[deadassINTPgirl]

I currently am interested in the ESFP personality because I'm interested in an ESFP guy. I'm an INTP girl who is extremely shy, super logical, and super intuitive as well.

I was new in this school and I have one class in common with this ESFP guy(btw I made him take the test) and we never really talked until I added him on snapchat by mistake(I thought he is someone else)he added me immediately and bombarded me with questions(like what I like and made me introduce myself a little bit). Then I asked him what tv show is good to watch then we made a deal to watch the show we recommanded to each other in 1 week. sometimes when he has abundance of time he watches the chat window waiting for my reply which made me feel really special like having an one on one face to face conversation instead of just mass texting. And when I ask a question(not directed to him its like on a story where everyone can see) he went out of his way to help me even when he didn't know much about the subject either which I find really cute.

I think he is not as boisterous, or shallow, or stupid as he acted on the surface but it's really hard to get to know him at a deeper level as the conversations are mostly about everyday school stuff(he would text me and ask me how was my day and stuff) and they are all kind of dry and close ended making me doubt whether he truly wants to talk to me or is just being polite. He seem to reply all my texts even if its just a emoji and he makes sure he sends the last text(usually like yep to reaffirm what I said but just dry words that you can't really extend the conversation). He also doesn't seem to reply to group sent snaps which made me think he is a very personal guy since few weeks ago was thanksgiving(at that time we only started talking for about a week) and he texted to me individually 'thankful for you' when most people just made a snap and group sent it.

After I got to know more about ESFP personality I'm more torn on whether he is just just super nice or he is interested in me. How he go out of his way to help me, make sure his text is the last text, taking me seriously unlike his joking attitude he shown to most people, and compliments my intelligence, art, and sometimes appearance when I sound unconfident, thoes all made me think that he likes me but on the other hand he no longer initates conversations about who I am personally(I don't really ask either because I don't want to sound prying and the situation never comes) and everything he did for me is never really out of the friend zone(I'm still really grateful and appreciated all.). I just want to know your opinion on this and how can I perhaps get to know him in a more intimate way if he is indeed interested.

we only known each other for about 20 days, I'm super shy and we don't see each other often and people would probably never associate me and him together but oddly I did hear his friends mention me and during the first week when he texted me and asked me how I am there's this friend of his would cross the hallway and ask me how I am doing. I didn't make the connection until later because I had this happened to me before and I think its because the way I respond to people's greeting is kind of weird and robotic and they find it funny. He once texted me asking how I am doing twice with the two texts only minutes apart so I kind of shaded on how his friend would ask me how I am doing multiple times a day and he apologized immediately.

So yeah this is basically the situation and my question is he just being his nice esfp self or is he interested? And what approach should I use to get to know him more and not seem too prying? Thankyou very much for reading this.

 

[Maybe]

Moved to Esfp

 

[ametan]

Not a guy, but hopefully I can help. I feel that I'm super obvious when I'm interested in a person. My attention with be focused on that person, even when we are in a group. I will be extra flirty, extra touchy, extra sarcastic and teasing. I know pretty much right away if I'm interested in a person or just want to be friends and will be extra friendly towards them. I will message them more, message them longer... I don't always ask open-ended questions since sometimes that can just feel forced. I'll text my opinion or thought on something and fully expect the other person to chime in and add their own (since that's what I would do.) If I know another person is introverted, I don't mind carrying the conversation more as long as I get some sort of response. I also adore introverts and kinda find that I'm very attracted to NT-types. INTJs are my kryptonite.

So considering how I behave, I definitely think there is some sort of interest. I can't tell you if it's just friendly (Oh look, shiny new girl!) or if it's romantic. So watch him when you guys are in a group together. Does he seem to be giving you more attention than others? Or is he spreading his attention around equally? If he flirts with you, flirt back. If he's into you, that'll be all the greenlight he'll need to hit GO. XD

Good luck! Keep me posted on how it goes! (^_~

 

[deadassINTPgirl]

Not a guy, but hopefully I can help. I feel that I'm super obvious when I'm interested in a person. My attention with be focused on that person, even when we are in a group. I will be extra flirty, extra touchy, extra sarcastic and teasing. I know pretty much right away if I'm interested in a person or just want to be friends and will be extra friendly towards them. I will message them more, message them longer... I don't always ask open-ended questions since sometimes that can just feel forced. I'll text my opinion or thought on something and fully expect the other person to chime in and add their own (since that's what I would do.) If I know another person is introverted, I don't mind carrying the conversation more as long as I get some sort of response. I also adore introverts and kinda find that I'm very attracted to NT-types. INTJs are my kryptonite.

So considering how I behave, I definitely think there is some sort of interest. I can't tell you if it's just friendly (Oh look, shiny new girl!) or if it's romantic. So watch him when you guys are in a group together. Does he seem to be giving you more attention than others? Or is he spreading his attention around equally? If he flirts with you, flirt back. If he's into you, that'll be all the greenlight he'll need to hit GO. XD

Good luck! Keep me posted on how it goes! (^_~

Thank you for your reply,
Hmmm... I kind of go to a Christian school where it is specifically stated nothing rough nothing romantic sooo... I dunno about the touchy and flirty part and its probably not gonna happen in the school setting, ever. We never got the chance to be in a group together but yesterday during the class we had together we sat next to each other(I never move my spot unless its taken he probably too, he usually sits at the back with his group of guy friends but somehow his seat was taken that day? I didn't see.) we were watching a movie for film study(one he told me his not a fan of, I thought its cool tho), my girlfriends sat right behind us(btw they totally have no idea because I'm an intp I don't share my personal life with people). After he moved next to me one of my girlfriend who is a tiny person asked him to move to my side more because she couldn't see, he was actually really rigid and reluctant :/ The first time she asked him he moved like literally nothing and after she asked him multiple times he slowly inched toward my seat without looking at me which I thought its actually a really odd behaviour because normally when I need to move toward somebody even I would give them an excuse me kind of face. But he didn't he just stared at the whiteboard when there's nothing written on there(I thought staring at blank space is a N thing but I guess not). After the film started he was quiet and really rigid as well when normally I could hear his laughter or voice at the front row when he sits at the back, he seemed really bored and didn't seem to be paying attention to the movie or at anything else, he just kept drinking his gatorade, sometimes looking from side to side without glancing at my direction. Eventually he even tried to sleep after he finished his Gatorade, he is definitely not himself at all around me and my girlfriends... I don't know what's wrong since even as a friend he would at least say something(I tried to gain some eye contact but it only happened like once and he quickly looked away). I'm just really frustrated rn because just two days ago he stopped me at the hallway and asked me a math question which I later found out he totally knew, can you sorta understand what is going on in his head when he behaved like that? It's not like I'm being totally obvious and chasing him around or anything, what I did what totally in the friend zone too and I'm not even messaging him like crazy(something impossible for INTPs I texted him like once a day?) and the day before that happened he even asked my dreams are.... I'm 100% not getting this, and I feel emotionally drained thinking about this and considering maybe I should never regard anybody in a romantic way ever.

 

[ametan]

*lots of cute stuff*

Okay, yup... everything that you've told me so far leads me to believe that he likes you. (^_~ I do the same thing... I'm super-awkward around someone I like who I think isn't interested in me. Especially if they're an introvert. I don't want to overwhelm them with my energy. There was this INTJ I liked. He came over to my house to watch a movie but I couldn't relax and enjoy the movie. All of my attention was focused on the fact that HE WAS RIGHT THERE! Se-Fi overload. I didn't look at him, just stared at the TV screen without really seeing anything. So I'm thinking your ESFP was kinda the same way. The only time I purposefully don't look as someone is when I dislike them greatly or when I have a crush on them and don't think that it is reciprocated. (^_~

When he sat down next to you, did you smile at him? Although we don't value Fe, it's still a strong function for us. We take a lot of visual clues from the people that we're interacting with and are very adept at reading the mood of a group. We notice all of the little details, especially if we are crushing on you. If I sit next to you and you stiffen up, I'm going to think that I make you uncomfortable. That you don't want me around. If I sit next to you and you smile, it's an open door to start a conversation and be my normally warm and happy self. When he comes into your space, do you back away? We notice that and will try to maintain your bubble as a sign of respect.

He's seeking you out with lame excuses to talk. That's a good sign. And he probably has his friends asking your friends if you like anyone. The fact that they don't know could be working against you. I know INTPs aren't great at making the first move, but give him an obvious sign that you're interested too (texting once a day is not enough for us, btw... our friends do that), and he'll take it from there.

Good luck and keep me posted. I'm rooting for you! (^^

 

[deadassINTPgirl]

Okay, yup... everything that you've told me so far leads me to believe that he likes you. (^_~ I do the same thing... I'm super-awkward around someone I like who I think isn't interested in me. Especially if they're an introvert. I don't want to overwhelm them with my energy. There was this INTJ I liked. He came over to my house to watch a movie but I couldn't relax and enjoy the movie. All of my attention was focused on the fact that HE WAS RIGHT THERE! Se-Fi overload. I didn't look at him, just stared at the TV screen without really seeing anything. So I'm thinking your ESFP was kinda the same way. The only time I purposefully don't look as someone is when I dislike them greatly or when I have a crush on them and don't think that it is reciprocated. (^_~

When he sat down next to you, did you smile at him? Although we don't value Fe, it's still a strong function for us. We take a lot of visual clues from the people that we're interacting with and are very adept at reading the mood of a group. We notice all of the little details, especially if we are crushing on you. If I sit next to you and you stiffen up, I'm going to think that I make you uncomfortable. That you don't want me around. If I sit next to you and you smile, it's an open door to start a conversation and be my normally warm and happy self. When he comes into your space, do you back away? We notice that and will try to maintain your bubble as a sign of respect.

He's seeking you out with lame excuses to talk. That's a good sign. And he probably has his friends asking your friends if you like anyone. The fact that they don't know could be working against you. I know INTPs aren't great at making the first move, but give him an obvious sign that you're interested too (texting once a day is not enough for us, btw... our friends do that), and he'll take it from there.

Good luck and keep me posted. I'm rooting for you! (^^

:blushed: thanks for the optimistic reply, brightened my day
Yeah I kinda have a still face problem I probably look like I'm mad all the time that's something I need to work on. I really like him he's such a gem but I feel really uncomfortable about sharing my feelings with anyone. Just think about it makes my heart thump like crazy. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriends its just that I think this is like a really personally matter. And tbh I think they might even be better friends with him than with me:|...
Its weird because all of a sudden my ENFP friend asked me about my romantic interest(yesterday), whether I like anybody in our class or not and I said not really:\... I kinda feel bad for hiding things from her but honestly I think if I told her I'll probably explode right on the spot. Also I'm not really lying to her since after his bizarre behaviours I thought he probably doesn't like me so I told myself not to regard him with romantic interest. And then she asked what kind of guys do I like... I did suspect a little that he might talked to her about things since I think they might be best friends on snapchat(because of the emoji). But that's probably just my biased brain telling me he likes me to make me feel better.

He also scares me a little bit because his emotional intelligence seems so high and when I use my logic to think about this I think its hard to not like him so I keep wondering why he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet. Btw I might actually be an INTJ based on functions I got the test result of INTP bcs I was peacocking thinking I'm super adaptive and flexible. I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control. I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing; and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embrassement I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.

How do you think he would react if I just straight up tell him:" I like you I think you are a really nice person, I know this sounds weird to you but I just want to get this out of my head because it has been bothering me." How would you react to this if you like this person, don't like, and would you go around telling people about it for entertainment? Cause if my feelings continue to bother me and drive me crazy and if you guys are not the kind to spread this kind of things around then I'm down for that, immediate problem solver.

 

[artofbalance]

:blushed: thanks for the optimistic reply, brightened my day
Yeah I kinda have a still face problem I probably look like I'm mad all the time that's something I need to work on. I really like him he's such a gem but I feel really uncomfortable about sharing my feelings with anyone. Just think about it makes my heart thump like crazy. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriends its just that I think this is like a really personally matter. And tbh I think they might even be better friends with him than with me:|...
Its weird because all of a sudden my ENFP friend asked me about my romantic interest(yesterday), whether I like anybody in our class or not and I said not really:\... I kinda feel bad for hiding things from her but honestly I think if I told her I'll probably explode right on the spot. Also I'm not really lying to her since after his bizarre behaviours I thought he probably doesn't like me so I told myself not to regard him with romantic interest. And then she asked what kind of guys do I like... I did suspect a little that he might talked to her about things since I think they might be best friends on snapchat(because of the emoji). But that's probably just my biased brain telling me he likes me to make me feel better.

He also scares me a little bit because his emotional intelligence seems so high and when I use my logic to think about this I think its hard to not like him so I keep wondering why he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet. Btw I might actually be an INTJ based on functions I got the test result of INTP bcs I was peacocking thinking I'm super adaptive and flexible. I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control. I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing; and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embrassement I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.

How do you think he would react if I just straight up tell him:" I like you I think you are a really nice person, I know this sounds weird to you but I just want to get this out of my head because it has been bothering me." How would you react to this if you like this person, don't like, and would you go around telling people about it for entertainment? Cause if my feelings continue to bother me and drive me crazy and if you guys are not the kind to spread this kind of things around then I'm down for that, immediate problem solver.

i'm not an ESFP, but i'm dating one, and i can tell you this much, if you express your feelings it gives them a green-light to express theirs. they kind of just build the feelings one on top of the other-- the only time it will change is if you change. so if you're saying you're not interested in anyone or you're giving him the uncomfortable look when he sits next to you he is reading your body language so he may not want to scare you off or engage too much as to overwhelm you.

when i first met the ESFP i'm dating, he literally couldn't handle himself. he was off the rocker, i thought he was gonna explode (i think it was sensory overload lol). i'm much more quiet/reserved like you. and he tried so many different ways to make me laugh/talk to me.

if you don't want to directly say you like him, invite him out to something. they just need an open, they'll handle the rest honestly.

 

[Mick Travis]

The title was misleading. FTFY...

View attachment 811821

 

[ametan]

:blushed: thanks for the optimistic reply, brightened my day

Awww... thanks for this. Knowing that my input helps in some fashion brightens my day, so I feel like this exchange is very win-win. (^_^

Yeah I kinda have a still face problem I probably look like I'm mad all the time that's something I need to work on. I really like him he's such a gem but I feel really uncomfortable about sharing my feelings with anyone. Just think about it makes my heart thump like crazy. It's not that I don't trust my girlfriends its just that I think this is like a really personally matter. And tbh I think they might even be better friends with him than with me:|...

You are probably not wrong in that thought. How big is your school? He's probably known the people in your class for years whereas you (as the new girl) are new to the social group. So they know him better. It's just a matter of time investment. That's not to say that they don't see the value or cherish a friendship with you. Girlfriends add something to a friendship that no guy ever could. (^_^

Its weird because all of a sudden my ENFP friend asked me about my romantic interest(yesterday), whether I like anybody in our class or not and I said not really:\... I kinda feel bad for hiding things from her but honestly I think if I told her I'll probably explode right on the spot. Also I'm not really lying to her since after his bizarre behaviours I thought he probably doesn't like me so I told myself not to regard him with romantic interest. And then she asked what kind of guys do I like... I did suspect a little that he might talked to her about things since I think they might be best friends on snapchat(because of the emoji). But that's probably just my biased brain telling me he likes me to make me feel better.

I totally get you about opening up. There's definitely a vulnerability that's inherent in sharing your innermost feelings with someone. But being willing to be that vulnerable with people has helped my friendships grow and blossom. It's deepened them and made them stronger. And consider this thought: If you end up together with the ESFP, how will your friends feel knowing that you weren't completely honest with them? You *could* use the explanation above, but it might fall flat since they could see it as justification after the fact. I know it's troublesome, but people are complicated that way. Not being entirely honest will always leave a little smudge on the friendship... especially if it's in the beginning stages.

He also scares me a little bit because his emotional intelligence seems so high and when I use my logic to think about this I think its hard to not like him so I keep wondering why he isn't in a relationship with anyone yet.

When I was in highschool, I never dated anyone. I went to a small school and wasn't really interested in the boys around me. They seemed so homogeneous and uninteresting. I knew that there was a larger world out there that I wanted to see. I enjoyed the people that I hung out with enough, but we never meshed. Maybe your ESFP feels the same... I can be VERY picky when it comes to romantic interest. Usually I know right away whether there's a spark there or not.

Btw I might actually be an INTJ based on functions I got the test result of INTP bcs I was peacocking thinking I'm super adaptive and flexible. I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control.

Hmm.. do you know much about cognitive functions? INTPs lead with Ti whereas INTJs lead with Ni. What this means is that INTPs interact with the world as judgers first (Ti is a judging function) whereas INTJs interact with the world as perceivers first (Ni is a perceiving function.) Ti is my PoLR function and so I really struggle to identify and explain it. I don't want to misinform, so maybe ask the INTP thread what having Ti-dom is like for them. Ni, while my inferior function, is something that I very much admire and am trying to develop into a stronger function. Ni takes in information from the world around it through Se and puts the information together in a network to come up with conclusions that can seem magical (to me) at times. Ni isn't linear, but it is focused. It doesn't get distracted by a million different possibilities... it's good at zoning in on the outcome that is most likely to occur. INTPs with Ne struggle with focusing an outcome down as, in their minds, all outcomes are equally possible.

When I experience Ni, it comes as more of an 'A-ha' moment, a flash of insight, really. This works really well when paired with my strong Se in social settings. I know who likes who. Who's fighting with who. When people are unhappy and/or uncomfortable. I'm always reading the world around me and my Ni helps me understand what's going on. That being said, my Ni fails me utterly when it comes to romantic situations. I mentally flip-flop between the idea that someone likes me romantically to rationalizing why I'm just making assumptions and fooling myself. I end up in this situation A LOT with INT* types, just so you know. XD

I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing

Okay, so before you focus on confirming his feelings, do you think that there is a possibility of things not working out? We ESFPs are in the moment. We're terrible at thinking about the future outcomes of our actions. We're not great at caution. So when we go into a relationship, we dive in headfirst. We're enthusiastic, loving, and caring. On the flip-side, we need frequent affirmation. We love attention. Our Fi sometimes makes us selfish. If we care about you enough, we can compromise and try to meet you in the middle, but we do need to know that you care. Frequently. Usually with words. We want to know that we are special to you... because you are special to us. And we will tell you. Frequently. Not because we expect a reply but because we're so full of love for you that it feels like we'll explode if we can't just let it flow out of us. Are you willing to take all of this on? If not, it might be the kindest thing to not take things further between the two of you. What we do, we do for love. But if we feel unappreciated or trapped, that love can fade for us. This is never a fun road to go down.

If you're okay with our downsides, we can work on confirming his feelings. I may lie about my feelings to save my pride or if there's a fear that I might scare the other person off. There are so few people that I am interested in romantically, so I would try to tamp down on my feelings to prevent the loss. Key word being 'try.' I have always ended up confessing my feelings to my crushes. Sometimes they have been reciprocated, sometimes we just remain good friends. Sometimes I do lose an interesting person from my life. So, if you want to confirm without any risk to yourself, you can just wait things out. But it sounds like waiting might be hellish for you, too. XD

and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embarrassment I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.

So, I adore INTJs. (And the following is operating on the assumption that you are an INTJ.) I think you're so taken with what he has that you are lacking that you're failing to see what you offer him. Here's part of the list of why I like(d?) my INTJ crush:

* He has amazing insights into things. He's thoughtful and well-read. I can talk to him about anything and our conversations always blow my mind. He is a very giving conversationalist and I always come away from our discussions a little bit more educated. I'm constantly curious and he's happy to indulge my curiosity.

* He's one of the nicest guys I know. Maybe not 'nice' with everyone, but he will go to the mat for people that he's close to. He gets riled up by slights directed at his friends. Knowing that he's in my corner helps me feel more confident in the world.

* He's honest. When he gives me a compliment, I know that it is something honest and true. Not something that is said out of social obligation. It makes compliments that he gives much more precious and I hold them very close to my heart.

* He's mysterious. I can't always read what's going on in his mind. I'm good a reading people, and I can read more than he thinks I can. But they are surface level emotions. They aren't his thoughts. When he does open up and share his thoughts with me, it's like I'm a kid on Christmas day. His thoughts are surprising in their clarity and depth. They draw me in, fascinate me, and leave me thirsting for more.

* He offers me great advice. Things are so non-judgmental with him. I can tell him my troubles and woes and he can offer me a new insight or solution to the situation. He can also just offer comfort/support if there is no solution possible. He doesn't offer me platitudes not empty compliments. He just says 'I'm sorry...' and that's enough.

* He finds me interesting. He has admitted he finds most people boring, so knowing that I'm someone who he finds interesting is an ego-boost. We ESFPs like to know that we are special. I saw this on a Quora post about why INTJs were so popular (and I'm paraphrasing here, so I might not be exact): There's nothing so satisfying as being liked by someone who doesn't like anyone. (^^

I feel like as an INTJ, you would have most, if not all, of the above traits. This is why you intrigue us. We instinctively know this about you and we are drawn like moths to a flame. (^_~

How do you think he would react if I just straight up tell him:" I like you I think you are a really nice person, I know this sounds weird to you but I just want to get this out of my head because it has been bothering me." How would you react to this if you like this person, don't like, and would you go around telling people about it for entertainment? Cause if my feelings continue to bother me and drive me crazy and if you guys are not the kind to spread this kind of things around then I'm down for that, immediate problem solver.

Okay, another downside to ESFPs... we share our love trials and tribulations. If he is crushing on you, all of his friends already know this. You have been a topic of conversation. You may be a main topic of conversation for him. Feelings, for us, aren't personal and intimate. What I keep close to my heart are bad events that have happened to me. I don't like focusing on the negative, so these things I bury deep and only share them with my most trusted friends.

If you confess to me, but I don't feel the same way about you, I will keep it a secret if you ask me to. Because of the way I feel about emotions, it might not register for me that not everyone is as open with theirs. But if you explain to me how personal emotions are to you and how vulnerable they make you feel and then ask that I don't share yours, I won't. But you will need to be very explicit about it as this feeling is outside of anything that I know and therefore won't be my standard operating procedure.


Gah, sorry for the book. (>.<;; There was a lot to unpack in your post and truthfully, I don't think I addressed everything. Still, feel free to let me know if you have any more ESFP questions or would like clarification on any part of my post. (^_^

 

[deadassINTPgirl]

You are probably not wrong in that thought. How big is your school? He's probably known the people in your class for years whereas you (as the new girl) are new to the social group. So they know him better. It's just a matter of time investment. That's not to say that they don't see the value or cherish a friendship with you. Girlfriends add something to a friendship that no guy ever could. (^_^



I totally get you about opening up. There's definitely a vulnerability that's inherent in sharing your innermost feelings with someone. But being willing to be that vulnerable with people has helped my friendships grow and blossom. It's deepened them and made them stronger. And consider this thought: If you end up together with the ESFP, how will your friends feel knowing that you weren't completely honest with them? You *could* use the explanation above, but it might fall flat since they could see it as justification after the fact. I know it's troublesome, but people are complicated that way. Not being entirely honest will always leave a little smudge on the friendship... especially if it's in the beginning stages.



When I was in highschool, I never dated anyone. I went to a small school and wasn't really interested in the boys around me. They seemed so homogeneous and uninteresting. I knew that there was a larger world out there that I wanted to see. I enjoyed the people that I hung out with enough, but we never meshed. Maybe your ESFP feels the same... I can be VERY picky when it comes to romantic interest. Usually I know right away whether there's a spark there or not.



Hmm.. do you know much about cognitive functions? INTPs lead with Ti whereas INTJs lead with Ni. What this means is that INTPs interact with the world as judgers first (Ti is a judging function) whereas INTJs interact with the world as perceivers first (Ni is a perceiving function.) Ti is my PoLR function and so I really struggle to identify and explain it. I don't want to misinform, so maybe ask the INTP thread what having Ti-dom is like for them. Ni, while my inferior function, is something that I very much admire and am trying to develop into a stronger function. Ni takes in information from the world around it through Se and puts the information together in a network to come up with conclusions that can seem magical (to me) at times. Ni isn't linear, but it is focused. It doesn't get distracted by a million different possibilities... it's good at zoning in on the outcome that is most likely to occur. INTPs with Ne struggle with focusing an outcome down as, in their minds, all outcomes are equally possible.

When I experience Ni, it comes as more of an 'A-ha' moment, a flash of insight, really. This works really well when paired with my strong Se in social settings. I know who likes who. Who's fighting with who. When people are unhappy and/or uncomfortable. I'm always reading the world around me and my Ni helps me understand what's going on. That being said, my Ni fails me utterly when it comes to romantic situations. I mentally flip-flop between the idea that someone likes me romantically to rationalizing why I'm just making assumptions and fooling myself. I end up in this situation A LOT with INT* types, just so you know. XD



Okay, so before you focus on confirming his feelings, do you think that there is a possibility of things not working out? We ESFPs are in the moment. We're terrible at thinking about the future outcomes of our actions. We're not great at caution. So when we go into a relationship, we dive in headfirst. We're enthusiastic, loving, and caring. On the flip-side, we need frequent affirmation. We love attention. Our Fi sometimes makes us selfish. If we care about you enough, we can compromise and try to meet you in the middle, but we do need to know that you care. Frequently. Usually with words. We want to know that we are special to you... because you are special to us. And we will tell you. Frequently. Not because we expect a reply but because we're so full of love for you that it feels like we'll explode if we can't just let it flow out of us. Are you willing to take all of this on? If not, it might be the kindest thing to not take things further between the two of you. What we do, we do for love. But if we feel unappreciated or trapped, that love can fade for us. This is never a fun road to go down.

If you're okay with our downsides, we can work on confirming his feelings. I may lie about my feelings to save my pride or if there's a fear that I might scare the other person off. There are so few people that I am interested in romantically, so I would try to tamp down on my feelings to prevent the loss. Key word being 'try.' I have always ended up confessing my feelings to my crushes. Sometimes they have been reciprocated, sometimes we just remain good friends. Sometimes I do lose an interesting person from my life. So, if you want to confirm without any risk to yourself, you can just wait things out. But it sounds like waiting might be hellish for you, too. XD



So, I adore INTJs. (And the following is operating on the assumption that you are an INTJ.) I think you're so taken with what he has that you are lacking that you're failing to see what you offer him. Here's part of the list of why I like(d?) my INTJ crush:

* He has amazing insights into things. He's thoughtful and well-read. I can talk to him about anything and our conversations always blow my mind. He is a very giving conversationalist and I always come away from our discussions a little bit more educated. I'm constantly curious and he's happy to indulge my curiosity.

* He's one of the nicest guys I know. Maybe not 'nice' with everyone, but he will go to the mat for people that he's close to. He gets riled up by slights directed at his friends. Knowing that he's in my corner helps me feel more confident in the world.

* He's honest. When he gives me a compliment, I know that it is something honest and true. Not something that is said out of social obligation. It makes compliments that he gives much more precious and I hold them very close to my heart.

* He's mysterious. I can't always read what's going on in his mind. I'm good a reading people, and I can read more than he thinks I can. But they are surface level emotions. They aren't his thoughts. When he does open up and share his thoughts with me, it's like I'm a kid on Christmas day. His thoughts are surprising in their clarity and depth. They draw me in, fascinate me, and leave me thirsting for more.

* He offers me great advice. Things are so non-judgmental with him. I can tell him my troubles and woes and he can offer me a new insight or solution to the situation. He can also just offer comfort/support if there is no solution possible. He doesn't offer me platitudes not empty compliments. He just says 'I'm sorry...' and that's enough.

* He finds me interesting. He has admitted he finds most people boring, so knowing that I'm someone who he finds interesting is an ego-boost. We ESFPs like to know that we are special. I saw this on a Quora post about why INTJs were so popular (and I'm paraphrasing here, so I might not be exact): There's nothing so satisfying as being liked by someone who doesn't like anyone. (^^

I feel like as an INTJ, you would have most, if not all, of the above traits. This is why you intrigue us. We instinctively know this about you and we are drawn like moths to a flame. (^_~



Okay, another downside to ESFPs... we share our love trials and tribulations. If he is crushing on you, all of his friends already know this. You have been a topic of conversation. You may be a main topic of conversation for him. Feelings, for us, aren't personal and intimate. What I keep close to my heart are bad events that have happened to me. I don't like focusing on the negative, so these things I bury deep and only share them with my most trusted friends.

If you confess to me, but I don't feel the same way about you, I will keep it a secret if you ask me to. Because of the way I feel about emotions, it might not register for me that not everyone is as open with theirs. But if you explain to me how personal emotions are to you and how vulnerable they make you feel and then ask that I don't share yours, I won't. But you will need to be very explicit about it as this feeling is outside of anything that I know and therefore won't be my standard operating procedure.


Gah, sorry for the book. (>.<;; There was a lot to unpack in your post and truthfully, I don't think I addressed everything. Still, feel free to let me know if you have any more ESFP questions or would like clarification on any part of my post. (^_^

Woah, ok thanks a lot for the detailed reply it helped a lot. I have decided to wait things out just to keep my feelings out a bit and try to view him as a friend which can help me relax, feel more comfortable and friendly around him(INTJs experience Se overload easily, that's why we dodge drama, our tiny hearts just couldn't handle it). I do agree on the moth and lamp analogy but the role is reversed with him being the flame and I'm just an invisible little moth

As an INTJ is my specialty to think of why things won't work out and that's probably what stopped me from lots of possible relationships(any kind). I have a list of possible reasons why it might not work out, some of them are based on ESFP stereotypes hope you don't get offended by the following list and if some are absolute non sense please bust the myth for me. 1. You said about constantly needing affirmation on our affections through words. INTJs are horrible at showing love verbally, but when we say it we mean it 100% and every word we have spoken it like an oath we made that bonds us to it. If ESFPs need 'I love you so much.' five times a day it probably wouldn't work out. We show our love by doing things for you, like helping you with things, buying things, or making something special for you but we are horrible with words. (but when you are special to us and we are in a relationship you'd probably know that because we are like an asshole to everyone else but you : p) 2. Since you guys have Se as your first function I'm afraid that I might not have his interest for long(I'm not the kind of girl who's involved in all the spicy drama[I think he likes that because from his favourite Tv show I could tell], I wouldn't go out there and do things to try to grab people's attention[I'm quite the opposite]), but since I'm also an artist I think I have a good fashion sense and I like to try out new clothing style all the time(maybe that would satisfy your Se? I don't know) . 3. I don't think we have much common interests, I'm just lukewarm with everything and he seems so passionate about the few things he likes. What do couples do together anyways? I like to share all my unrealistic theories with someone I like but I have read that as soon as something is detached from reality ESFPs lose interest. 4. i know we go to the same school now but for uni he wants to go to the states and me toronto to study animation. I probably will move to the states after graduation to pursue my career but can ESFPs stand long distance relationship? As an INTJ I have a little hard time with that; my Ni tend to run wild so I'll need constant affirmation that you still care about me because the moment I sense you maybe losing interest I'll adjust myself for possible breakup, you will find that the more distant you seem to me the more I'll distance myself from you, because we don't want to burden anyone with our feelings, if you are not interested anymore we'll back off and let you live your life. (hehe this is getting a little too far but that's how wild our Ni is, the moment I'm interested in someone I already have our married life imagined :\) 5. I don't know if you know or not from your experience with INTJs but we jealous bitches(secretly, we won't let you know). We want our partners to be our soulmate and best friend and we want to be the closest to you and if you can't offer that or I think I'm not your closest one then we have some major problems(do ESFPs place their relationship first or friendship? INTJs place relationship before friendship because we know there can be only one of you, but we can have many friends). That's about it : | It's a lot but hopefully you can bust some stereotype?

An update, I don't think my responses are satisfying my ESFP ... I recently helped him with something and he texted thx and I said np then he said means a lot, a little excessive I think and I had no idea how to respond so I kinda texted as a joke saying I might need lots of help from you one day, and he said possibly. What kind of words do you guys want when you say that? I'm really clueless I'm horrible at picking up social cues... Also some people in my class seem to be shipping me and another guy in class when we barely talked... I mean would this kind of rumour discourage him or something? To answer your question, my class knew each other for at least 3 years a lot probably happened and I'm not at all interested in their history or social structure so I have no clue, but its a really small school there's only one grade 11 class and I'm kind of in between grade 11 and grade 12 because I'm taking class from both grades. I have noticed a guy from grade 12 that's a friend of his been staring(or observing?) at me during math(the class I have with gr.12) I don't know what he wants or what he would think of me because I just yarn the whole time during math lol.

Thx for reading, hope you had a nice day.

 

[deadassINTPgirl]

i'm not an ESFP, but i'm dating one, and i can tell you this much, if you express your feelings it gives them a green-light to express theirs. they kind of just build the feelings one on top of the other-- the only time it will change is if you change. so if you're saying you're not interested in anyone or you're giving him the uncomfortable look when he sits next to you he is reading your body language so he may not want to scare you off or engage too much as to overwhelm you.

when i first met the ESFP i'm dating, he literally couldn't handle himself. he was off the rocker, i thought he was gonna explode (i think it was sensory overload lol). i'm much more quiet/reserved like you. and he tried so many different ways to make me laugh/talk to me.

if you don't want to directly say you like him, invite him out to something. they just need an open, they'll handle the rest honestly.

I'll try to find a logical reason to ask him out

 

[ametan]

Woah, ok thanks a lot for the detailed reply it helped a lot. I have decided to wait things out just to keep my feelings out a bit and try to view him as a friend which can help me relax, feel more comfortable and friendly around him(INTJs experience Se overload easily, that's why we dodge drama, our tiny hearts just couldn't handle it). I do agree on the moth and lamp analogy but the role is reversed with him being the flame and I'm just an invisible little moth

ESFPs like watching drama. We hate experiencing it ourselves. We want everyone to get along and enjoy themselves. I was out with my roommate last night and found myself a little irritated with her because we picked up some random strangers to hang out with and she thought they were weird, so decided to snub them and act coldly towards them. She can be judgmental and awkward that way. I like giving people a chance and am far more accepting of social awkwardness because I know that not everyone has the same social skills. I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves but she made it clear she wasn't happy and brought the mood down. She probably thinks I was in the wrong for inviting socially awkward people that she didn't approve of and I think that she was wrong for being so close-minded and judgmental. We're both conflict-adverse, so we'll probably never address this issue, btw. XD

As an INTJ is my specialty to think of why things won't work out and that's probably what stopped me from lots of possible relationships(any kind). I have a list of possible reasons why it might not work out, some of them are based on ESFP stereotypes hope you don't get offended by the following list and if some are absolute non sense please bust the myth for me. 1. You said about constantly needing affirmation on our affections through words. INTJs are horrible at showing love verbally, but when we say it we mean it 100% and every word we have spoken it like an oath we made that bonds us to it. If ESFPs need 'I love you so much.' five times a day it probably wouldn't work out. We show our love by doing things for you, like helping you with things, buying things, or making something special for you but we are horrible with words. (but when you are special to us and we are in a relationship you'd probably know that because we are like an asshole to everyone else but you : p)

We're astute at reading situations, so we will pick up on your affections through actions. But we do need a verbal confirmation. It doesn't have to be five times a day and it doesn't necessarily have to be 'I love you.' If you tell us that you appreciate us, it's pretty much the same thing. If you compliment us on something that we do that makes you feel great, we're on top of the world. You don't even have to say it to us verbally. Write us a note. Text us. Just get that information across and we will walk to hell and back for you.

Oh, btw... one thing that I've noticed about ESFPs is that gifts are the very last way we want to be told that we are loved. Things are just things. Write us a note. Spend time with us. Text us and let us know that you're thinking of us. All of these things rate way above gifts on an ESFPs love meter.

2. Since you guys have Se as your first function I'm afraid that I might not have his interest for long(I'm not the kind of girl who's involved in all the spicy drama[I think he likes that because from his favourite Tv show I could tell], I wouldn't go out there and do things to try to grab people's attention[I'm quite the opposite]), but since I'm also an artist I think I have a good fashion sense and I like to try out new clothing style all the time(maybe that would satisfy your Se? I don't know) .

You just being you and sharing your wealth of thoughts will keep him entertained. Your inner world is fascinating to an ESFP. Share it and you have us for life. That being said, you can help alleviate our boredom by doing things with us. If we propose an idea, be willing to come along and explore it with us. We'll thank you for it.

3. I don't think we have much common interests, I'm just lukewarm with everything and he seems so passionate about the few things he likes. What do couples do together anyways? I like to share all my unrealistic theories with someone I like but I have read that as soon as something is detached from reality ESFPs lose interest.

This is true to some extent. I don't like wasting my time thinking about hypothetical situations that will never happen. You know how you are exhausted by having to conform to social norms, how it feels like you're twisting yourself to meet expectations? We feel the same way with fantastical theoretical discussions. Our poor little Ni can't keep up and we start feeling inadequate and unintelligent as a result. We're not used to being out of our comfort zone, being seen less than shining. We don't like showing people our weaknesses, so we will avoid these kind of discussions out of self-defense.

That being said, you can help us stretch our Ni. This is why INTJs and ESFPs are a good pairing... we can help develop each other's weaknesses. Start off with a topic of interest that you both share (I think MBTI might be a good start... don't have him read the descriptions, btw. Have him watch a short video like maybe this one:

. Dollars to donuts he will ask what your type is.) Start theorizing about what types your friends might be. We want to know people on a very deep level, so personality typing can introduce us into the world of philosophy. We don't really care for thought experiments initially, as it seems silly to us. Why experiment with something that won't happen. But the more you discuss hypotheticals with him and engage his Ni, the more interested he will be in having more and more of these type of discussions with you. I adore cosmology. I'm not great at it. I can't follow all of the concepts. But I still find it fascinating and appreciate my friends who can break down and explain these theories with me. They appreciate my contributions to the discussion as I bring a fresh viewpoint to things that they may not have thought about. I also have recently gotten interested in personality growth and development. Before I was exposed, I would often think: why should I change, I like who I am. Now I think: I like who I am, but I can still be better.

What are some things that interest him?

4. i know we go to the same school now but for uni he wants to go to the states and me toronto to study animation. I probably will move to the states after graduation to pursue my career but can ESFPs stand long distance relationship? As an INTJ I have a little hard time with that; my Ni tend to run wild so I'll need constant affirmation that you still care about me because the moment I sense you maybe losing interest I'll adjust myself for possible breakup, you will find that the more distant you seem to me the more I'll distance myself from you, because we don't want to burden anyone with our feelings, if you are not interested anymore we'll back off and let you live your life.

We're kinda flexible in our plans. This comes from not having a great handle on future-thinking. We'll have a generic goal, like studying in the States, but we are open to variations in that goal. So when he says he wants to go to the States, this may be a mutable plan.

So not going to lie, I'm awful with long-distance relationships and delayed gratification. If I love someone, I will try my best but it is really rough on me. ESFPs are such creatures of immediacy that it is hard for us to maintain those feelings if there is a great distance between us. We're greedy in relationships. We want to see you when we want to see you. We want to be able to touch you when we want to touch you. Every time we can't brings a little dissatisfaction into the relationship for us.

(hehe this is getting a little too far but that's how wild our Ni is, the moment I'm interested in someone I already have our married life imagined :\)

Hahaha... this is adorable!

5. I don't know if you know or not from your experience with INTJs but we jealous bitches(secretly, we won't let you know). We want our partners to be our soulmate and best friend and we want to be the closest to you and if you can't offer that or I think I'm not your closest one then we have some major problems(do ESFPs place their relationship first or friendship? INTJs place relationship before friendship because we know there can be only one of you, but we can have many friends).

This is where we are similar. I can't speak for all ESFPs, but when I'm in a relationship with someone, I don't want to share. And I won't be secret about it. I want my SO to be my best friend and soulmate, too. I will always put my SO first, even before my friends, though I would hope for a partner who doesn't need to test the issue and lets me do both. ESFPs are big on freedom. We feel constrained and we'll start to feel unhappy. And that is the beginning of a downhill slide for the relationship.

That's about it : | It's a lot but hopefully you can bust some stereotype?

Hopefully I was able to help, at least a bit?

An update, I don't think my responses are satisfying my ESFP ... I recently helped him with something and he texted thx and I said np then he said means a lot, a little excessive I think and I had no idea how to respond so I kinda texted as a joke saying I might need lots of help from you one day, and he said possibly. What kind of words do you guys want when you say that? I'm really clueless I'm horrible at picking up social cues...

Do you ask him any questions about himself? If I liked someone and I said 'it means a lot,' I'd be giddy if they asked me 'why?' I'd love to be able to open up and reveal a part of my psyche to them. I want them to want to know /me/ as much as I want to know /them/. I want them to know my values, my weaknesses, my inner-self and still love and accept me for them. Take the conversation deeper. He will appreciate you for it. (^_^

Also some people in my class seem to be shipping me and another guy in class when we barely talked... I mean would this kind of rumour discourage him or something?

It might. He might feel even more insecure if he thought that his feelings were unrequited. It won't make his feelings go away, but it might stop him from making a move.

To answer your question, my class knew each other for at least 3 years a lot probably happened and I'm not at all interested in their history or social structure so I have no clue, but its a really small school there's only one grade 11 class and I'm kind of in between grade 11 and grade 12 because I'm taking class from both grades. I have noticed a guy from grade 12 that's a friend of his been staring(or observing?) at me during math(the class I have with gr.12) I don't know what he wants or what he would think of me because I just yarn the whole time during math lol.

Hahaha... I would often sleep through math class. It was so repetitive and past the first example question, I already knew what to do. It was all about recognizing and using formulas correctly.

Thx for reading, hope you had a nice day.

You're so sweet! I hope you aren't too scared off by our propensity to live in the moment. We are very much flighty creatures but we adore the grounding that INTJs provide. High school romances are hard to carry into college, so it is definitely a risk, but youth is for living and learning. Don't miss out because you can't see forever with him. Each relationship you have is a chance to learn, grow, and develop as a person.

I'm rooting for you, whatever you decide! (^_^

PS: I love your avatar! It looks just like a cat I used to have. :heart:

 

[SilentScream]

@ametan ; your posts are a breath of fresh air on this site. 100% confirmation of my internal view of ESFP's (my ex was one, I had a couple of friends and my mother in law is one lol). Lots of experience there.

For someone as jaded as I have become with most of the content on here, when I see good posts like yours I have to appreciate them.

 

[ametan]

@ametan ; your posts are a breath of fresh air on this site. 100% confirmation of my internal view of ESFP's (my ex was one, I had a couple of friends and my mother in law is one lol). Lots of experience there.

For someone as jaded as I have become with most of the content on here, when I see good posts like yours I have to appreciate them.

Wow! Thank you so much! I stalk the INTJ threads a lot and have been noticing your posts there recently. I find you to be so insightful and spot on in your analyses, so to have you confirm my own thoughts on ESFP is gratifying. The way that we're stereotyped is so different about how I feel about things that sometimes I question my type, but then I think about the cognitive functions, where I struggle, and know that I definitely am an ESFP. :rolling:

 

[deadassINTPgirl]

Thx again, for taking taking time helping a total stranger. Honestly ESFPs(you and him that I know of) are the sweetest and nicest people in this world.

ESFPs like watching drama. We hate experiencing it ourselves. We want everyone to get along and enjoy themselves. I was out with my roommate last night and found myself a little irritated with her because we picked up some random strangers to hang out with and she thought they were weird, so decided to snub them and act coldly towards them. She can be judgmental and awkward that way. I like giving people a chance and am far more accepting of social awkwardness because I know that not everyone has the same social skills. I wanted everyone to enjoy themselves but she made it clear she wasn't happy and brought the mood down. She probably thinks I was in the wrong for inviting socially awkward people that she didn't approve of and I think that she was wrong for being so close-minded and judgmental. We're both conflict-adverse, so we'll probably never address this issue, btw. XD

I love that you can just go out of your ways and hang out with strangers even when they are super awkward. Don't we all love and need someone who is emotionally intelligent? I have to say I have that bitchy behaviour you described all the time and I hate myself for it but at the same time I'm so bad at it I find reasons to justify my bitchiness (((((... I would love to use some emotional intelligence.

We're astute at reading situations, so we will pick up on your affections through actions. But we do need a verbal confirmation. It doesn't have to be five times a day and it doesn't necessarily have to be 'I love you.' If you tell us that you appreciate us, it's pretty much the same thing. If you compliment us on something that we do that makes you feel great, we're on top of the world. You don't even have to say it to us verbally. Write us a note. Text us. Just get that information across and we will walk to hell and back for you.

Oh, btw... one thing that I've noticed about ESFPs is that gifts are the very last way we want to be told that we are loved. Things are just things. Write us a note. Spend time with us. Text us and let us know that you're thinking of us. All of these things rate way above gifts on an ESFPs love meter.

It's fascinating that people's love language are correlated to their personality. As an INTJ I feel loved from quality time and gifts because we are so bad at reading and detecting people's emotions we need something concrete to sense that. Like you spending time with us with undivided attention and giving us gifts.

You just being you and sharing your wealth of thoughts will keep him entertained. Your inner world is fascinating to an ESFP. Share it and you have us for life. That being said, you can help alleviate our boredom by doing things with us. If we propose an idea, be willing to come along and explore it with us. We'll thank you for it.



This is true to some extent. I don't like wasting my time thinking about hypothetical situations that will never happen. You know how you are exhausted by having to conform to social norms, how it feels like you're twisting yourself to meet expectations? We feel the same way with fantastical theoretical discussions. Our poor little Ni can't keep up and we start feeling inadequate and unintelligent as a result. We're not used to being out of our comfort zone, being seen less than shining. We don't like showing people our weaknesses, so we will avoid these kind of discussions out of self-defense.

That being said, you can help us stretch our Ni. This is why INTJs and ESFPs are a good pairing... we can help develop each other's weaknesses. Start off with a topic of interest that you both share (I think MBTI might be a good start... don't have him read the descriptions, btw. Have him watch a short video like maybe this one: Dollars to donuts he will ask what your type is.) Start theorizing about what types your friends might be. We want to know people on a very deep level, so personality typing can introduce us into the world of philosophy. We don't really care for thought experiments initially, as it seems silly to us. Why experiment with something that won't happen. But the more you discuss hypotheticals with him and engage his Ni, the more interested he will be in having more and more of these type of discussions with you. I adore cosmology. I'm not great at it. I can't follow all of the concepts. But I still find it fascinating and appreciate my friends who can break down and explain these theories with me. They appreciate my contributions to the discussion as I bring a fresh viewpoint to things that they may not have thought about. I also have recently gotten interested in personality growth and development. Before I was exposed, I would often think: why should I change, I like who I am. Now I think: I like who I am, but I can still be better.

A relationship(any kind) that helps us grow is what INTJs seek, we definitely need some Se Fi boost. I made him took the test and he did ask me what my type is but back then I was still oblivious of cognitive functions(it wasn't until 1 week ago that I got myself into some of that) and had some bias for SF types=_=.... There's a good chance that he's type might be wrong because the validity of the website he got himself tested on is very poor but he does seem to fit the function stack of ESFPs. Do you guys express agreement with people on things to give a false sense of connection even when you don't feel that way? When I said I daydream all the time and have crazy theories going on in my head he said same but I'm not convinced because I provided detailed examples and he didn't. Normally with other friends with N as a saviour function our thoughts would probably run wild together after that...

What are some things that interest him?

He likes soccer hhhh... I think the plan is quite clear with this one? He's bio is about soccer, he posts about soccer, even his name contains soccer emojis I'm dead DDDDDDDDD

We're kinda flexible in our plans. This comes from not having a great handle on future-thinking. We'll have a generic goal, like studying in the States, but we are open to variations in that goal. So when he says he wants to go to the States, this may be a mutable plan.

So not going to lie, I'm awful with long-distance relationships and delayed gratification. If I love someone, I will try my best but it is really rough on me. ESFPs are such creatures of immediacy that it is hard for us to maintain those feelings if there is a great distance between us. We're greedy in relationships. We want to see you when we want to see you. We want to be able to touch you when we want to touch you. Every time we can't brings a little dissatisfaction into the relationship for us.



Hahaha... this is adorable!



This is where we are similar. I can't speak for all ESFPs, but when I'm in a relationship with someone, I don't want to share. And I won't be secret about it. I want my SO to be my best friend and soulmate, too. I will always put my SO first, even before my friends, though I would hope for a partner who doesn't need to test the issue and lets me do both. ESFPs are big on freedom. We feel constrained and we'll start to feel unhappy. And that is the beginning of a downhill slide for the relationship.

Hahaha, we need our personal spaces as well as INTJs and the last thing we want is for people to think that we are controlling because we hateeeee it.

Hopefully I was able to help, at least a bit?

Yassss of course you are da best. Can we be friends you are definitely a really nice person and I wish to learn and seek more advice from you xD . email me qwq

Do you ask him any questions about himself? If I liked someone and I said 'it means a lot,' I'd be giddy if they asked me 'why?' I'd love to be able to open up and reveal a part of my psyche to them. I want them to want to know /me/ as much as I want to know /them/. I want them to know my values, my weaknesses, my inner-self and still love and accept me for them. Take the conversation deeper. He will appreciate you for it. (^_^

I'd love to and will try not to be to reserved when the opportunity comes

It might. He might feel even more insecure if he thought that his feelings were unrequited. It won't make his feelings go away, but it might stop him from making a move.



Hahaha... I would often sleep through math class. It was so repetitive and past the first example question, I already knew what to do. It was all about recognizing and using formulas correctly.

I suspect lots of people with add/adhd are caused by boredom, can't blame me for not paying attention when I already knew that stuff.

You're so sweet! I hope you aren't too scared off by our propensity to live in the moment. We are very much flighty creatures but we adore the grounding that INTJs provide. High school romances are hard to carry into college, so it is definitely a risk, but youth is for living and learning. Don't miss out because you can't see forever with him. Each relationship you have is a chance to learn, grow, and develop as a person.

I'm rooting for you, whatever you decide! (^_^

PS: I love your avatar! It looks just like a cat I used to have. :heart:

Thank youuuuu.... I found the cat on internet and I think I'm like that black cat in real life lol, just really chill, lazy, and secretly judging. Honestly you are the cutest person (personality wise) I've ever known, so helpful and soo much love to give out. Would love for a friend like you in real life. Like a relationship mentor that my NT friends could never offer. I think I definitely need to hang out with you guys more even its out of my comfort zone but that's point it's how we grow. I thought for a conversation starter I wanted to find some ESFP memes and ask him if he found them relatable but sadly the majority of internet memes are for NTs and a little discriminatory towards S types so I couldn't use them for conversation starters xo... Anyways I have decided to keep everything neutral for now there are two years before us and INTJs are at their best when they use their logic and not act spontaneously. But I will keep you updated if a ship ever happen ;DDDDD. Email me btw hhh.

 

[ametan]

**even more cuteness**

Yus, I will e-mail you! I'm a little drunk so will reply more in depth and longer tomorrow. You are very adorable and I just want to squeeeeeze you, but I won't. Because you're INTJ and because my arms aren't that long. XD

Also, please take down your e-mail address! This is a public forum and I don't want some creep messaging you because then I would have to hurt him and possibly face a prison sentence and that's no way to start off a friendship. (^_~

 

[ametan]

Thx again, for taking taking time helping a total stranger. Honestly ESFPs(you and him that I know of) are the sweetest and nicest people in this world.

We have our downsides... but being and INTJ, I'm sure you've already researched them all. XD

I love that you can just go out of your ways and hang out with strangers even when they are super awkward. Don't we all love and need someone who is emotionally intelligent? I have to say I have that bitchy behaviour you described all the time and I hate myself for it but at the same time I'm so bad at it I find reasons to justify my bitchiness (((((... I would love to use some emotional intelligence.

Don't sell yourself short and compare yourself to others. There are fundamental biological differences between introverts and extraverts. E's have less serotonin in their systems and therefore are constantly seeking activities that will boost it for them. I's don't need as much serotonin and therefore easy become overwhelmed in high-energy environments designed to stimulate E's. Your 'bitchiness,' as you call it, is just your body saying 'nopenopenope, can't handle that' and going into defensive mode. (^_^

You're not bitchy. You just have a certain amount of energy that you can take in before you reach your limit and then need to isolate yourself to reduce the serotonin in your system, resetting you back to normal.

It's fascinating that people's love language are correlated to their personality. As an INTJ I feel loved from quality time and gifts because we are so bad at reading and detecting people's emotions we need something concrete to sense that. Like you spending time with us with undivided attention and giving us gifts.

I'm great with the spending time and giving you my undivided attention. Gifts... that I kinda suck at. XD

A relationship(any kind) that helps us grow is what INTJs seek, we definitely need some Se Fi boost. I made him took the test and he did ask me what my type is but back then I was still oblivious of cognitive functions(it wasn't until 1 week ago that I got myself into some of that) and had some bias for SF types=_=.... There's a good chance that he's type might be wrong because the validity of the website he got himself tested on is very poor but he does seem to fit the function stack of ESFPs. Do you guys express agreement with people on things to give a false sense of connection even when you don't feel that way? When I said I daydream all the time and have crazy theories going on in my head he said same but I'm not convinced because I provided detailed examples and he didn't. Normally with other friends with N as a saviour function our thoughts would probably run wild together after that...

We don't usually, because then what we would be presenting isn't genuine. You would just get a mask of us. He might be mirroring you... has nothing to do with being an ESFP and everything to do with wanting to build a connection with you. Here's an interesting article on mirroring: https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2011/05/31/the-art-and-science-of-mirroring/#33579b9e1318

He likes soccer hhhh... I think the plan is quite clear with this one? He's bio is about soccer, he posts about soccer, even his name contains soccer emojis I'm dead DDDDDDDDD

Soccer (and sports in general) can be pretty interesting if you look at the strategy involved. It's kinda like human chess. As him to explain the rules to you... you might find it interesting.

Hahaha, we need our personal spaces as well as INTJs and the last thing we want is for people to think that we are controlling because we hateeeee it.

And this is why ESFPs and INTJs get along. (^^

Thank youuuuu.... I found the cat on internet and I think I'm like that black cat in real life lol, just really chill, lazy, and secretly judging. Honestly you are the cutest person (personality wise) I've ever known, so helpful and soo much love to give out. Would love for a friend like you in real life. Like a relationship mentor that my NT friends could never offer. I think I definitely need to hang out with you guys more even its out of my comfort zone but that's point it's how we grow. I thought for a conversation starter I wanted to find some ESFP memes and ask him if he found them relatable but sadly the majority of internet memes are for NTs and a little discriminatory towards S types so I couldn't use them for conversation starters xo... Anyways I have decided to keep everything neutral for now there are two years before us and INTJs are at their best when they use their logic and not act spontaneously. But I will keep you updated if a ship ever happen ;DDDDD. Email me btw hhh.

Awww... thanks, I think you're pretty awesome yourself. And yeah, ESFP memes aren't so kind to us poor SP-types. Maybe a good conversation starter is: "Hey, I read that ESFPs do blah-blah-blah. Is that true? Are you like that?"

I know I owe you an e-mail back. It's incoming. (^_^

 

[isaac_a15]

Not an ESFP, but I do stalk this forum every so-often. :laughing:

I'm actually a control freak especially about my own things, I hate it when my emotions are out of control. I'm so entangled with my own thoughts right now, first of all I can't even confirm whether he likes me or not; secondly even if he does like me I keep thinking about future stuff and compatibility etc..which is a NT thing; and lastly I think he's so charming and the difference in emotional intelligence is so big this whole situation is out of control and that's freaking me out. It's really a me problem... what could happen even if I like him and he doesn't like me back, maybe a little embrassement I don't know why I'm so stressed about it.

This definitely sounds like INTJ behavior imo.

The way that we're stereotyped is so different about how I feel about things that sometimes I question my type, but then I think about the cognitive functions, where I struggle, and know that I definitely am an ESFP. :rolling:

I agree with this 100%. I think that the ESFP stereotype is super inaccurate to how ESFPs actually are.

This thread is one of the more interesting ones I've read in a while, so thank you both for that. :tongue:

 

[ametan]

I agree with this 100%. I think that the ESFP stereotype is super inaccurate to how ESFPs actually are.

This thread is one of the more interesting ones I've read in a while, so thank you both for that. :tongue:

Thank you for both comments!! It's nice to know that there are INTJs out there who see ESFPs as something beyond the ditzy, party-girl stereotype. (^_^

 

[deadassINTPgirl]

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