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ESFJ women...so, I dated two ESFJs in the past. the last relationship lasted a bit over a year and they were both really good relationships. This seems to be a pattern, theres something about ESFJs thats really draws me in and its fun and exciting. Im wondering if its the same the other way around, Im INFP.
 

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I suppose i can tell you what attracted me to my INFP partner.

He is quirky and knowledgeable which i thoroughly enjoy. He is not very romantic but he knows when i really need a lift so i get notes or just a hug which is gratefully received.
I like the fact he is laid back and brings me back in when he can visibly see i am under pressure.

Just a few positives for you ;)
 

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I go out with an ESFJ.

She's pretty cuddly and fun but veery full on. It's like a constant balance between being whipped (bad) and not fulfilling her emotional needs (bad).

curious on ESFJ perspective too
 
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Discussion Starter #4
I go out with an ESFJ.

She's pretty cuddly and fun but veery full on. It's like a constant balance between being whipped (bad) and not fulfilling her emotional needs (bad).

curious on ESFJ perspective too
haha i know what u mean. not always bad, but the emotional part can be pretty overwhelming at times.
 

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same here, really attracted to an ESFJ, never would have guessed though
 
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haha i know what u mean. not always bad, but the emotional part can be pretty overwhelming at times.
Do you think that has something to do with Fe and Fi??? .. See my partner will keep everything to himself until he is ready to talk whereas i have to speak up as my heart is on my sleeve although i am aware i may cause conflict by speaking up which i don't like.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when i can be completely objective and just focus on how he feels without my feelings being brought into the equation but at other times i am only subjective. If it hurts, i'll speak up.
 

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Do you think that has something to do with Fe and Fi??? .. See my partner will keep everything to himself until he is ready to talk whereas i have to speak up as my heart is on my sleeve although i am aware i may cause conflict by speaking up which i don't like.

Don't get me wrong, there are times when i can be completely objective and just focus on how he feels without my feelings being brought into the equation but at other times i am only subjective. If it hurts, i'll speak up.
yeah i think so, ur probably right about that. We deal with emotions differently and that sometimes can cause a conflict. If she had any problems shed come to with them many times which I dont mind but sometimes it was too much...sometimes it seemed like whining or getting waay too upset about something. and i guess why I didn understand why she had to deal with it like that is because most INFPs deal with emotions by themselves. we just need our alone time or just stay quiet about it and dont express it. its not always healthy lol but its def. opposite of esfj
 

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i think i've read somewhere that Fi and Fe are atracted to eachother.

If we were both Fi we'd probably keep everything to ourselves and be very careful about opening up. With her (ESFJ) it's easy because she will always open up to me and then it's easier for me to do it. Actually that's one thing that i like about her that she keeps her heart out there in the open while i'm striving to do the same thing but am afraid of being hurt.

I may be wrong about this whole Fi Fe thing because my knowledge of the mbti is quite limited.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
i think i've read somewhere that Fi and Fe are atracted to eachother.

If we were both Fi we'd probably keep everything to ourselves and be very careful about opening up. With her (ESFJ) it's easy because she will always open up to me and then it's easier for me to do it. Actually that's one thing that i like about her that she keeps her heart out there in the open while i'm striving to do the same thing but am afraid of being hurt.

I may be wrong about this whole Fi Fe thing because my knowledge of the mbti is quite limited.
that makes a lot of sense actually. its really not easy for me to talk about my feelings and i only do it if im close to someone. its easier to open up tho if the other person does it first, and Fe being like that makes it easier for us Fi s . Cuz we always wait for a 'green light' and the other person starting it gives a green light that way for us to open up more.
 

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uhmm...how about an ESFJ male and an INFP female..does it differ with genders coz uh...i feel like he's more worldly and i'm a bit reserved and aloof sometimes and i feel like he sometimes thinks i'm out of this world or something when i'm awfully quiet...but he's always complimenting me when i'm cheerful and perky...O.O...and when it comes to feelings, i don't know if he sees me as aloof or sensitive...he has sometimes told me that i get sensitive sometimes but then again...i feel like he can also sense my aloofness...does the INFP aloofness bother an ESFJ or they don't mind it at all?
 
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yeah i think so, ur probably right about that. We deal with emotions differently and that sometimes can cause a conflict. If she had any problems shed come to with them many times which I dont mind but sometimes it was too much...sometimes it seemed like whining or getting waay too upset about something. and i guess why I didn understand why she had to deal with it like that is because most INFPs deal with emotions by themselves. we just need our alone time or just stay quiet about it and dont express it. its not always healthy lol but its def. opposite of esfj
But here is where i find the irony of it all .. My partner will ask me whats the matter and if i don't speak up then he pushes me as he can see it via my body language, but if i sense something is up with him and ask about it then i get the 'oh nothing's wrong' and i have to ask myself if i am making it up or sensing something that is not real.

does the INFP aloofness bother an ESFJ or they don't mind it at all?
Does it bother me? .. Yes, if i'm totally honest. I am dating someone from my past so whereas i didn't truly understand his behaviour in the past, i now have insight as to why he behaves the way he does. I allow him his space, try not to discuss trivial everyday stuff to much but mainly give him his space. Sometimes it gets to the point as in the case of this week, that although he was here with me, in ways he wasn't. I have just spoken to him about this subject and he admits he is aloof and me being gregarious, we are opposites in that manner. I just like interacting with people, including my partner *Shrug*

hope that helped in a small way :blushed:
 

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But here is where i find the irony of it all .. My partner will ask me whats the matter and if i don't speak up then he pushes me as he can see it via my body language, but if i sense something is up with him and ask about it then i get the 'oh nothing's wrong' and i have to ask myself if i am making it up or sensing something that is not real.
yeah when i know somethings up i will ask and keep asking until she tells me (that is of course if im sure something is going on and its pretty easy for me to pick up on it). if im asked i will usually say 'nothing' which is what u said he does. the reason i do it is because i dont wanna burden someone else with my problems or make it their problem...if he says 'nothing's wrong' but u have a good feeling that there IS something wrong, u should keep asking until he tells u, he probably just doesnt wanna worry u but if u keep asking he will tell u. he just wants to be reassured that u REALLY are there for him and want to help.
 

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Does it bother me? .. Yes, if i'm totally honest. I am dating someone from my past so whereas i didn't truly understand his behaviour in the past, i now have insight as to why he behaves the way he does. I allow him his space, try not to discuss trivial everyday stuff to much but mainly give him his space. Sometimes it gets to the point as in the case of this week, that although he was here with me, in ways he wasn't. I have just spoken to him about this subject and he admits he is aloof and me being gregarious, we are opposites in that manner. I just like interacting with people, including my partner *Shrug*

hope that helped in a small way :blushed:
oh thanks much much :) appreciate it..yes, i DID HAVE a feeling that he seemed to be bothered by my distance and reserved nature..not just him..probably ES preference typed peepz...anyway, it's not really of a close relationship..much of like a work peer/friendly relationship (uhm..with me having a little crush on him..hehe) and i was just curious as to what he really thinks about this...do you think it's weird though?? i feel like i'm under scrutiny when i'm off alone and they are together and i feel like they're talking stuff like 'what is wrong with her?' 'why doesn't she mingle with us?'...you know those kinds of stuff...coz sometimes i just don't feel like going there and say 'hey whats up?' ..usually i get tongue tied and i would act like a total idiot and they're a bunch of guys and it's usually pretty different when i'm with guys than with gals..but anyways..hehe..thanks for your insights though ^_^ now i'm really getting more aware..
 
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yeah when i know somethings up i will ask and keep asking until she tells me (that is of course if im sure something is going on and its pretty easy for me to pick up on it). if im asked i will usually say 'nothing' which is what u said he does. the reason i do it is because i dont wanna burden someone else with my problems or make it their problem...if he says 'nothing's wrong' but u have a good feeling that there IS something wrong, u should keep asking until he tells u, he probably just doesnt wanna worry u but if u keep asking he will tell u. he just wants to be reassured that u REALLY are there for him and want to help.
This is exactly what i mean *Pulls hair out*, lol. See i don't like to burden people either with my problems but i maintain the idea of open communication, so if he keeps on bugging me for an answer, i know ultimately i should speak up. It is not in my nature though to keep bugging people, i don't like it so i just walk away and hope he'll speak up at some point. Although i was talking to him about this thread and he has told me that if something is worrying him and i do pick up on it, he'll tell me he is thinking and will at some point bring it up. I suppose that is better a compromise than any :)

oh thanks much much :) appreciate it..yes, i DID HAVE a feeling that he seemed to be bothered by my distance and reserved nature..not just him..probably ES preference typed peepz...anyway, it's not really of a close relationship..much of like a work peer/friendly relationship (uhm..with me having a little crush on him..hehe) and i was just curious as to what he really thinks about this...do you think it's weird though?? i feel like i'm under scrutiny when i'm off alone and they are together and i feel like they're talking stuff like 'what is wrong with her?' 'why doesn't she mingle with us?'...you know those kinds of stuff...coz sometimes i just don't feel like going there and say 'hey whats up?' ..usually i get tongue tied and i would act like a total idiot and they're a bunch of guys and it's usually pretty different when i'm with guys than with gals..but anyways..hehe..thanks for your insights though ^_^ now i'm really getting more aware..
Be careful with what you perceive .. Instead ask staright out. My partner sometimes jumps to the wrong conclusions and it frustrates me. All that time and hassle was unnecessary if only he'd of spoke to me. People are not mind readers, tell him why you go off and spend time alone .. It's better than him jumping to conclusions thinking he may of done something wrong. I only understood you guys better when i read a description of your type, and it helped immensely. Remember he doesn't know all that much about you .. So let him in, tell him why you feel the way you do (even if it may make you feel vulnerable) and watch what happens .. He'll appeciate you more for being upstraight and honest.

Good luck.
 
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thanks for replying...although with the opening part...i don't think i'd have any right to do so coz we're just casual friends...i mean he might be surprised on me saying these kinds of things...soo...maybe i'll just wait for the right time or when i get to know him better as well...it really takes time for me (us) to be really comfortable saying out loud how I (we) really feel to people...
 

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Are ESFJs usually drawn to shy and introverts? I have known more than 10 ESFJs in college, most of them are girls who are nice and approaching towards me which I find so endearing. They know that I'm gay so there's no way they are flirting.
 

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ESFJs are usually drawn toward introverts, E needs I to work out well. That is how all the different relationships work out.
It seems to be a pattern showing that E tends to enjoy being around their opposite energy consumer Extrovert to Introvert, Judging and opposite Perceiving. J to P. BUt the information gaining function usually is the same. N to N and S to S. That is an exception with ESFJ though...

ESFJ goes towards INFP
ISFJ goes towards ESFP
INTJ goes towards ENTP
and ENFP goes towards IN INTJ or INFJ
 

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ESFJs are usually drawn toward introverts, E needs I to work out well. That is how all the different relationships work out.
It seems to be a pattern showing that E tends to enjoy being around their opposite energy consumer Extrovert to Introvert, Judging and opposite Perceiving. J to P. BUt the information gaining function usually is the same. N to N and S to S. That is an exception with ESFJ though...

ESFJ goes towards INFP
ISFJ goes towards ESFP
INTJ goes towards ENTP
and ENFP goes towards IN INTJ or INFJ
I agree. I like to be around other sensors because it gives me a break from my own thoughts. Does that make sense? I naturally look for the hidden meaning behind everything. I can't turn it off. It's just the way my brain works. And ESFJ naturally brings out our tertiary Si, and sometimes, we really need it! We can get so caught up in finding out what everything means, and finding hidden connections between things, and it's so refreshing to be around someone who's just like, "Hey, don't take it so seriously." I mean, it can be annoying because I love a good intuitive conversation. But at the end of the day, I don't necessarily want to be around someone who thinks like I do.
 

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I don't know about you guys, but INFPs make me feel amazing. They like to compliment in a very free way, and it's like they're in awe before my ability to handle a conversation with ease and to approach new people, as well as my ESFJ selflessness. I feel like a superstar when I'm with them.
 

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I don't know about you guys, but INFPs make me feel amazing. They like to compliment in a very free way, and it's like they're in awe before my ability to handle a conversation with ease and to approach new people, as well as my ESFJ selflessness. I feel like a superstar when I'm with them.
I don't think I had the joy of ever meeting a real INFP, they're hiding pretty well in my life... :(
 
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