[cr4zytrain]

So I've always had the tendency to avoid things (unpleasant encounters with people, my own emotions...ect), almost to the point where I know it's silly to avoid it but it just seems so unnecessary to deal with the undesired situation that I just pretend it doesn't exist or try to find away to remove myself from the situation with as little conflict as possible.

I'm just wondering right now if other ENTPs do this or if it's just something unique in myself.

Even if deep down inside it hurts a lot and it really takes quite a bit to ruffle me because I tend to make a joke about pretty much anything I just pretend nothing bothers me until I start to believe it. My best friend who I believe is an ESFJ told me it was extremely unhealthy to act that way and that I should try face my problems at once instead of sweeping them under the rug hoping nobody will notice the bumps. I agree and disagree with what she says simply because I just hate being emotional! I love to laugh, I love to be happy and make jokes and any time I spend dwelling on something depressing I'm missing out on things I could be thinking of/doing that I would enjoy more.

 

[Phoenix0]

Personally, I don't do this, I face the problems head on. I don't see why you can't just do that. Try to end the problem here and now so it won't cause you any troubles in the future.

 

[King_Moonracer]

I honestly understand how your feeling. I tend to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable, usually social situations. Yet, i know that i am avoiding them. Something that may help would be to become as aware of yourself as you can. For example, when you avoid something, ask yourself why you are avoiding them.

Can you give an example? When you avoid, what are you feeling? Do you completely ignore your emotion on purpose?

Your friend may be right, it is unhealthy to do this, psychologically. What your doing is a defense mechanism, and by doing it, you are bottling up your frustration. Ignoring the urges to avoid, will continue to get stronger and stronger, and you could develop more anxiety.

What I think you should try is just letting the unpleasant feeling hit you. Accept the emotion you try to repress. Just accept it, and observe how it feels. Start small, like maybe a worry or something you have when you are alone. Just accept the feeling that you feel like repressing. Let it come to you, experience what ever feeling you try to escape from.

once you accept it, the feeling will disappear. Just recently i have been trying this, when i feel anxious about something i previously said to someone. Accept the anxiety, let it through. It will come, and go, and is much better than having that anxiety of repressing it.

 

[Psyphon]

It sounds like I'm going the opposite route as everyone on this subject. I mean don't get me wrong ... I'll avoid things if it's the best way to get what I want, but as a general rule I go looking for things that make me uncomfortable. I don't just face them head on, I SEEK them out. If I don't want to be in front of a crowd then I look for a crowd to get in front of. If I don't want to confront someone then I make sure I find anyone who I have something to confront about all at once. I don't even avoid my feelings (though I do repress any I have). I don't like it when I feel like I can't do something ... so I do EVERYTHING and condition myself to act appropriately in that situation.

I'm also opposite of @King_Moonracer on the "let your emotions flow" angle. I say understand them, repress them, find a situation that makes you feel that same emotion more intensely, repress again, and repeat the process until you have so little initial subconscious emotional reaction that you are in complete control all the time. You know how to let them out and how to keep them in, completely at your will based off of how it serves your purpose.

I guess what I'm saying that I'm a BIG advocate of conditioning whether emotional, physical, mental, social ... whatever. Or, to bring over a term @bellisaurius used in a different thread, "cauterizing" unwanted response capabilities.

 

[BroNerd]

I can relate to this. I tend to avoid unpleasant situations when I feel that facing them head on wouldn't make things better anyway.

 

[Extraverted Delusion]

So I've always had the tendency to avoid things (unpleasant encounters with people, my own emotions...ect), almost to the point where I know it's silly to avoid it but it just seems so unnecessary to deal with the undesired situation that I just pretend it doesn't exist or try to find away to remove myself from the situation with as little conflict as possible.

I'm just wondering right now if other ENTPs do this or if it's just something unique in myself.

Even if deep down inside it hurts a lot and it really takes quite a bit to ruffle me because I tend to make a joke about pretty much anything I just pretend nothing bothers me until I start to believe it. My best friend who I believe is an ESFJ told me it was extremely unhealthy to act that way and that I should try face my problems at once instead of sweeping them under the rug hoping nobody will notice the bumps. I agree and disagree with what she says simply because I just hate being emotional! I love to laugh, I love to be happy and make jokes and any time I spend dwelling on something depressing I'm missing out on things I could be thinking of/doing that I would enjoy more.

It really comes down to a contemplation in energy expenditure.

Example:

Situation A begs of me to deal with things head on to fully salvage the relationship with said person. In doing so, we discuss all elements that led up to the problem, our conflicting ideas on the situation, so on and so forth. At times this might be a little more tedious and unnecessary especially if....

You reason that Situation A with said cohort wouldn't be worth the effort since your relationship to that person was not a) producing any "progression", b) producing some sort of learning experience, c) producing any other sort of positive gains in your life, and in doing so, a potential severing of ties may actually save you time to experience something better elsewhere. Conversely, you could also conclude (depending on the severity of said situation) if the person would be willing to reconcile at their own pace, and if reconciliation would or would not lead to potential problems in the future because of your lack of/too much of effort shown in dealing with the situation.

Nothing is truly avoided if the thought still lingers. Repression may or may not seem like a good idea, but it is temporary and will manifest itself somehow in the future. Reason with yourself that the situation is merely artificial and somewhat doesn't exist. If you can tag any situation as something that is a part of life or will be your physical death, 99.99999% of the time it will be the former. So why does it actually matter?

Part of the beauty of being an ENTP is that we live in a world with a distorted reality. It is likely our inability to understand things as they are which makes us ingenious problem solvers and innovative with our approaches. The path less travelled is by far the path preferred. Apply this logic to your dealings with humans and treat them merely as "units" of existence rather than impactful entities.

 

[Psyphon]

Nothing is truly avoided if the thought still lingers. Repression may or may not seem like a good idea, but it is temporary and will manifest itself somehow in the future. Reason with yourself that the situation is merely artificial and somewhat doesn't exist. If you can tag any situation as something that is a part of life or will be your physical death, 99.99999% of the time it will be the former. So why does it actually matter?

I don't agree with this (then again, you already knew I wouldn't ). I think, and have experienced, that continued controlled repression can numb emotional response to the point that you DO get permanent results, and as a general rule the thoughts tend to linger less and less, until they don't linger at all (unless they are relevant to a current situation).

Part of the beauty of being an ENTP is that we live in a world with a distorted reality. It is likely our inability to understand things as they are which makes us ingenious problem solvers and innovative with our approaches. The path less travelled is by far the path preferred. Apply this logic to your dealings with humans and treat them merely as "units" of existence rather than impactful entities.

I'm totally behind you on this one however.

 

[LadyO.W.BernieBro]

I just seem weird when I try to show emotion.

But I give hugs and stuff. I'm snuggly enough.

I agree with what's said above, I do live in my own world and even when I feel sad it's happier than most people's reality lol.

Edit.O I think I read a different thread title somewhere else and replied to this one accordingly.

I swear I still understood you, though.

But yah. I avoid a lot of unpleasant things. I was very irresponsible for a long time but I'm over that and AFAIC I don't owe anyone anything. I don't feel obligated to ask a sad person what's going on, etc. I avoid all those things. I only make exceptions for close friends.

 

[FuzzyLittleManPeach]

I've done this in the past and I think it's unnecessarily stressful. Instead of prolonging the anxiety of facing a situation or emotion, take them on as they arise. Practice over time and you will condition yourself to do it immediately.

 

[Sonny]

Look to enneagram, not all ENTPs will relate, esp 3, 6 and 8s.

Example 6 dealing with problems to overcome:

Personally, I don't do this, I face the problems head on. I don't see why you can't just do that. Try to end the problem here and now so it won't cause you any troubles in the future.

Example 8 confronting and challenging them to win:

It sounds like I'm going the opposite route as everyone on this subject. I mean don't get me wrong ... I'll avoid things if it's the best way to get what I want, but as a general rule I go looking for things that make me uncomfortable. I don't just face them head on, I SEEK them out. .

Both share the ENTP experience but have different motivation backing it up.

As a 7 you will avoid pain and uncomfortable feelings, replacing them with fun and adventure. Cause fun and action feel good.

As a 9 with a high dose of 7 to back it up I bet I can kick your ass on the topic of avoidance :wink:

Oh wait, not a good battle to win... :sad:

*drinks away the sad face*


Some generic E7 tips:

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Sevens
■Recognize your impulsiveness, and get in the habit of observing your impulses rather than giving in to them. This means letting most of your impulses pass and becoming a better judge of which ones are worth acting on. The more you can resist acting out your impulses, the more you will be able to focus on what is really good for you.
■Learn to listen to other people. They are often interesting, and you may learn things that will open new doors for you. Also learn to appreciate silence and solitude: you do not have to distract yourself (and protect yourself from anxiety) with constant noise from the television or the stereo. By learning to live with less external stimulation, you will learn to trust yourself. You will be happier than you expect because you will be satisfied with whatever you do, even if it is less than you have been doing.
■You do not have to have everything this very moment. That tempting new acquisition will most likely still be available tomorrow (this is certainly true of food, alcohol, and other common gratifications—that ice cream cone, for instance). Most good opportunities will come back again—and you will be in a better position to discern which opportunities really are best for you.
■Always choose quality over quantity, especially in your experiences. The ability to have experiences of quality can be learned only by giving your full attention to the experience you are having now. If you keep anticipating future experiences, you will keep missing the present one and undermine the possibility of ever being satisfied.
■Make sure that what you want will really be good for you in the long run. As the saying goes, watch what you pray for since your prayers may be answered. In the same vein, think about the long-term consequences of what you want since you may get it only to find that it becomes another disappointment—or even a source of unhappiness.

 

[gamerchick]

no, it's not just you. i definetely do the same things. i joke about everything and anything. even if im seriously bummed out about something, a break up, losing someone, whatever, i'll laugh it off or brush it off like its nothing. people who whine and mope and complain drive me crazy. i get the same thing from my friends all the time. people always tell me i am avoiding things, but i am not. they say i am always cold and aloof and like im above it all- its not that, we feel, we're human beings too, we just express it in a different way. i simply acknowledge the fact that things sometimes suck, and theres nothing you can do about it. why make yourself miserable about something you can't change, right??