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Discussion Starter #1
I recently tested my girlfriend of nearly 2 years...

Is this a compatible match? Even though we are polar opposites? But is that a prime reason why it would and should work? I mean we clash sometimes but all in all its been a real fun relationship.
 

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It is one of the possible match-ups according to MBTI - the opposites attract kind of thing. Our opposite personalities view the world through quite a different lens, which is intriguing and serves as a nice catalyst for the relationship. But there is always this hidden potential for misunderstandings as well, for the same reason that two people will see the world quite differently. In any case if you are having a good relationship that you enjoy, then why worry about what MBTI says.
 

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Fab advice. The MBTI is not a horoscope. :cool: Haven't sussed my OH yet, and it doesn't really matter if I do or don't.
 

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I dated what I believed was an EFSJ in the past, and for me it ended up almost a complete disaster. No common ground so to speak. I always came off as the bad guy because while I have reasonably well developed E, F, and sometimes J functions, it was hard for me to communicate my feelings in a way she would understand. She couldn't understand that being with others constantly was a drain for me mentally and I needed time to "recharge" so to speak. I still feel like it could have worked out well had she understood my need for space and independence more and especially my need to have well fleshed out and deep conversations about "interesting" things. Good luck!
 

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I dated an ESFP. It was amazing. You know how it can be draining to not be on the same wavelength as someone? Well me and her were so hopelessly different it worked perfectly. I have never understand how that happened. She probably wasn't the best for me, but it sure was interesting while it lasted. Eye opening.
 

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If the ESFJ is a genuinely kind and open-minded person and the two of you share many common interests, you should get along quite well. If not, the relationship will be a fiasco.
 

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Excellent. @ vel I'm not worried just wanted other peoples view on it because I'm going to live with her soon so... ya know a prior warning is always nice. : )
 

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i've been dating an ESFJ for three years now. i suppose deep down inside, i know we're not right for each other, especially when i'm in the mood for "deep and meaningful" conversations, and he thinks i'm draining him out. i'm actually surprised it's lasted as long as it has. for now, the only thing that keeps our relationship alive is our differences, which i find intriguing... still...
 

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Discussion Starter #12
It's strange he finds those things draining, my girlfriend enjoys getting deeper into things. Maybe because she's a girl?
 

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It's strange he finds those things draining, my girlfriend enjoys getting deeper into things. Maybe because she's a girl?
I caution you strongly against gender stereotypes.


In any case, though I've never been romantically involved with an ESFJ, my best friend for a long time was one. We got along splendidly when we were younger, though I was consistently the dominant force of sorts in the relationship. That started to turn when we entered high school, and tensions started to form.

She found me (and still finds me) insensitive, and I feel uncomfortable when she comes crying to me with her various problems. I try to offer my most honest advice, which generally upsets her more-- even when I'm trying my hardest to show empathy and be kind. There's a clear-cut and very obvious rift in the way we interact with our worlds on a basic level, which makes it tough to communicate very well with each other.

Then again, I'm not exactly socially gifted. It will always depend on the individuals involved, as all INTPs and ESFJs are obviously bound to be different. My advice is to keep in mind your differences and learn to use them to your advantage and hers.
 

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With all due respect, I hope all ESFJs on the planet get terminal anal cancer at the same time.
Greatest post ever.
Not that I agree with it.
 

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It's strange he finds those things draining, my girlfriend enjoys getting deeper into things. Maybe because she's a girl?
Not too sure, eh? But he's been accusing me of draining him out even before we found out our personality types. Now, we seem to argue more often because he thinks I'm heartless. Fortunately, we get along when the subject is on music. So, we're still ironing out our issues... :proud:
 

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It's strange he finds those things draining, my girlfriend enjoys getting deeper into things. Maybe because she's a girl?
If enjoying getting deeper into things is because she is a girl, you do not enjoy getting deeper into things.
 

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In MBTI this kind of pairing of opposites is encouraged. Way I see it that you're so different from each other that there is plenty to learn, but precisely for same reason it takes a lot of work to keep relationship going and thus may be draining.

In Socionics INTP-ESFJ relationship is described as conflicting: Initially partners may find each other intriguing and peacefully collaborate. However, though each partner is strong where the other partner is weak they are not protective of each other's weak spots. When conflict starts, partners hit each other with arguments exactly in the direction where they can cause maximum pain. With every conflict these relations become worse and worse.

However INTP-ESFP relationship is that of duality, meaning ESFPs are considered to be the best partners for INTPs. In this kind of relationship each person feels like an equal, neither partner underlines the weak point of the other, but respects the other's stronger point. The catch is that initially duality partners may think each other boring and not notice each other. By socionics these relationships have most potential to be successful long term, though difficult to start.
 
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