Personality Cafe banner

1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hello Guys..

I am an ENTP .. thats what the test and other people tell me...

A little about me:

- Web designer
- Love signing & love music
- Play a few musical instruments
- Recently taken up a new hobby as playing guitar
- Drive a shitty car but one day would like something better
- I have a passion for Music & Web.
- And lastly ... I get angry very quick

A little about the puzzled scenario..


I love a girl who some call an ESFJ.. According to the assumability I would say she is an ESFJ as well.. who am I to judge when you can give me your honest advice..

I have been with this girl for about 3 years and 11 months. I really love her and I want to work things out.
We have had broken up one in the middle after 2 years ago.

The reason behind it was that... She would blame me for things that I did not do..
Always argue with me ... would let me talk or complete my sentence and would only want to get her point across.

According to my judgement.. Its a must that we fight some how within a week or max 2. There has not been more then 2 weeks that we have not fought.

I like to just live happily and would like to just live in peace. She just likes to create a mess by telling me her way of doing things and if its not her way then its the hiway...

..

I am a veg as my spiritual believes.. When we got together she had promised me that she would support me and become veg after marriage.. she said let her enjoy ...

Not a problem .. I said

A few moths ago.. I had discussed this with her and we had another argument.. which lead to bigger ones. The issue with her is that she keeps on bringing things from past..

For me its a little different..
If I make a mistake.. I realize it.. and I never do it again...

.. She thinks that she has a little issue trusting me..

Okay... I had talk to a few people .. close friends and I had been advised that maybe If I let her eat what ever she wants.. she would respect me more and treat me better.

Okay I said.. as she always told me that I am trying to take her happiness away.. So I said okay baby, eat what ever you want.

Now this is a big sacrifice for me and I am was willing to take it.
Since then till now, it has made no difference.

She didnt have a phone, I bought her a phone..
She cried and said she could not apply for jobs as there were no laptop.. so I gave her my laptop...
She said please take me here.. there and here... when I was at work.. I did that by taking leave...

She tells me that please she does not want to eat Italiano and wants Asian food. And I say okay no worries we will eat Asian.

She said... she does not want to go to this cinema but wants this cinema,.. I said okay no worries.

...

She is very addictive...

...

I say .. lets go out and play golf.. ahh not today how bout you just come to my home.. I say okay..
I say I want to watch this movie... she will say but baby!! I wanted to watch this... I say okay...
I say please try to be one .. I want to be one you with and not two different people.. She says.. NOTHING.

I say please please answer your phone when I call you.. she says its on charge day and night.
I always have to call her brothers phone or house phone to get to her.. which she gets angry about telling me why do I call other..

I say that because she does not answer her phone.. .. She says not force me to do what she does not wanna.. She says that I am changing her...

...

I bloody carry my phone every where to get to her just incase never know where and what happens and if its my last second of this life I would atleast be able to hear her voicemail or talk to her...

But the min I dont have it with me.. maybe because either I am cleaning room... in a meeting ... or WAIT i even take my phone in the Toliet!
And If I dont answer and reply within her time limit of a few mins.. then I will start getting SMS's telling me that I dont love her.. I dont talk to her.. I dont call her..

And when I do.. she does not answer..

...

Anyways... here is another strip of our life...
She keeps on eating.. and eating and eating and slowing she has picked up a lot of weight.. And I dont like it..
Now she says that I am changing her...

...

I have had bad business experience in past so I am in debt... I am still paying heavy amount of bill and all I have is my parents and her to life for.

...

No matter how much I try.. I fail...

...

Here is a big mistake of life which I am still suffering for...
Once there was a time when I had enough and .... well she never would never my calls when I needed her..

And so I started talking to a girl...Had not SEXUAL CONTACT>.. AND NO BODY CONTACT...
NEVER EVEN SHOOK HER HANDS>..

Foolish this is that I flirted with her..

Got caught.. Admitted to it and now its been more then 2 years I think and I have never done anything to hurt her...

....


Now ill cut the crap and get to the current point..


...

On Monday.. some one added me on Facebook and I accepted..
It was some friend of my Girl Friends brother... Some girl.

I had writing that I bought a guitar .. so she commented..
So I said.. do you know any videos which I can learn from...


My gf comes online and writes a comment telling me that I should google it other things asking girls and then puts a LOL sign.

And straight away.. I get 1 SMS telling me to read my facebook message.. I DO..
And it says..

"
Oii stop talking to that X chick I know her she's one of Y friend she's a slut! Delete now!!!! I dnt like Her!!
"

here is what goes on..

I said..

Thanks for the advice... janu just to advice you you were very very quick into checking out my page and writing a message...

This the the only thing that I know that you have been soo ACTIVE on... I wish you were a little proactive in other aspects on life as well.

I know how to look after myself - Thank You.
BUT - do appreciate your *advice, no the proactiveness.

Anyhoo I have removed her. dnt forget to eat breakfast lol mwah


She replies with:

"
Why I'm active in this shit is beacuse I know u fall for these sluts fast!! I dnt want another XXXX in my lifee!! Cuz if it happens this time I'm gone for good! Stop adding random ppl only add friends!! Who u know!! Why do u want to get to know new girls for?? I dnt add random guys?? She's one of the biggest sluts ever!! I know through (Her brother's name)! I thought as ur GF I could warn u! But u think its control!! Do u want with ur life it looks like I have no right over u! Since I can't place my opinion I rather back off next time I see something wrong I'll just leave! Byee
"

I replied with...

Hey little ass it does not work like that.

Thanks for your advice but you have no fucking right to tell me what you just did.

If you have issues with me then get over it of get out.
I am always fucking sucking up on you just to make u happy but shit man, your a control freak.

I did not add random people okay you dip shit. She added me and I accepted.

Do you want me to go though your ass hole list to see the people you dont know who are on your list.

Piss off man, you just trouble.

BYE!

...

Again I wrote:

"
And yes, I love to keep quite - Watch now -...

You just went overboard... Once promise is made promise is kept by me... Unlike you you shit ! I am tied and thats why i am swearing..

Please dont disturb me as I have better things to do then listen to your dirty stinking shirt..."Inserted a comment from her own FB page.", go hang out with him you shit.
"

I got a message back
"
Ohhh so u want me to go away so u can talk to ur sluts!!! Go through my list I know em all!!!! Ok dsnt matter if u add or accept its still a random!! I'm trouble and I'm bad and I'm a control person I have no right over u and either do u fuck ur tablets I'll eat and die wen I want u can't control me!!! Bye
"

........... now that tablets she is talking about....
As I mentioned above that she is gaining weight..

She needed help and asked for it.. SO I bought her some natural pills to help...


... I replied back with:

"
Yeh go do... No point spending on a shit hole like you. Dont care about shit you fat crap.

I am just tied now.. you just cause fights. bye (Her name)

"


... She says..


"
Wow u really make me feel ugly and unworthy of u!
"

--------------

Now on that day.. I took leave at the same time ... and went to her place..
Sorted all this crap as I did not want to continue with her no more. I had enough....

Ended up talking her to a mall she likes ...
Bought her food .. Lunch...

Watched a movie...

And then bought 2 diaries..
Sat in a coffee shop and said please write things you hate about me which you would like me to improve..

And I done the same for her..

In her diary it says what I dont like about her which she needs to improve and vice versa ...


We moved on and promised each other to make the most out of the 4 year to be relationship in dec...
.....


Now its monday again...

Yesterday some family member tells her and her family that they see my car every day at some ones house and says that family member tried to wave at me and I didnt respond.

The family member also told her that maybe I am cheating on her because she is picking up weight..

Honestly I have never cheated and I never ...
I want to marry her and I had already started to save every penny of it..

I am building a new house with parents and I also involved my GF to choose what she wants so she has every thing as perfect.

....


Now.. she is telling me to proof myself that i am not .. and started sending me very hurtful sms's
I have explained alot that all I do is go to work .. and come home..

She talks to me every day!

...

Honestly saying I did not do anything..
And here is some extra things to top it up...

1. I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH MY GF
2. I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO DO THE THINGS I WANT
3. I AM TIED OF STRESS
4. I AM ONLY 22


Any advice would give me some strength

Thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
228 Posts
There are three relationships that are ideal in Myers Briggs...ENTP and ESFJ is the activity one the type C relationship. I am an ENTP and the love of my life was an ESFJ. There are pros and cons to each of the three best relationships and all of the cons really suck. I mean you can choose type A and be arguing all the time with no changes to the behavior. You can choose Type B and be bored and in a passionless marriage or you can choose Type C which is the one you are in and undergo so much change that you feel as though you are not accepted the way you are...like you are never good enough which causes arguments. But in my humble opinion Type C relationships are the best ones because you are best friends and you laugh together and the other types are not that way...but for a little advice...I would say to watch your temper because words don't affect you as an ENTP the same way that they affect your ESFJ because you are a thinker and she is a feeler. You are trying to communicate logic in a way that will get through to her and she sees negative emotion aimed at her and that is all. So to improve your relationship...say things that make her feel good or at least that do not make her feel negative and control your temper. Do not cuss at her.

Compatibility Analysis: Type Compatibility -Which Type Would You Choose?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
She's pushing you away! She is literally starting fights to push you, she's trying to make you take off. She believes that your eventually just going to leave anyway so she's giving you the push needed.

And we do have to have things a certain way. We like things to be our way. Exactly our way and no other. An example of this and how a fight could start is from my experience:

I will be cleaning. I mean like fill on OCD, everything needs to be cleaned and organized and i will bitch when no one helps me and be pissy because i expect someone to help me. But then finally someone does help and then they aren't doing it right. They aren't putting things where IIIII want them to be. They aren't doing it the way IIII want it to be done. Or as fast as IIII want it to be done. I will chew the person out trying to explain how i want it done and they just wont do it they way i do it. Or they will be but i still find something to bitch about because for some reason they did it exactly how i wanted it and that pisses me off too. Then i just get fed up and more pissy and tell the person to forget it that i will do it on my own.


We do not like being bossed around or controlled and the simplest things make us feel as though there is an attempt being made to control us.

We love to bring up the past, mainly because we in a lot of ways dwell on it. We remember things, they just seem so important to us and we will remember them and bring them up later and attack you with them.

And trust is a big issue. Trusting you is one of the hardest things she will ever do. It basically the center of all your problems. She's afraid to trust you and afraid that when it comes down to it she wont be able to depend on you. That your going to hurt her in some way and she's going to be in pain and look a fool and feel more foolish then ever.

Man oh man is this girl basically just self sabotaging and pushing you away. You need to stop giving her everything she wants, your letting her basically be a spoiled brat. That's not what she really wants though she acts like it. She wants to be confronted. You need to confront her about all this shit and call her out on it and tell her you know whats shes doing. Tell her how you really feel about her. Let her know that she can trust you and depend on you and your in it for the long run. Ask her what she needs from you to prove your not going to hurt her or take off.

Well i dont think attacking her and calling her names the way you did was the way to go. At all. You probably screwed things up pretty bad with that. She was being slightly jealous and possessive when she said something about that girl. Which we feel we have a right to be. She's worried that your going to find a replacement for her. Part of her deepest fear. Odd right? Seeing as how shes trying so hard to push you away and cause problems every where you turn. Well self sabotage doesnt mean she doesnt still want to be with you and doesnt love you. Just means shes trying to get to it before you do, the choice to leave her that is. She feels that she's in control if she pushes you away.

You gave her pills to help her lose weight????? Well thats perfect. Now she feels like shes not good enough for you. That you want miss skinny thing. And of course shes going to feel like your trying to change her. BECAUSE YOU ARE! Its her body. You just attacked her and her body. You told her pretty much that she's fat. And that its wrong and you dont approve of it. Man you literally did call her fat. Quick question...if your verbally abusing her like that and degrading her then why are you on here asking for advice? Personally if i was her i would be done with you. She might be to be honest. All those things you sent to her were going too far. You insulted her. You think she TRIED to gain wright? You think she WANTED to be heavier? You think she's feeling buckets of job about it??? Any girls weight is a sensitive topic, even someone who is super skinny and you just blasted it over an intercom basically. You judged her.

As for this family member that is making accusations...if you really want things to work with this girl then you should demand to know who it is accusing you of things and personally confront them and your gf.
So thats pretty much all i have for right now.

Except...did you say you have never had sex with your gf??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
255 Posts
Detach yourself from this relationship; it is becoming masochistic. Alternatively, you can force her to sit down, and pour out all of your feelings on to her. In my opinion, this is not a healthy relationship, but that is a personally subjective observation. You say that you love her....It sounds like you need to identify the roots of the issues that your described. I think that you are only viewing the surface, and that is why the issue in general seems overwhelming.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She's pushing you away! She is literally starting fights to push you, she's trying to make you take off. She believes that your eventually just going to leave anyway so she's giving you the push needed.

And we do have to have things a certain way. We like things to be our way. Exactly our way and no other. An example of this and how a fight could start is from my experience:

I will be cleaning. I mean like fill on OCD, everything needs to be cleaned and organized and i will bitch when no one helps me and be pissy because i expect someone to help me. But then finally someone does help and then they aren't doing it right. They aren't putting things where IIIII want them to be. They aren't doing it the way IIII want it to be done. Or as fast as IIII want it to be done. I will chew the person out trying to explain how i want it done and they just wont do it they way i do it. Or they will be but i still find something to bitch about because for some reason they did it exactly how i wanted it and that pisses me off too. Then i just get fed up and more pissy and tell the person to forget it that i will do it on my own.


We do not like being bossed around or controlled and the simplest things make us feel as though there is an attempt being made to control us.

We love to bring up the past, mainly because we in a lot of ways dwell on it. We remember things, they just seem so important to us and we will remember them and bring them up later and attack you with them.

And trust is a big issue. Trusting you is one of the hardest things she will ever do. It basically the center of all your problems. She's afraid to trust you and afraid that when it comes down to it she wont be able to depend on you. That your going to hurt her in some way and she's going to be in pain and look a fool and feel more foolish then ever.

Man oh man is this girl basically just self sabotaging and pushing you away. You need to stop giving her everything she wants, your letting her basically be a spoiled brat. That's not what she really wants though she acts like it. She wants to be confronted. You need to confront her about all this shit and call her out on it and tell her you know whats shes doing. Tell her how you really feel about her. Let her know that she can trust you and depend on you and your in it for the long run. Ask her what she needs from you to prove your not going to hurt her or take off.

Well i dont think attacking her and calling her names the way you did was the way to go. At all. You probably screwed things up pretty bad with that. She was being slightly jealous and possessive when she said something about that girl. Which we feel we have a right to be. She's worried that your going to find a replacement for her. Part of her deepest fear. Odd right? Seeing as how shes trying so hard to push you away and cause problems every where you turn. Well self sabotage doesnt mean she doesnt still want to be with you and doesnt love you. Just means shes trying to get to it before you do, the choice to leave her that is. She feels that she's in control if she pushes you away.

You gave her pills to help her lose weight????? Well thats perfect. Now she feels like shes not good enough for you. That you want miss skinny thing. And of course shes going to feel like your trying to change her. BECAUSE YOU ARE! Its her body. You just attacked her and her body. You told her pretty much that she's fat. And that its wrong and you dont approve of it. Man you literally did call her fat. Quick question...if your verbally abusing her like that and degrading her then why are you on here asking for advice? Personally if i was her i would be done with you. She might be to be honest. All those things you sent to her were going too far. You insulted her. You think she TRIED to gain wright? You think she WANTED to be heavier? You think she's feeling buckets of job about it??? Any girls weight is a sensitive topic, even someone who is super skinny and you just blasted it over an intercom basically. You judged her.

As for this family member that is making accusations...if you really want things to work with this girl then you should demand to know who it is accusing you of things and personally confront them and your gf.
So thats pretty much all i have for right now.

Except...did you say you have never had sex with your gf??
I can see what you are trying to say...
Here are my answers to your questions...

1. She has in many cases asked me, and in directly said she wishes she could buy the weight loss pills. Asked me as well directly.

2. Yes I have not have sex with her within 4 years. For the fact I never had sex.
Reason behind as she prefers that after marriage.

3. Already spilled out my heat to her too many times.

----

And for some additions, now she is fighting again telling me that some one told her that my parents dont like her...


My main issue is, if I dedicate my life and time to a person in return i except some value of what i say.
If there is no value for me or what I have to say then what's the point?

Why listen to 1000000 people if you can make life easier and be one with the person you love?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Detach yourself from this relationship; it is becoming masochistic. Alternatively, you can force her to sit down, and pour out all of your feelings on to her. In my opinion, this is not a healthy relationship, but that is a personally subjective observation. You say that you love her....It sounds like you need to identify the roots of the issues that your described. I think that you are only viewing the surface, and that is why the issue in general seems overwhelming.
Its more tiring repeating the same thing over and over again to her as now it seems like I am reading it off the book. There are not many ways to explain it to her anymore.

most of our fights are about what others say...
its only 1% of what happens in between us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
33 Posts
I can see what you are trying to say...
Here are my answers to your questions...

1. She has in many cases asked me, and in directly said she wishes she could buy the weight loss pills. Asked me as well directly.

2. Yes I have not have sex with her within 4 years. For the fact I never had sex.
Reason behind as she prefers that after marriage.

3. Already spilled out my heat to her too many times.

----

And for some additions, now she is fighting again telling me that some one told her that my parents dont like her...


My main issue is, if I dedicate my life and time to a person in return i except some value of what i say.
If there is no value for me or what I have to say then what's the point?

Why listen to 1000000 people if you can make life easier and be one with the person you love?
Id say that you have too many problems. And without really seeing you two fight or how you act in person not a one of us can say with any certainty what is really going on. But if your having all these problems and all you are is miserable and nothing is changing then you need to break up and be done with each other for good an move on because its just not worth it. You have already wasted enough years do you really want to waste more?
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top