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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So basically I have this Enfp friend who is in a major depression and I don't know how to talk to him gods know I have tried..

I will just sum it up for you

The guy is 17 and his parents got divorced not long time ago, his mom is an alcoholic and his dad does not seem to care about him. He feels very lonely so he uses sex as an escape which has now led to him not being able to look at himself in the mirror. He regrets alot of choices he has done in the past, his relatives (I think it is the grandparents) sees him as failure since he is more the creative type than the engineer. He feel disgusted with himself and that he does not deserve to live.

I have tried really hard to find solutions and just advice him but it is really hard because I just don't know what to say. I myself know what he is going through (to some extent) I was depressed for years but I dealt with it but in a very different way and he doesn't seem to pick up what I'm saying. Trust me I have tried to convince him to go to therapy but he won't..

Enfp if you have had any similar experience could you please tell me on how to maybe talk to him? '

I'm asking enfp because I know he is one and maybe you know better on how to make him feel better
 

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You're a good friend to come here and try to find ways to help him. It speaks well of you.

For starters, just let him know that you care about him and will not desert him... and remind him often. ENFPs can be sponges for affection, affirmation and reassurance. Keep inviting him to do stuff with you - whether a hike or cup of coffee or over to your place to watch some TV. Even if he turns you down frequently, just being invited and included will make him feel supported.
 

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You're a good friend to come here and try to find ways to help him. It speaks well of you.

For starters, just let him know that you care about him and will not desert him... and remind him often. ENFPs can be sponges for affection, affirmation and reassurance. Keep inviting him to do stuff with you - whether a hike or cup of coffee or over to your place to watch some TV. Even if he turns you down frequently, just being invited and included will make him feel supported.
This.

It's a bit of a depressed ENFP tendency to go "I am annoying to be around, so I'm not going to contant anyone for weeks. --> No one is contacting me! I guess I'm unlovable. --> I am more depressed now. I will especially not contact people."

As a friend, anything you can do to throw a wrench in that cycle is helpful.
 

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Hey, good job on trying to help your friend!

ENFP depression can be very weird. ENFP's are seen as being very open to new ideas and accepting others the way they are and usually can understand other opinions pretty easily. But when it comes to themselves and their own issues, they can be very stubborn and think that "no one understands".

This is how i can feel when i get really depressed. I get in a hole, and then anyone who tries to pull me out gets judged as "not understanding my problem". I start to see people's advice as "dismissing the importance of my problem".

I think it's because i feel really bad and i try to think my way out of it. But i can never settle on a conclusion or judgement that makes me feel any better, I just think "well it might not be that..", and i just spiral down. So I resign myself to the fact that "I'm not getting out of this rut". This becomes my main mantra. I become arrogant with my own understanding of myself, thinking that no one else could possibly have the answer. I get more and more set in this belief. "They simply don't get it", i think to myself.

Then when someone comes along and tells me that "Hey, you just need to do xyz...", i feel like they are being dismissive of my emotions. "There's no way that they could possibly understand every part of me, so they are wrong, talking to them is just going to make me feel worse". I then retreat further into my shell, becoming annoyed and alienated by the person that is trying to help me. I begin to feel how a cancer patient would feel if you told them "Look, i know you have cancer and everything, but you need to just take some fish oil".

And even if the advice is right, i'm set in the belief that they are wrong.

I then start to retreat more if i get the feeling that they are judging me for not listening to them or not getting past the problem. Talking with the person trying to help becomes a source of more pain, because it is such a fruitless venture (at least in my head).

So i just begin to pull away, and the problem gets worse.

Very tricky, (and pretty immature) stuff. But this is how i can be.


SO here's what i'm getting at. You must let him know that you are there for him and that you think he is a good person. ENFP's can be so moved by compliments (it's actually something i dislike about myself), so you need to tell him that you value your friendship etc.

Let him just speak his mind, and go on huge tangents and explain his theories on what is wrong with him. Even if everything he is saying is untrue, make the conversation about him. Just keep asking "what makes you think that?" and "Why?" in the conversation. Drain his mind and just let all of the crap come out. And for god's sake let him talk! If he wants to know your opinion on one of his ideas or whatever, he will ask you, but don't cut him off when he is explaining something that you might see as "hairbrained". Because he will just retreat from you if he gets the feeling like you are not listening to him and judging him.

ENFP's in a depression just want to be understood. They just want to be able to speak their minds and have people listen and not judge what they are saying. ENFP's love to talk about themselves, and they love to talk about the possible reasons/origins of their problems. Most of the time (for me at least), I just need to talk and talk and talk. Eventually i find the answer myself and then I begin to fix it.

Good luck with your friend, i think the fact that you're asking on here is a good sign that you really do care about him :)
 
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