[ENFPwnage]

I am an ENFP who was in a very serious relationship with an ESFP. It actually worked really well. It was a mutually very loving relationship, and we were told that we were very inspiring as a couple.

I eventually moved to a different city, but would see her on the weekends. We messaged/talked on the phone a lot, still. Things were really amazing. We ended up getting engaged (which we had talked about for a long time, and seemed it was an inevitability, in a good way). She explained how she was so excited to move to the same city, be able to live together once we were married, etc.

One morning (just the day after she had been the first one to change her facebook status to officially engaged), we were doing our usual text messaging thing, and she sent me one that was really sweet, excited to book the Church that day, and confirming how happy she was to be getting married.

Well, less than two hours later without any contact in-between, I had an email explaining why she wasn't happy and how she wasn't sure if she was ready. Less than a week later (without even meeting one time to discuss before making a decision), she returned the ring. Then she stopped talking to me...PERIOD. Over the course of the next few months she deleted me from all forms of social networking, etc. So, basically, happily engaged to nothing/no trace of anything with not much in-between.

My response was to respect her initial request for time and space which she gave when she returned the ring, thinking at some point she would get her feelings/wits together and we would discuss it all (she originally indicated this was part of the plan, but changed apparently). No dice.

Can any ESFPs begin to explain any of this?!?!
What...the...heck?

-Bewildered/Heartbroken ENFP

 

[Mouse222]

I'm pretty certain that was just her. Most ESFPs don't like commitment, yes, but that doesn't mean we will just break all contact! I'm very sorry for what happened though, and I wish you good tidings.

 

[SoftBoiledLife]

OP, you're not going to figure this out until you sit down and talk to her and learn what happened. I think it would be a stretch for someone to jump in and say "Well, it's because ESFPs can't handle commitment! Never date or marry an ESFP. Ever!"

Find a way to arrange a calm discussion with her. When you're done, feel free to report back to us. :happy:

 

[atsleepwalkingpace]

I don't think you can say she broke it off because she's an ESFP, but maybe the way she handled it was because of that? The whole confrontation of serious emotions might have seemed too much for her so she took an easier way out. She won't be too keen on it, but you need to find a way to talk to her. If you be calm about it she'll have to come clean on what the hell happened.

Good Luck

 

[Zeptometer]

My best female friend is an ESFP, and @atsleepwalkingpace said, this sounds like something that is specific to the girl, and not a typical ESFP thing, but it's definitely an ESFP way to back out in fear. Not to hate on ESFP's, each type has its own way of running away, but when my friend was furious at me (long story), she wouldn't talk to me for 3 months, just because she was afraid of dealing with the situation. She's probably not furious at you, but my instinct tells me that she might just regret this later, just like my friend did. Just don't try to contact her directly. It won't work, no matter what. Ask one of your mutual friends or one of her friends to bring the question of "what happened?" up. It might get her to really think about the situation again, whereas if you bring it up, her resolve will just be reignited.