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ENTP 3w4 so/sx
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I've fallen into a pattern. I date someone for a while - up to the point where it's definitely an exclusive relationship.
I have had a lot of girlfriends. But the longest a relationship has lasted with me was 1.5 years.
The problem is that I get to know her better and I just know that I can't spend the rest of my life with her. They aren't bad people but I feel that things aren't going to work out.
I might be too picky but I have a tendency to lose interest in whomever I'm dating. Maybe a part of me is too flattered by how interested someone is in me and that excites me at first - I don't know what's wrong with me.

I've had my heart broken in the past but these days, it seems to be that whoever I'm with decides on me very quickly - we have some fun together but I can't feel the same way she feels about me.

I say this as I may end up pulling the plug on a relationship (it's been a little over a year) where things have sizzled down significantly since the beginning of the pandemic.

What if I just don't know what I want and I can never truly commit to somebody?
Or is it just about finding the right person?
I think the wariness of commitment is a common thing for ENTPs.
I'm still young and I feel like I have many years before I even have to get married.
But for those of you who are married or are in a happy long term relationship - how did you know your partner was the one who you loved?
 

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I don't jump from one commitment to the next, am very careful about who I chose, but when I do/have, I take it seriously.
Problem? It's usually something that we can work out if we're both willing to put in the effort.

Love fades quickly but comes back for some glimpses in the future, I wouldn't look at that as a long-term requirement at all. What matters is that you're friends with benefits and can tolerate each other, give support when needed, and not break up after the first argument.

The right person is the one who's willing to put in an effect to stir the stew and watch it not get too cold, someone who can be your business partner or/and someone who fills out your flaws with their strengths while you do the opposite. Yet, obviously, you still share things in common and have stuff to talk about at the morning coffee or tea. And even if not, that's fine. Maybe we'll make some new experiences together.

I'll be honest though. I have second-guessed a lot, because of the tiniest perceived troubles. What I do though, it be honest about it, and then we figure out what to do about it, if it's even a dealbreaker or not etc.
 

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Beer Guardian
ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ
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I was with the same woman for 20 years (married for 15). We drifted apart. It has been 5 years since we split. We still text. I miss her sometimes.
 

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I was with the same woman for 20 years (married for 15). We drifted apart. It has been 5 years since we split. We still text. I miss her sometimes.
After 23 years in marriage I cannot stand my husband any longer. I was pretending all those years that I can entertain myself and it is sufficient, but the need for intellectual stimulation, change and improvement is so huge that I rather die than continue in this relationship. I was thinking it was me - strange and whimsical, beside, people around me were trying to convince me in to this, but since I read about ENTP, I know there are others of the same type as me. I grieve now. How do you grieve? I have another big plan and learn coding. At least this will keep me preoccupied for some time and will not be distracted.
 

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I fell in love once with a girl who wasn’t even mine to begin with and she had lead me on for 4 years, since I’ve been with plenty of women, many times I’ve cheated or ghosted, I manipulated to get what I want and even made promises I knew I won’t keep.

When it comes to relationships now I think I’m traumatized and I haven’t really dealt with it in a mature manner still thinking “it’s not fair” as if it’s happened yesterday, it’s extremely unhealthy to the point that years later I still stalk her
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I don't jump from one commitment to the next, am very careful about who I chose, but when I do/have, I take it seriously.
Problem? It's usually something that we can work out if we're both willing to put in the effort.

Love fades quickly but comes back for some glimpses in the future, I wouldn't look at that as a long-term requirement at all. What matters is that you're friends with benefits and can tolerate each other, give support when needed, and not break up after the first argument.

The right person is the one who's willing to put in an effect to stir the stew and watch it not get too cold, someone who can be your business partner or/and someone who fills out your flaws with their strengths while you do the opposite. Yet, obviously, you still share things in common and have stuff to talk about at the morning coffee or tea. And even if not, that's fine. Maybe we'll make some new experiences together.

I'll be honest though. I have second-guessed a lot, because of the tiniest perceived troubles. What I do though, it be honest about it, and then we figure out what to do about it, if it's even a dealbreaker or not etc.
Thanks for the insight - I am definitely in that position right now with my current gf. The love has faded especially with the restrictions in place due to COVID. Some people are more scared than others of the pandemic- my girlfriend's family is extra scared of it. This was caused our relationship to weaken a lot - discussed the struggles with my current gf. I'm hoping that things will get better once my girlfriend's family allows her to do more things. The other frustration in general is that she lives with a lot of restrictions in general - even pre-pandemic. I live in New York where COVID has largely declined. I guess I will find out whether this is a tiny perceived trouble or a big one. Time will tell!
 
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Discussion Starter #8
After 23 years in marriage I cannot stand my husband any longer. I was pretending all those years that I can entertain myself and it is sufficient, but the need for intellectual stimulation, change and improvement is so huge that I rather die than continue in this relationship. I was thinking it was me - strange and whimsical, beside, people around me were trying to convince me in to this, but since I read about ENTP, I know there are others of the same type as me. I grieve now. How do you grieve? I have another big plan and learn coding. At least this will keep me preoccupied for some time and will not be distracted.
Wow 23 years is a long time, so sorry to hear that :(
I'm glad that you're finding ways to stay busy.

In this current relationship of mine - I am definitely not getting much intellectual stimulation.
However, given that I'm dating someone who is very sheltered and she doesn't seem unintelligent, I have hopes that things will be better once she can move out and live on her own (or with me - if I decide I am ready for that step).

As for grieving, I feel bad when a relationship ends but I end up moving on to what I hope is a brighter future.
I also tend to focus on my work and improving myself in any way I can.
I usually like to take a break too for a couple of months before doing anything else.
 

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Beer Guardian
ENTP 5w6 So/Sx 584 ILE Honorary INTJ
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After 23 years in marriage I cannot stand my husband any longer. I was pretending all those years that I can entertain myself and it is sufficient, but the need for intellectual stimulation, change and improvement is so huge that I rather die than continue in this relationship. I was thinking it was me - strange and whimsical, beside, people around me were trying to convince me in to this, but since I read about ENTP, I know there are others of the same type as me. I grieve now. How do you grieve? I have another big plan and learn coding. At least this will keep me preoccupied for some time and will not be distracted.
You grieve by living your life the best you can. I was in "survival mode" for a good 3 years. I dated a little and I've participated in social events on my own terms. I really started to come out of my shell again in 2018-2019 and then I got very sick to the point where I required hospitalization (diverticulitis) and surgery. I recovered and started to get back to normal when I needed a hernia operation in late December of 2019 and into January 2020. Then Covid-19 threw me back into survival mode.

Any path towards growth is winding and sometimes doubles back on itself, but the best I have figured out is I have to keep trying to move forward and not wallow too much in past regrets. I do not always succeed in this, but it is the striving that is important, not the end result.
 
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@BroNerd I wouldn't worry that you'll never find someone. We ENTPs are hard to match;) I don't worry about getting into relationships and then moving on. I have had a lot of great experiences with great people, and I wouldn't trade them. I also have created some great friendships from ex-partners. But I also respect them, and so when I realize that they aren't "the one", I let them go and move on (I haven't been broken up with, but I have ended a hell of a lot of relationships and a marriage). It is fair to the partners as well because they deserve someone who is devoted to them and considers them the absolute bees knees (I've dated great people!).

I have finally found "the one" and I'm glad I didn't settle for anyone that wasn't my absolute best match. There were some great ones in there, but not "the one". I could have settled. For a best friend. For a great lay. For a fun partner. But it is worth waiting and figuring it out. With my guy, he inspired passion. Excitement. I felt secure. Happy to sit next to him on the sofa or bike through the mountains. To have a life without kids or have a kid. Whatever happened, I just wanted him by my side. I didn't have that strong connection before with the other people. It just struck, and he felt it too.

Hold out - it's worth it.
 
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