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@Slogo - where do you live?


Also, do we have to post rant AND rave for each post? Right now I just have a rant. :-/

I HATE being misunderstood and misjudged!!! ARRRGGHHH!!!!
As an ESFJ, that's one of my biggest pet peeves is being misunderstood and I can't tell you how many times I've ended relationships with people because of misunderstandings.
 

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I’m getting tired of how Si can dig so deep into a delusional fantasy. And only when it settles itself does Ne find these weirdly specific connections between points to rip shit up and who knows if they’re not just possibilities like the rest; what truth do they actually bear? for some reason they always feel like something I should have realized long ago. If it’s right, then it would all make sense. Gotta fucking love those glaringly obvious long-standing realizations. I am literally the stupidest person I know because I have such inexorable blind faith in people.
 

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I’m getting tired of how Si can dig so deep into a delusional fantasy. And only when it settles itself does Ne find these weirdly specific connections between points to rip shit up and who knows if they’re not just possibilities like the rest; what truth do they actually bear? for some reason they always feel like something I should have realized long ago. If it’s right, then it would all make sense. Gotta fucking love those glaringly obvious long-standing realizations. I am literally the stupidest person I know because I have such inexorable blind faith in people.
Vent away, but it sounds like you're being hard on yourself . . .
 

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maybe, but it makes me so angry when I don't realize something until I'm ten feet deep in it, especially when I was so careful about it. that's probably the reason it happens.

And I'm angry at my unconscious mental processes for being primitive turds. although I wonder if it's not largely Fe and feeling attachment that trips me up the most.

(^^^reasons why I'm weary of relationships)
 

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Spamming but I wish there was a word for those weird moments in which irony exists but it’s only evident to one of the members of its immediate affect. Like today I was sitting in a corner of the basement before my psych class and one of my professors walks by and goes “what are you doing down here all alone missy” and without much thought I replied “enjoying the silence”- while simultaneously listening to Enjoy the Silence (which is also therein a disruption of the silence I strategically positioned myself to secure) all of which he wasn’t aware of because headphones. It wasn’t even deliberate on my part. There are too many levels to this to adequately explain, like irony inception. It went in on itself so deeply it collapsed.

And there’s no one to immediately share my amusement with, which is extremely disappointing. I couldn’t even laugh because he wouldn’t have possibly been aware of it. ugh Enjoy the Irony, courtesy of Depressed Mode because I am all alone. thank u for listening and have a nice day.
 

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Spamming but I wish there was a word for those weird moments in which irony exists but it’s only evident to one of the members of its immediate affect. Like today I was sitting in a corner of the basement before my psych class and one of my professors walks by and goes “what are you doing down here all alone missy” and without much thought I replied “enjoying the silence”- while simultaneously listening to Enjoy the Silence (which is also therein a disruption of the silence I strategically positioned myself to secure) all of which he wasn’t aware of because headphones. It wasn’t even deliberate on my part. There are too many levels to this to adequately explain, like irony inception. It went in on itself so deeply it collapsed.

And there’s no one to immediately share my amusement with, which is extremely disappointing. I couldn’t even laugh because he wouldn’t have possibly been aware of it. ugh Enjoy the Irony, courtesy of Depressed Mode because I am all alone. thank u for listening and have a nice day.
I would have laughed anyway. But I embrace my eccentricity lol.
 

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Something I need to work on outwardly :/
Is it? Will it bring real benefits? I just happen to be comfortable with it, I don't think it really makes you a better person. We all tend to have different rules for interacting with different types of people anyway. More reserved in public, more open in more intimate settings, etc.
 

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Is it? Will it bring real benefits? I just happen to be comfortable with it, I don't think it really makes you a better person. We all tend to have different rules for interacting with different types of people anyway. More reserved in public, more open in more intimate settings, etc.
It is because it has to do with my inward acceptance of myself. I spend so much time pointlessly masking myself to accommodate whatever social nature is around me, and in doing so I lost track of any sense of self I had. It's strongly rooted in the fear of rejection and the need to belong that Fe institutes.
I'm trying to do this to develop true self-worth that isn't judged externally, and I'm also tired of always feeling like something I'm not. I just want to be whatever I am, and the only effective path towards that seems to be honesty. It doesn't mean I'll stop holding myself back when it's socially appropriate, or giving most people a surface reaction, but rather than changing the parts to fit I'd like to let them be.
 

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Discussion Starter #53
Argghhh...it's that part past drinking when you can drive home fine, but you feel depressed, melodramatic, and lonely....and alone. It seems like not a single soul gives a sh*t about my existence except for my mom. I guess this could be my self-effacing behavior getting back at me after so long. I guilted a couple people into going via text...I noticed they did eventually replied to my texts after badgering them repeatedly or saying non-sense....maybe I should do this more? Though none of them came...I was happy to see some of response eventually. Maybe for a selfish reason (to know that someone gives a sh*t, at least a little.)

I don't know what I can provide to people...I don't know if they understand or even want me around. I am sick of hiding though, it's not helping. That's why I went to the bar for this K-9 rescue thing...I did talk to a few people I knew...even felt OK at the time for awhile...my cousin's husband was a great guy and enthused. A random older guy approached me and said, "Hey you look like a shy guy...". I guess I supported some kind of dog shelter tonight...by drinking and buying raffle tickets...why doesn't it feel like I didn't actually support dogs? Maybe I shouldn't drink...

Well, I needed to do this somehow...I guess.
 

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I swear, some days....








-ZDD
If you were able to break that rock into smaller chunks, they may be easier to bring up the hill. A pulley system of some kind at the top to help get better leverage could also be useful. Perhaps we can also level the hill, so it is flat and round the edges of the boulder to ease the amount of resistance from an oblong object.
 

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It is because it has to do with my inward acceptance of myself. I spend so much time pointlessly masking myself to accommodate whatever social nature is around me, and in doing so I lost track of any sense of self I had. It's strongly rooted in the fear of rejection and the need to belong that Fe institutes.
I'm trying to do this to develop true self-worth that isn't judged externally, and I'm also tired of always feeling like something I'm not. I just want to be whatever I am, and the only effective path towards that seems to be honesty. It doesn't mean I'll stop holding myself back when it's socially appropriate, or giving most people a surface reaction, but rather than changing the parts to fit I'd like to let them be.
*smiles and holds out an INTP jersey while patting the seat beside him on the bench* "Come, join our team and embrace the dull side."
 

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What is broken?
My mind. I don't even know why I'm so sad anymore. I'm just sad all the time. A lot of things have got me down. Just thinking too much, I guess. Here's a list:

God
nobody ever talking to me first
being bullied terribly as a child
my family
people yelling at me
never going to a party
being surrounded by so many fake people (or maybe I'm the fake person)
my hair being hard to make look right
having a lack of attention as a child
i probably have a chemical imbalance that makes me like this too
thinking about all the sadness in the world

and overall what a terrible person I am
 
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