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Have noticed a pattern wherein ESFJs, in response to close friends' successes, have a habit of being unsupportive and even in some cases downright abusive. Not only can they not be happy, they often feel the need to take the person down a notch so that he or she feels less good about the accomplishment, typically the result of years of hard work.

What's up with that?
 

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Sounds two fold.

There are two reasons I can see for an ESFJ to do this.

One...envy(possibly jealousy). Pretty self explanatory.

Two: This one is a bit more tricky and requires one to look at the
big picture. ESFJ like systems and safe structural groups. This
includes a lot of control. Once a person from one of their groups
attempts to change the dynamic unilaterally? Well that is tough
on an ESFJ. Even if the change is a complete bonus for a person
an ESFJ will still have to reassess that persons structure within their
family/friend/work group. Whichever one it effects, or all of them.

So as an example. Lets say we have a group of pals for the last 5 years.
Everyone works and we all get together at so and so's place every
friday for the last 5 years. Well lets say that one of the people in that
group gets a job offer 2 states away. Better pay ..would be good for
their family and generally is a great thing! Well an ESFJ MAY look at that
as that person attacking the working group! They are not clearly. But the ESFJ
may not be sure how to deal with the feeling of loss and loss of structure.
Its like pulling a card out of their well built house of cards. Its not that they
really dislike the person or what the person is doing. They are just trying to
reconcile a feeling. Most feelings for ESFJ need to be felt by the people
they deal with. So if the ESFJ felt shitty and abandoned and scared about
something someone was doing they may try and make the person feel the same.
Or guilt them out of changing. I am pretty sure ESFJ invented the guilt trip.
So where other types may think: WEll great for that person...I wish them well"
and ESFJ may think: "Cant they see what that is going to do to us?!"
The ESFJ feels for the group. The individual less so. If their is a cancer
within a group of friends an ESFJ will kill it. Good or bad.

ESFJ like their days to look like this:

Start-ESFJ KNOWS WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN-End

This does not mean ESFJ don't like surprises and what not.
It just means they like to be in the know. They like to
see what is happening and be able to properly outfit themselves and
everyone in the group it will effect before it has time to undermine
all of their carefully laid plans and ideas.

A lot of stereotypes in there. Please take all with a grain of salt.
 

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I don't know if that's a typical ESFJ thing, but Fueled by Evil pretty much nailed why it would happen.

And I had to laugh at So true!!!!!!
So true and in my case sooooo needed as well.
I would be a lost or at the very least highly unproductive
man without my ESFJ holding everything together.
 

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In my experience, ESFJs are concerned with social status. Sometimes this is a good thing, like they understand that sometimes you have to go with the flow to get the best results. But yes, it can also manifest as being competitive, for sure.
 

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In my experience, ESFJs are concerned with social status. Sometimes this is a good thing, like they understand that sometimes you have to go with the flow to get the best results. But yes, it can also manifest as being competitive, for sure.
Hey there!
Welcome to PerC and the land of ESFJ.
Nice to see a new face round here.

Enjoy!
 
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