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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I've always wondered this. I have many ESFP acquaintances, and they date many types of people. Stereotypically, looks are extremely important, and whoever is paired with an ESFP would be very attractive. To my surprise, that has not always been the case (though many times it has). Not that the girl/guy was plain ugly, but they were not the best looking thing on the corner. I've seen this happen more than once, including those paired with the ESFP guys. So obviously, personality does matter as well as looks-both are very important. I know many of you have a weakness for xNFJs and ISFJs!!:kitteh: Besides that, all of you are very well-liked, and you love everyone!!! You guys are very flirty, expressive, and open-book.



So mainly, what is it that makes your SO special from all the others that you date? What attracts you to him/her? How will you treat your SO differently from all of your other friends and acquaintances?

----Edit----
Another general question, what do you look for in a relationship?
 

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It is probably similar to how it is for most people.

I have to feel physical attraction to her (I think it is really sexy when a girl is comfortable about her own appearance), I must like her personality (most important thing here is that she is a kind and caring person, I HATE drama queens) and it has to be convenient (well, it depends, but I prefer to be together with someone who lives nearby).

Other things:
- I don't like girls who try to change who I am or who tries to control me. I'm a free spirit. The harder to you squeeze, the more I slide through your fingers. (What I mean by this is that I would never cheat, but if a girl tries to say that I can't do things I like such as going out, because she is insecure and is afraid that I would cheat (which I wouldn't), the less I feel like being with her.)
- It is important that she enjoys having sex, because I enjoy that a lot
- Cool if she likes to travel, enjoys discussing world matters, watch movies, is into art
- She has to like cuddling, because I AM A CUDDLE MONSTER :crazy:
 

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LOL, actually, it's very common that I fall for "ugly" guys:D So my friends are like: "wtf.... HIM?" I'm obsessed with looks - but only with my own! So I'm quite vain, but I dont think I could stand being with a guy who's vain himself.
For me, what's inside the other person, or rather, "the radiance" of a person is much more important than anything else.

I like laid back guys, or shy guys, or quiet guys....well, introverts... or ehm logical guys, smart guys, guys who's not all over the place :p can't explain how intruiging I find introverts and how I admire most T's and also J's. I'm very much into people who are not like me (no offens marac, you know I like you too, but we both know that we would be a weird couple :p )


The guy I'm dating now, is special because.... dunno but I'm just sooo attracted to him. Unfortunatly he's not so much into me, so I'm considering forcing myself to stop seeing him :'( Or at least I dont think he is, he's like a fucking mystery for me... never know really what he feels or thinks. He is extremly smart and intelligent and has even written a book and got it published. He's quiet, pensative, but has a great dry sense of humour, and I LOVE his body!!!!! And he has this hairy belly which I love! So well, yeah can't get enough of him really. The sex is great!!! XD

How I treat him differently... well... I kiss him and sleep with him :p

But I think I have to be less flirty.... Now I'm flirting not only because I like it, but also in order to get some assurance, because dating this guy makes me so insecure about myself.... He doesn't give me cred for anything. Hasn't really said one nice thing to me during these months we've been dating. But I'm so hooked.

I like all sorts of people and love talking to everyone and make jokes, but in my heart I'm a real "family girl". family and some very few close friends are the most important for me. My SO and my family is my no 1 priority. Actually, when I'm in a relationship I almost stop going out, I'm very happy mostly being with family and try to be the best girlfriend I can. Phew... actually I think I have to change that too and become more independent.
 

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I'm very much into people who are not like me (no offens marac, you know I like you too, but we both know that we would be a weird couple :p )
None taken.




I agree with you that it is sexy with people that are different from yourself.

Another version of myself would probably annoy me. WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING, YOU LAZY SHIT?

I'm really intrigued when a woman has skills that are vastly different from my own.
 

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LOL now the question is just....... which one of those guys are you and which one is me?
I must be the foxy cat ;P
The "jizzed in my pants" guy is also kind of cool, so ITS A DEAL! :laughing:
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
- She has to like cuddling, because I AM A CUDDLE MONSTER :crazy:
Cuddling?? o_O Haha I love cuddling too!!! The general ISTJ population loves to cuddle, only with an SO.:proud: ISTJs are no drama queens!!! But, we may be too boring for you guys:dry:, who knows?
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
@armika_armika
The guy I'm dating now, is special because.... dunno but I'm just sooo attracted to him. Unfortunatly he's not so much into me, so I'm considering forcing myself to stop seeing him :'( Or at least I dont think he is, he's like a fucking mystery for me... never know really what he feels or thinks.
Is being mysterious a good thing? What happens once that mystery is gone and you know everything about that person? Does that attraction diminish or does it stay the same?


I like all sorts of people and love talking to everyone and make jokes, but in my heart I'm a real "family girl". family and some very few close friends are the most important for me. My SO and my family is my no 1 priority. Actually, when I'm in a relationship I almost stop going out, I'm very happy mostly being with family and try to be the best girlfriend I can. Phew... actually I think I have to change that too and become more independent.
That's another thing I observed about ESFPs. Once you get an SO, you spend an enormous amount of time with them.
 

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@rawr_sheila being mysterious is a definetly a good thing, and you know what? The mystery doesn't really "go away". I think that you will never know everything about a person, we are all in a constant process of development... and I mean, I don't even know all parts of myself, how would I ever get to know all parts of someone else?

BUT, I do get what you mean and you have a point. But I think the attraction still stays the same because other things like total trust and confidence is growing, and loooove :p Love grows. Just listen to the wise words of Fantan:
Awww, I wish I had a man who felt that way for me :kitteh:

About spending so much time with the SO, maybe it's wrong... I don't know. What do you think??? The guy I'm having the crush on now is an intp, so I guess we have quite different needs. :O

Oh! And my childhoood best friend is here visiting me, and we just found ut she's an ISTJ. LOL. I LOVE ISTJS!!!! We have the best time ever, and she's such a sweet, caring and loyal friend! Ah you're the best :p now I just need to find a man like her.... once my intp crush finally dumped my sorry ass that is. :O
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
[MENTION=13434]
About spending so much time with the SO, maybe it's wrong... I don't know. What do you think??? The guy I'm having the crush on now is an intp, so I guess we have quite different needs. :O
To me, it sounds like he's just using you for sex and entertainment. I'd leave him, and find somebody else^^
 

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To me, it sounds like he's just using you for sex and entertainment. I'd leave him, and find somebody else^^
I'm sorry, I don't mean to hijack this thread, but he REALLY did dump me just minutes after me writing that! He said he felt that he couldn't go on seeing me coz he doesn't feel for me the same way as I do for him and that it was just being mean of him to go on sleeping with me. I appreciate his honesty and I know it's for the best coz anyway why should I be with someone who doesnt want me, but I'm fucking heartbroken... I hoped so much for this to be "something" *sob* Now I honestly do NOT believe in Love and for the first time in my life I will do my best to just Stay Away from it. Sorry for being desillusional.
 

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I'm sorry, I don't mean to hijack this thread, but he REALLY did dump me just minutes after me writing that! He said he felt that he couldn't go on seeing me coz he doesn't feel for me the same way as I do for him and that it was just being mean of him to go on sleeping with me. I appreciate his honesty and I know it's for the best coz anyway why should I be with someone who doesnt want me, but I'm fucking heartbroken... I hoped so much for this to be "something" *sob* Now I honestly do NOT believe in Love and for the first time in my life I will do my best to just Stay Away from it. Sorry for being desillusional.
Don't give up D: that was just one person! Imagine someone like him that actually as crazy about you as you are for him. It can't be impossible not to find someone who you share a mutual interest with when there are so many people out there.
 

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(1) So mainly, what is it that makes your SO special from all the others that you date? (2) What attracts you to him/her? (3) How will you treat your SO differently from all of your other friends and acquaintances?

----Edit----
(4) Another general question, what do you look for in a relationship?
(1) My SO is special because of how we fit together - I look at compatibility. I am not sure whether this is common to ESFPs - I can be pretty deliberate and analytical about interpersonal relationships.

Mostly, though, it is a 'vibe' - I like how my energy mixes with their energy. Also, the answer will depend on the ESFP's intentions - some are interested in casual dating and may have different requirements for that. For me, I don't want to just date around anymore so my SO would be someone I can see myself with for a long period of time - from the point where I enter the relationship.

(2) I am attracted by looks (yum - does not have to be yummy by others' standards, only my own which can be a bit quirky), fitness, taking care of themselves, sense of humor, thoughtfulness, signs of similar values - like wanting to encourage someone who seems socially excluded, or simple comments about the state of the world that match my own perspective. And since I can be really enthusiastic and go-go-go, I think I need to be with someone more low-key to ground me. I've tended to date guys more grounded and solid than myself, and I like the effect that has. With the ISTJ specifically I am attracted to the stability and the different approach to planning - I live in the present and ISTJ plans for the future. I see the value of that even though it isn't my natural tuning. Since I am so carefree as to border on avoidant, I like the ISTJ thoughtfulness and carefulness, even though it may become a point of tension at some point.

And oh goodness, I find the wholesomeness of the ISTJ so very hot and sexy. Good guy, not bad boy, is really awesome. I have a thing for that whole good guy deal, there. Yes.

(3) I shower them with affection. I check with them regularly to make sure they are having a good time and don't need anything to make them happy. I show them sides of myself that friends don't see. Mostly, I am friendly with just about everybody, but I am not as affectionate with others. I try to think of things to do for my SO, little favors and such that I'm less likely to do for friends (because of that selfish streak that ESFP has, mine is pretty mild but it shows in not doing little neat things for just anybody). I also try to alter my behavior in line with my SO's desires more than I do for friends. I also am much more physically affectionate with an SO than with friends - with friends I can almost be touch-shy - but with an SO that isn't the case at all.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
@sparkles hey thanks for replying! And you numbered it, just like how an ISTJ would do:tongue:

(1) My SO is special because of how we fit together - I look at compatibility. I am not sure whether this is common to ESFPs - I can be pretty deliberate and analytical about interpersonal relationships.
I think it is common to most ESFPs. There are a lot of attractive people out there, but you want him to suit/match/complement you. You want to look good together. Is this right?


Mostly, though, it is a 'vibe' - I like how my energy mixes with their energy. Also, the answer will depend on the ESFP's intentions - some are interested in casual dating and may have different requirements for that. For me, I don't want to just date around anymore so my SO would be someone I can see myself with for a long period of time - from the point where I enter the relationship.
Is there a way I can tell if an ESFP wants to be in a long-term relationship?
 

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@sparkles hey thanks for replying! And you numbered it, just like how an ISTJ would do:tongue:
Haha my ISTJ must be rubbing off on me :wink:
I think it is common to most ESFPs. There are a lot of attractive people out there, but you want him to suit/match/complement you. You want to look good together. Is this right?
Well, your rewording sounds focused on physical stuff. And yes I need to feel physically attracted, and I need to feel like we are well-suited, but looks are only a small piece of it. A physically attractive person with a turn-off personality won't make the cut! Turn-offs include obnoxious behavior, shyness to the point that the person barely says two words to me after I have been around them for several weeks off and on (can't have a relationship with someone who won't talk with me - you don't have to bear your soul but we need to be able to have a conversation), ignores boundaries, critical toward others, super competitive, dishonorable behaviors like lying and stealing, judgmental comments, manipulation. Lying and dishonesty are probably the worst offenders I have seen.

To me, when it comes to evaluating for a relationship, looks are a piece. But by compatibility I really mean personal values, lifestyle, beliefs, social status (NOT in the sense of that alpha beta stuff - I mean practically speaking, I don't think I would find success in a relationship with someone who had a far different amount of resources for most of their life... I hear it is possible but really hard), personality, etc.

Ideally the person will be a mix of similarities and differences where the differences counter my own weaknesses.

Is there a way I can tell if an ESFP wants to be in a long-term relationship?
Hmm. Well I can't say there is anything definite, but one hint would be how quickly they try to escalate sexual stuff. Generally the faster they move, the less serious they are about it. If you are friends first it is a bit different because you already know each other, but if someone you haven't known long tries to get you in bed quickly then they are less likely to be after something long-term. If you are friends with the person they might make casual comments related to the type of relationship they hope to have next.

Keep in mind, we're talking about Ps not Js. Ps are often commitment-phobes - valuing our independence highly. I just happened to be very certain about my ISTJ and very certain I wanted to commit to him. (Not sure why, exactly, just that we fit together really well and I can't see myself wanting to be with anyone else.) Many xxxP will not be so quick to want to settle down. They can commit one day at a time, and any sense of pressure is likely to make them bolt for open spaces. But once we decide to commit, a mature and healthy ESFP will be a fantastic, sensitive, caring, fun-loving partner. We may want more contact than you, and our approach to finances may drive you bonkers, but we are an awesome bunch. Not that I'm biased or anything :tongue:
 

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Haha my ISTJ must be rubbing off on me :wink:
Keep in mind, we're talking about Ps not Js. Ps are often commitment-phobes - valuing our independence highly. I just happened to be very certain about my ISTJ and very certain I wanted to commit to him. (Not sure why, exactly, just that we fit together really well and I can't see myself wanting to be with anyone else.) Many xxxP will not be so quick to want to settle down. They can commit one day at a time, and any sense of pressure is likely to make them bolt for open spaces. But once we decide to commit, a mature and healthy ESFP will be a fantastic, sensitive, caring, fun-loving partner. We may want more contact than you, and our approach to finances may drive you bonkers, but we are an awesome bunch. Not that I'm biased or anything :tongue:
UGH finances! :O Hate'em. :tongue: Would be great to just get with a guy who could take care of that boring stuff.

Oh and about the commitment thing... maybe, well, I've always regarded myself as very committed, but, you're right, it's one day at a time. I want to make the decision to be with a person like, forever. BUT, if one day, it doesnt feel good anymore, and love is over, and the relationships sucks, I'm not gonna stay forever, even though I felt like I would... before.
Ehm you understand what I mean?
 

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UGH finances! :O Hate'em. :tongue: Would be great to just get with a guy who could take care of that boring stuff.

Oh and about the commitment thing... maybe, well, I've always regarded myself as very committed, but, you're right, it's one day at a time. I want to make the decision to be with a person like, forever. BUT, if one day, it doesnt feel good anymore, and love is over, and the relationships sucks, I'm not gonna stay forever, even though I felt like I would... before.
Ehm you understand what I mean?
I wouldn't mind someone paying the bills and making sure we save a bit, but I would not like someone stopping me from spending on an awesome experience just because they want to save as much as possible. Plan for the future, yes, but not at the total expense of the now.

Yes I understand what you mean on commitment completely. When my feelings change it erases the old perspective. A few months of awesome can be overshadowed by a few weeks of meh. Sometimes, if I hang in there, it changes again - so for me to part ways it would have to go sour and stay sour, and I would try all I could to make it work before throwing in the towel. If I were in a serious relationship that seemed like it could work over the long-term, that is. If it had started looking like it wouldn't be sustainable then I would probably not try as hard.

But yes if it starts to suck and I try to fix it on my end, and I communicate that it isn't doing for me what it used to, and if my partner doesn't bust his butt to try and make the changes I think I need, then yeah I might be a very loyal person but I won't stay forever in a crappy relationship. Makes a big difference if I see some effort on their end - if I don't think they care or want it then it's going to suck more. I mean, I try so hard to keep a partner happy and satisfied, so it makes sense that I would want to see some effort from them too.
 

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