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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello everyone.

I'd like to hear about your views on the INTJs, specially if you happen to have an INTJ child...

I grew up with a ESFP. I didn't get her, she didn't get me. I love her but up until today she still thinks I don't. She thinks the way I am is bad but I think the way I am is right.

I would try to speak to her, but it seems like we speak different languages when we try to communicate.

Any ideas of what I'm doing that seems so terribly wrong to her?

Please and Thanks in advance.
 

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I'm having a similar problem -
I'm an ESFP, my father's an INTJ.
I don't know what the determining factor is, maybe he's fabricated to be a cold, cynical USSR-russian raised man, or he naturally is just such a downer.
I can't even begin to find a common language with him. At least, not a language that is deep or meaningful. its especially hurtful since he's my dad. My mom isn't much easier as an ENTJ.
Imagine. an INTJ/ENTJ raising an ESFP.
Effing Nightmare for them.
:crazy:
 

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I'm uncertain if I'm an INTJ, but my mother tested as an ESFP; often times than not we're arguing about something....

...says something about our mutuality. :sad:
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I'm having a similar problem -
I'm an ESFP, my father's an INTJ.
I don't know what the determining factor is, maybe he's fabricated to be a cold, cynical USSR-russian raised man, or he naturally is just such a downer.
I can't even begin to find a common language with him. At least, not a language that is deep or meaningful. its especially hurtful since he's my dad. My mom isn't much easier as an ENTJ.
Imagine. an INTJ/ENTJ raising an ESFP.
Effing Nightmare for them.
:crazy:
OMG XD You guys could host a reality show! XD

My house was pretty complex too. With a ESTP brother and a ESFP mother, I was always like '@[email protected] omg, they're nuts and they're going to drive me nuts too!' and on the other hand they were like 'omg, have more fun!'

XD

Your dad surely loves you. We INTJs just have a very hard time expresing it. We have a very strong vision about how the future could be, backed up with logic, and then introverted feeling... So our love manifests in us making plans to make sure the people we care for will be ok and doing what we have to do to make it happen, sometimes coming off a bit too cold and cruel when we try to tell others that they're going the wrong way.

Not that we're always right though, but in our minds we think we are, until we find that we're not and update/patch our vision. So next time he acts like a downer, that's probably him saying 'I love you so much! You have no clue how important it is to me that you'll always be happy and live without regrets! And I'll do what I have to do to make it possible!' right there.

INTJs are not walking gurus by default, so they can miss the other person's point of view. Just like how it happened to me. :/
 

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My INTJ dad made me sad sometimes.
 

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I'm an INTJ teen, my mum's an ISFP and my dad is an ISTJ. My sis is an ESFP. My mum and my sister drive me crazy! They can never leave me alone!:dry:
 

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I'm an INTJ teen, my mum's an ISFP and my dad is an ISTJ. My sis is an ESFP. My mum and my sister drive me crazy! They can never leave me alone!:dry:
Apparently, you misread the topic title. It doesn't say "Hey, INTJs, come bitch about SPs!"


:tongue:
 

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Haha, I thought my brother was an INTP, but he's just tested as INTJ, and my other brother's an ESFP. They get along when they're playing the same computer game, but they're on different planets really. However, I think they both love each other very much. I think it's about communication.. you could try keeping it simple: just say "I know we're different, but I do actually love you very much!"
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thank you for the insight.

I've been theorizing about the functions and it makes sense we don't speak the same language. Ni is my first, Se is her first. So our conversations go very much like this:

Me: But in the future, blah, blah, blah.
Her: But the now, blah blah blah.
Me: But the logic, blah, blah, blah.
Her: But the feelings, blah, blah, blah.

XD

INTJ: Ni, Te, Fi, Se
ESFP: Se, Fi, Te, Ni
Same functions, complete opposite order.

Meh, I guess I was a downer, after all, as much as she was a downer to me. Crazy world.
 

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i am an ESFP, my mother is an ESTP, and my father is an INTJ.
it was HARD growing up with my dad. he was always pushing me, always disappointed, always putting down my "crazy" ideas for more practical ones; it was hell (on top of that, he's a borderline alcoholic).

now that i don't live with him, we get a long a lot better. i think it's because we both couldn't stand living with each other. he helps me with money on a regular basis, but that's about it. any emotional support i get from him seems forced, and whenever i call him, it sounds like he feels obligated to talk to me.

but, since we're pretty much polar opposites, i'll have to deal with it.

i don't have any advice, really. :( i just wanted to show my empathy and vent a little.

*hugs*!
 
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Discussion Starter #14
i am an ESFP, my mother is an ESTP, and my father is an INTJ.
it was HARD growing up with my dad. he was always pushing me, always disappointed, always putting down my "crazy" ideas for more practical ones; it was hell (on top of that, he's a borderline alcoholic).

now that i don't live with him, we get a long a lot better. i think it's because we both couldn't stand living with each other. he helps me with money on a regular basis, but that's about it. any emotional support i get from him seems forced, and whenever i call him, it sounds like he feels obligated to talk to me.

but, since we're pretty much polar opposites, i'll have to deal with it.

i don't have any advice, really. :( i just wanted to show my empathy and vent a little.

*hugs*!
Aww, must have been hard. D:

Emotional support doesn't come too naturally for us since we have Introverted Feeling and it's filtered by the cold Introverted Intuition and Extroverted thinking. :/ So it seems forced when we try, but doesn't mean we're faking it or anything. And I personally have a hard time communicating through the phone, so, now that you mention it, maybe when she calls me she gets the same impression of me feeling obligated.

It's so sad that he's an alcoholic, he must be trying to suppress the INTJ functions which can be very hard on ourselves. T_T

I hope you two can keep finding common ground because it sounds like you both care for each other!
 

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Do you put the word "YOU" into your sentences with her a lot? I find INTJ's to use that word quite often, and it seems very accusatory.

It can be remedied.
 
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My favorite sister is an INTJ

She is the person I go to when I am lost about my future. She took me in and helped me get started going to college. But I had to move out because I was very depressed living with her. It wasn’t because we didn’t get along or anything. But she didn’t understand that she was being very hurtful and negative about the things she said. I felt very underestimated all the time.

She pushed me to pursue what I was interested in but when I did she couldn’t let go of her perception of me as a delinquent/joker/ trouble maker. I majored in business finance and she didn’t take me seriously and proclaimed that I would probably fail because I didn’t seem like the type who would actually be interested in this field.

To her she was being realistic in her observations about my situation and past, thus giving good advice about what career choices I should make.
But I felt like she was restricting me too much and not taking into account my feelings about something that I really cared about.
I love her a lot, and I’m sure she loves me too. But we can’t live together for too long.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Do you put the word "YOU" into your sentences with her a lot? I find INTJ's to use that word quite often, and it seems very accusatory.
I rarely speak in front of her since I noticed in my youngest years that she doesn't have a preference for my way of thinking and would prefer it if I was more conventional. So I don't speak to her/in front of her unless it's required or just limit myself to ask questions and listen.

I've 'accused' her many times, and have used the word "you" when it was the most fitting, but I use the word "we" and "people" when the idea can include me or others.

Though yeah, with other people I do use the word "You" a lot when talking about an idea, its causes and consequences. I'll have to tone it down. I didn't realize it bothered others since I, myself, never took it personally.

Thanks for the perspective!
 

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Discussion Starter #20
My favorite sister is an INTJ

She is the person I go to when I am lost about my future. She took me in and helped me get started going to college. But I had to move out because I was very depressed living with her. It wasn’t because we didn’t get along or anything. But she didn’t understand that she was being very hurtful and negative about the things she said. I felt very underestimated all the time.

She pushed me to pursue what I was interested in but when I did she couldn’t let go of her perception of me as a delinquent/joker/ trouble maker. I majored in business finance and she didn’t take me seriously and proclaimed that I would probably fail because I didn’t seem like the type who would actually be interested in this field.

To her she was being realistic in her observations about my situation and past, thus giving good advice about what career choices I should make.
But I felt like she was restricting me too much and not taking into account my feelings about something that I really cared about.
I love her a lot, and I’m sure she loves me too. But we can’t live together for too long.
It sounds a lot like me and my mom. Except, from my perspective, I wasn't underestimating her, just trying to warn her/make her aware of her limitations so she could work on them and surpass them. :/

Makes me happy to know you hold no hard feelings for your sister though!
 
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