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Hi everyone

So basically, there's this ESFP guy I like. We study together, and we have quite a few mutual friends.

We kissed quite a lot at one party once, when we didn't know each other that well yet. We never talked about it and just pretended it never happened though. I didn't know at the time, but he was in love with a girl that had moved to the US a couple months ago (we are in the UK), and they had some sort of undefined, casual relationship (that he's always been very vague about). They ended whatever was going on because of the distance in January, and he was heartbroken, but knew it had to be done.

He acts really flirty around me, and with me more than anyone else. He's generally a touchy flirty person (this is a ESFP thing, right?), but it's a lot more intense with me (I can be completely oblivious to this sort of thing, but I've noticed, and so have all my friends). It all started as a bit of a joke, but it got more serious. He'll basically touch me as a joke, but then keep on going for longer than would be acceptable if it was just for the lols. When we're in a group, he spends most his time with me, and treats me differently than the others. His friends tease us a lot about each other when we're together, and ask me questions when he's not around. This annoys both of us, and he's talked about toning the joke-flirting to stop the teasing, but he never has.

I finally told him I liked him when we were out one night in a group. He didn't really say much about it, apart from "um okay". We messaged a bit about it the next day, and I sort of told him off for leading me on for so long. He started off saying he had no idea I liked him. (I know this wasn't entirely true, because he once got drunk and asked a few of my close friends if I liked him, who then told him off for leading me on). Then he did admit that he knew deep down that I liked him, but since I was often hooking up with other people, he never properly realised. He did finally apologise for leading me on.

We've seen each other since that night, and he has acted exactly in the same playfully flirty way as before, which has really confused me.

We're both in different countries for a few weeks, so we're messaging instead of seeing each other at a moment. If we don't message for a couple days, he'll message me and be really sweet. However, if I get a bit carried away and message him too often, he'll be a lot colder with me.

I kind of feel like he's sitting on the fence, and is either finding it hard to decide whether he likes me, or is stringing me along for his entertainment. I've also realised that he's never actually said that he doesn't like me, that I know of. So it's all very vague.

So what does all this behaviour mean? Is he just playing around? Does he like me and just need time to get over his ex-girlfriend-whatever-she-was? Any advice about how I should go about it? Also, are all ESFPs this confusing??

Thanks a lot!
 

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Beta Gang - EIE 3w4 - 368 sx/so
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I think you just exactly written down what you re lookin at from him.

Listen to your GUTS, lady. Because its what you just did with all these words. Try an all in move "hey I REALLY like you but if you wanna continue in that way it'd be better to do so in a more than friendly mindset because to me its a bit borderline and I need a clear "boundary" about you.

There. Other than that I kinda totally do that to girls I really like a lot, and I'd engage something with them IF the situation is crystal clear and that condition is not even negotiable. No ex harassing her, no potential view on anyone else, no - you name it - other than that I'll keep the light flirt and close approach on.

Its hard to have a close friend that you can consider to be your "teddybear". I know a lot of people view this as an unhealthy thing but I had really close friends that I could do some stuff with that 90% of boyfriends wouldn't even allow, still it was just caring about the person rather than actually lovin her.

I know its all super enlightening but yeah all you need is a clear boundary. If he cant make up his mind well, its up to you to keep him as your teddybear until you find someone and decide if you can keep that closeness or not.
 

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oh god that sounds so confusing..... first off that stinks and im sorry u gotta deal w that bullshit

ok so maybe his actions make sense to him, so he doesn't see much of a reason to explain himself. i think more communication is what you two need. be blunt and straightforward with him, girl! ask him what the hell he's doing and tell him how befuddled you are about this whole fiasco. as an ESFP, he's more focused on A) immediate gratification and B) his own little personal value system. that's just how we roll, dysfunctional as it may be. so because of that he may not recognize how fucky his actions are. as i said before, just tell him how u feel, no beating around the bush, no bullshit, just total honesty. good luck!!

also tell us what happens, i wanna see how this unfolds :tongue:
 
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