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ESFJs - your thoughts/opinions?

[INTP] 
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4K views 33 replies 25 participants last post by  lookslikeiwin 
#1 ·
I wanted to know what our INTP members thought of our exact opposites, the ESFJs.
 
#2 ·
They must be from Venus or something.
 
#7 ·
There's such negative people here. :D Ok, many of them are really annoying. Including my younger sister, you can imagine the peace in our family sometimes... She's, like, yelling to me for not yealling while arguing? And for being "too adult", oh so what I should be :D

But some ESFJs, these "blond" ones, are really fun to be around :D I have a few ESFJ friends and they're happy for me being there and telling what's reasonable etc, and of course I like to be the trusted one for them. It's just, you can't take them for a long time, a few days are already almost too much.
 
#8 ·
My ESFJ mom is constantly complaining about my hair. It's "terrible", she says. A few minutes ago she claimed it makes me look "scary" or some jive like that. When trying to prove a point, she uses "everyone else" and did so for hair, claiming that everyone else at college didn't have hair like mine.

Why doesn't she get that I'm not everyone else and like my own hair? Jesus shit, I'm 20, it's not like I'm a rebellious teen with ass-length blue hair or some shit...

All ESFJs seem to be much the same, with my ESFJ biological mother agreeing on my hair. No one else cares, I've noticed.

My 14 year old ESFJ sister frequently refers to me as "weird", when amongst my group of friends (namely ESTJ and INTJ) find her "weird", "ugly", "idiotic", and "immature."

ESFJs seem to think they're better than everyone else. My mom, for instance, loves to flame my hair but has a goddamned blonde afro, pretty much... because every other backwards ******* woman in these parts has the same style. To me, blonde afros on women are terrifying –*not my own hair.

Fuck ESFJs. I hope they all get terminal ass cancer at once. :dry:
 
#9 ·
ESFJs seem to think they're better than everyone else. My mom, for instance, loves to flame my hair but has a goddamned blonde afro, pretty much... because every other backwards ******* woman in these parts has the same style. To me, blonde afros on women are terrifying –*not my own hair.
I was about to write about that. Most of the ESFJs really seem to think much about themselves. And you don't just get that image from them, many of them like to even tell that to the whole world!? Like posting "oh I'm so gooood, there's no better than me" posts in social groups or something. That's the main reason I don't like them, I've never thought they're particularly cool in things. It's hard to deal with them, if you try to be nice and reason things for them, in the same time. I can't understand how someone thinks (s)he's cool by doing something just because everyone does so... For example, my ESFJ friend thinks her name is very cool because it's the most popular one here and she'd like if every other one would have the same name as her.
I don't know if it's for guys too, but especially most ESFJ girls really wants to be like sisters and peas in a pod with everyone. Has anybody else noticed that too?
 
#10 ·
My 14 year old ESFJ sister lists about ten people on her Facebook as sisters. We only have two sisters and one brother, but one sister and the brother are both children. They remain unlisted.

I suspect a girl from my English class was an ESFJ. One time walking to class together (we met up in the elevator by coincidence), we were talking about Charles Darwin (the subject of the day) and she referred to him as both strange and weird. I asked why she thought such was the case... she said his thoughts on the world and life were just so 'different'. At least she was a good student and read her materials...

Luckily, my xNFJ English professor chimed in during the class discussion when she repeated her thoughts on Darwin. The professor noted that he was a genius, and geniuses often seem weird to everyone else. I suggested the word 'eccentric' was more appropriate for Darwin and people like him. She agreed and said something like "yes, that's a fitting word, Charles Darwin, much like Michael here, was eccentric."

I suspect the aforementioned professor was an ENFJ because of our chemistry (it was a weird student-professor relationship, sometimes negative and sometimes positive)... but I won't rule out INFJ at all, because she could've been.

I'm just glad an xNFJ helped an INTP put the smackdown on an ESFJ. :tongue:
 
#11 ·
Being around ESFJs makes me want to hurt myself.

If. "I," "F." If." If we have something in common to talk about, conversation can be meaningful because the perspective is so different. If not, then it's straight to wanting to drive screws into my feet.
 
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#12 ·
My boss is probably the bad sort of ESFJ. She's capricious, forgetful, cliquey, and a complete control freak. We tend to butt heads on a regular basis. Thankfully, I'm one of the three competent members of my department, and pretty much unfireable as long as I show up on time and sober. According to other coworkers, she thinks I'm creepy and doesn't know how to deal with me.

It's going to be such a joy giving her my two weeks' notice next week and watching her reaction as she realizes how much trouble she's going to have in finding someone to replace me. I'm so glad to be going back to college.

It's going to be even funnier when my INTJ brother (who also works there and is another one of the three competent team members) gives his notice and goes off to RCMP training in a few months. She's really going to be up a creek then. He can't stand her either.
 
#13 ·
My brother is an ESTJ or ESFJ:

He's an argumentative, loud mouthed, know-it-all that needs to be accepted by friends and is verbally abusive toward weaker people. He believes he knows what's best for me, thinks I'm lazy and misguided, but behaves more recklessly than I do. I've never gotten along with him as a friend and enjoy when he’s not around.
 
#18 ·
I know one confirmed ESFJ.

We're sort of "friends" out of circumstance, though obviously we have pretty opposite personalities.

I think she's nuts. We're both foreigners in the country we live in. She hates it here and refuses to learn the language or make friends with any of the locals. It's really weird. The way I see it, she's only punishing herself.

She's generally very picky and stuck in her ways. She's judgmental & sees everything in black and white. She holds allegiance to things (her country, her religion) like they're sports teams. She claims to be a proud Catholic, but I don't think she actually follows any of the religious teachings. She's also borderline racist and homophobic.

Good qualities - she's outgoing, helpful and a loyal friend. She's also a dedicated, fiercely protective mother, even though I don't always agree with her parenting choices.

That's the one ESFJ I know. Maybe there are some sane ones out there?
 
#20 ·
As long as you state your boundaries sternly, or prove yourself, you can make sure they don't cross the line.

In family and friend relations, I have just told them what I won't tolerate of their behavior, and they seem to adapt to me. They can actually become helpful people to have around, once you teach them what habits you won't stand for. I have noticed that many sfjs tend to not mind taking orders and learning how to relate to you. Its harder to convince the stj, however. This is why I probably find it easier to deal with sfj. They aren't useless like some nts think, either. I have had sfjs really surprise me before. One of them help me understand something very important to me once, because they had an understanding of the situation that I couldn't grasp, as a person with very little s.

I have worked with sfj types before, and what bothered me most about them, was they they felt they needed to micromanage me. For the first little while, I will keep my mouth shut for the most part, and observe. Once I know I have the hang of it, I will then tell them how -I- am going to do things. They are usually pretty astonished by the ingenuity. Now, if you prove this to them, they will typically stand back and let you take control.

I really don't find it any harder to deal with sfj than any other type. People are all different, and have their own unique quirks anyway.. and any type can have something to offer. You just have to learn to speak their language a bit.

One of my best friends was a 62 yr old esfj. Unlikely pair, us, I know.. but we got along swimmingly. She actually had great taste in novels - David Sedaris for example, and she had lots of knowledge of gardening which I am also into. She also had a lot of life experience, and had encountered introverted NT women in the past, so she just kind of knew how to treat me. : )
 
#21 ·
I think I can usually tolerate ESFJs unless they're in a position of authority.

During the past two years, I was taught about a quarter of my lessons at school by a teacher I suspect was an ESFJ, and it was terrible. As a very interested pupil, I tend to stand out, and she disliked any kind of standing out. I tried to create harmony by doing whatever she wanted, but it never quite worked, and it was highly uncomfortable, since I always had to watch what I said and did.

I can only speak for this ESFJ, but I hated the following: The belief that everything she did was right and that she knew best what everyone had to do, the high regard for anything mediocre and disregard for anything unusual and her inability to put herself in other people's shoes.

Now that I think of it, perhaps what was most annoying was that her inconsistency and irrationality combined to produce unpredictability. I never quite knew what I was at with her.

Phew, that turned into a bit of a rant. Sorry, but two years of frustration and quiet annoyance seem to have left their mark. To sum up, I think that I can generally ignore ESFJs as long as they don't have power over me.
 
#23 ·
I'm actually uncertain now, even after reading most of these posts, as to whether a colleague is ESFJ, can anyone confirm?

She says that she will do something "in a minute", or even "starting right now" or "I'll do that at the weekend"...and doesn't. (e.g. we started planning our Xmas party in early October last year. It was the first week in December, when most places were fully booked, before she got round to doing it.)

Oh, and related to above, also promised a birthday cake, faithfully, to a team member, but said on the day she was supposed to bring it in that she "had been too busy to do it, having a child and all"

On the apposite side of things, says she won't do something, such as burst into tears at her daughter's first day in school...and does.

Thinks she is an excellent organiser. Um...I don't think she is.

Frequently gets taken for granted and used as a doormat.

Is disgustingly cheerful first thing in the morning.

Randomly bursts out singing.

The current joke (which she joins in) is her favourite phrase "I know that." She will do something wrong, and when you tell her where she went wrong, she will say "I know that." (aaarggh!!!!!!!! Don't "know", do it right first time!!!)

When you tell her where she went wrong, she will spend the next hour or so working out *why* she did it wrong.

But for all that...yeah, I've said that ESFJ (if she is ESFJ) is the most irritating of the MBTI, I love her for all that. I cannot bring myself to hate her.:tongue:
 
#24 ·
Most ESFJs follow through with what they say their going to do but knowone fits their type perfectly. I like to send people a link to the test and act just like it's for fun to find out their type. It's so hard to tell for sure a persons type unless you know them very well or for a long time. Most people will take it if you email it to them.
 
#26 ·
Actually - yes that figures, prob ESFP. Thanks.:tongue:
 
#27 ·
I most like people who are different from me. I usually don't enjoy other NT's much as company. I usually enjoy NF's the most; but I find ESFJ's pretty decent company as long as they like me.

I don't think I'd like an ESFJ in a position of authority over me, as then I'd be subject to their conventional judgments.

But otherwise, an ESFJ who likes me is good company (though ESFJ's are relatively likely not to like me).
 
#28 ·
I think my sister is ESFJ. I considered that she could be ESTJ but she seems more like Fe-Ti than Te-Fi. Ever since we were children the differences between us were obvious to everyone and we never got along that well. I think she is a decent person but we have nothing in common and don't particularly enjoy each other's company. She is very sociable and I see her using Fe with other people but not so much with me. I think she uses her T function more with me, either to offer a critical evaluation of something we are talking about or to criticize me directly. She likes to make fun of my clothes and I tell her that her eyebrows look funny.
 
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