Perhaps it's because I'm on the lower end of the 4's levels, but I experience envy pretty much on a daily basis. Please feel free to share your jealousy and envy here, as it's always better to get it out than dwell on it. Also you can share tips that have worked for you when dealing with this demon.
Envy of the Day
[Enneagram Type 4]
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So for me, today I had dinner with my brother. We're pretty close (he's <2yrs younger) and we're fortunate enough to live in the same city. Anyway, he tells me that he's planned 7 trips, for this year alone! I guess I get so jealous of how lucky he is all the time and how people just love to give him things and do things for him. I wish I could be extroverted like him, a charmer, people pleaser and so freaking easy going. He's a 2w3, so theoretically I get it, but I still feel like it's not fair. Why am I so self conscious? Why don't I get breaks like this? Uggh.
I wish I was just as charismatic and loving as my ENFJ friend at school. She barely talks to me because I fail to express my true feelings, and she feels like she can't relate to me at all because she doesn't see what I feel. I wish I could make her understand. I envy her because she befriends everyone on her way, and she is easy to love.
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Totally counts
Ok so here I go again...
Old friend and ex-coworker sends me a picture message of the tuna feeding at monterey bay aquarium saying, "Fish nerds conference, wish you were here!" ...I got laid off from my job at an aquarium and I was his reference for the one he has now.
Old friend and ex-coworker sends me a picture message of the tuna feeding at monterey bay aquarium saying, "Fish nerds conference, wish you were here!" ...I got laid off from my job at an aquarium and I was his reference for the one he has now.
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It's usually the same things that trigger envy or some kind of reminder of where I fall short in comparison. I wander what would happen if those things were eventually satisfied, would I be satisfied or find something else to compare myself to. It's like a stabbing feeling mixed with emptiness being confronted with something I wish for that comes easily to others - emptiness where that 'thing' is supposed to be. So you cope with it by embracing where you are lacking, create an image out of this state. And then you are confronted with what you wish you had all over again. I want to be as privileged the way they are but at the same time if I got that, id be like them. So it's like the attention is always diverted to the things others have. If I'm the privileged one, it's kinda awful having the special treatment taken away when out-matched, lol! It's also hard to be envied sometimes, mixed feelings on that one. Which reminds me how do 4's deal with being the envy of others, does it cross their minds?
Might come back to this thread as it's an interesting topic.
Might come back to this thread as it's an interesting topic.
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I wrote out some long-ass post about some blog I found whose author I envied due to her embodying many of the intellectual ideals I'm so convinced I'm nothing without. Instead, I think I'm just envious as heck of people with actual interests and hobbies. Though of course, if it's me, they have to be the right interests....the standards I set for myself are always different from those I have for others.
Yeah. Still. Lucky bastards who don't wander through every day rethinking the same thoughts out of sheer boredom because nothing catches their interest or sticks in their mind.
Yeah. Still. Lucky bastards who don't wander through every day rethinking the same thoughts out of sheer boredom because nothing catches their interest or sticks in their mind.
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This is a classic:
The crush that turned me down has a very gorgeous-and-much-more-extroverted-and-all-around-better-regarded-socially-than-I-ever-plan-on-being girlfriend. I seriously feel like a potato beside her.
And even though I'm no longer attracted to him the envy is still there! I don't even know who I envy anymore, I don't envy her because I don't want to be with him, and I don't envy him because I don't really look to have hot SOs....but I still envy something. It's just a feeling of pure inadequacy. I would have rejected me in his place too and that just makes me feel like shit.
</rant>
The crush that turned me down has a very gorgeous-and-much-more-extroverted-and-all-around-better-regarded-socially-than-I-ever-plan-on-being girlfriend. I seriously feel like a potato beside her.
And even though I'm no longer attracted to him the envy is still there! I don't even know who I envy anymore, I don't envy her because I don't want to be with him, and I don't envy him because I don't really look to have hot SOs....but I still envy something. It's just a feeling of pure inadequacy. I would have rejected me in his place too and that just makes me feel like shit.
</rant>
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I'm envious of youth. Being around people in their late teens and early 20s is making me feel like my life is over. I was once at that beginning phase, where everything was new in life and had promise, but nothing came of it. I'm still relatively young, quite so, but it's not the same, as I have expectations unfulfilled, but theirs are still viable hopes and dreams. Few around me are where they thought they'd be in life by this age either, but I still have the sense of life passing me by as others move on with it.
Yes, there's nothing left for you but the rocker on the front porch. /old-time picturesque>
'Cuz I can confidently say, that right now you're *off your rocker*. :laughing:
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Envy of the day ESFP 7s and not even the positive aspects but the most negative and fucked up ones, I keep on listening to this song and I've always loved how it all sounds like my manic stages and yet it works differently for her. That way of numbing herself and bouncing back fast, the way her self deprecation turns into more intensity and even more loathing, that kind of emotional gluttony:
Yes, there's a lot wrong with me.
Also trivial matters. I've never wanted anything trivial and the very definition of trivial is highly subjective as my own musings, serious ones aside, are most likely trivial from the outside but I've often wondered how it'd feel like to wake up and only ache for things like work issues or minimal disagreements with a friend rather than the kind of past recollections and emotional dissecting I often do.
That was very evident in school, people simply worried about homework, their hair or who's fucking who.
I wanted that and yet I didn't, I'd never would have traded my own storms for blandness.
I just craved small explosions of happiness and nuggets of self love and anything I couldn't have.
Beauty. I've always resented those who were effortlessly beautiful in the way I craved for myself. I never wanted to be any different, just me and waking up reflecting exactly the way I saw myself in my mind.
Love. I never wanted anything too easy but sometimes I wonder how it feels like to be constantly desired, to never have to constantly focus on my flaws and what they mean to me.
But I'd hate to be flawless, it sounds so empty, superficial and unattainable.
Yes, there's a lot wrong with me.
Also trivial matters. I've never wanted anything trivial and the very definition of trivial is highly subjective as my own musings, serious ones aside, are most likely trivial from the outside but I've often wondered how it'd feel like to wake up and only ache for things like work issues or minimal disagreements with a friend rather than the kind of past recollections and emotional dissecting I often do.
That was very evident in school, people simply worried about homework, their hair or who's fucking who.
I wanted that and yet I didn't, I'd never would have traded my own storms for blandness.
I just craved small explosions of happiness and nuggets of self love and anything I couldn't have.
Beauty. I've always resented those who were effortlessly beautiful in the way I craved for myself. I never wanted to be any different, just me and waking up reflecting exactly the way I saw myself in my mind.
Love. I never wanted anything too easy but sometimes I wonder how it feels like to be constantly desired, to never have to constantly focus on my flaws and what they mean to me.
But I'd hate to be flawless, it sounds so empty, superficial and unattainable.
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I envy those people who have good singing voice, haha. But at least, my tempo is right and I'm not out of tune when I'm singing.
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This post:
I would give anything to think like that, to see things like that. But I don't and even if I tried the artificiality of it would bother me - I'd feel like a self-deceiving fraud. But it's so beautiful, so fulfilling in comparison to my lackluster outlook that bores and frustrates even me with its slowness and simplicity. And it's my own thoughts.
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Well today I am envious of people my age and younger making actual careers for themselves instead of crawling through school at a snail's pace while stuck in a dead end job, not even knowing what they want to do anyway.
That's most days, but Facebook has been particularly triggering to me today with school starting back up after spring break.
yeaaaah first world problems.
That's most days, but Facebook has been particularly triggering to me today with school starting back up after spring break.
yeaaaah first world problems.
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I've never been able to figure out my heart type for the life of me, I keep switching back and fourth between 2w3 and 4w3. After reading about type 4 tonight and its wings, I felt this weird sense of pride when I read the 4w3 description, but got pissed about the 4w5. Why are they more intellectual and creative? Who says? Like, what are you trying to say? *Cue envy*
Also, reading up on this has made me realise I'm a lot more jealous than I let on. I get worked up over stupid things, then I throw temper tantrums. Ugh.
Also, reading up on this has made me realise I'm a lot more jealous than I let on. I get worked up over stupid things, then I throw temper tantrums. Ugh.
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Same thing with my ENFJ friend.
((I wish I was as socially able as my 9w8 INFP friend who always comes off "chill" and brings a smile to people's face. she thinks she is awkward but SHE IS NOT. she makes a great first impression. whereas I am awkward and shy. i instantly feel a comparison mentality come on whenever we go out and meet new people. its too easy to see how they are drawn to her. i am actually okay when i am not with her but once i am with her, it is hard to do things with people and not compare. and when i compare it instantly dampens my personality. SUCKS.
Currently, I'm envious of those who are monetarily wealthy.
I've been saving money to try and make a trip to the East Coast (I've never been) and my dog gets sick and needs surgery. Now I'm not sure if I can make it. It's the worst feeling, I want my puppy to be ok but after all the tests and everything it's costing me almost $2000...on an unemployment salary. I'm used to this sort of crunch, growing up poor, but somedays like this I just wonder what it must be like to not have to worry about money.... *sigh*
I've been saving money to try and make a trip to the East Coast (I've never been) and my dog gets sick and needs surgery. Now I'm not sure if I can make it. It's the worst feeling, I want my puppy to be ok but after all the tests and everything it's costing me almost $2000...on an unemployment salary. I'm used to this sort of crunch, growing up poor, but somedays like this I just wonder what it must be like to not have to worry about money.... *sigh*
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