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Discussion Starter #1
Hello dears!

I thought I would ask for your expert opinion on this matter. I'll try to make it as brief as possible.

I've been friends with this guy, an ESFP, for about six months now. It started off as totally platonic, as he had just been dumped by his long-term girlfriend and was completely heartbroken. It ended abruptly and they ceased all contact, to this day. I kind of counseled him through it, and we were in separate states at the time. He started flirting with me a lot (more than the usual ESFP flirtage... haha) and when I came home for the summer, we hung out, and ended up making out.

We kept in contact and still remained good friends, it didn't really feel weird, but nothing else physical happened between us (we rarely see each other in person) until randomly two nights ago... when we hooked up in his backseat. Whoops.

Here's the thing. He's still a mess over his ex. Thinks about it all the time, and not only that, talks to me about it all the time-- which to me, seems a bit awkward, even if we are just friends, there obviously is some sort of connection there beyond that, whether it's just physical or not. He'll always get depressed/in bad moods simply when he thinks about her, and I know it's because he's not over her.

My question is WHY?! I cannot grasp it. As an ENFP, I am totally ruled by feelings and I still don't understand why someone would still be mentally clinging to their ex when they haven't even spoken to them in six months-- and why they would bring it up with a girl they're a little bit "involved" with.

Help?
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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It might be he you chose to confide in you about the situation and doesn't really have anyone else to express his negative emotions. Or it could be because hes a big baby wanting attention. *shrug

The real question is do you just want to know why or do you want to know what you should do.

Why could be a number of reasons, esfp can be pretty random...

What I think you should do though is tell him to get over her or get over you because its not fair for him to lead you on but still bitch about his past relationship. Thats only if you feel as though you don't want to talk him through his ex anymore. You could just also convince him that you are so much better than her, by being someone he can talk to and who will always be there for him. Eventually he should forget her, but I wouldn't let him focus so much on her. Try distracting him by going out to do stuff more... letting him dwell on the past only leads to a negative spiral.
 

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Not everyone places the same emotional importance on actions like making out or anything like that.

If an ESFP guy were to acquire a "rebound girl", that's how they would do it.

ESFP's have strong physical needs, but they are not necessarily tied to their emotional needs, in fact most often they aren't at all. They may be very externally based people but their emotions are still governed by Fi.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
He probably liked his ex more than you.
Yeah, that's obvious, but thanks. I'm not really seeking advice in terms of my relationship with him-- it was never emotionally driven to begin with. I am more curious about why he is not able to move on from this girl and is still letting it negatively impact his life after so long, because I don't get it, so I was wondering if it was an ESFP thing. That's all.
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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I don't think its strictly its an esfp thing. I've had other friends of different types exude the same behavior, including an enfp. Mostly Fi types though although Fe types do it too... Could just be human error
 

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We kept in contact and still remained good friends, it didn't really feel weird, but nothing else physical happened between us (we rarely see each other in person) until randomly two nights ago... when we hooked up in his backseat. Whoops.
LOL

My advice is to "hook up" in his backseat SO MUCH that he has no time to think of his ex.
 

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It takes me a very long time to get over someone. And a very long time to start caring about someone, and I'm an ENFP. Some people move on quickly, some don't. My ex was an ESFP after a hard break up (we both cared about each other but we wanted different things so it just didn't work) in which we were both distraught, he got another girlfriend in a couple month and it took me closer to a year before I was interested in moving on. Not that I clung to thoughts of him for a year, but I didn't want to let someone else in until then.
 

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from what i know of ESFP's they get really emotionally attached to anything that are have extreme negative or extreme positive emotions tied to (people, experiences, music, things, etc) and it's hard for them to detach. It's hard with the ESFP that I know because if he has already decided that girl's will do "_____________" because someone else has done it before then he will expect that ALL girls are going to do "__________".

Also, they have a hard time of letting go of people. He's already told me that's one of the reasons that it's hard to build friendships because to let someone in you have to be prepared for them to 'leave' but that it's too hard to handle when they go and they hate 'goodbyes'? idk if that helps at all?
 
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