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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Now these are two poems I wrote on another forum a few moments ago they are highly experimental...and are probably some of my best work to date. I hope that you all appreciate them. I encourage you to write you own and express your innermost feelings:

**Oh and the relevance of this to the forum is to display our perverse ENTP humor...yup...**



This is my more abstract and experimental work...I consider myself a modern day black Bjork:

Jeremy's Asshole

Jeremy's ass is is perky and fat
Jeremy's ass isn't flat like that
If you ask me politely, I'll respond real fast
That is my friend Jeremy's ass

...Fini...
Jeremy's Asshole Part II

Jeremy's ass woke up one day
It was cold and lonely and scared
I said Jeremy Whuddaya Say?
And he said "My hole is impaired!"

It was at the moment that we both knew
We would have to resolve this ordeal
Then he said "great you know what this means."
I replied "How does 8 inches feel."

With excitement and glee I explored his cave
and all of it's joyous wonders
The he said "I wish I could pay in some way..."
"For I appreciate your big black thunder."

A passionate moment filled with laughs and good talk
It was ideal right from the start
With a thrust and good faith I gave and I gave
and tore Jeremy's asshole apart.

...Fini...
 

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Opinions:

Part one was probably the best. The brevity of it was both trenchant and insightful, a true snapshot of the human condition. Part 2 I think got a little too convoluted and scatterbrained, and in the end I feel your vision, while brilliant, may be lost on most average readers. Now comes the difficult decision facing all artists: do you stay true to your artistic vision and achieve only cult following or dumb down your message with the hopes of greater recognition? Best of luck in the resolution to your harrowing conundrum.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Opinions:

Part one was probably the best. The brevity of it was both trenchant and insightful, a true snapshot of the human condition. Part 2 I think got a little too convoluted and scatterbrained, and in the end I feel your vision, while brilliant, may be lost on most average readers. Now comes the difficult decision facing all artists: do you stay true to your artistic vision and achieve only cult following or dumb down your message with the hopes of greater recognition? Best of luck in the resolution to your harrowing conundrum.
LMFAO...Why thank you very much for your insightful review my friend. It appears that artistically I am at a fork in the road. For now however I will write from the depths of my soul for I feel that that is only way to truly reach my true potential.

I was just inspired by a friend of mine's darker work and decided to try to push myself further and explore that side.

This is some of my darker and more serious work:

Jeremy's Ass (Emo)

Black abyss, I feel so lost
'Til I give Jeremy's salad a toss
I'll torture inside 'til you return
and I can give you anal burn

Swallow me whole my sorrow and all
and don't forget these big black balls
I'll die here waiting for your embrace
And long to nut upon your face

...Fini...
 

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I concur, I like the first part the best. The second part just goes off on a tangent to keep going, and not really with the simplistic witty humor that is approached in the first part. Keep at it.

I do free verse. I believe my Ne pretty much just gets explained by the linguistic capability of the Ti. Or maybe it's that my Ti gets put to paper. My poetry tends to be very wordy, but necessary.

Here's a little sample. Not my best, but you'll get the gist of my style.

Gen Ed

Silence, you demon of control,
how dare you incarcerate me by using my own will.
Foul trickery is this that something so appealing
has destroyed my psyche to where reconstruction
is unattainable.
I simmer in my boiling shape of self-defeat
and wallow in my failure to see
the truth behind the veil.


Twice is Nice

Dibble, dapple, debble, doppleganger.
Am I the only one seeing double?
In every city the same faces,
this phenomenon astounds me so.
Even I myself have heard of my fraternal twin brother.
God truly does have a strange sense of humor.



My other ones are much, much longer, lol. Critique is also appreciated.
 

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Die Frogs

What’s on T.V.? In front of me?

Does it matter? Mindless chatter?

Infestation of affectation? Masturbation? Mindless simulation, stimulation?

I look at my “friends,” are they the means or are they the ends? Logs for my fire, a downtrodden pyre?

Why this unquenchable dependence on this poor human semblance? A living breathing mindless T.V. show. You are a means to each other’s amusement, oh how you abuse it, and the ways you transfuse it.

The tautological views in regurgitated hues imbue you with pride to scoff and deride, behind others you’ll all hide, along for the ride.

Someone has that null prognosis that scared apoptosis, fuel for your fire, that downtrodden pyre.

Cling to your rhetoric and you’ll see through the end of it. Watch your T.V. and see with your senses, there are no pretenses, no internal dialogs, just “heroes” with bylaws, die frogs.

Burn, boil, you’ll no further toil, cooked up in oil.

Slow roasted through time, the conquered divide.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Has my retardedness actually spawned real poetry? LMAO.

This was hilarious yesterday. I basically was trying to figure out how to contribute to my friend's new forum so when I saw poetry I wrote that one about her boyfriend and also I wrote it to get a reaction out of him. Then I wrote the second to continue the joke and the third one I wrote after reading some of her poetry which was darker and I decided to poke fun at it's dark themes as we both dubbed her older work as "emo."
 

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Opinions:

Part one was probably the best. The brevity of it was both trenchant and insightful, a true snapshot of the human condition. Part 2 I think got a little too convoluted and scatterbrained, and in the end I feel your vision, while brilliant, may be lost on most average readers. Now comes the difficult decision facing all artists: do you stay true to your artistic vision and achieve only cult following or dumb down your message with the hopes of greater recognition? Best of luck in the resolution to your harrowing conundrum.
Poignant and concise critique.I wholeheartedly agree .
Bravo
 

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oooo I want to write a poem too...


I call this "poems don’t always have to rhyme"

poems don’t always have to rhyme
words without rhyme is not a crime
and poems do not need have a meter
but when they do it makes them neater
yes poems do not need have a rhyme
but i like when they do most the time
and when they don’t it makes me sad
like brushing your teether after eating an orange.
 

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Check it out I found something that rhymes with orange
I thought of it when I bumped my head on the doorhinge
Isn't that cool
My dog likes to drool
I'm no fool
Writing this poem without going to litarary school
I don't need your confermation
But reject it and your death will be by suffocation.
 

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Does anyone here know how to actually write a poem with a meter? Looks like a bunch of words which just rhyme to me. Which means it is not a real poem at all
 

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Does anyone here know how to actually write a poem with a meter? Looks like a bunch of words which just rhyme to me. Which means it is not a real poem at all
ya'know poems don’t always have to rhyme
but when they do it can be sublime
and I agree the thing that makes them sweeter
is when the words stick to a meter
but when they don't who gives a fuck
as long as it's entertaining I mean that's kinda the point of it
 

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ya'know poems don’t always have to rhyme
but when they do it can be sublime
and I agree the thing that makes them sweeter
is when the words stick to a meter
but when they don't who gives a fuck
as long as it's entertaining I mean that's kinda the point of it

I ate a sock,
near a dock,
Fo' you're a guy,
Nor a shit,
I see you reek. //


see how it's more true to the medium when it doesn't just rhyme .-.
 

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Does anyone here know how to actually write a poem with a meter? Looks like a bunch of words which just rhyme to me. Which means it is not a real poem at all
There is a poetry style called free-verse
It is used very often nowadays.
Therefore poems without a meter can
still be classified as proper poems.

This failed, but oh well. Entp, I am not.

(We are counting Entp as 1 syllable xD)
 

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There is a poetry style called free-verse
It is used very often nowadays.
Therefore poems without a meter can
still be classified as proper poems.

This failed, but oh well. Entp, I am not.

(We are counting Entp as 1 syllable xD)
I'm aware, and that is arguable that they are free verse poems, as free verse would exclude meter. while meter is observable in these poems, it's just not consistent enough to be recognized meter nor is it excluding meter enough to be recognized as free verse- that's where I think the problem lies.

That's all of what I have to say,
Besides, all you know I'm down,
To use free verse, without a frown,

And now, for heavens sake,
let's have some cake .
 

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I'm aware, and that is arguable that they are free verse poems, as free verse would exclude meter. while meter is observable in these poems, it's just not consistent enough to be recognized meter nor is it excluding meter enough to be recognized as free verse- that's where I think the problem lies.

That's all of what I have to say,
Besides, all you know I'm down,
To use free verse, without a frown,

And now, for heavens sake,
let's have some cake .
Nice!

Free verse - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote: 'Poets have explained that free verse is not entirely free'.
Apart from that, a slice of cake is completely fine with me. :kitteh:
 

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I know this is a jk thread, but fuck it.


Like a rolling bass line
coming from the outskirts of your mind
Swooshing, sweeping,
dragging everything along.
Like a general caught in an already lost battle,
retreating, diverting but never gaining terrain.
All hiding places demolished
One by one.
 

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oooo I want to write a poem too...


I call this "poems don’t always have to rhyme"

poems don’t always have to rhyme
words without rhyme is not a crime
and poems do not need have a meter
but when they do it makes them neater
yes poems do not need have a rhyme
but i like when they do most the time
and when they don’t it makes me sad
like brushing your teether after eating an orange.
poignant. bravo
 

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*clears throat*

*cues drum and light dimming*

Eyyyyyyyyyyyye don't give a fuck;
should that duck on the truck
juuuuuump
to his doom;
Eyyyyyye will not be
moved along in the game of Life
no Hasbro
over here.
cuz eyyyyyyyye just don't
give
a
fuck.
 

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*clears throat*

*cues drum and light dimming*

Eyyyyyyyyyyyye don't give a fuck;
should that duck on the truck
juuuuuump
to his doom;
Eyyyyyye will not be
moved along in the game of Life
no Hasbro
over here.
cuz eyyyyyyyye just don't
give
a
fuck.
I'm hearing an Irish jig when reading this xD
 
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