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270 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm rather new to the forums, but have lurked it for quite some time.
Among my first posts, I seek advice from others.

Thanking you in advance,

The situation

The parties involved:
Myself - ENTP-ENFP 7w8 4w5 9w1
Brother - INTJ 5w4 [confirmed]
Mother - ESFJ 6 [ESFx is most likely]
Father - ISTJ [xSxJ is most likely]
Cousin - INTJ [She is highly likely to be an xNTx at least]

Home type:
I come from a conservative, religious family. INTJ brother and I have discovered after much research and soul searching, that the religion we were brought up with is not one which we subscribe to. We continue to respect religion and those who decide to practice it.
We have not disclosed this matter to our parents as it would only lead to abandonment.

ENTP qualification:
Having just completed a Graphic Design course the previous year, I am the only one in my household who has previously pursued something with a creative element. With no previous experience in the arts, I soon understood that my skills were severely lacking compared to the larger student body who had been doing so since childhood.
The theory was far more intriguing that the practical at first. Over time, the opportunity to develop my many,strong concepts into tangible forms led me to believe that this was indeed the path for me.

Currently, I am in the process of starting my own Graphic Design and Printing Studio. This is a wish I had while attending college, but had intentions to do so only after gaining experience after working. Parents on the other hand have assisted me greatly in gaining the foundations of this company, which while I'm thankful ... it seems as if important life decisions are being decided on my behalf.
The parents have been encouraging in their own understanding, it seems more demanding - like a desperate attempt to deliver "comforts" to prolong my stay at home and disallow independence.

INTJ qualification:
INTJ sibling is the person I trust most in this world, even before knowing his type, we have always been compatible in most regards.
He has a competitive streak which has always driven me to match him, if not improve.
This slight rivalry is silent and generally playful in nature.

INTJ is a qualified sound engineer and plays rhythm guitar in a death metal band.
After joining me at a local comic event with his girlfriend, he has recently taken to drawing and always asking for my opinion as to what he can improve on.
Although I do not particular favour photo-realistic type of illustration, I am able to execute it;it just seems too clinical for me. My own work is far more stylised, abstract yet woven together by deep concepts.
INTJ prefers "classical" art, so he tended towards my "weaker" area.
This is a new interest for him, but he insisted that he would better my drawing skill and I didn't doubt that.

The bettering and belittlement:
ESFJ mom dotes on INTJ sibling severely, to the point of favouritism. She peers over to INTJ's work and utters:

"This is really good, it's about the level of your work [ENTP] despite your three years of college. Maybe your brother should taken the company, since he is quite good at drawing, he can design books for his workplace."

INTJ brother doesn't say anything, ESFJ mom awaits my reply. I contained myself, only mentioning that illustration and design were not the same field.
INTJ cousin met my eyes, it was a look of understanding. Knowing well that ESFJ mom had gone over the line, but we kept at peace.


While usually optimistic, ENTP can be horribly self critical, to the extreme of having no confidence when in a bad rut.
Being "bettered" by her INTJ brother is a positive... challenge to overcome, a battle to win.
Her achievements, however, being belittled by her ESFJ mom stabs at a little bit of pride.
A bit lost of where she has gone in life, due to many interests and melancholy of the identical parts of life...

Q. Do you perhaps have any advice for her during this time?

544 Posts
Its still not clear to me what exactly you want advice on, in general it seems you are dealing with feelings of rejection, doubt and purpose.

Parents will almost drive you crazy and it is normal to want their approval, but you must acknowledge that you yield a part of yourself (opinion/independence) in order to obtain that approval. So ask yourself if your willing to do that. The more you act counter to their expectations of who they think you should be/act the more distance there will be between you two. As for dealing with the feeling of parental rejection, its best to find solace to vent with a fellow family member like your cousin, a close friend or hit a pillow or something to release the pent up energy. An alternative is to talk to your parent about your feelings and the pain they are causing, but you probably already know your parents well enough to know if it will go over well or simply be ignored.

Dealing with doubt is a little harder. I say instead of worrying about it, go out there and validate your dreams in the real world. Throw yourself into it, find customers, results will validate whether your cut out for it rather than pondering all day. Doubt is also connected to uncertainty, so create a plan of action, a road map to where you want to be/go.

Finding purpose is a philosophical question, its a matter of what you find fulfilling and figuring out what mark you want to leave on the world. The fastest way to find out is to try things out systematically until something clicks. Some people just know, others it takes time. Get comfortable with uncertainty, sometimes you will hit things out of the park or you may beat yourself up later, buts its all in hindsight. Learn from them and know that you made the best decision you could at that time.

Use all that energy built up from your anxiety, make a plan, give it your all and then if all goes will give all your nay-sayers the bird, maybe two for good measure.

270 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
It is true that my post lacks a clear question, though venting is a stretch, it was definitely a post which sought advice in some way.

My parents are open to listen but as we often misunderstood each other in terms of communication - talking can be a problem more than a troubleshooter.
I have started an intense training schedule, so it helps to keep the repressed anger at bay.
Until I reach a point of financial stability, will I then be able to set the opinions in motion.

After taking time to read over your post and considering carefully what I would like to do...
I will take time out, think and go from there (careful to not over-think, of course).

Thank you for the advice, it certainly allowed me clear the clutter.
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