Personality Cafe banner
1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i'm an unstable entp. People says i have no emotion and i'm an asshole because i always tell the truth. I love being around people but i cant connect with them. I have no friends. I only understand how people think not how they feel and i'm harsh to people's feeling. i hurt people. I'm attracted to women but i'm not romantically attatched. i don't think this is good. help
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,800 Posts
My take on this is to develop your tertiary function, Fe.

You could find inspiration in the thread "Cheesiest songs..." or whatever stupid / shallow yet funny stuff you find and share with them.
Learn to reciprocate whenever someone is being pleasant to you (that s not too hard). Then try to not only reciprocate but trigger that same kind of pleasing atmosphere.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Windblownhair

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,548 Posts
i'm an unstable entp. People says i have no emotion and i'm an asshole because i always tell the truth. I love being around people but i cant connect with them. I have no friends. I only understand how people think not how they feel and i'm harsh to people's feeling. i hurt people. I'm attracted to women but i'm not romantically attatched. i don't think this is good. help
You're young. Therefore you havent got a developped Fe yet.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
425 Posts
i'm an unstable entp. People says i have no emotion and i'm an asshole because i always tell the truth. I love being around people but i cant connect with them. I have no friends. I only understand how people think not how they feel and i'm harsh to people's feeling. i hurt people. I'm attracted to women but i'm not romantically attatched. i don't think this is good. help
Been there and got the T-shirt. Women are a tough one because we have high standards. Often I meet women that look great yet are vapid and useless. In fact most people in general fit that description. Living as an ENTP is a challenge every single day. You get things others do not. You see things in ways others cannot.

Have you heard the expression "Always fear the quiet ones"? We have traits that we love and admire. It took me a long time to realize that my ideal world is nowhere near others interpretation. This can lead to depression. The moral of the story is while we believe we are wonderful, we are not to others. Being overly critical means we are asserting our ideals on the other person. They don't see the world through the same glasses. I've found quiet observation is better than judgement. If I'm asked my opinion you know the other party will either love or hate me. I found myself giving my opinion where it was not needed or wanted. Instead I drape it in humour. Not passive aggressive style humour, rather direct and obvious sarcasm in a way that can make the other person laugh at themselves.

Example: Girl at the office is wearing tight white pants. You don't like the way she dresses, but want to be civil. "Did you ride in on a horse today?". Direct comments with a sarcastic twist. Surprisingly, women actually like that.

When you learn to stop judging and simply observe others behaviour, you can graduate to become a quiet cynical sociopath like me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Geonerd

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,444 Posts
I don't think it's good to overly attribute too much to MBTi types, but where typing others is a good thing and helpful I feel is in communication and relationships.

Talking to other ENTPs friends is great because I can talk naturally, we'll interrupt each other and dont need to validate everything the other person says in order to show we're listening and absorbing what they're saying, but its better not to talk your natural way with others. ENFP also good that way. I think ENFPs and other E-Fs tend not to get directly offended by us so much as they don't like if we hurt/offend someone else's feelings which they pick up on better than us.

When talking to introverts it's good to give your ideas at a slower rate to give them time to absorb and also give them space to talk and put an effort into validating that their input is appreciated even if you dont fully agree, in other words be more patient and polite. I think ENTPs have a naturally tendency to interrupt each other and get excited when a conversation is interesting, but you got to hold back for a convo to work w/o offending an introvert.

When it comes to S types I find that they too enjoy talking about abstract things, but not to the extent, so they'll get bored and tired right when we're getting excited in a conversation...I think of it like walking, running somewhere. S types can go the same places as you, just they want to take more stops along the way... so it's best to try to keep conversations short with them and try to focus more on doing stuff with them, because that's what they're naturally going to want to do. If try to force more ideas and longer conversations than they're interested they'll get annoyed and turned off and bored by you if it's been a while since physically doing something

People are all different and treating others as you'd want to be treated (which i believe is natural) is actually horrible advice. If you do that the only friends you're going to have is other ENTPs ..and ENTPs tend to often quickly come and go on their own and so we're not the easiest friends to keep in your life.

I think having good social skills is something that needs to be learned and doesn't really come naturally to anyone. A lot of people oddly seem to be ok with having horrible social skills and/or are unaware that they're only good at interacting w/ a few types. I think people don't want to admit that they should try to improve themselves. If you're self aware and trying to improve your social skills then I think with time and age you'll gradually get better at learning how to read others so as to interact w/ them in a manner they more enjoy as well as developing the patients, tolerance, and self control to do so.

You're never going to get along w/ everyone but dont worry everyone always struggles w/ that and if you were stable and weren't an asshole now and again you prob wouldn't be an ent :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,052 Posts
@Creativitron

Firstly I'm sorry you've experienced others' negativity towards YOU.

The male brain is somewhat "task-oriented" - if you are ENTP, the kind of "task" you may be interested in is abstract, or intellectual, or creative in a way that is like a fine wine, or something like that; in the sense of many people not even being ACCUSTOMED to the taste, and they may "spit it out", rejecting you, without ever realising they are hurting YOU, even while they are accusing you of being "insensitive". I have made this very mistake, myself.

I actually have the exact same issue - though the female brain is somewhat more "maintenance-oriented", in the sense of being concerned with "maintaining" social relations, I am somewhere on the autism spectrum. What this means is that MY brain operates in some ways to the same degree as many male brains, finding it difficult to convert between "task" and "maintenance" interactions.

When I bring my "task-orientedness" into a MAINTENANCE interaction, where people are just enjoying the conversation with reasonably SUPERFICIAL content, they do not understand what is going on when I try and cut through with some kind of "content-heavy" material, when I speak DIRECTLY what I am thinking about, which is what absolutely NO-ONE ELSE in that scenario has been thinking about.

This disorientates them, and confuses me, because they react badly to me, whereas I was only speaking directly in the mode that I was THINKING in.

I think the thing to remember is that THEY ARE NOT NECESSARILY TRYING TO HURT YOU when they say those things.

I have made the mistake of blaming others when they are trying to point out to me something they consider I have not realised about myself, for example my relative IN-capacity to register what is appropriate to context, or not. And it is true, I DO need help with getting better at recognising and acting on what is actually APPROPRIATE to context.

I am not saying there is any direct overlay between what our issues are. Your issue is yours, my issue is mine.

However, I think this might be helpful to you, because it has been helpful to me - as someone who is literally a professional on working these things, out told me, she explained how I will first need to "warm others up" to the idea or subject I want to introduce into the conversation. And then I need to ask questions, to check they are still on-board with me. I need to frame what I am talking about, and make sure I am not speaking too long on the "task" I am thinking of, in my mind.

I think the key is that people feel rejected, offended, or shut out when we speak directly on what WE are thinking about, without checking in on how we have affected them, by what we say.

I heard the other night on QI, with Stephen Fry, that the teenage mind literally operates in different ways to other minds. This may be something which changes naturally for you in the next couple years. Hats out to you for addressing how you feel so directly and honestly mate!
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top