[fishalee]

How would an ENTP guy and an ENFJ girl work out? I've been completely fascinated with this ENTP for years--but i have a feeling we wouldn't work--I think he has somewhat of an interest in me. I have been his ego-boosting, counseler, occassional hook-up friend -but it's generaly all based on his moods... he will start talking to me a lot for a month and then disappear for a few months. I resist giving him a chase because I don't think I'd be happy with him if I won him.. He seems somewhat of a follower, even though he has such a unique way of thinking--he is so literal that he points the most interesting things out that I think many of us brush past--also, i see the girls who give him a chase. he gets bored. I'm the only girl who seems to have lasted a few years--so I almost try to just appreciate what I can from him, but resign myself to accepting that we wouldn't actually work out.

I do think I really respect him because he doesn't seem fragile, and people seem fragile to me, or in another world completely. I think he's weary of me because even though sometimes I can feel his intrigue with me, and I think he respects that i seem fairly self-assured and I get along with people, he is weary about whether i'm "weird" and waits for other people to give me approval first, before he approves.... I was shocked he was an E actually. I used to think he must be very private and internal and so i just waited patiently for his tidbits of information, or for him to warm up to me-i tried to be extremely safe for him--never interfering or manipulating... He was always social, but i was convinced he was Introverted-but no, E. (I made him take the test..) He's also the youngest of 6 siblings and had apparently a perfect family until he was about 20 when a bunch of heavy drama erupted and now he is estranged from his parents (seems to be their fault, although I am amazed at his ability to hold a grudge and so decisively and permanently cut someone off---i can only be mad at someone i respect. Once I move past being able to be impacted by that person, I cant be mad--yet he can systematically remove people from his life...I mean, he has good reason, but it is still impressive. I don't know many people who can cut people out like how he does... I just dont have that ability....I always wind up comforting the people who were the worst to me through their guilt and unhappiness...)--but yes, maybe some of his "follower" characteristics come from standing in the back most of his life, quietly observing his siblings....

he doesnt take anything from anyone, but he is careful to remain independent. He seems fearful of other people ever making him do anything he doesnt want to do. He comes across as an asshole a lot, but I guess I feel his intent is good-or at least not bad... he almost is trying to be kind in being so blunt initially or rude preemptively--so he never leads anyone on... in whatever capacity.

I dont know. Honestly we dont even have chemistry. I am compltely fascinated with much about him... He also is so good at just offering deliberate statements here and there. It allows me to fill in gaps-so i create him to be this amazing soulmate--i'm realizing it's all on purpose. he never rambles.(my worst flaw probably) He can be so cold to me, but because i'm not super invested (i'm beyond the point of being impractical about crushes, I suppose... plus, i know i want to be happy in the end, not just given a lifelong chase myself...and, i want to make someone happy, and I don't really think I could interest him. He seems to really want high-maintenance girls, even though he talks about hating high-maintenance people constantly....) I am more just enjoying observing him and watching his ebbs and flows...

I think I couldnt handle a life with someone who seems devoid of compassion but then, at other times, he seems so insightful and empathetic--like he had to create a coping system that took on the persona of the typical asshole...
i dont know! I really dont think we'd work. I think i'd expect him to be like, the hero of a romance novel--and he'd make a "decision" and be hassled by me probing at it--which I woudl do even if I understood and respected his sentiment or thought process... because i'd want him to be warmer to me, or forgive people of their faults more... so i'd end up belittling him by attacking those hesitations he displays when he seems to be trying to figure out if something is socially acceptable or not. I think id go for his achilles heel in that way, and never see a soft side of him that is probably prominent, at least regarding himself. And as i was attacking him (which i never do to anyone except boyfriends apparently....), id also be severely co-dependent and he'd lose all respect for me... I don't think he'd ever really find ME soft or vulnerable. he seems to be tense in conversation with me... I hear him actually converse with a normal flow with other people, even my sister... but never with me. Him and I only exchange thought-out statements. Whenever we have inched towards a warmer banter, we end up hooking up and its not great and then he disappears until i either coax him back to me (only works when i dont really care... he ALWAYS seems to sense any urgency I have and he resists perfectly... and he calls me out on EVERYTHING. He always always gets what I'm doing... I love feeling vulnerable to his ability to analyze...)--or he returns on his own, usually prompted by him having something he wants to talk about... I think he knows that i adore him unconditionally...haha, proabably because I joke about being obsessed with figuring him out and how he's the greatest person ever....

ahh, but I sure do enjoy when he talks. I silence crowds when he wants to speak.

I would love any opininos on ENTPs and ENFJs, --maybe i'm completely wrong about everything! I dont know much about the ENTP personality type. (oh this guy is going to be a lawyer too, as am I...we just graduated from law school, where we met....)

 

[thehigher]

Huh. I don't have any advice for you. But this sounds like my relationship with my INTP girlfriend.

We are somewhat addicted to each other. Most of the time we don't fit...but those few times we do....ahh dangit were hooked. Whenever she acts like she "doesn't care" I immediatly take action....and she does it to me as well...except now ive figured out how to keep her attracted without actually acting like I completely don't care....ah my manipulation side is coming out .....shit.

Basically though....I think you're relationship is unhealthy. You are getting a "fix" of what you really want....and what you really want ....isn't there. You know that...I can tell. Also....let me help you when it comes to why you all are attracted to each other....

Here are you're cognitive functions and their "natural" romantic matches

ENFJ- Fe Ni Se Ti + INFP- Fi Ne Si Te

ENTP- Ne Ti Fe Si + INTJ- Ni Te Fi Se

When we look at it like this, we can try and figure out why exactly you guys are attracted to each other "sometimes" and sometimes you're just ....not. (Se and Si attract ....Ne and Ni attract ....etc. .....supposedly)

K I can see that he probably finds you're Ni attractive as well as you're Se while he can identify with you when it comes to Ti and Fe.

Now if you look at you....and then look at INTJ ....you can see how far removed you are from his so called "ideal" match.....and how well equiped you are as well.

You can also look at INFP and see how far removed ENTP is from you're ideal match.

K so speaking of rambling . Hope this helped

 

[treesee]

Its like when you are trying to remember a name of a person/song/movie/etc. and you cant figure it out so you dwell on it for days wreaking your brain to figure it out. That is essentially what he is doing to you.

He loves the attention but because you "joke about being obsessed with figuring him out and how he's the greatest person ever...." he knows once you figure him out you will have proof that this "wont work out" so he leaves for months at a time to keep distance and know you are out there thinking about him without letting you crack the puzzle. He goes after high maintenance girls even if he doesnt like them because it is a challenge.

Doesnt sound like any relationship I have had with an ENFJ, but thought I would throw in my 2 cents.

 

[fishalee]

Its like when you are trying to remember a name of a person/song/movie/etc. and you cant figure it out so you dwell on it for days wreaking your brain to figure it out. That is essentially what he is doing to you.

He loves the attention but because you "joke about being obsessed with figuring him out and how he's the greatest person ever...." he knows once you figure him out you will have proof that this "wont work out" so he leaves for months at a time to keep distance and know you are out there thinking about him without letting you crack the puzzle. He goes after high maintenance girls even if he doesnt like them because it is a challenge.

Doesnt sound like any relationship I have had with an ENFJ, but thought I would throw in my 2 cents.

I totally agree with you.. i mean, that is my theory. and i think he is okay with it because he knows i am safe-i think he knows i'm not pining away in a way that could cause him to feel bad/hassled--
but he is just so INTERESTING. its amazing to be able to just give little pieces of interesting things--and the fact he knows how to intrigue me...

if that is an ability of ENTP, i am super impressed, i do NOT have the ability to be limited and leave a "mystery"--

so have you dated ENFJs? how did it work?

 

[treesee]

if that is an ability of ENTP, i am super impressed, i do NOT have the ability to be limited and leave a "mystery"--

That is one of the things I like initially about ENFJs they are very easy to open up too... but if you are not extremely careful we start to reveal more than we mean to :dry:

so have you dated ENFJs? how did it work?

Yes... up to a few days ago. It was good while it lasted

 

[fishalee]

That is one of the things I like initially about ENFJs they are very easy to open up too... but if you are not extremely careful we start to reveal more than we mean to :dry:


Yes... up to a few days ago. It was good while it lasted

ooh, wait, so you said iif ENFJs (such as myself) are not more careful, ENTPs (such as yourself) will reveal more than you mean to? why did you say that as a warning? why would that be a bad thing?

and what did you mean that you like ENFJs b/c they are easy to open up to "initially"-does this mean you dont like them after awhile?

 

[treesee]

ooh, wait, so you said iif ENFJs (such as myself) are not more careful, ENTPs (such as yourself) will reveal more than you mean to? why did you say that as a warning? why would that be a bad thing?

and what did you mean that you like ENFJs b/c they are easy to open up to "initially"-does this mean you dont like them after awhile?

Woops sorry misworded. If we (ENTPs) are not careful we reveal too much (Warning for ENTPs :laughing: lol)
I mean ENFJs are especially easy to open up to right away.. they just seem very trustworthy and open so we probably say more than we need to unless we make a conscious effort not to. If he is able to abstain from revealing too much he is likely using defense mechanisms... we have a lot :laughing:

 

[2166]

This sounds scarily like the relationship I have with an entp... especially the part about how he disappears at the critical moment (when there is any sense of urgency) and then reappears every time I come to some sense of peace in my life. very aggravating. this just makes me want to bother him right now and be like, dude, wtf? for some reason, though, we're both hooked on this insane behavior.

 

[εmptε]

Hehehe, You sound like my Romanian ENFJ friend Eliza. She'd probably describe me almost the exact same way. Especially that part about disappearing.

 

[2166]

WHHHY do you disappear? WHY. Explain this to me.

 

[εmptε]

It's not really us disappearing. It's more everyone else moving so slowly that to us it appears like we're disappearing. ENTPs are for faster future

 

[metha3]

About the ENTP disappearing Act and ENTP/ENFJ relationship...

I really thought it was just me and nothing to do with my ENTP personality, but now that I've seen many people experienced this "Disappearing Act" from ENTPs, let me explain why I disappear during urgency (Your Urgency Lol), keep in mind I may not speak for all ENTPs though .... Some of these reasons will apply to Friends/ Family some apply to Girls I have occasional casual sex with:

Well, reason number One; although I LOVE to CARE, Help Out or Attend to whatever it was your urgency may be ... I want to avoid unnecessary Drama, I despise and decidedly cannot help/ care for people when they're not on their right set of mind due to their Emotion going haywire or whatever, some people just need to calm down before they know how to reason properly and appreciate what I have to offer them, so unfortunately some Feeling preference people WILL experience my Magical Disappearing Act very often ... I am soooo tired of reasoning/ try to problem solve with Feelers, seems like all they want to do is bounce around going crazy instead of solving what's on hand and move on with life .... soooo tired, been there too many times with them, thought it was entertaining for a minute ... not anymore! ... bye! and good luck! ... I'll see you again when you're done going nuts ....

Reason number Two; well often times I juggle too many things ... because Novelty and New Experiences are Necessity to me, it's what I live for ... how else am I able to Give out, Help out or Wow you with whatever it is you want from me? ... give me some room, I mean well, it's for the best ...

Reason number Three; heh ... well, I'm not always perfect you know, I'm human with flaws ... sometimes I got caught up with an occasional "mission impossible" and just Forget about you, Or ... maybe I just don't wanna be stuck in your "Urgency" ... I'm Busssssssssyy, even if I don't seem to have anything to do! ...Now if you want my company so often so much then why don't you come over and help me clean and organize? heh? ... maybe bring some food, I'll love you for it! ... ENTP will never turn down an offer like "Let me come over and help you Clean/ Organize" ...lol... hey maybe from there you can sneak in your "Urgency" ... haha ... okay maybe don't "Sneak" just "Propose" ...

Oh and for the ENFJ up there, word of advice if you're afraid to expose your vulnerable side, problem won't get solved ... and whose fault is it? Put it on the table RAW don't sugar coat it, ENTP loves to brainstorm and tell you the Truth ... which is what you need ..

Facts about Me or maybe ENTP in general when it comes to personal relationship:
1)Manipulation = Disrespect ... if you Disrespect me I will in turn lose Respect for you. No Manipulation attempts are tolerated

2) Be responsible with your Own Emotion, You Chose, not Forced, Chose, to be Involved with me Romantically ... knowing I like novelty and new things and therefore very Changeable when it comes to that no matter how Strong my Romantic Feelings I have for you at the time/moment ... so my advice for you; Enter at your own Risk ... don't get angry when your EntP changes her/his mind, you've been warned, instead be grateful that we're honest and not manipulative about it, not all ENTP like to be honest about this though due to bad experiences in the past, but I know they'll try to come out clean, so if you sense this or suspicious, let them know it's okay to be open. Your ENTP will LOVE you like no other!

3) Despite me wanting you to be responsible with your own Emotions don't be afraid to tell me what the Real Problem is even if it means showing your Vulnerable Side ... otherwise I'll just think you have a "Hidden Motive/Agenda" and back to Manipulation = Disrespect rule up there ... I respect honesty but remember to serve it with a Cool Head, Reason, and if you can; Cut it Short and To the Point please ... my goal is to keep the LOVE AND FUN going, I don't want you to feel down/ resentful around me ...

4) Being an Asshole is just a way to break the ice n get your attention, don't take it too personally, ... Okay, maybe ENTP Enjoys being an Asshole,lol, well, I do and yes I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea, not everything is a JOKE I get it, but let me tell you; the AssHole/Insensitive Comments won't go away completely, sometimes it's not to get your attention, it's just Honesty, can't help it, so allow some BUT if you want your ENTP to be more sympathetic toward you just tell him/her how the Comment/Attitude affected you ... be clear about this ... if He/She won't take your concern seriously then Ignore em, ENTP can't stand being ignored!

5) Some times ENTP's reasoning/ problem solving approach appears very Insensitive, don't judge so fast, we meant Well. Have patience, lol, it's true, ENTPs are alot like kids, really, we want to have FUN and more importantly Exchange Ideas/Experiences with you, it's what we Live for; this won't be accomplished by Suffocating, Forcing or Sneaking your Agenda upon us. Propose it. Keep an air of Love, Understanding and Open Mindedness, you don't need to accept ENTP's flaws but try to understand the issue before you propose change, if you Show this or even just an Attempt, you'll be super LOVED ... super ... :crazy: and if you know ENTP personally, we can be very generous to the point of giving the shirt off our backs ... EnTps are great Allies and Horrible Enemies.

I've been with an ENFJ by the way, great sexual attraction and ALOT of FUN but only when we're not confined in a relationship. She couldn't stand my Asshole Comments and Sexual jokes that I liked to pull on occasion ... She would sulk or get angry/ argumentative and that aggravated my Naughty side even more, you know EntP loves a good argument, especially how ENFJ does it, awh! Delish! and that made her think I didn't or wouldn't take her Seriously, not the case at all ... she just handled me wrong ... well I loved her Charisma though, she didn't seem to know how much power she has over people and always play this "Victimizer or Victim" game ... I just don't care for that ... She can be very entertaining, charming, tragic, funny, dramatic and challenging, and she knows how to Dress and charmed people, Beautiful Woman really, which what kept me coming back for more of her silly drama ... until eventually things got out of hand ... I disappeared for a while, until one day we had a talk and spilled all the beans, well a Few Talks on different occasions actually, since it took my dear ENFJ a while to figure things out, she's not a very good listener and she needed to get a little drunk to be brave enough to "Talk" about touchy issues and shows her vulnerable side .... so figured that she cared for me as much as I cared for her and all she wanted was to Not just be "Ms.Booty call" and she wanted me to take her "seriously" (hard for me to do since she's lacking logic & reason ykno, I just don't understand her Actions and Problem Solving Approach) ... but our personalities just won't match for a long term relationship ... My need for Space & Freedom vs. Her reasons for not trusting my Fidelity, on top of many other obvious reasons, you go figure ... so it's decided, ... We're good friends now, no more Ms. Booty Call, since sex is just going to get in the way of trust and real friendship ... I won't allow it, we finally came to an agreement, I love her very Much. roud:
I know it's not common in the Straight community for booty call or lovers to become casual friends, but it's very common in our Lesbian/Gay community to do that... :laughing: which is an advantage if you want to get a better perspective on what went wrong or how two personalities collide in a relationship.


Anyway Good Luck, I hope this helps clear things out a little

 

[Manboy]

The simplest reason i could think of why entps disappear on pple. Is that they might be getting too much of the same person be easily bored. They need to move around and meet different pple to get the novelty constantly going. Once they think they start to feel your company is missing in their lives, they will re-appear again or that if they dont have better alternatives for company.

I think ENTPs like to rotate their choice of company to keep conversations, ideas and life novel and exciting. Sorry its quite a sad explaination....

 

[metha3]

well

It's not a sad explanation, it's just the truth ... you got it right though Manboy ... so if you want someone more consistent or someone you can feel cozy secure with constantly then try ESTJ or ISFJ, anyone with Judging preferences are very dependable, but that's just from my experience with them ... ISFP and INFPs are great choice if you're looking for gentle, constant but not boring, they're actually my favorite Pooh Bears although they like to disappear too sometime ... But Just remember that every personality has its flaw and its strength, so it really comes down to what you need them for in the long term/ short time moment ...

 

[Futurist]

Ahhhh, ENFJs... a breath of fresh air. I really enjoy the company of the one I know, though there is a problem with the asshole/childish games and stuff, our conversations are awesome. I could see it working, and I agree with basically all of the points made by metha above, it could probably work out really nicely.

In response to a post back there on the first page, any types can be a good match, don't limit yourself there, the only ones I'd be careful with are the 'contradictory' relations (as labelled in socionics, yeah I know, it's a different system), generally, I don't click at all with most ISFPs, it's fine sometimes, but we bascially come from a different planet sadly enough.

I said just a while ago, that I'm like Pluto's orbit, dissapearing and then coming back for a while (though I didn't really think through it much when I said this, pluto's orbit just moves a little... at least Pluto's orbit is obtuse enough to be ENTP :laughing. I'm not exactly sure why I do it, but usually, I'll go through periods of researching and playing games or something, usually when there's nothing much up in the real world. I think maybe I start to get out of the loop a little actually.

 

[metha3]

O yea Looove ENFJ ... they're wild, crazy and sometimes outrageous, but remember though they're ultimately looking for a conservative Serious Relationship, so it seems like if you want to be in their life, in the Long Run, you will either have to be a Good Friend or an Exclusive Lover ... anything in between will give them a lot of anxiety (no matter if they tell you otherwise) and they WILL try to tie up these loose ends, tidy up, making sure everyone and everything is appropriately Labeled ... but ENTP will just loosen up those ends, peel off those Labels and make a mess again unintentionally ... piss ENFJ off to no end, and on and on we go, the war won't ever seem to have an Ending .... you see where the problem is? Don't go half way with them ... they'll Resent you for it ...

But other than that it's a constant Laughter and Fun with ENFJ ... and either way, ENTP/ENFJ pair won't be able to resist each other too long ... :tongue:

 

[2166]

Hmm, very insightful. This is the second conversation I've stumbled into in relation to my ex (with someone who is startlingly similar to him in the way he/she behaves in relationships) in the past two days and it's definitely explained a lot.

Metha, you totally pinned it with this:

"but remember though they're ultimately looking for a conservative Serious Relationship, so it seems like if you want to be in their life, in the Long Run, you will either have to be a Good Friend or an Exclusive Lover ... anything in between will give them a lot of anxiety (no matter if they tell you otherwise) and they WILL try to tie up these loose ends, tidy up, making sure everyone and everything is appropriately Labeled ... but ENTP will just loosen up those ends, peel off those Labels and make a mess again unintentionally ... piss ENFJ off to no end,"

Ugh, just thinking about it makes me want to bang my head into the wall.

I do want to say in the defense of ENFJ's in this dynamic, however, that we aren't trying to be manipulative and self centered when we're upset about something. We're genuinely trying to work out the problem as quickly as possible. We WANT to understand what went wrong so in the future we can fix it and not be upset anymore. In my case, that's true anyway. I always want to talk about it and my ENTP partner vanishes and then marvels at how I can't understand why he does the thing he does. Dude, remember the last time we had this fight and you vanished without explaining anything? Yeah. I tried to ask you what's up and you had better things to do! Now, surprise! It's happening again because we never solved this problem the first seventeen times.

I feel like I've tried everything. I've tried being reasonable. I've tried being reactionary. I've tried yelling. I've tried ignoring. I've tried being honest. I've tried writing letters. Leaving messages. Saying absolutely nothing. Apologizing. Not apologizing. I just have no idea how to get through to him when I need to.

I've finally cut him off for the last time and I just have this incredible fear that he's going to contact me in three weeks like, "HI NOTHING'S WRONG." I know there's nothing I can do in the meantime to a) further communication or b) prevent him from doing this. I even wrote to him predicting the whole set of events and giving him a logical analysis of how I feel, why I feel that way, where I feel the specific miscommunication occurred and why I thought that might be and expressed a sincere desire to somehow meet in the middle and he still did exactly what I projected. Gah, and I thought that would actually work because, as you have mentioned, I learned that the emotional stuff (my default) doesn't work on him even when it's really him being passive aggressive and me trying to be forthright that set the whole confusing thing off.

It's so upsetting. It's got to be the most infuriating thing in the world!!!!!! ! ! ! ! ! seriously, all those exclamation points and more. I never get this worked up about anything. He is seriously the only person in my life that I have this crazy inability to resolve conflict with. Everyone else must be closer to my personality type because usually fights are pretty predictable. We get all mad at each other, yelling, crying, apology, everyone moves on. This will happen over the course of a hectic day or two. If this is too much, then by all means, please verbalize and be an asshole about needing to get away from my ENFJ craziness, but dear god, do not disappear into the unknown for weeks / months on end to avoid the issue! Just tell me, that's all it takes.

Sorry for this whole diatribe, but I desperately want to understand this person. I am consistently bewildered by him. I wish I could just write this whole thing off as one-sided and me being crazy, but he'll reappear like clockwork and drop some enormous emotional bomb on me, call me constantly and be all sweet and like, "I want things to be great and for everything to be peace on earth!" but then make no effort to create such an environment when he has something on his mind that he for some reason would rather act out than share. Out of the blue! Of course it feels like you're not taking us seriously. My ENTP always accuses me of being manipulative -- not in that exact phrase, but the sum of his complaints about me basically equate that he thinks I'm manipulative... but to the contrary his behavior (which is definitely like you described above), to me, feels 10x more manipulative! What I want is really clear and has never changed. It's easy to make me happy -- just talk to me! While I won't say that he creates the drama by himself, he definitely starts the fire and leaves me burning in it. I really, REALLY despise fighting... why would I create one? Seriously. This is no mystery!

Meh. Maybe he's just a dick! That's no revelation.

Anyway, thanks for responding. I found this useful in at least seeing where he might be coming from. I now wish that we could somehow talk about it, but I know it's not worth it... You are totally right about the halfway thing. We were really awesome when we were TOGETHER, but ever since we've not been (and it's been a while) it's been a hectic, never ending land of crazy. And we don't live near each other, so it's just so much worse and more drawn out. I do enjoy our conversations and our sex life and the time we spend together is always fulfilling. I suppose this is why I can't seem to keep away from him, though I wish I had a better explanation. He is one of my closest friends but I've never experienced this kind of... can we call it 'dependency?' I get attached to my friends but it is always clear where I stand with them as the relationship progresses or digresses, with him I feel like I have no freaking idea.

 

[Rouge]

I do want to say in the defense of ENFJ's in this dynamic, however, that we aren't trying to be manipulative and self centered when we're upset about something. We're genuinely trying to work out the problem as quickly as possible. We WANT to understand what went wrong so in the future we can fix it and not be upset anymore. In my case, that's true anyway. I always want to talk about it and my ENTP partner vanishes and then marvels at how I can't understand why he does the thing he does. Dude, remember the last time we had this fight and you vanished without explaining anything? Yeah. I tried to ask you what's up and you had better things to do! Now, surprise! It's happening again because we never solved this problem the first seventeen times.

I feel like I've tried everything. I've tried being reasonable. I've tried being reactionary. I've tried yelling. I've tried ignoring. I've tried being honest. I've tried writing letters. Leaving messages. Saying absolutely nothing. Apologizing. Not apologizing. I just have no idea how to get through to him when I need to.

I've finally cut him off for the last time and I just have this incredible fear that he's going to contact me in three weeks like, "HI NOTHING'S WRONG." I know there's nothing I can do in the meantime to a) further communication or b) prevent him from doing this. I even wrote to him predicting the whole set of events and giving him a logical analysis of how I feel, why I feel that way, where I feel the specific miscommunication occurred and why I thought that might be and expressed a sincere desire to somehow meet in the middle and he still did exactly what I projected. Gah, and I thought that would actually work because, as you have mentioned, I learned that the emotional stuff (my default) doesn't work on him even when it's really him being passive aggressive and me trying to be forthright that set the whole confusing thing off.

It's so upsetting. It's got to be the most infuriating thing in the world!!!!!! ! ! ! ! ! seriously, all those exclamation points and more. I never get this worked up about anything. He is seriously the only person in my life that I have this crazy inability to resolve conflict with.

That sounds exactly like the relationship I had with an ENTP friend I dated for a while, LOL.

He keeps disappearing whenever we fight and we never seem to be able to resolve any of our issues. I'd try all sorts of ways to talk to him. I'd ignore him, tell him to get lost and not contact me again. But he'd always reappears after a while like nothing has ever been wrong :angry:

I'm in the land of crazy, just like you :laughing: But after so many rounds, my interest in him has died off a lot. There comes a point where enough is just enough for me.

 

[Rouge]

I disappeared for a while, until one day we had a talk and spilled all the beans, well a Few Talks on different occasions actually, since it took my dear ENFJ a while to figure things out, she's not a very good listener and she needed to get a little drunk to be brave enough to "Talk" about touchy issues and shows her vulnerable side .... so figured that she cared for me as much as I cared for her and all she wanted was to Not just be "Ms.Booty call" and she wanted me to take her "seriously" (hard for me to do since she's lacking logic & reason ykno, I just don't understand her Actions and Problem Solving Approach) ... but our personalities just won't match for a long term relationship ... My need for Space & Freedom vs. Her reasons for not trusting my Fidelity, on top of many other obvious reasons, you go figure ...

ENTPs frequently make disappearing acts. They have difficulty saying "I love you". They can't be certain when, if ever, their feelings for you will change.

Freedom in a relationship cannot exist without trust or assurance. But you guys just don't believe in working for these.

ENTPs, you need to date masochists. I can't see how any emotionally healthy person will stick around for this torture.

 

[2166]

Haha, I am with you Rouge. Except I disagree on the "I love you." They can love you, wholeheartedly, and show you that in genuine ways, perhaps more genuine than others... just good luck getting them to back that up later when they've gone and done something totally irrational and insane and can't believe you're surprised/upset.

I am a relaxed lady, I think. Very easy going about what my partner wants. Not jealous. But it's common courtesy to follow through with plans and communicate when something's amiss.

What is most amazing to me is that I will consistently get angry at the same single issue and try to solve it and he totally ignores me/calls me selfish/refuses to solve it... but then when he gets mad it's over something TOTALLY RANDOM and unpredictable -- usually a misinterpretation of an event/something I said (all things totally benign in my perspective). It's rare, but when it happens he REFUSES to listen to me and totally flies off the handle about it and tells me he'll never forgive me. Any attempts I make to solve the problem or make him feel better are nil until he's cooled off enough to realize he is acting like a sociopath. God, what a baby. ENTPussy?