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Probably an INFJ. I'm attracted to introverts because there's something more mysterious about them which I find intriguing. They also like to have their alone time so don't feel they need to be with you 24/7 like SOME extraverts do. N because I myself am an S and think about the present and here and now, I'd like that to be balanced out with someone who thinks about the future. F because I'm quite sensitive and need someone who will provide pastoral support and will let me talk about my problems without just giving me a solution and then telling me to get over it. Not all thinkers do this, but it's much more common with thinkers than feelers. J because Js are a lot more organised, more punctual, don't faff about when they need to be somewhere like Ps do, don't make small talk and are more reliable.
I look for certain similar interests, for example I'm a Christian, I'd go for a Christian girlfriend, I like rock music and have an alternative dress sense, I'd want a girlfriend like that, other than that I'm not too fussed about having loads in common.
 

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I don't like to be in a relationship with another esfj even though it's supposed to be a good match. It feels like going out with yourself.
Lol! I agree. I'm not an ESFJ, but I think most people would agree they don't want to date their own type. Need more variety. Feels like incest. :laughing:



So, general question: how do ESFJs feel about being in a relationship with xNTP? Do you think they are a good match - covering for each other's (type-related) weaknesses, more or less?
 
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So, general question: how do ESFJs feel about being in a relationship with xNTP? Do you think they are a good match - covering for each other's (type-related) weaknesses, more or less?
Sorry for this answer in advance, but it really depends on the xNTP. If I share interests, they are nice people, and so forth and so on, of course. But I would say that about any type.
 

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@counterintuitive Hello, hello!! Really hoping it's not too late to answer your question;;; :blushed:

From my own experiences, I am just utterly in love with ENTPs. One of my best friends is one, and I've been harboring a crush on him from the day I first met him. My sister is also an ENTP (and also someone who I consider to be one of my closest friends). They're both a ton of fun, a bit bad, and always so insightful. They may be brutally honest at times, but I never see the intention to be hurtful, just to tell the truth and give advice on how to fix it and grow. I value their advice and perspective on things more than I do most others, they're really wonderful!

I have had a few chances to be with the ENTP crush, but there's always been something each time that made me not wish to jump into things with him. For one, we both have very different goals - while I'm wishing to be a mother and wife, to make my family my top priority in life, he says he could never see himself committing to anyone like that, much less becoming a father. He also wasn't as protective over me as I would be for him, I would just always notice a lack of loyalty in some way with him that always turned me off. Though I'm immensely attracted to him, I understand we are just very different people and wouldn't work out the way I would wish to. (It's all good though, got my own soon-to-be hubby to take care of anyway~)

And I can't say I've known any INTPs in real life. NT's in general are supposed to be the most rare types out there, aren't they?? While I can't give out any more personal experiences, I do have a really nice book that talks about the compatibilities and details of the relationships between all the types with one another! I don't know if you'd like to know more about INTP or ENTP specifically, so I'll just give a quick summary of the two with ESFJ:

ENTP and ESFJ:
"ESFJs help their partners enjoy the present moment and follow through with commitments. ESFJs also offer ENTPs a healthy dose of realism, which makes their ideas eminently more workable. And most ENTPs say that their partners help them become more sensitive to how their actions may affect others. For their part, ENTPs infuse ESFJs' lives with optimism. They encourage ESFJs to look down the road, see the big picture and dream up creative ways of making positive things happen. Many ESFJs credit their partners with giving them more confidence and the courage to speak their minds, even in the face of skepticism.

The Frustrations: The literal ESFJs, who listen to each word for meaning, sometimes have trouble following the more global-thinking ENTPs, who quickly move from one thought to the next, and often start thoughts in mid-sentence. ESFJs frustrate ENTPs, who feel slowed and overburdened by unnecessary specifics. ENTPs live for possibilities, so they're constantly dreaming up new schemes. Although their ideas are usually inventive, they make ESFJs nervous because the ideas require so much adaptation and are generally based on instinct rather than experience. In their efforts to be helpful, ESFJ's take the wind out of their partners' sails by pointing out errors of fact or reminding them of practical concerns such as available time and money. When it comes to making decisions about finances, this difference can create conflict.

Another source of frustration for ESFJ and ENTP couples is their differences for conflict. ESFJs are extremely sensitive but also easily offended. [...] Because dealing with conflict is especially uncomfortable for ESFJs, who crave harmonious relationships, they may be reluctant to confront their partners with their dissatisfaction or to discuss problems between them.

ESFJs often wish that their partners would shift their priorities from advancing their careers to spending more quality time with them and their families. By contrast, ENTPs sometimes wish that their partners would push themselves intellectually. [...] They typically like to flirt, and even when they don't act on their impulses, they often make their very observant and loyal ESFJ partners feel insecure and resentful.

ESFJs are most comfortable when things are decided and plans are made and kept. They want things to be prepared and to do things right. ENTPs usually prefer to improvise and are energized by responding to opportunities as they unfold, even if that means changing plans abruptly. [...] ESFJs are likely to interpret their partners' desire to back out of a commitment as a personal betrayal, while ENTPs don't see this as a big deal, and therefore feel resentful and controlled."

INTP and ESFJ:
"ESFJs help INTPs create and maintain some order around them so they can be more organized, disciplined and get more accomplished. INTPs also credit their partners with helping them become more sensitive to their families' needs and feelings. For their part, INTPs help ESFJs let go of some of their need for control and enjoy more spontaneity and adventure. Many ESFJs say that they become more assertive, more willing to make decisions others may not like, and more objective, so they get their feelings hurt less frequently.

The Frustrations: ESFJs need to discuss issues to understand them fully, while INTPs find it frustrating to try to make sense of things before they have processed their thoughts internally. ESFJs frequently keep talking after INTPs think the issue is resolved, or they want to rehash details or engage in what INTPs consider gossip.

[...] Whereas ESFJs like to keep things the same and derive great comfort from maintaining their routines, INTPs like to shake things up and invite change and innovation. They find too many rules or too much repetition boring and restrictive. Ideas and possibilities that INTPs find fascinating, however, are often met with resistance when ESFJs can't see any immediate practical benefits. Most ESFJs feel that change creates too much chaos, but INTPs find change interesting and invigorating.

[...] In their zeal, [ESFJs] can be bossy and make snap decisions, which INTPs find frustrating and insulting. [...] Many INFPs leave projects almost finished, which drives their ESFJ partners crazy. [...] [INTPs] find ESFJs' fussing annoying and unnecessary. Naturally, the more ESFJs nag and complain, the more INTPs tune them out emotionally or physically leave the room.

Perhaps the greatest source of frustration for both ESFJs and INTPs is their very different ways of making decisions. ESFJs are driven to maintain harmony, and are upset and stressed by unresolved problems. But they also tend to avoid healthy confrontations, and may pretend things are better than they are because they have trouble being direct and honest, especially about unpleasant subjects. On the other hand, INTPs are very direct, even to the point of bluntness. Yet they avoid discussions that require them to be vulnerable or to share their fears, especially when they don't feel able to articulate their feelings accurately. Since ESFJs tend to take everything personally and INTPs tend to be unintentionally insensitive, there is a great risk of mental frustration if they don't learn to hear each other out and compromise."


(Please don't let any of this discourage you, however! The writers had spent, I think, two decades researching and interviewing all sorts of couples, and write these things to bring attention to the couples' weaknesses and what to watch out for, why they happen, and how to better understand and reach your partner. If you would like that information too, I can post it, but I hope this is all helpful!)
 

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