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My brother is an ESFJ. Despite of being the opposite types and having lived together for one and a half decade, I can genuinely say we've never had any sort of quarrel. Not a single fight or significant argument. I can't remember ever feeling hostility towards him, nor can I remember him treating me with hostility. And I think that's very rare for siblings in general who have lived together all along.

The only problem I can think of rn, is that I can make him feel very uncomfortable by making statements/asking questions that he finds inappropriate or by doing things he doesn't understand and finds confusing and just downright uncomfortable or embarassing - while he has a tendency to say things that hurt or offend me, without being aware of it himself.
 

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Hello!

Ohhhhhh yes. We're very different. I married an INTP, so I feel like I'm really starting to understand them greatly. He was instantly attracted to my personality (We met online so I know it was my personality) and I found him fascinating. When I meet INTPs in person, they are always my complete opposites - the wallflowers. They can get overlooked some times, but I'm drawn to them most because I want to draw them out. I have a similar longing for deep and meaningful conversation and can only put up with the shallow group chatter so much. INTPs are fun to be with - although I think it's even more fun to be with an INFJ, because they're not as much work.

However, my husband was very verbose online (as you see most INTPs are ;-)) and so it really worked between us. We communicated online (on Xanga at the time) for a solid year and, by the time we started a relationship, knew everything there was to know about the other.

Often I see comments in the INTP thread (or once even had a comment directed at me!) about being surprised that an INTP would like an ESFJ at all or have any interest in them or find them anything but annoying and this is sad, but even as fascinating and right on as MBTI can be, we can't stereotype all people. I had a similar searching mind as my husband and we found common ground on that regard. Both of us are passionate and bold about what we think and life in general.

Plus, we are super excited about being balanced out. My husband's strengths are all my weaknesses and my strengths are all his weaknesses. We need each other desperately, on the whole. I think we're a good match. :)
Lucky you.
 

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Then that is different. I'm saying that in my experience, it was the other way around.
There was no devotion for 3 years with my INTP.
It all came from me. I know what you mean too, but it wasn't there. Devoted isn't an adjective I would use for INTP's.
You write this as if you are an ESFJ.
 

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Any idea where I can find ESFJ's around town? I live in the Virginia Beach area so you have an idea of what is around. Basically, there's lots of beaches and quite a bit of areas to hang out.
 

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my ex gf
was an ESFJ
I, an INTP

drawn to each other we were
for some reason
and nothing in common

intrigued mostly i guess
complementary
supplementary

i never got things done
she couldn't stop getting things done

maybe it was just OCD for her though
hah

Exactly true!

Now ending 44 years of marriage, I look back and see that we never had anything in common. No team spirit, couldn't agree on much. Should have divorced years ago and gotten out of this mix-match.
 

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Oh I definitely see that. My mom is ESFJ and my brother is an INTP and they clash a lot. But regardless, my mom cares for him very much and just needs to take a little more time to talk with him in a more comfortable setting. He's a lot better communicating with in text, like on the computer...we'll have some really good conversations over messenger haha. I feel like they do best when they're in a moment where they feel relaxed and comfortable, and can openly discuss things, and are pretty balanced. So they can get along, it just takes work.
 

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I had an old coworker who was INTP. Super tall, low key nerd (but amazing sexy blue eyes and dark hair) that I always thought was into other quiet nerds. One night per chance he went dancing with mutual friends and myself, which is rare. The INTP and I talked all night and kissed several times. We met again during his going away happy hour, and when we talked I felt a calmed and relaxed when he discussed his fears about his new job, his sadness leaving his friends, his relief of leaving his current situation etc.

After a few text messages back and forth he stop responding to me all together. Which is sad because his best friend confided in me that the INTP was so hard to get to know, but this INTP was so easily able to talk to me about his thoughts,fears, and hopes. I felt special when the INTP talked to me. :/

I guess I was too boring for the INTP
 

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I guess I was too boring for the INTP
Maybe not! With Fe at the bottom of his stack, interpersonal relationships probably aren't his strongest suit, so he might have gotten preoccupied with other things. As a low-order Fe person myself, I might forget to e-mail/text message/etc someone back, but it doesn't mean that that person is out of mind. I've found that Ti dominants need a lot of space to kind of figure out what's what, especially in the relationship department. ESFJs are never boring; I continue to learn a lot from you guys.
 

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I am primarily including this reply so I can get this thread in my subscription of threads.

I'm INTP and had an ESFJ mother that resulted in my having emotional scar tissue. Issues of abandonment and being highly critical of my INTP ways caused us to have many difficulties.

I was involved with a woman who may have been ESFJ (I'm still uncertain). If she was ESFJ then our differences were compensated by our strong chemistry. I've recently been in contact with her and I hope to find out for sure her MBTI.

I'm still skeptical of relationships with ESFJ working out. I new an ENTP woman in college and had a very close NT connection with her. So if I don't find this kind of NT connection with other women such as ESFJs, I feel there is something missing that I need. I like a good hearty NT debate sometimes and ESFJs don't do well in this way.
 
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