leading to them eventually being convinced that I don't appreciate their presence within this bubble compared to how much they appreciate my presence. Because for INFPs the respect of the bubble is almost equivalent to respect for their person, whereas for us ENTJs respect for the bubble literally just comes down to respect for the bubble. That creates misunderstandings where the INFPs see the ENTJs as insensitive or uninvested and the ENTJ INFP as clingy or depending or smothering.
Hmm I understand,I can see how the INFP can come to think that they are unappreciated by their ENTJ friends/partner.Sometimes an INFP can get very sensitive as they idolize/expect from their partner too much.This I cannot deny as I see it happening all the time,they hope for too much understanding of their emotion and point of views that it almost seems like they want you to "read" their minds.Hence,making them only able to get along with other NF/SF types that obviously can relate easily to them.But at the same time,not taking only the possibility of an ENTJ point of view,I can also see the ENTJ being rude and cold towards the INFP.Not acknowledging the basic emotional needs of a partner,like refusing to show any emotions at all which sounds pretty childish for any type to do in my point of view,regardless of being T or F,wanting to dominate too much or being too overbearing.Sometimes they can come off as being too narcissistic and judgmental.

Anyway,as an INFP myself I of course,used to be the sensitive type as you mentioned "being in their bubbles"and wanting everyone that I hold dear to "respect" my bubble.But as I grow older I come to rationalize that I will,just like every other,need to let go of my dreamy la la land,lower my standards,as I will need to go out there,face the world and it's reality,though I wouldn't let it go completely because I am proud of being imaginative.For some reason it makes me feel more alive to be able to imagine and create something,like I am in control of a certain universe.Not going to confirm all INFP are the same as me but I am confident enough to say I have pretty much let go most of my emotional side and is now trying to develop the more logical part of my brain.Have to say hanging around,lurking in the rationals part of the forum,it wasn't easy to understand your "language",even now but eventually I begin to understand a little about the factual/informative talks.But I am not one of those extremely poetic and philosophical,quiet INFPs. In fact,I'm just the average INFP that becomes very childish at times.Hahahahaha

Of course, these are all broad generalizations. I have no idea how much you like your own bubble, how much your boss likes his bubble, or how much you all understand the difference in perspectives towards the bubble. The reason being, if this barrier is overcame, I feel that ENTJ-INFP relationships can be extremely rewarding, even perfect to a certain extent. But again, I don't know your scenario. Maybe he doesn't mind you in that way because you come across as more extroverted?
True,but broad generalizations eventually become a stereotype for everyone.I am still introverted in a way,since if I have a choice,I'd prefer to stay at home and enjoy the solitude while being in my thoughts,to recharge,have my own personal space you know?.Though I will not avoid it if I have important events to attend to.I used to date an Extroverted feeler before and I was actually pushed around many times to the movies and being involved with crowds,along with his friends.I didn't mind at all surprisingly as I also seem to get along but it is still draining and mentally tiring for me eventually.Observing how some ENTJ can be very open minded and thoughtful,an INFP that is ready to face the challenges and accepting the obvious difference,both ENTJ/INFP know what they will get and what they wont in the relationship ,this pairing can work really well like you said and also,ENTJ and INFP values determination,commitment and loyalty since basically both would take the relationship seriously as they encourage/search for a deep beneficial personal development.However,the clashes happen between them too often since they are not cooperative enough.

My conclusion,this pairing is misunderstood by many,experienced by few.


So in the end,just like any other types,there are always those group of people which would paint the picture with hideous colors.As they say,never underestimate idiots in big numbers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
188 Posts
Hahahaha to start with,please excuse my English as English is not my native language and no,I am not seeing any ENTJ xD/in a relationship with one,but I understand how you come to that assumption.Actually,I don't even know any ENTJ in my life,neither do I have them as friends.But I am very very very intrigued by ENTJs you see,I am a creepy lurker that have been reading stuff while observing the ENTJ forums.From the outside,I can see that you guys are very informative and knowledgeable.Sometimes,can be very charming and sarcastically hilarious.Not to mention,A+ at giving good advises and tips.I understand how ENTJs can be really great and inspiring leaders :laughing:
My mistake. For some reason I thought you were the original creator of this thread, who WAS interested in an ENTJ. Doesn't help that you are both INFP too. But I'm flattered, those are pretty much the exact things that we typically like to think of ourselves too. Glad to see someone from the outside can also appreciate us as such :tongue:

Hmm I understand,I can see how the INFP can come to think that they are unappreciated by their ENTJ friends/partner.Sometimes an INFP can get very sensitive as they idolize/expect from their partner too much.This I cannot deny as I see it happening all the time,they hope for too much understanding of their emotion and point of views that it almost seems like they want you to "read" their minds.Hence,making them only able to get along with other NF/SF types that obviously can relate easily to them.But at the same time,not taking only the possibility of an ENTJ point of view,I can also see the ENTJ being rude and cold towards the INFP.Not acknowledging the basic emotional needs of a partner,like refusing to show any emotions at all which sounds pretty childish for any type to do in my point of view,regardless of being T or F,wanting to dominate too much or being too overbearing.Sometimes they can come off as being too narcissistic and judgmental.
I am a firm believer in that, if a relationship doesn't work, it's a result of mistakes from both sides. What I mean by this is, while receiving emotional affirmation from their partners is a basic need of INFPs, so too is independency a basic emotional need for the ENTJs. And sometimes showing emotions to ENTJs is so much more than just obvious gestures or words, since we value actions a lot more. For example, to us, rescheduling all our pre-made plans to accommodate our partner can one of the higher signs of affection, yet other personality types might not see it as such. And even though when we say "I've rescheduled my plans" it can sound cold and aloof, that's just how we are as people, and I think it is as much the other partners responsibility to understand this as it is our responsibility to see it occasionally from their point of view. The only real time when a relationship collapses is when NEITHER side does EITHER of those things, or when BOTH sides both try doing BOTH of these things, except not to the same extent that their partner expects. Either way, the relationship is better to cease than to remain in existence, and not at the fault of only one side too.

Anyway,as an INFP myself I of course,used to be the sensitive type as you mentioned "being in their bubbles"and wanting everyone that I hold dear to "respect" my bubble.But as I grow older I come to rationalize that I will,just like every other,need to let go of my dreamy la la land,lower my standards,as I will need to go out there,face the world and it's reality,though I wouldn't let it go completely because I am proud of being imaginative.For some reason it makes me feel more alive to be able to imagine and create something,like I am in control of a certain universe.Not going to confirm all INFP are the same as me but I am confident enough to say I have pretty much let go most of my emotional side and is now trying to develop the more logical part of my brain.Have to say hanging around,lurking in the rationals part of the forum,it wasn't easy to understand your "language",even now but eventually I begin to understand a little about the factual/informative talks.But I am not one of those extremely poetic and philosophical,quiet INFPs. In fact,I'm just the average INFP that becomes very childish at times.Hahahahaha
I think what you described is definitely one of the essential effects of simply maturing and developing into a better human being. All types have their weaknesses (like ENTJs "natural" inability to empathize/sympathize with others) but that doesn't mean we have to be defined by them. Sure, it's a natural tendency, but that doesn't mean we have to accept it. So I definitely appreciate your effort to become more open-minded to the sometimes mechanical way that our NT minds function.

True,but broad generalizations eventually become a stereotype for everyone.I am still introverted in a way,since if I have a choice,I'd prefer to stay at home and enjoy the solitude while being in my thoughts,to recharge,have my own personal space you know?.Though I will not avoid it if I have important events to attend to.I used to date an Extroverted feeler before and I was actually pushed around many times to the movies and being involved with crowds,along with his friends.I didn't mind at all surprisingly as I also seem to get along but it is still draining and mentally tiring for me eventually.Observing how some ENTJ can be very open minded and thoughtful,an INFP that is ready to face the challenges and accepting the obvious difference,both ENTJ/INFP know what they will get and what they wont in the relationship ,this pairing can work really well like you said and also,ENTJ and INFP values determination,commitment and loyalty since basically both would take the relationship seriously as they encourage/search for a deep beneficial personal development.However,the clashes happen between them too often since they are not cooperative enough.

My conclusion,this pairing is misunderstood by many,experienced by few.
Very much so. I'm of the opinion that too many people online view personality types and pairings in general as black and white. This pairing will definitely function this way or that pairing will definitely not work. But in reality, that's not how it works. Every personality type CAN and WILL work with every other personality type, because what fundamentally matters in a relationship is much more than just MBTI compatibility. Worlds views, religious outlooks, culture, areas of interest, even superficial things like appearance can matter more than MBTI pairing.

That being said, there definitely are certain type pairings that are MORE LIKELY to work, or that given that the odds are overcame and they do work it becomes more REWARDING. But neither pieces of information exclusively rules out the possibility of any type working with any other type. Far too few people understand this, in my opinion.

So in the end,just like any other types,there are always those group of people which would paint the picture with hideous colors.As they say,never underestimate idiots in big numbers.
This is literally the first thing I learned when I moved to America.
 

·
Registered
ENTJ, 8w7
Joined
·
2,725 Posts
For example, to us, rescheduling all our pre-made plans to accommodate our partner can one of the higher signs of affection, yet other personality types might not see it as such. And even though when we say "I've rescheduled my plans" it can sound cold and aloof, that's just how we are as people, and I think it is as much the other partners responsibility to understand this as it is our responsibility to see it occasionally from their point of view.

^^ This. When I prioritize your time as being more important than my own, it's a sign I think very, VERY highly of you.

The seeming inability many people have to read these sorts of signals is partly why the emotional stuff gets so awkward when Fi is heavily involved.

There have been several times in the past where it ended up going something like this:
Me <does what is actually an admission of admiration, great respect, strong affection, or some other sort of mushball thing> :blushed:

Other person <reacts with indifference, irritation, faint disdain, sadness or some kind of other negative thing>

Me <feels hurt, then tries to hide the hurt so as not to seem "weak" or "stupid">

and once it has gone on for awhile...

Me <buildup of hurt is transmogrifying into anger, mushball Fi be damned>
Me <continues to try and hide the hurt, only now it's in order to "not give the bastards the satisfaction">

And if the pattern continues, the eventual end result of the process tends to be:

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,157 Posts
^^ This. When I prioritize your time as being more important than my own, it's a sign I think very, VERY highly of you.

The seeming inability many people have to read these sorts of signals is partly why the emotional stuff gets so awkward when Fi is heavily involved.

There have been several times in the past where it ended up going something like this:
Me <does what is actually an admission of admiration, great respect, strong affection, or some other sort of mushball thing> :blushed:

Other person <reacts with indifference, irritation, faint disdain, sadness or some kind of other negative thing>

Me <feels hurt, then tries to hide the hurt so as not to seem "weak" or "stupid">

and once it has gone on for awhile...

Me <buildup of hurt is transmogrifying into anger, mushball Fi be damned>
Me <continues to try and hide the hurt, only now it's in order to "not give the bastards the satisfaction">

And if the pattern continues, the eventual end result of the process tends to be:

So much this, with pretty much everyone except other NTJs.

Them: Wow I don't matter to you at all
Me: I literally did so many things for you?????? I rescheduled important things when you were upset????? I did lots of things for you without complaining about them???????

I think one of my problems is that I am so action-oriented and so averse to expressing my feelings with words. Like, if you say "write a poem to your friend" my response is pretty much a haiku. "You're pretty much great. / We should spend much time together. / I love you I guess." Like I can do it but it just feels so awkward and if it doesn't come naturally and all at once it doesn't come at all. I can do it if asked because I know why I'm friends with them or like them, but people don't ever ask. Honestly though, it's less a problem with friends than with family.

Then of course I swing the other way when romantically interested in someone. :rolleyes: Then hate myself for being excessively affectionate and force myself to not be because I feel like a pile of useless goosh at their feet. Of course I also completely overestimate my ability to be affectionate so when I thought I was being a pile of goosh they thought I was just being particularly touchy-feely. Swear to god it happens every single time.

Jeez, it's so difficult to express when something hurts my feelings though, and I hate doing it. Like, I shouldn't have feelings about this. This is stupid. And my automatic response is to numb out and ignore it anyway, so I usually don't realize my feelings have been hurt until like a week after the fact. It's really bad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
811 Posts
^^ This. When I prioritize your time as being more important than my own, it's a sign I think very, VERY highly of you.

And if the pattern continues, the eventual end result of the process tends to be:



Them: Wow I don't matter to you at all
Me: I literally did so many things for you?????? I rescheduled important things when you were upset????? I did lots of things for you without complaining about them??????
?
THIS. Oh my god all of this.

My people. You just get me.





What starts as happily and willingly shifting my life around to accommodate someone else (and do their heavy lifting to show them that I care) slowly turns into fatigue from having my actions overlooked/misinterpreted/dismissed. Fatigue begins to slowly transform to irritation. Irritation shifts to resentment from feeling like a beast of burden. Resentment mutates into anger. Anger ends in a Hiroshima sized explosion.

After the explosion there is apathy. Bye, Felicia.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
294 Posts
My mistake. For some reason I thought you were the original creator of this thread, who WAS interested in an ENTJ. Doesn't help that you are both INFP too. But I'm flattered, those are pretty much the exact things that we typically like to think of ourselves too. Glad to see someone from the outside can also appreciate us as such :tongue:



I am a firm believer in that, if a relationship doesn't work, it's a result of mistakes from both sides. What I mean by this is, while receiving emotional affirmation from their partners is a basic need of INFPs, so too is independency a basic emotional need for the ENTJs. And sometimes showing emotions to ENTJs is so much more than just obvious gestures or words, since we value actions a lot more. For example, to us, rescheduling all our pre-made plans to accommodate our partner can one of the higher signs of affection, yet other personality types might not see it as such. And even though when we say "I've rescheduled my plans" it can sound cold and aloof, that's just how we are as people, and I think it is as much the other partners responsibility to understand this as it is our responsibility to see it occasionally from their point of view. The only real time when a relationship collapses is when NEITHER side does EITHER of those things, or when BOTH sides both try doing BOTH of these things, except not to the same extent that their partner expects. Either way, the relationship is better to cease than to remain in existence, and not at the fault of only one side too.



I think what you described is definitely one of the essential effects of simply maturing and developing into a better human being. All types have their weaknesses (like ENTJs "natural" inability to empathize/sympathize with others) but that doesn't mean we have to be defined by them. Sure, it's a natural tendency, but that doesn't mean we have to accept it. So I definitely appreciate your effort to become more open-minded to the sometimes mechanical way that our NT minds function.



Very much so. I'm of the opinion that too many people online view personality types and pairings in general as black and white. This pairing will definitely function this way or that pairing will definitely not work. But in reality, that's not how it works. Every personality type CAN and WILL work with every other personality type, because what fundamentally matters in a relationship is much more than just MBTI compatibility. Worlds views, religious outlooks, culture, areas of interest, even superficial things like appearance can matter more than MBTI pairing.

That being said, there definitely are certain type pairings that are MORE LIKELY to work, or that given that the odds are overcame and they do work it becomes more REWARDING. But neither pieces of information exclusively rules out the possibility of any type working with any other type. Far too few people understand this, in my opinion.



This is literally the first thing I learned when I moved to America.
Hahaha I see.Thank you for explaining about how the ENTJs show affection.Now that I think of it,it does make sense because sometimes action speaks louder than words.I guess in that way,many can appreciate the ENTJ if they truly understand that you DO care.This has been somehow informative in a way :tongue:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
870 Posts
Since I am only interested in guys that will actually man up and pursue me what I usually do is make it apparent that I'd be interested and wait for them to respond. If they don't I wait around until another guy comes along. of).
Yeah, thanks for keeping shit sexism alive and kicking. :frustrating::rolleyes:
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
Top