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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do any other ENTPs find themselves constantly wrestling with intense feelings of resentment? It seems I'm always being told to "rise above" the circumstances and studiously respect others, giving them what they want to affirm their misconduct simply because I'm not like them. It's the whole "Jesus on the cross" (if anyone takes offense at this comparison, please forgive me, it wasn't meant to be offensive) scenario, or an endless repetition of that memorable instance from childhood: get spanked/don't cry/get another spanking, get spanked/cry/be soothed and petted/listen to Mother coo about her guilt at having inflicted pain on another and about what a good person this makes her, and then that she would do it again "if she had to" makes her a veritable saint.

The EN in me says, "Just grin and bear it," but the TP in me says, "F*** this and f*** you, you f***ing lowlife."

Often I find myself tolerating absolutely appalling behavior, even abuse, yet recoiling against any minor offense. I find socializing energizing, but when others' behavior is pointedly offensive, I get livid and the anger dominates me me. I just want to crush what inflamed it: the scenario, the person responsible, whatever. When there are so many ways in which one can appreciate the world and its wealth of diversity of experience, seeing maliciousness and spite used for cruelty and selfish purposes infuriates me. Hypocrisy infuriates me and vanity annoys me when shallow excuses are used as justification. I understand that commitment to excellence independent of "What They Expect of You" is a cool head and a relative immunity to the same capricious vehemence that inspires frantic compulsive retaliation. I know that a certain amount of immaturity factors into my own aversion. I feel like maybe the Ne Ti can't stand it--I need the world to be as welcoming as it is abundant, to a reasonable extent. I hate always feeling like even my extroverted friends, who should understand the priority I place on sustaining my own individuality, want me to slow down or cease motion because my unwillingness to resign myself to their standards is an insult to those standards or a rejection of their happiness or success. When I'm met with this attitude, there, up goes a wall, and another and another with each consecutive instance of arbitrary rejection until walls are all I see and I feel steeped in filth. I find myself abstaining from so much in anticipation of the tediousness of suffering shallow complacent judgement.

I could remove the people from my life, but the thing is, the Ne NEEDS their energy and craves the infusion of life with ideas. The more I'm faced with carelessness and disregard, though, the more angry and resentful I feel. I don't need people to compromise who they are to flatter my ego, yet this always seems to be my role in their lives. I just want empathy, a little patience and more accountability! Is that idealism or is dubbing it so just the beginning of defeatism?

What do you guys do about anger, or what did you do before you figure out how to stamp out the embers before something caught fire? If you did manage to beat anger, how the hell did you do it? How do you extinguish hate? How does one ENTP make herself less prone to anger and calm the f*** down so she can be a better outsider-insider among posers and strangers?
 

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No.. Im not an angry type. When I am angry, I can explain why to the person and remain very calm. I don't get upset easily.

Maybe it hasn't to do with type in your case but rather how you process anger. Maybe you should learn to explain your feelings calmly and not keep it all inside until you explode...
 

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Do any other ENTPs find themselves constantly wrestling with intense feelings of resentment? It seems I'm always being told to "rise above" the circumstances and studiously respect others, giving them what they want to affirm their misconduct simply because I'm not like them. It's the whole "Jesus on the cross" (if anyone takes offense at this comparison, please forgive me, it wasn't meant to be offensive) scenario, or an endless repetition of that memorable instance from childhood: get spanked/don't cry/get another spanking, get spanked/cry/be soothed and petted/listen to Mother coo about her guilt at having inflicted pain on another and about what a good person this makes her, and then that she would do it again "if she had to" makes her a veritable saint.

The EN in me says, "Just grin and bear it," but the TP in me says, "F*** this and f*** you, you f***ing lowlife."

Often I find myself tolerating absolutely appalling behavior, even abuse, yet recoiling against any minor offense. I find socializing energizing, but when others' behavior is pointedly offensive, I get livid and the anger dominates me me. I just want to crush what inflamed it: the scenario, the person responsible, whatever. When there are so many ways in which one can appreciate the world and its wealth of diversity of experience, seeing maliciousness and spite used for cruelty and selfish purposes infuriates me. Hypocrisy infuriates me and vanity annoys me when shallow excuses are used as justification. I understand that commitment to excellence independent of "What They Expect of You" is a cool head and a relative immunity to the same capricious vehemence that inspires frantic compulsive retaliation. I know that a certain amount of immaturity factors into my own aversion. I feel like maybe the Ne Ti can't stand it--I need the world to be as welcoming as it is abundant, to a reasonable extent. I hate always feeling like even my extroverted friends, who should understand the priority I place on sustaining my own individuality, want me to slow down or cease motion because my unwillingness to resign myself to their standards is an insult to those standards or a rejection of their happiness or success. When I'm met with this attitude, there, up goes a wall, and another and another with each consecutive instance of arbitrary rejection until walls are all I see and I feel steeped in filth. I find myself abstaining from so much in anticipation of the tediousness of suffering shallow complacent judgement.

I could remove the people from my life, but the thing is, the Ne NEEDS their energy and craves the infusion of life with ideas. The more I'm faced with carelessness and disregard, though, the more angry and resentful I feel. I don't need people to compromise who they are to flatter my ego, yet this always seems to be my role in their lives. I just want empathy, a little patience and more accountability! Is that idealism or is dubbing it so just the beginning of defeatism?

What do you guys do about anger, or what did you do before you figure out how to stamp out the embers before something caught fire? If you did manage to beat anger, how the hell did you do it? How do you extinguish hate? How does one ENTP make herself less prone to anger and calm the f*** down so she can be a better outsider-insider among posers and strangers?
Well....that was quite a rant you've got there. I am truly sorry to read about your rejections and abuse. I believe many ENTPs feel "outside", weird and lonely inside. I know I did, and still do from time time (but I like myself now).

I am seldom angry, VERY seldom. I too, get depressed when I see stupidity, malice and egoism around me. It saddens me. This sadness has been incorporated somewhat into a NF-like moral code that I use to better the world. But it is like bumping your head into a brick wall over and over again sometimes (your "hopes" are nearly never fulfilled). So I have learned to have low expectations of others, accept them and try to be a ggod example when I have the energy.

On a sidenote, I can use anger to get "drive". Twice I have risen above all expectations because of me beecoming angry with myself or circumstances. Those were defining moments, and if I could harness that drive and focus I would be very successful I think.
 
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Being a Type 1 on the Enneagram may contribute somewhat. I try to side-step pain and forget about having been angry, but it's the aftertaste that casts a shadow over the day.

Thanks for giving feedback!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
On a sidenote, I can use anger to get "drive".
(grins) That sounds like so many ENTPs I know. I'm usually extremely laid back about expectations, but still always with that edge of enthusiasm and spirit like a dog half-asleep with an ear perked to a noise, which may be why strong negative emotions like anger are harder for me to digest. They not only don't interest me, they stand as an impediment and I just wish they weren't there. Little good that does, I suppose, when they are there, whether I like it or not. Trying to scare them off just becomes dancing with them after a while.

I know part of the fixation is want of experience and familiarity and another part is having been through a lot of trauma at the hands of sociopathic parents and old acquaintances and just having been through a lot in general, but at the end of the day, hey, don't we ENTPs still want to get where we'd be going without the crutch? That's my drive: getting there regardless.
 

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Anger and aggression are driving forces behind much "competetiveness". And also "male" (genetic?) traits.

That is why we dont see many women amongst the top dogs. And also whay I never will be there either. I could use some more aggression I think. I am Dalai Llama, with a sad smile....

But of course, practicing Martail Arts gets the aggression out. Hmmm. Perhaps celibacy and no training could get me to do something REALLY genial.... Or just go on a murder spree....:)
 
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I get resentful alot because few people can understand me and so misinterpret me and treat me in a negative way. I think being a twin with an INFJ makes it hard because INFJs are really great people and great kids to have and ENTPs are very trying and hard to understand. I don't actually resent anyone though, just the situation, so I don't really get angry in a direct way, more in a scattered/confused way.
I get depressed or disallusioned more than angry with the world and the people in it. I end up dispairing at people's stupidity or ineptness...
 

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I've got a bad temper, but it's mellowed out a little with age. A lot of people who know MBTI think I'm an ENTJ, and I have that intolerance for stupidity trait many ENTJs have.
 

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On a sidenote, I can use anger to get "drive". Twice I have risen above all expectations because of me beecoming angry with myself or circumstances. Those were defining moments, and if I could harness that drive and focus I would be very successful I think.

This is important. Thank you.

My first wife told me when I would nuture my anger that I was "playing with my toy". It was all about me. Although the OP puts the blame on those other people who are "wrong" we are actually each responsible for how we process what we see happening around us. In my case I would use the anger I felt for others as energy and I cherished it. It worked like a drug for me.

I would warn anyone who feels in a similar way that the anger eventually turns inward and becomes very serious depression. Once you've run out of targets on the outside and nothing has changed to suit you, you start to hate all the negativity you've brought into yourself. You become angry at yourself for being angry and impotent. And there is no end to that.

I think a lot of this just goes away with age, and in me it has--though I still harbor anger. I wish I had been able to just drop things before. But back then the angry young man in me looked at those people who had adapted to life and saw only compromise and weakness. Looking back I wish there had been some credible authority in my life whom I could have believed when they told me to just let things go and concentrate on the joy in life.
 

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I only get angry these days when I am stressed or depressed. Most of the time I think I'm laid back enough to realise that the misbehaviour, hypocrisy, jealousy etc of other people is their problem, and ultimately it is better if it poisons them, as it should, than if it poisons me. I've learnt over the years that bad moods often say a lot about me: if I'm persistently anxious or nervous I need to cut down my alcohol intake, for example. If I am angry I need to take some time off work.

That's anger proper, mind you. Irritation I still experience daily. :wink:
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Although the OP puts the blame on those other people who are "wrong" we are actually each responsible for how we process what we see happening around us.
Harrrrsh! And not what I was writing about. ;p The point was to ask other ENTPs how they deal with their anger when it gets out of control--I cited my experience of recoiling against hostility in a way that I become angry beyond the point that is conducive to emotional and psychological wellbeing. Not only does this anger reduce my enthusiasm for my social life, by extension it makes it harder to cool off in private because the adversity is still keenly felt even after it's passed.

I appreciate the recommendation to use anger as fuel, but that's just not in my nature. My normal and HEALTHY reaction to anger is to frown as it starts to boil, sigh as the gas is released, and laugh when it's gone. I'm just not the type to get wig out. I deal with frustration often like most NTs but I think my patience for that is relatively great. It's the powerful anger that I become a slave to when it washes over me, and what I've asked fellow board members is how they overcome that, without fleeing or retaliating, in the face of exacerbating factors.

Nice 'stache though!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Anger and aggression are driving forces behind much "competetiveness". And also "male" (genetic?) traits.

That is why we dont see many women amongst the top dogs. And also whay I never will be there either. I could use some more aggression I think. I am Dalai Llama, with a sad smile....

But of course, practicing Martail Arts gets the aggression out. Hmmm. Perhaps celibacy and no training could get me to do something REALLY genial.... Or just go on a murder spree....:)
I could be a top dog, but I'd be a weird one, and I might get tired of the come-ons.

I don't have much trouble filling an assertive role, but business is business to me and I don't like to mix my feelings with it unless there's some real demand for them. Think Don Draper when he's being neither a dog nor a pathetic man-child, both at the office and after hours. When asked if I would call myself a lone wolf or a social butterfly, I think I said, "Can I be a lone butterfly?" ; )

Ha, it's funny... when I was a kid I would joke that one day I'd get mad and go on a murder spree, and though I wasn't serious, I at least believed myself to be closer to it than most who might say this. And later I met a girl who is still one of my very best friends, an ENTJ. She makes me seem like Jesus the Messiah when she's pissed off.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I get resentful alot because few people can understand me and so misinterpret me and treat me in a negative way. I think being a twin with an INFJ makes it hard because INFJs are really great people and great kids to have and ENTPs are very trying and hard to understand. I don't actually resent anyone though, just the situation, so I don't really get angry in a direct way, more in a scattered/confused way.
I get depressed or disallusioned more than angry with the world and the people in it. I end up dispairing at people's stupidity or ineptness...
INFJs ARE great people--I've had loads of experience with them. It's weird because they can run so very hot and cold just like ENTPs can if they're under a lot of stress. The difference, I've found, is in proportions. Most INFJs I've met will run cold more frequently, with less to provoke them and with a stronger emphasis on making you sorry, which can be very hurtful to the other party, but the ice melts away quickly, often just as soon as they feel validated. ENTPs' emotional behavior seems much more even and consistent, but they may be forgiving you or inwardly rolling eyes and shaking heads, depending on who they are and how they live. And if one day you get the smack-down from hell, they could tell you to go and stay away or they could smile and let you know that their feelings for you haven't changed, they just wanted you to knock that sh*t off.

I've experienced confused anger with depression. Not fun; I'm sorry you have to deal with it. It's more excruciating than it sounds, I know.



I've got a bad temper, but it's mellowed out a little with age. A lot of people who know MBTI think I'm an ENTJ, and I have that intolerance for stupidity trait many ENTJs have.
I've gotten that. I think my ENTJ best friend thought I was an ENTJ when we met, but she saw the truth soon enough. ; ) Though ENTP and ENTJ can really be a magical pair in the right circumstances. I've definitely felt the unique and intense power of our partnership when we've joined forces in the past.



I only get angry these days when I am stressed or depressed. Most of the time I think I'm laid back enough to realise that the misbehaviour, hypocrisy, jealousy etc of other people is their problem, and ultimately it is better if it poisons them, as it should, than if it poisons me. I've learnt over the years that bad moods often say a lot about me: if I'm persistently anxious or nervous I need to cut down my alcohol intake, for example. If I am angry I need to take some time off work.

That's anger proper, mind you. Irritation I still experience daily. :wink:
Do you feel like the Ne can make irritation "fun?" Sometimes I'm just glad some people are SO F*CKED UP. I feel like their drama adds spice to my life, as long as it doesn't go overboard and finding the resolution isn't my right or responsibility. If a friend is stirring up trouble in our relationship then I may become distressed because I feel like I have to "play that stupid game again," but if it's a stranger then it's all fun 'til someone gets hurt, at which point I call the police.




(Thanks, everyone, for all your feedback! I'm enjoying reading all of it. :) )
 

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Watching other people being stupid or short-sighted makes me a bit depressed. I guess I do have some NF in me....
 

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Harrrrsh! And not what I was writing about. ;p The point was to ask other ENTPs how they deal with their anger when it gets out of control--I cited my experience of recoiling against hostility in a way that I become angry beyond the point that is conducive to emotional and psychological wellbeing.

Yes, and you are saying things in the outside world are wrong and thus make you angry. I'm saying you're just angry. Stop blaming it on the outside world. That's the first step.
 

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you guys are so smart... this thread really helped me handle a very bothersome intellectual issue this week, so thank-you for laying out all the ground work on the good/bad/angry.

...I'm not an ENTP, but I do find that a healthy dash of righteous indignation can help get the job done.
 

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It's rare that I get angry enough to wish I could commit mass murder (preferably inside a Bloomingdale's), but I have very little patience. I speak quickly, I walk quickly, I just do everything quickly and I'm constantly having to suppress the urge to shout at the person to "HURRY THE F UP!!"

It can't be that healthy, because I can literally feel myself heating up and feel my pulse. :confused:

AND yes...anger is a great motivator. If I find some incompetent idiot screwing around awkwardly with something, I'll just stomp over and insist on doing it myself. :dry:
 

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Key to toning the anger down is to change your perspective on things that are making your angry. Watch through these two videos. This guy is a typical ENTP. He is quite emotionally reactive. He spends a lot of time talking about how he hates other people or how people hate him in his stand-up comedy. However notice how whenever something makes him angry he switches perspective from "the world owes it to me" to "wow the world is amazing and I owe my gratitude and amazement back at the world". And this is how he tames his emotions of anger.



Example related to what you have posted:

Your perspective: "... endless repetition of that memorable instance from childhood: get spanked/don't cry/get another spanking, get spanked/cry/be soothed and petted/listen to Mother coo about her guilt at having inflicted pain on another and about what a good person this makes her, and then that she would do it again "if she had to" makes her a veritable saint."
Change of perspective that leads to less anger: "Mother was trying to be a good parent. So while I do not agree with physical punishment she inflicted on me I can understand it from her point of view, that she was trying to a good parent and did it in a way that she thought was best. All in all, I have to consider that she was there to take care of me, look out for me, provide for me."

This can be translated to practically anyone you meet in your life. Practice doing this week after week, month after month, and you will get a better handle on it.
 

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I already did a thread about this a while ago, but no, I don't really get too angry most of the time. I do have day-to-day frustrations though.
 
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