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When I was 17 I befriended a girl at my high school. She was 15. Tall and blonde. In the theatre department, just like me. Fun, smart, very sweet. Probably an ENFP. Really liked her as a friend, but in no way thought of her as a girlfriend. Something about her didn't allow me to consider her girlfriend material. So I put her in the Friend Zone and that was that.

After I graduated, she and I kept in touch via AOL Instant Messenger and sporadic real life hangouts. We grew pretty close, pretty quickly, and my Friend Zoning of her made me curious. I thought: "Why don't I like her in that way? I feel like I should. But something's missing, so she's only a friend."

Months and months passed in our friendship. Then there were a few months were we didn't see one another offline at all. At this point, I've known her for about a year and a half, and she's recently turned 17. School ended for both of us and summer vacation began. She and I met up for dinner one evening, and when I saw her there waiting for me, I was stunned by her recent transformation.

She'd straightened her previously wurly hair and dyed it from blonde to orange-red. Her lips were now painted crimson. The outfit she wore was way attractive (an off-the-shoulders t-shirt). Online, she posted this picture highlighting a feature I hadn't noticed: haunting, melancholy green eyes. Suddenly she was alluring and glamorous and even sensual in a way that she wasn't before. I had caught her at the time in her life where she was changing from kid to woman. Yet she was still the same sweet, fun, quirky girl she was before.

We enjoyed a tasty dinner together, browsed a nearby video game store, and then we said good night and each went out separate ways. Lying in bed then, and over the next few days, I remember thinking to myself: "Wow, she's really amazing." She was definitely no longer in my Friend Zone. I was falling for her.

- - - - -

For me, that makeover, seeing her turn into more than a kid, was enough to enable my brain to see her as a potential lover and not a friend. Have you ever Friend Zoned someone and later, they escaped? Have you ever escaped someone else's Friend Zone? What was that experience like?
 
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Funny, I had a similar friend in highschool who I later suspected was ENFP. At first when I first met her I didn't find her that attractive, but she slowly grew on me. When most of my friends in HS bounced on me she was still around and she seemed like the first person outside my family that actually cared about me. Then she got a boyfriend and she was around less and I felt like I really missed her, more than I expected to. Then second year of HS I out of nowhere developed a massive crush on her and it was weird because for someone I was very blazay about and always joked that she annoyed me all of the sudden she made me nervous lol. She left my friend zone for the second year of HS because we barely spoke and I just stared at her from afar, until third year hit and I just felt like it wouldn't work and we were real good friends and I didn't want to change that. Alot of ppl in HS thought we went out, they were shocked to find out we didn't because we behaved very touchy feely with each other like a couple.
 

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I've always kinda hated the friend zone concept.

It basically turns something pretty unremarkable, like wanting to remain friends with someone instead of dating them, into some sort of penalty done out of selfishness or a prison to rebel against or escape. People simply change their minds for various reasons, it's something that's on them, not you necessarily.

Think about it, without that concept all you're really asking is how to manipulate someone into dating you when they already revealed they don't want to.
 

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One of best friends in Highschool was a guy who was also my first love

I found out he wanted more when he sent flowers to me, anonymously. I thought they were from my boyfriend because he left no card. I went to thank by boyfriend at the time and he was pissed wondering who sent me flowers. Then when my friend came to tell me it was him, I was actually pissed at him for putting me in such an uncomfortable position with that public gesture while I was in the middle of dating another guy. Uh my boyfriend and 3 of his friends picked a fight with my friend. (Well he did kinda put the target on his own back). He seemed to think the way to deal with his frustration over timing and my turning him down was to go fuck my arch nemesis of the time :laughing: I wasn’t pissed he got laid just who he picked

Anyways a few months later I had broken up with my boyfriend. We actually hooked up at a really inappropriate time. His dad had just died and I spent the night like just to console him as a friend, then we hooked up. Well he actually got legally emancipated from his mom and took the money he had from his dad dying to purchase a dump. He started partying a lot. She we sorta stopped seeing each other that next summer when he had pussy running rampid, all over his place sense he was the only Highschool kid to have a place to party always.

Anyways we went our separate ways I didn’t see him for a good solid year when he popped by random. At the time I had a different guy who had been trying to date me for like 6 months. Who had happened to be leaving when the friend dropped in. The friend advised me not to date that guy and told me he was bad news. I thought it was Alotta nerve for him to show up outta no where and advise me on dating. I think I was so irritated by that sentiment it enhanced interest I had otherwise not had in the other guy. I ended up having my eldest daughter two years later with the guy he advised me was not good news. And I learned my friend was right about that. The only reason dating that guy was not a mistake is because I have my eldest daughter.

Years went by and by this point I had already been broken up with my eldest daughters dad for a few years and on my own. I was just newly dating my second love, who I’d eventually marry. Anyways I was out and about with my new love interest and I ran into the friend. He looked lost and messed up.

He refused my friend request on FB years later in like 2007 which I found very emotionally immature and more representative to where he was maturity wise. It seemed odd as he and I hadn’t had like any horrible falling out or major blow out. And the two of us never being in sync had gone both ways. I took the snub as he was still mentally 15. Mainly because of all the accounts I had heard of people who new him and how he represented himself on FB he appeared to of turned into a drunken stoner. Anyways interesting how some people never grow up. I hope he is ok but I wouldn’t place money on his liver.

My view is bitter sweet. I have some really fond memories of a time we were more innocent and we had growing pains which makes me smirk. Uh I sorta wrote him off after he snubbed me for what appeared to be no reason as we had moved on by then and led different lives. And as I said we had both been sorta asshole to each other at different points younger. I hope well for him. I know from mutual acquaintances mentioning him over the years, he is really into hippy lifestyle. While I have friends who are hippies and hipsters I do not feel connected to that lifestyle and look at he and I as totally not even into the same things. Kinda makes me chuckle how people change.
 

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The friend zone is a super dumb idea. This idea that someone has an expiration date where you need to fuck them, or that a friend owes you sex is deplorable.

Relationships can organically change and evolve. You can be friends and then be lovers. You also can be friends with someone and not expect them to fuck you, even if you think they're cute.
 

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The friend zone seems like a pretty good policy to me, actually. Like not dating coworkers.

It's a lot easier to get a date than to form a new group of close friends or find a new job.

It's just another variant of "don't shit where you eat."
 

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I really don't want to be in any friendships where there's a significant unrequited love dynamic. So no, no friendzoning because there is no friendship to be had. Either we're on the same wavelength or we're not, and if we don't see eachother in equal terms then how is this going to work out as a friendship? Probably badly.
 

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I've always kinda hated the friend zone concept.

It basically turns something pretty unremarkable, like wanting to remain friends with someone instead of dating them, into some sort of penalty done out of selfishness or a prison to rebel against or escape. People simply change their minds for various reasons, it's something that's on them, not you necessarily.

Think about it, without that concept all you're really asking is how to manipulate someone into dating you when they already revealed they don't want to.
100% this
 

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The friend zone is a super dumb idea. This idea that someone has an expiration date where you need to fuck them, or that a friend owes you sex is deplorable.

Relationships can organically change and evolve. You can be friends and then be lovers. You also can be friends with someone and not expect them to fuck you, even if you think they're cute.
Friend zone is just people who are angry their love is one sided. And I agree with Candy's quoted post above. But I do agree with JayDubs to not date co-workers. That's just an unspoken rule. I guess when you get a new job you can try but definitely not while you're at the same company.
 

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@Monadnock
So basically you liked her when she only looked pretty and developed more boob. Okay.
 

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umm, as an adult i tend to only like guys who really, really like me.

only time i can remember anything close to a friend zone happening is in 5th grade. this one kid in class liked me and i was "in looveee" with his best friend. he kept on liking me up until the 6th grade, but i always told him off. finally, he began dating a girl i didn't like and suddenly i "wanted" him. he'd come back over the summer looking less goofy and cuter, but it was too late. his "love" had turned into "hate".

middle school woes :laughing:
 

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When I was 17 I befriended a girl at my high school. She was 15. Tall and blonde. In the theatre department, just like me. Fun, smart, very sweet. Probably an ENFP. Really liked her as a friend, but in no way thought of her as a girlfriend. Something about her didn't allow me to consider her girlfriend material. So I put her in the Friend Zone and that was that.

After I graduated, she and I kept in touch via AOL Instant Messenger and sporadic real life hangouts. We grew pretty close, pretty quickly, and my Friend Zoning of her made me curious. I thought: "Why don't I like her in that way? I feel like I should. But something's missing, so she's only a friend."

Months and months passed in our friendship. Then there were a few months were we didn't see one another offline at all. At this point, I've known her for about a year and a half, and she's recently turned 17. School ended for both of us and summer vacation began. She and I met up for dinner one evening, and when I saw her there waiting for me, I was stunned by her recent transformation.

She'd straightened her previously wurly hair and dyed it from blonde to orange-red. Her lips were now painted crimson. The outfit she wore was way attractive (an off-the-shoulders t-shirt). Online, she posted this picture highlighting a feature I hadn't noticed: haunting, melancholy green eyes. Suddenly she was alluring and glamorous and even sensual in a way that she wasn't before. I had caught her at the time in her life where she was changing from kid to woman. Yet she was still the same sweet, fun, quirky girl she was before.

We enjoyed a tasty dinner together, browsed a nearby video game store, and then we said good night and each went out separate ways. Lying in bed then, and over the next few days, I remember thinking to myself: "Wow, she's really amazing." She was definitely no longer in my Friend Zone. I was falling for her.

- - - - -

For me, that makeover, seeing her turn into more than a kid, was enough to enable my brain to see her as a potential lover and not a friend. Have you ever Friend Zoned someone and later, they escaped? Have you ever escaped someone else's Friend Zone? What was that experience like?

@vinniebob

When I learned what scientific method was... it was like opening a flood gate
 
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