[sBel90]

I have a question, more specifically for male ESFPs but girls can answer too. As I understand it, you guys are some of the friendliest, flirtiest people alive. That's the stereotype anyway, feel free to correct me. Is this true even when you like someone? Do you ever feel nervous or shy when you like someone, to the point where you won't initiate conversation?

I ask because there's this younger guy who I am pretty sure likes me based on how he kinda follows me around and "conveniently" ends up standing near me in lines for food, for example. We really hit it off when we hung out at this camp for a week, but then the next time I saw him, he was avoiding me. But the time after that, he kept looking at me...

At this point I can't tell if he likes me and is shy, or thinks I like him and doesn't like me back so he's avoiding me? But then why go out of his way to make sure I *see* him?? Or maybe he likes me but thinks I don't like him? (We ISTJs can be suuuuper subtle about showing whether we like someone to the point they may not think we like them at all) I pretend to ignore him sometimes (I know you guys hate that ;P) to see if he's just reacting to me or actually has an interest of his own, and my gut tells me he likes me. Once when I did that, he spotted me and then made his way over to "coincidentally" bump into me when I was leaving the room; but then he waited for ME to start talking to him. His behavior seems to contradict what I've read some of you post about how you will be really bold with someone you like. Is this something an ESFP would do to "test the waters" when they're not sure if the other person likes them back? I know because of Fi you guys wouldn't be super blunt about saying you like someone, probably more just flirt and obvious hints (or am I wrong about that?).

Have you ever liked someone and it made you shy? Have you ever felt intimidated by someone you've got a big crush on? I wonder if the fact I am 4 years older than him affects how he acts? This isn't a life-or-death question since I only see this person a few times a year (he lives in another country) but I'm just curious because he fits just about every description of ESFP except for this situation. And that's another thing; you'd think that after a few months he'd lose interest, especially since I don't fawn all over him all the time although we do talk and it's not awkward or anything. Anyway I'm just confused. Can any of you ESFP guys/gals relate to any of this?

 

[Marac]

I have a question, more specifically for male ESFPs but girls can answer too. As I understand it, you guys are some of the friendliest, flirtiest people alive. That's the stereotype anyway, feel free to correct me. Is this true even when you like someone? Do you ever feel nervous or shy when you like someone, to the point where you won't initiate conversation?

I ask because there's this younger guy who I am pretty sure likes me based on how he kinda follows me around and "conveniently" ends up standing near me in lines for food, for example. We really hit it off when we hung out at this camp for a week, but then the next time I saw him, he was avoiding me. But the time after that, he kept looking at me...

At this point I can't tell if he likes me and is shy, or thinks I like him and doesn't like me back so he's avoiding me? But then why go out of his way to make sure I *see* him?? Or maybe he likes me but thinks I don't like him? (We ISTJs can be suuuuper subtle about showing whether we like someone to the point they may not think we like them at all) I pretend to ignore him sometimes (I know you guys hate that ;P) to see if he's just reacting to me or actually has an interest of his own, and my gut tells me he likes me. Once when I did that, he spotted me and then made his way over to "coincidentally" bump into me when I was leaving the room; but then he waited for ME to start talking to him. His behavior seems to contradict what I've read some of you post about how you will be really bold with someone you like. Is this something an ESFP would do to "test the waters" when they're not sure if the other person likes them back? I know because of Fi you guys wouldn't be super blunt about saying you like someone, probably more just flirt and obvious hints (or am I wrong about that?).

Have you ever liked someone and it made you shy? Have you ever felt intimidated by someone you've got a big crush on? I wonder if the fact I am 4 years older than him affects how he acts? This isn't a life-or-death question since I only see this person a few times a year (he lives in another country) but I'm just curious because he fits just about every description of ESFP except for this situation. And that's another thing; you'd think that after a few months he'd lose interest, especially since I don't fawn all over him all the time although we do talk and it's not awkward or anything. Anyway I'm just confused. Can any of you ESFP guys/gals relate to any of this?

From what you have written it definitely seems like he likes you, but is either shy or tries to not scare you away by showing too much interest. ESFPs can, just like anyone else, have periods in their life where they are pretty shy (I know I did). And it could also be that he is shy around you because he likes you (maybe the fact that you are 4 years older makes it extra intimidating?).

I've been called "Mr. Social guy" several times and I am for the most part very outgoing and flirty, but there is one girl I've had a crush on for over a year, and every time I see her (which unfortunately isn't often since she moved to a different city) I wuss out and don't dare to escalate.

So yeah, just because a person normally is very extraverted doesn't mean they can't get nervous about ruining a potential relationship with someone they really like.

 

[sBel90]

Thanks @Marac for the reply That's pretty much what I thought but just wanted to confirm. It's also good to know that you guys DO have long-term crushes I was paranoid that he'd forget about me since we live so far apart.

How can I go about making him feel more comfortable around me? When we were first getting to know each other at camp we would literally talk for one or two hours at a time. It doesn't help that we don't have too many good friends in common because of the age difference. (Although now that I think about it he did start talking to my best friend last time. Is that a good sign?) I miss that interaction but I'm not gonna chase him around everywhere either. That's just a little desperate in my book. What can I do to encourage him without being over the top? I want him to feel more comfortable approaching me.

 

[Marac]

Thanks @Marac for the reply That's pretty much what I thought but just wanted to confirm. It's also good to know that you guys DO have long-term crushes I was paranoid that he'd forget about me since we live so far apart.

How can I go about making him feel more comfortable around me? When we were first getting to know each other at camp we would literally talk for one or two hours at a time. It doesn't help that we don't have too many good friends in common because of the age difference. (Although now that I think about it he did start talking to my best friend last time. Is that a good sign?) I miss that interaction but I'm not gonna chase him around everywhere either. That's just a little desperate in my book. What can I do to encourage him without being over the top? I want him to feel more comfortable approaching me.

I would say that it is a good sign that he talked to your friend, because that could mean that he is getting more used to the age-gap.

For you to encourage him to be comfortable, I think it is important that you show him that you like him, because if he is shy, a reason for him suddenly faking disinterest is that it could be a protective mechanism, because he is unsure about whether or not you like him (and thus he fears that he would make a fool of himself if he showed his feelings and they weren't mutual.)

I think a good idea in your case might be to actually ask him out (don't use the word date, because that puts a lot of pressure on it, but just ask if he wants to hang out, go to a cafe, or something casual), because it seems like he is too shy to do so himself, and since he lives far away, what do you have to loose if it goes sour? Better to regret the things you have done, than to regret the things you didn't do. :wink:

 

[sBel90]

Well technically he's not "legal" age so I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him out *just* yet! (Plus I rather he ask me out - I'm a little old-fashioned that way I'd rather be really obvious that I like him without actually asking him out.) I will definitely have to make an effort to approach him more by myself and smile at him, etc. That's really hard for me because in general ISTJs are hesitant to show that they like someone too much :blushed: HOWEVER, I learned a hard lesson about being too subtle/passive the last time I was in this situation and ultimately that ruined any possible friendship from developing. Idk if this will ever be a bf/gf situation but I would like to keep him as a friend at least! He's a really cool person So yea I will def make the effort this time around; as I get older I'm getting better at stepping out of my comfort zone too, which is a good thing. Even if it doesn't work out, I will be that much more effective at communicating interest towards another person in the future. roud:

 

[Kyandigaru]

I've been called "Mr. Social guy" several times and I am for the most part very outgoing and flirty, but there is one girl I've had a crush on for over a year, and every time I see her (which unfortunately isn't often since she moved to a different city) I wuss out and don't dare to escalate.

So yeah, just because a person normally is very extraverted doesn't mean they can't get nervous about ruining a potential relationship with someone they really like.[/QUOTE]

this is true! my guy is pretty much extraverted and loves communication with all sorts of people. however, he is shy and a little bit of a flirt here and there with women.

 

[Kyandigaru]

Well technically he's not "legal" age so I wouldn't feel comfortable asking him out *just* yet! (Plus I rather he ask me out - I'm a little old-fashioned that way I'd rather be really obvious that I like him without actually asking him out.) I will definitely have to make an effort to approach him more by myself and smile at him, etc. That's really hard for me because in general ISTJs are hesitant to show that they like someone too much :blushed: HOWEVER, I learned a hard lesson about being too subtle/passive the last time I was in this situation and ultimately that ruined any possible friendship from developing. Idk if this will ever be a bf/gf situation but I would like to keep him as a friend at least! He's a really cool person So yea I will def make the effort this time around; as I get older I'm getting better at stepping out of my comfort zone too, which is a good thing. Even if it doesn't work out, I will be that much more effective at communicating interest towards another person in the future. roud:

I'm really old-fashioned too, my guy is more modern. I was pretty blown away when he didn't give a fuck about me wanting to cook him a good meal. He didn't care for it much. *woah*...However, I was used to men wanting and thinking a man needs a home cooked meal. Although it would please me some to cook something good..lol

Yes. being too passive will leave you unsure of possibilities. I tend to be too aggressive. my ESFP guy is aggressive and it causes me to become soft and more "lady-like". *snickers* it led to a nice balance..lol

 

[armika_armika]

I believe he's into you too!!!!! Lucky esfp guys! Where are the men fancying esfp women

 

[sBel90]

I believe he's into you too!!!!! Lucky esfp guys! Where are the men fancying esfp women

Yay! :blushed: Too bad idk when I'll see him next! :frustrating:
At least guys notice bubbly ESFP women. Us ISTJ women are a rare (boring) breed :mellow:
(not that I think I'm boring, just that I can see why other people might think that since I'm so calm)

 

[armika_armika]

Yay! :blushed: Too bad idk when I'll see him next! :frustrating:
At least guys notice bubbly ESFP women. Us ISTJ women are a rare (boring) breed :mellow:
(not that I think I'm boring, just that I can see why other people might think that since I'm so calm)

yeah we get noticed, but believe me, I think esfp guys find you really intruiging, and secretly admire you, I know I think that about istj men anyway

 

[sBel90]

yeah we get noticed, but believe me, I think esfp guys find you really intruiging, and secretly admire you, I know I think that about istj men anyway

hehe sometimes you don't WANT to know what we're thinking :wink: I think ESFP and ISTJ make a good pair, although I know there would be challenges further down the line once both people settle more into their personalities and after the infatuation wears off. Still, I really admire the accepting and fun attitude of ESFPs. I could learn a lot from your easy grace. Also, I like that you draw me out of my shell and push me to be more adventurous. At least one area we'd be super compatible is physically. We ISTJs are cool on the outside, but crack us open and there's a fire raging inside. :crazy: Many ISTJs (male AND female) are legendary cuddle-monsters with our SO. Of course that information is classified...:ninja: