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Discussion Starter #1
Preface: I'm head-over-heels and pissed off.

I have this ENTJ. I've been into him since I met him. Unfortunately this was through work, which complicates things a bit. He knows that I like him but he seems really uncomfortable about it. We've become quite close, he's selective with his respect but I gained it pretty quickly. There's a definite understanding that we operate on the same level, higher standards, higher capability, quicker thinking. We enjoy this. And I think he's intrigued and challenged by me. But then sometimes when we're alone, we'll have these moments of unflinching eye-contact, it's kind of solemn .. his gaze is pretty undeniably passionate, intense .. his usual charismatic facade will flicker. And his body language is always different with me .. I don't really know how to explain, what I'm saying is that there's significant non-verbal indication that he's .. unsure? I don't know why I'm so hesitant to say "attracted", but I'm thinking it. And just for the record, I'm often told I should be a model, and I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere in the realm of his "type". If he's wanting to imply disinterest, he's failing disastrously.

So this bothers me, I mean, he knows he's leaving me hanging. As an NT I'd expect directness from him. (He's definitely an ENTJ.) Why is he refusing to confront this situation?? It's like he's disgusted and wishing that everyone could just completely forget this and it would all go away. But then acts like this around me. I'm probably going to explode at him eventually, but I really don't want that to happen.
 

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Well, possibilities, from this side :
a) He thinks it's a bad idea, aside from interest (work? is he your supervisor?),
b) He's not sure of your interest/ thinking you're playing with him,
c) Very shy/ insecure when it's about relationships, and/or
d) He's not sure yet (we investigate) and still thinking whether he wants a relationship with you, because the moment something is done with it, there's no going back. And I don't know about other ENTJs, but I don't trust my feelings/ attractions, I have to be sure that my head thinks it's a good idea to go that way.
 

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ENTJs are very cautious in relationships, maybe at times too cautious. We analyze, invesitigate, analyze again. and all this takes tons of time. However once in a relationship. we are loyal and committed.
 

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I think it's related to his extraverted feeling function. He isn't good at expressing his feelings. The act of expressing his feelings directly in an ENTJ manner might be a problem. He's also probably analyzing the situation a lot as pointed out above. He might be almost blind to small social clues, too! He doesn't necessarily notice that you like him, he might think that you are not interested. Intimate relationships are the achilles heel to many ENTJs. He can be a good friend of yours, but he doesn't probably know how to take it to the next level - even if he wanted to - and he's analyzing the situation a lot. If he isn't blind enough.
 

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If he's wanting to imply disinterest, he's failing disastrously.
It is against my nature just to "imply" disinterest. I can't tolerate indecision nor ambiguity for very long either.

Though it probably wouldn't hurt to develop that skill of merely implying disinterest, since most women go crazy when men demonstrate higher value in unvocalized, ritualistic ways. I'm just more relaxed when everything is clear and transparent. Games are for the phony.

I observe your type has undergone some changes-- INTP, INTJ, and now ENTP? Are we sure this guy is an ENTJ? You have trouble typing yourself!

:laughing:
 

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Discussion Starter #6
It is against my nature just to "imply" disinterest. I can't tolerate indecision nor ambiguity for very long either.

Though it probably wouldn't hurt to develop that skill of merely implying disinterest, since most women go crazy when men demonstrate higher value in unvocalized, ritualistic ways. I'm just more relaxed when everything is clear and transparent. Games are for the phony.

I observe your type has undergone some changes-- INTP, INTJ, and now ENTP? Are we sure this guy is an ENTJ? You have trouble typing yourself!

:laughing:
That's kind of what I was thinking, I don't see why he wants to leave things ambiguous. (But replies above are helpful with that.)

Hey! Don't scrutinize my self-typing. Let's see, I first heard of mbti around october - went with INTP for about a week without even knowing what functions are - after that I was always torn between INTJ and ENTP. Please note the 53% extraversion result in my extremely trustworthy mypersonality.info graphic. After a while, INTJ seemed more like something I was trying to live up to rather than the reality - ENTP is much more real. But, this whole time I've been more sure that this guy is ENTJ than anything, and still feel sure of that after thoroughly studying mbti.
 

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From the way you describe things, I'm positive that he's at least somewhat interested. I'm sure he's thinking that If he were to make a move, and things went badly, or not as either of you planned, then work could end up being a really awkward situation. I had a similar situation in a class I took in the past, and it was pretty awkward after things went sour. Whatever you do..don't over-analyze the situation, and don't hit on him. If his body language changes when the two of you are alone, then the time just isn't right. Invite him to a party or something..see if you can get him to loosen up.
 

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The one I have - work comes first. That's that. No risk involved.

He can look at people in an interesting way sometimes, with interest. Usually, it means he likes your mind or the way you work and take direction. It has nothing to do with having a physical or relationship attraction.

Maybe you could be mistaking his "interest" with this? I have before.....

When mine and I met, he knew almost right away he was interested. He was very strategic, and swooped in, without skipping a beat. He was sure, and didn't play around a bit.
 

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I agree that he may be worried since work is involved, especially since he might not be sure you like him.

As an ENTJ, I have a TERRIBLE time trying to pick up on girls' attraction clues. It's so bad it's pathetic. I really do NOT make assumptions about intentions in this regard and he's probably waiting for something so he can be sure about you.

By the way, if that's you in your picture, you should be a model.
 

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As an ENTJ, I have a TERRIBLE time trying to pick up on girls' attraction clues. It's so bad it's pathetic. I really do NOT make assumptions about intentions in this regard and he's probably waiting for something so he can be sure about you.
I can tell if they're interested, but not if they want to do anything about it/ want to take it further. For practicality purposes/ headache prevention, counting it as 'not interested' until they say something to me.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
You guys all sound like you're way too easily overwhelmed. I thought I'm supposed to be the one who can't juggle more than 2 things going on in my life! How do you blow off steam if not through casual affairs, hmmm?
 

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Oh. Casual affairs are fine, as long it doesn't cost more than what I'm willing to pay.
This becomes true, though,

The one I have - work comes first. That's that. No risk involved.
 

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I've read some interesting things about ENTJ behavior when they feel attraction involved. I don't remember it very well, but I recall something about how ENTJ's resort to introverted feeling, which just so happens to be our inferior type.

Basically, courting can seem like a right handed person playing tennis with his or her left hand if you see what I mean.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Oh. Casual affairs are fine, as long it doesn't cost more than what I'm willing to pay.
This becomes true, though,
Heartless bastards!! I guess I'd probably do the same, 99% of the time ... Unless I become really obsessively into someone, in which case I think my Fe just punches Ti out completely and takes the controls with Ne, and the two of them just abandon all reason and chase. (Ti is pretty angry once it comes to and takes in the damage.)


I've read some interesting things about ENTJ behavior when they feel attraction involved. I don't remember it very well, but I recall something about how ENTJ's resort to introverted feeling, which just so happens to be our inferior type.

Basically, courting can seem like a right handed person playing tennis with his or her left hand if you see what I mean.
That's interesting. I can see how that would be very unpleasant. So if you do settle with another person, I suppose it's mostly a Ni thing?
 

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He might be almost blind to small social clues, too! He doesn't necessarily notice that you like him, he might think that you are not interested. Intimate relationships are the achilles heel to many ENTJs.
Bingo! Spot on. Fits me to a T (no pun intended).

I always tell people, if you want me to know something related to feelings, it's best to come right out and say it. It will save both of us time: you, from frustration and me, because I am not going to notice your cues.

Oh, and I'll add, that there are so very few worth getting to know, to begin with, which makes it even more frustrating.

My T beats the piss out of my F. According to the latest online *test* I took... 98.2% to 1.8%
 

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fn0rd--

Try drinking from the cup of mediocrity. It is much more fun. Life is too short to spend your time hating people.

:cool:
NEBAR!!1 That's taking the easy way out.

I don't spend much time on it. It comes as naturally as breathing and just as involuntary.
 

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I for one, welcome our new wolf-like overlords.
 
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