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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm INTP, but this concerns one of my best friends.

He's INTJ married to an ESFP...

His wife (ESFP) spends money like no tommorrow. It's her coping mechanism.

As a result, he sees this and knows it needs fixing. So he brings it up with her... She takes that personally and gets very hurt... Thus more spending to cope.

This feedback loop has been going on for a few years and the debt has grown quite large which really ticks him off... And any attempts to explain to her why she needs to stop spending so much ticks her off.

How can I help him break this loop? Eventually it will hit bankruptcy... Possibly divorce as well.

They share so many functions... Just at different levels. I'm sure if they both could increase their Fe they could empathize a little more and overcome this issue and share a strong bond like when they started dating / first few years of marriage.

Wat do?
 

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I'm INTP, but this concerns one of my best friends.

He's INTJ married to an ESFP...

His wife (ESFP) spends money like no tommorrow. It's her coping mechanism.

As a result, he sees this and knows it needs fixing. So he brings it up with her... She takes that personally and gets very hurt... Thus more spending to cope.

This feedback loop has been going on for a few years and the debt has grown quite large which really ticks him off... And any attempts to explain to her why she needs to stop spending so much ticks her off.

How can I help him break this loop? Eventually it will hit bankruptcy... Possibly divorce as well.

They share so many functions... Just at different levels. I'm sure if they both could increase their Fe they could empathize a little more and overcome this issue and share a strong bond like when they started dating / first few years of marriage.

Wat do?
Cancel credit cards?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
He has cancelled them in the past, and got them paid off...

Only to discover she's opened new ones without telling him and racked up even more debt under the table.

:(
 

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He has cancelled them in the past, and got them paid off...

Only to discover she's opened new ones without telling him and racked up even more debt under the table.

:(
hmmm, maybe he just needs to hug her more. Possibly a lot more.
 

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He's the perfect type to be married to her, but once the cycle starts it's hard to stop. Usually I would answer just bring it up bluntly, but you've already mentioned he has. If the ESFP isn't at a level where objective criticism will stop it, then you need find ways that are open and easy to see but still get the point across kindly. ESFP's hate manipulation and sideways thinking or acting. Just a quick help
 
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