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God of 1000 Suns
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what do boy esfp's look for in a girl?
what do they dislike in a girl/relationships?
and how do you know if they're interested?
do they like enfj's?

etc. etc. etc.
Personally I'm looking for a best friend who I can talk to about anything. Someone who doesn't mind talking about our days, our emotions, or gossip and talking about the stupid shit that comes to our minds. I love it when a girl really enjoys my company, it makes me feel useful and loved when we spend a lot of time together smiling, laughing and having fun. I want a lot of attention because I'm going to be giving a lot of it. I usually hate spending days alone. So I'm pretty clingy. I want to be someone special in their lives... (im an ennagram 9) Most esfp's i hear tend to be 7's I think.

I dislike when things aren't clear. If you like me, I'd like you to let me know. I hate playing the guessing game, and all the stupid flirting around because my intuition sucks, and my mind comes up with all kinds of negative answers and conclusions unless I have some concrete proof that you do like me. (although, flirting can be fun, just not for too long because I start to wonder "is she just a flirt")

I hate girls who seem to be flirting with multiple guys at once. I'd rather have all the attention on me :D If there's too much interference, then I'll start to feel unimportant, and possibly look elsewhere.

If I like someone, who I'm pretty sure I have a shot at, I'm pretty straight forward. You will get a lot of attention from me, and at some point, I'm going to ask how you feel about me, and what am I to you? Then whether you like it or not, I'm going to let you know how I feel about you and why I think we would be great together.

My best friend is marrying an ENFJ, who I became great friends with after they met. He is an INTJ, so she would come to me for emotional support, when he didn't know how to give it. We talked every single day for a long time. I love her randomness, I love that shes such a bitch every once and awhile, I love her for her love of people and how much she cares about animals. We got so close that at one point she asked me "What if I fall for you?"

I calmly told her and smiled "I wouldn't let that happen, Taylor is my best friend". I realized how jealous I could be of Taylor, If I didn't love him so much too.

I've wanted someone like her ever since. Without the attached to another person part.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
wow! thank you so much for your reply!! verrry informative :)

So far, ESFP's are my most favorite type! We seem to click so well, but I have a hard time reading them, and things seem unclear to me. But, the J part of me likes to always be in the 'know'...so, I'm aware that's kind of a weakness on my part.

My friends have me worried that all ESFP's are cheaters and that he's never going to be loyal to me...which totally freaks me out, but they're convinced that because he's an SP temperment that I'm never going to get him to committ. How do you feel about the stereotype? (i'm not judging you! or jumping to conclusions, I'm just saying because they always badger me about it!)
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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Stereotypes are called that for a reason. Everyone is human, and it really depends on the maturity level of the person, and personal morals. I don't like cheaters, and I don't condone it. I dislike any notion of it.

I'm at a point in my life where I'm looking to be committed to someone. Its different for everyone, just because someone is an esfp doesn't mean they cant be committed. My father is an esfp at best and an estp at worst. He's stuck with my mother through thick and thin since they were 18, hes still in love with her... I don't know why. As a kid I use to hear a lot of my moms friend talk about how cute and charming he was. I remember a lady saying behind my moms back "I can't believe he's with her" commenting on how my dad was out of her league, and yet he loves her still. His vice was gambling though, never cheating. Trust me, if he cheated, my mom would have beat it into us kids.

Maybe this will help you in your endeavors with the esfp you are dealing with. RANDOM THOUGHTS ON ME AS AN ESFP

I'm pretty sure that esfp's have lots of insecurities, that aren't apparent. The more of these you know, the closer we are and the more I trust you.

I'm very sensitive to your feelings and mine.

I'm a huge softy, for kids, for animals. I'm into some pretty girly/senstive stuff. I like to watch movies that make me cry, I'm a hopeless romantic, and I'd much rather cuddle first, opposed to fucking right away. I like when you can help me embrace my soft side, instead of being embarrassed by it.

I like giving gifts, and paying for your shit, get over it. Its a chivalry thing. Its how we show our appreciation, it makes me feel good. DO MAKE SURE TO APPRECIATE THIS. Don't turn down stuff. Don't take it for granted.

If I'm being distant in communication then somethings wrong. If you can get me to talk about it, and I trust you enough to let you in, and you are able to understand or comfort me, then I might fall hard.

I'm always reading you, its what I do as a sensor dominant type, I'm analyzing everything, and keeping track of your likes and dislikes, so that I can adapt to it. This can be good or bad but can't be stopped. This means that I know what makes you mad, what makes you cry, and what makes you happy. I can use this knowledge for good or evil.

I've noticed, that it can also be bad when dating an Intuit, that they can be unaware of the emotions that they appear to be expressing. Understand that if you look sad/angry I'm going to assume that you are and ask you whats wrong.

I know your someone special when you can meet all my friends without me worrying. From ganster's to nerds. Valedictorians to dropouts. THIS IS MY BIGGEST FEAR, because I am so many different kinds of people to everyone. If your in with my friends, we're awesome together. I may never leave you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
talon235! you rock! and thaaaaank you for sharing so much information. this has made me feel a million times better, seriously...no joke :) even if the ESFP that i'm into now doesn't work out, I'm pretty certain that I would kill to be with an ESFP <3 you guys are most definitely my favorite type! The more I get to know about you the more smitten I become!

If you don't mind, I'd like to pick your brain some more? If not, that's okay too :)

Are you a workaholic? Not because you like your job, but because you like money?
If you say you're going to do something, do you follow through? Or, do you follow through if you CAN? (i ask because he told me that he had to take me to SanFran the next time he goes, but I don't know if he was just being nice because he knows I've always wanted to go there, or if he was serious?)
Do you lie to not hurt someone's feelings? Like, if you know they're going to be upset about something do you just lie to cover it up?
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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If you don't mind, I'd like to pick your brain some more? If not, that's okay too :)
?
I'm pretty sure everyone who reads this is saying "Of course he's going to keep talking about himself, hes an esfp"

tonysayshi: Gasp. There aren't many ESFPs in the forum.
Me: its because esfp don't want to make topics
Me: they would rather people just ask about them
Me: so they can talk about themselves
Yes, I would much rather be working than going to school. I can be a workaholic because I DO like money. Most people think that because we suck at school, that we suck at life. But I like working because I see value in work, its easy to gauge how well you are doing and I get paid in something tangible that I can use right away.

Yeah, I'm going to follow through if I can. I often go to Dallas, Lubbock, San Antonio, and other places I probably can't afford to go to all the time. Often on a whim and If someone holds me to it. You have to understand that ESFP are usually down for what ever may happen, but PLANNING to DO things is tough because we tend to just do things on a whim. Thats what ENFJ's are for, they know what they want and can plan shit out. It really excited me once, when I met an ENFJ. She was from the same place in Texas as me and I said. "We should go to Dallas together sometime!". She said "SURE how about this weekend!". We went to Dallas together that weekend :D I started to like her a lot

Sometimes I'll say to a friend, We are planning to go HERE on THIS day MAYBE. If my friend is in communication with me, to help me plan it out, the more likely I will go. I've had times where friends have not let me know that they want to go till the last couple of days, and I'd have to respond. "OMG I didn't know you actually wanted to go so.. I made other plans.."

esfp's want to be fun and spontaneous , so I bet if you let him know that you are excited about going with him to San Fan, He might just take you.

Yeah, I lie to not hurt someones feelings. It depends on the situation though. I guess I'd have to ask you to be more specific with your question. What kind of lie are you talking about? Is there a specific situation that you could give me to analyze.

talon235! you rock! and thaaaaank you for sharing so much information. this has made me feel a million times better, seriously...no joke :) even if the ESFP that i'm into now doesn't work out, I'm pretty certain that I would kill to be with an ESFP <3 you guys are most definitely my favorite type! The more I get to know about you the more smitten I become!
I'd kill to be with an ENFJ or... infj both are pretty dreamy, loving, and caring. I like a girl who isn't always so soft though, Sometimes its awesome for a girl to be angry and agressive/ opinionated.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
okay...the whole lying thing - this probably has more to do with my paranoia and trust issues. I've had more shitty relationships than I'd like to admit and it has left me totally abandoned...so, I've taken to assuming the worst of guys that give me mixed signals and I'm pretty sensitive to a 'mixed' signal. I know it's a weakness of mine, and I know that it's not healthy, but it's been quite a challenge that I've had to face...(i do face it, but it's a trial and error thing..ya know?)

SO! he tells me a lot of really sweet things. and I've never really had a guy tell me sweet things. so, a part of me wants to believe it because it's soooo freakin cool! the other part thinks it's just a game and he's being playful - and not serious. And, I have no clue how to tell the difference. He tells me things like: I'm the most amazing person he's ever met, i'm going to marry you someday, you're awesome, i really like you, i could see myself coming home to you everyday...yadda yadda - you get the idea. But, he disappears for a few days and I don't hear from him and he doesn't reply to my messages or anything (which, to me, if you like someone you talk to them, right?) He says he's working and he's really busy and he has a lot of stuff going on (which, maybe he does, I really don't know) but it just seems to me that it's not that hard to just say 'hey, i'm busy, but i've been thinking about you, hope you're doing well, hopefully i'll talk to you tmorrow' (or sooooomething like that....right?) Also, I've told him that I like to hear from him - so, that's not a secret - he knows how I feel about it.

AND! blasphemy! he had a huuuuuge 'fuck up' day where he treated me like a floozy...i got HELLA pissed and didn't talk to him for a few weeks. ii wasn't going to talk to him ever again but he had messaged me and so I thought - i love giving second chances, so, here we go! and i told him that what he did shattered my heart, really upset me, was rude, blah blah blah and that i DID want to be his friend and i did want him in my life but that he needed to know how that made me feel and then - - - - no reply. (immaturity? he was scared? i was too mean? he didn't give a shit? idk?)

*sigh* iiiiiiiii dont know. it's kind of complicated. and i've probably complicated it MORE because i've over analyzed everrrrrrything.

(BTW: i don't want you to feel obligated to reply? it's kind of weird asking for relationship advice via social networking so it must be weird for you to receive relationship advice in the same manner - especially from a stranger, lol)
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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No I don't think he was lying to you. I wouldn't say its very healthy to assume that everyone is lying to you because of your past relationships. It seems to me there are mixed signals on both ends. Maybe you could try telling him that you want a more serious relationship with him. Be more direct, and see where that leads you.

If you don't want me to reply then thats cool. *shrug

There are like 1 or 2 other guy esfp on the forum

I don't mind talking about this stuf, if you don't. Er... if you want to take it to PM we can.... its up to you
 

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Very interesting, Talon. Thanks for sharing. My new boyfriend is ESFP and this sounds a LOT like him, so it's nice to get a glimpse into the thought process behind the behavior.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
lol, i really dont mind talking...at all. i could talk forever, i just feel bad if people feel like they have to reply to me.
although, there's been new developments, and i just dont know about him at the moment. he's fickle. and half the time he seems like he wants to be with me and then the other half it's like he's inconvenienced by my presence. and work comes first for him and i dont know how i feel about that in my relationships....
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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l.... work comes first for him and i dont know how i feel about that in my relationships....
I've had this thrown at me before by an ENFJ I was involved with. "I can't see myself being with someone so much like my father, someone who works all the time, and never has time to spend it with me"

Well I want to be able to pay for the happiness of my loved ones. I have a lot of loved ones, my brother, sisters. My friends that I've known forever. If I had kids, I would want to be able to provide for them as much as possible.

To me, its not work that comes first. Its the people I love. Work is just a means to provide pleasure for myself and others. Trips, concerts, raves, parties, alcohol, food, movies, Whatever that's fun. They all cost money. Sometimes, I realize that I'm spending way too much money on my friends and family being irresponsible with my money. I have bills and responsibilities to tend to and spending recklessly to have fun all the time starts to take its toll on my bank account. I realize I have to work more so I start to stress out because of how irresponsible I've been and then start to pull away from people.

I just have to be low energy for awhile or else. If I go out and be reckless and have fun like I always want to do, then I'm gonna get lost in the moment and forget about my responsibilities. I start just spending without thinking.

Times like these, when I just start to close people out because I feel ashamed. I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy. It would upset me and stress me even more if my girlfriend were to ever take this behavior and interpret it as "I don't want to spend time with you". (been put in this position before) Its like... I've already got so much on my plate and now the person I care about most is upset with me... it would add more stress and more anxiety causing me to become more introverted.

I would think to myself "ugh she doesn't understand... I don't know what to say. I'm so upset". I tend to go into my own world and try to find an answer to why I feel the way I do. I might start resenting my girlfriend for not understanding me, and start to shut out my emotions so I can finally get things on track. I might start acting like an ESTP. I can become a real asshole (not that estp's are assholes btw)

We are are introverted feelers. I'm not sure if that means anything, but I can't easily express how I'm feeling when I'm in the presence of others, For me to do that it takes time and trust.

ESFP do not communicate well under stress, we cant formulate the words to express why we are upset in the present moment.
 

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Do whatever you can to let the ESFPs in your life know that you value them, their feelings and their efforts, and consider ways by which you can help them in doing what they love to do for others- by doing it with them!

My ESFP mother was a stay-at-home mom until I, as the youngest child, began 1st grade- then, she immediately took up the opportunity to gain employment so that she could help my father save up enough money with which to build their long anticipated (like, 30 years of anticipation) dream home. My parents have always had a healthy work ethic which allowed them to buy 10 acres of land, then eventually design and as I've mentioned build their own house. My INTJ father has always been the one to keep my mom's spending in check with a long-term goal in her mind, though now that they are both retired she has a habit of using her spending $ more than ever before on cloth & thread with which to sew quilts and baby blankets, which she gives as gifts or donates to various local or international charity programs. Almost needless to say, my father saves all of the receipts to tally for tax credit purposes, so he feels no need to discourage her from doing what she loves.

I don't believe this qualifies her as having been a work-a-holic because as has been mentioned, money was not the drive, providing for her family was. After work, she would be sure to feed her family and clean the home, often exhausted before the end of the day had arrived. I feel that it is also explained by the impulse to keep busy, be able to provide a comfortable home and then spread that comfort to friends, extended family and even to total strangers who have need for it. My mother is driven to be an accommodating hostess, sensitive friend and a community member who often shows acts of kindness, but as has been said, these things can involve spending $ or essentially sharing the wealth.

I began to notice, as I aged, how hard my ESFP mother had been working all of her life to attend to everyone's needs, often at the expense or negligence of her own. I saw the emotional wear on her. I noticed how she always kept smiling for others with a loving twinkle in her eye, even when crying. She never wanted to be a burden to anyone, but instead "an helpmeet" as the Bible puts it, and she is quite loyal to her faith. It helped her out a lot that, as her youngest child, I was so independent and eager to take on chores to lessen her burden a bit. Our relationship also benefited from the fact that I noticed she has needs to communicate with loved ones and receive empathy, needs which my father didn't always fulfill, so I again approached her with the desire to lessen her emotional load by striking up conversations with her, telling her what her actions mean to me as well as showing my gratitude by returning favors.

There have been times when I've felt that she has needed to hear me say that I love her, respect her, appreciate her, and do still need her- this is to counter balance the decades of verbal abuse her father dished out on her as she grew up, and the fact she's felt at some times that her kids favor our father more than we do her, which isn't true, but we understand that at times she needs reassurance. A continued bonding and connection with all of us as her adult children and the same emotional comforting from us toward her that she has always given us is something she never demands but greatly treasures.

She is the most warm-hearted, tender, caring, accepting, protective and most loving person that I've known, though it's possible I'm biased because she's my mother. Essentially, by the time I was mature enough to realize what it would mean to her that I help her out, her pride was not an obstacle to asking for or accepting my help and I quickly saw how much it meant to her when I did so. When people communicate that they understand her motivations, share her sentiments and ethics as well as show it, those occurrences do wonders for her morale.

She really enjoys hugs, too, so when people feel comfortable letting her hug them she feels not only very worthy, but most importantly good that she's able to express her emotions for someone through sharing a tangible, intimate, socially acceptable gesture of affection. Hugs also relieve a lot of tension for her, at the same time, as she is a worrier who has never slept well.
 

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If I like someone, who I'm pretty sure I have a shot at, I'm pretty straight forward. You will get a lot of attention from me, and at some point, I'm going to ask how you feel about me, and what am I to you? Then whether you like it or not, I'm going to let you know how I feel about you and why I think we would be great together.
Why not tell them how you feel before you ask them?
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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Why not tell them how you feel before you ask them?
Well, sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't. It really depends on the situation and how responsive the girl is to flirting. I wasn't really thinking about it in detail at the time...

When I was younger (13-16) I would ask first because I was shy, and feared rejection. I still do fear rejection and I sometimes feel the same shyness around new people in my life, but I've experienced a lot more in my life, and have a bit more confidence in myself now.

LOL now that I think about it, when I was really really young 5-12 I would just blurt out to girls "I like you". My crushes were not a secret... but things weren't great at home. abuse neglect.. I have a lot of mommy issues lol?, whatever. ages 11-16 were probably some of the worst years of my childhood. My shadow came out (maybe?) and I became very recluse and scared of people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
"We are introverted feelers. I'm not sure if that means anything, but I can't easily express how I'm feeling when I'm in the presence of others, For me to do that it takes time and trust."
(sorry, I dont know how to do quotes)

Basically,every time I read your posts I LAUGH because its sounds EXACTLY like the ESFP that I like. He is SUCH an Fi!!!!! And, I see him doing it because he goes into a total shutdown and his whole body language and tone of voice changes - he's a very obvious Fi.

If you say you're going to call when you get off work...are you actually going to call, or do you mean if it's not too late, and if you have enough energy, and if you remember i'll call you when i get off work? i struggle with flakiness because my parents have raised me to think that a guy whose flaky and doesn't treat you like a princess doesn't care. but, most guys DON'T treat girls like princesses and I don't enjoy being treated like that, I just want someone that gets me and likes spending time with me and sincerely cares about me as a person - i'm set with that, lol. But, it's hard for me in the beginning of a relationship when I'm trying gauge how they feel about me because I have two conflicting ways of judging if someone is interested in me or not.

also, if you, as an ESFP, are asked a question that you feel that I should already KNOW the answer to, will you answer me sarcastically...or, not answer my question at all? i will always ask him questions about what he meant by something and he'll usually say 'well, what do you think'....and then whatever i say he's usually like, 'yeah, that's it.' SO - my over-analyzation self goes: "humm....he just liked my answer so he's agreeing with it.' OR 'he didn't want me to know truth, so he just wanted to see what I thought and if I was catching on to his lying' (OMG, over analyzation...i'm sorry!!!! lol)

Talon, are you into music? Or any arts? My ESFP is a DJ on the side and is obsessed with music, he finds PERFECT songs. it's awesome, is this an MBTI thing, or just a part of his character?
 

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God of 1000 Suns
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Hmm, sometimes I can be forgetful about calling after work depending on how the work day went. I guess that's the problem with being too focused on the present sometimes. When I say I'm going to call you after work, I usually do, unless something crazy came up and distracts me. Why don't you try calling him after work?

I'm going to say something that I've just realized about myself though MBTI and self analysis of myself. I would like you to call me, more than I want to call you. We're like girls, most esfp are girls... on the smushy inside

I hate text messaging, its too slow. (but thats probably just me) I use text messaging like someone would use email or whatever/ letting people know whats going on. I don't use text messaging to have full blown conversations for hours. I actually hate when a conversation on text message goes beyond 10 messages. At that point, I would just rather talk to them.

i will always ask him questions about what he meant by something and he'll usually say 'well, what do you think'....and then whatever i say he's usually like, 'yeah, that's it.'
Umm when I say or do something like this. I mean it. You are over analyzing for sure.

I admire the arts but I'm not an artist myself. I use to do a lot of drawing when I was younger.
I also played some piano for a small time when I was younger, but then stopped and since haven't really touched it.


I think you should just be blunt with him about how you feel about him. It seems like he keeps putting himself out there with the things he says, but have you told him how you feel about you two being together in return? "I let him know I love hearing from him " does not compute to "I really like you" in my head
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
at this point, i think if there's this many problems/insecurities then a relationship is probably not going to develop.....i dont want to force anything. and i dont want it to be this complicated. i'm an Fe...my feelings are pretty freakin obvious, you'd have to be blind AND deaf to not have picked up that I'm interested.
BUT, I really appreciate all your help :) like, for realsies. you made like 13089283498237 things make sense that I was totally lost on! <3 I feel much better about everything and maybe he and I will work out in the future...but, things seem just so far up in the air right now...
you rock, for sure!
 

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ESFP& faithful

I had 2 reply 2 this question about ESFP & cheating. As we are always seeking attention we are misinterpreted a lot as being flirtatious when not realizing wut our actions are displaying. Unfortunately this has caused questions of faithfulness & also jealousy. Even accusations! I love 2 b loved & I love hard but it is so important 4 me 2 know that I am #1 & 2 receive abundant attention in order 2 keep mine. This can b exhausting 4 lots of folks & cause frustration. Which really sucks. I find it difficult 2 relate 2 others & 4 them 2 understand me. This is why I come here. But yes, we can b faithful & committed deeply with someone who has the energy, patients & strength 2 give us the love we need. Oh yeah... & we do mean wut we say but tend 2 not always follow through. Not because we don't mean 2 tho. We do mean well.:blushed:
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
thanks lady 1024!!
the crush has dwindled since this last post though.
i need stability. i'm a huge lover. and i get my feelings and my heart all tangled up, and then i don't hear from him for days and we make plans and then he's 'tired' or 'has to work late'...i dont know. that's not what i'm looking for. i need to be with a love bug. someone for caring and sincere. maybe we just weren't a good fit? or, maybe i don't understand him. maybe both (probably, both) lol.
it helps me to understand a little better though, and to not be assssss frustrated as I normally would have been if I didn't have MBTI for some explanations lol
 

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what do boy esfp's look for in a girl?
What do they dislike in a girl/relationships?
And how do you know if they're interested?
Do they like enfj's?

Etc. Etc. Etc.
big hooters
 
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