[Piyush]

Some background information-

I am a 21 year old engineering student. I am very friendly and outgoing, but I am often define as cold,competitive, ruthless, greedy ,selfish and other famous ENTJ qualities

Recently a finance firm came to my college offering my dream job, for which both me and my friend sat for.
Even before the process, I knew I was the perfect man for the job. But, to my absolute amazement, I did not clear the aptitude test required for interview process( Still don't know the reason.)

I felt a little dejected, but moved on. Along comes my friend saying " I've cleared the test bro." . Frankly, I didn't understand how he cleared it , but somehow he did. Although I congratulated him, I thought " I deserved the job. This is absolutely unfair. He does not deserve it , how in the f**** did he clear it?" . After that incident , I just feel a sort of guilt for thinking like that towards my best friend.

So, I just wanted to ask this - How often do you feel envious , and how do you guys deal with it ?
Also , is it truly wrong to be a little greedy and selfish ?

 

[Kikyo]

You should take a look at the enneatype 4 sub-forum, we have plenty of similar threads that might help you.

 

[Mr. Challenger]

Well, firstly I should ask you why are you envious. Why do you think that the job should be yours, not your friend's?
I know, it's always hard to let it go, but if they employed him, they'd have thought you don't deserve the job.
I really ralery feel envious. It's because, I think that in this kind of situation I should consider my pitfalls and try to repair or improve them. Next time I will be stronger and prepared better.
Especially we, ENTJ's, should be prepared for that kind of situations.
And it's not wrong to be little selfish. Everyone is selfish, little selfish

 

[MsBossyPants]

**shrug**

Envy is a pointless emotional response.
It's counterproductive to sit around and feel jealous about what you don't have.
How does that get you any closer to getting it?

If there is something you don't have that you want, figure out how to get it or achieve it.
Fail? You just learned something. Regroup, try again.

Make it happen.

 

[ouchies]

I get envious / jealous sometimes, but not for more than an hour or so. My thought is that it is derived from being competitive. Never really held me back. Just don't let it consume you. There will be plenty of other opportunities.

 

[ArBell]

I don't think I would.
That person is my best friend for a reason. (Respect, equal)
We are not the same people and he/she will inevitably have some qualities I don't and vice versa.
I would just shrug it off and be happy for them, albeit be slightly bitter when I get back home after celebrating the news with him/her. However, I would soon realise that he/she got hired because of those qualities I don't have, and I'll probably work harder to develop what I am lacking.
I'm constantly on the quest of bettering myself.
Plus if the company didn't want me then it must be for a reason.
I'm a law student and when having to look for a training contract, I definitely need to connect with the people working for the firm; I don't want to work in a firm where I won't fit in and where people have a completely different mindset. They probably thought the same and so it's beneficial for both parties.

I loathe selfish people. It's the same for inconsiderate people.
Greed is okay to a certain degree.

I do feel jealous but mostly about things out of my control.
Situation: People taller than me, people who can sing, bitches/morons who have things they don't deserve.
Actually no, I take that back, I don't feel jealousy but frustration haha.

 

[Sophia1]

Envy/jealousy aren't emotions I ever feel. They are just totally foreign and unnatural to me. I immediately go to, "what did I mess up, what could I have done better, why did I fail?" Type of questions so that I can make it happen the next time. Particularly if it's an external person judging. Ie. If my friends gets the job I don't think, why did they get it, were they really that much better etc, because the answers are obvious. Yes they obviously were better than me otherwise I would have sunk the job. Derp. I am my hardest critic. But again if the interviewer didn't get my respect, and the other proponent was significantly, measurably poorer of a candidate than me, I then I ask myself "Would I have wanted to work for someone with THAT poor of judgement? " again answer is obvious, no certainly not.

 

[ALittleSalt]

Some background information-

I am a 21 year old engineering student. I am very friendly and outgoing, but I am often define as cold,competitive, ruthless, greedy ,selfish and other famous ENTJ qualities

Recently a finance firm came to my college offering my dream job, for which both me and my friend sat for.
Even before the process, I knew I was the perfect man for the job. But, to my absolute amazement, I did not clear the aptitude test required for interview process( Still don't know the reason.)

I felt a little dejected, but moved on. Along comes my friend saying " I've cleared the test bro." . Frankly, I didn't understand how he cleared it , but somehow he did. Although I congratulated him, I thought " I deserved the job. This is absolutely unfair. He does not deserve it , how in the f**** did he clear it?" . After that incident , I just feel a sort of guilt for thinking like that towards my best friend.

So, I just wanted to ask this - How often do you feel envious , and how do you guys deal with it ?
Also , is it truly wrong to be a little greedy and selfish ?

Throwing it out there based on very little information, but have you looked into your Enneagram? You sound like you could be experiencing some of the pangs of being a 3w4. My SO is an ENTJ 3w4. He always thinks he should be doing better and achieving more, and it can be hard for him when he's in a slightly worse state than usual (if he isn't getting to where he wants to go fast enough or he stumbled a little) to hear of other people out there doing lots of great stuff.

Past looking into the Enneagram, I think envy is an indicator that you're using external validation and comparison as a proxy for stable, internal self-worth. It's an issue I think every human being has to grapple with on some level when they're discovering and developing their identity, and navigating the transition from college out into the real world is an understandable junction for this type of thing. Have a mentor/college advisor/older friend? Chat with them and find a bigger picture, redefine or refine your direction, etc. It's a small and likely pretty insignificant detail in your life that your friend passed this test and you didn't. I'm sure you have some idea of this already, so zoom out more already.

 

[Leviticus Cornwall]

I don't get envious or jealous.

I am greedy and prideful etc.

But nah i see no use for envy as it produces nothing.

 

[AshtangiBear]

Recently a finance firm came to my college offering my dream job, for which both me and my friend sat for.
Even before the process, I knew I was the perfect man for the job. But, to my absolute amazement, I did not clear the aptitude test required for interview process( Still don't know the reason.)

I felt a little dejected, but moved on. Along comes my friend saying " I've cleared the test bro." . Frankly, I didn't understand how he cleared it , but somehow he did. Although I congratulated him, I thought " I deserved the job. This is absolutely unfair. He does not deserve it , how in the f**** did he clear it?" . After that incident , I just feel a sort of guilt for thinking like that towards my best friend.

Story of my life!

 

[Piyush]

Got it!!

All i needed was an attitude shift. It's the company's loss, not mine. They don't know what they've lost erc2:
Adopted a new affirmation - Each failure makes my resolution to succeed stronger.

Thank you all for your responses. I'm still young so I've got to learn a lot.
@MsBossyPants , I have read many of your posts and I'm a big fan of the way you think. Just putting it out there

 

[AshtangiBear]

Got it!!

All i needed was an attitude shift. It's the company's loss, not mine. They don't know what they've lost erc2:

Damn right!

I've even done job applications with friends for a job I also went for. Made theirs not so good as mine to give me a one up, they get the job. Had group interviews with people, the clueless ones got the jobs, bumped in to a few in their workplaces, totally incompetent. I just laughed within myself and said their loss.

I do get envious, not jealous. I can't think of a 'how' or 'why'. I get frustrated, but luckily I forget about it quickly.

Two jobs I have had interviews for I found out the interviewee found me threatening, employees have said I would be better than the boss at their job. Again, their loss. The employees who put my name forward ended up leaving the company because the newer staff were incompetent.

I have been told when asked for feedback that I had the best written application and had the best interview. Usual other response is I need to be aiming for something higher. Then for me to apply for something higher and get told I'm inexperienced. That has been my downfall, it is a never ended loop I have been stuck in for 5 or so years.

I can't get a job flippin' burgers, stacking shelves or doing menial office duties.

I have actually removed my two honours degrees and engineering award from my CV/résumé for some applications. Worries me about getting my PhD.

 

[MisterD]

The reason you failed the aptitude test is because uou lack aptitude. Believing yourself to be perfect for the job doesn't make it so. You should work on it.

I don't feel envy. Greed and selfishness, yes. Why compare myself to others when I am already boss.

 

[Piyush]

The reason you failed the aptitude test is because uou lack aptitude.

Disagree strongly with this.

The reason I was not selected was that I did not cheat and maintained my integrity. Others sitting behind me were cheating endlessly, and using google to search for answers. I am pretty sure that if they didn't cheat , I would have cleared it and secured the job. I do not even want to go into the backdoor politics that go into job selection nowadays.

 

[bionic]

What everyone else said.

Well jealousy and envy are different. Jealousy is fear that someone is gonna covet something you have or even replace you. Envy is when you want something that someone else has.

So yeah, I have felt envious plenty of times. If I was envious of someone, I thought of ways of how I could attain it... or I tried to figure WHY I felt insecure over it. I used to envy a lot of ladies that had small, petite bodies when I was younger. But it took a lot for me to become comfortable in my curvy Latina frame and own it.

It's human nature to be envious but it's not right to let it overcome you. Why don't you ask the firm why you weren't chosen? Or you can ask them what they're looking for in an employee and ask if they will be having any positions open in the near future. If you want it, find a way to get yourself in.