Envy of the day ESFP 7s and not even the positive aspects but the most negative and fucked up ones, I keep on listening to this song and I've always loved how it all sounds like my manic stages and yet it works differently for her. That way of numbing herself and bouncing back fast, the way her self deprecation turns into more intensity and even more loathing, that kind of emotional gluttony:
Yes, there's a lot wrong with me.
Also trivial matters. I've never wanted anything trivial and the very definition of trivial is highly subjective as my own musings, serious ones aside, are most likely trivial from the outside but I've often wondered how it'd feel like to wake up and only ache for things like work issues or minimal disagreements with a friend rather than the kind of past recollections and emotional dissecting I often do.
That was very evident in school, people simply worried about homework, their hair or who's fucking who.
I wanted that and yet I didn't, I'd never would have traded my own storms for blandness.
I just craved small explosions of happiness and nuggets of self love and anything I couldn't have.
Beauty. I've always resented those who were effortlessly beautiful in the way I craved for myself. I never wanted to be any different, just me and waking up reflecting exactly the way I saw myself in my mind.
Love. I never wanted anything too easy but sometimes I wonder how it feels like to be constantly desired, to never have to constantly focus on my flaws and what they mean to me.
But I'd hate to be flawless, it sounds so empty, superficial and unattainable.