[Diamonic]

I'm sure there is post here somewhere about this combination in a relationship but didn't want to look that long. Any experiences with this combo? Since there's not many estj's here I'll probably post on the enfp forum as well. Tell me you're experience, or your opinion positives or negatives please! I'm fairly new at the personality types and know it's not a favorable combination but would love to hear your thoughts.....Thanks!

 

[ENTJF2014]

Compatible... But interesting at first.

So I am a hardcore ESTJ. I find it difficult to get comfortable with guys unless they take it really slow. My boyfriend is an ENFP, he is all lovey dovey PDA guy. It works because he gets me out of my shell, he is really affectionate and complimentary, and he knows I think nice things about him even if I do not say them 24/7. He is bad with money, I am good with money. He sometimes has crazy ideas, I keep them in check. Its hard to love an ESTJ, but we are loyal and we will be honest and eventually very dedicated. Its nice to have someone who can make you laugh, is extremely warm and outgoing to compliment you.

 

[The King Of Dreams]

My older brother is a ESTJ (probably a unhealthy one) I get along with him pretty well. However, he does have some misogynistic views that I vehemently disagree with.

 

[Ahiko]

My boyfriend of over a year is an ESTJ and I'm an ENFP. It took me the longest time to figure out what type he was, but he tested ESTJ rather than ENTJ (my initial thought).

You can probably search through my rambling posts about ESTJ/ENFP relationships to find out more.

Overall, it's the best and most fulfilling relationship I've been in so far. Not just romantically, but also as a friendship.

Everything Christina said was spot on.

So I am a hardcore ESTJ. I find it difficult to get comfortable with guys unless they take it really slow. My boyfriend is an ENFP, he is all lovey dovey PDA guy. It works because he gets me out of my shell, he is really affectionate and complimentary, and he knows I think nice things about him even if I do not say them 24/7. He is bad with money, I am good with money. He sometimes has crazy ideas, I keep them in check. Its hard to love an ESTJ, but we are loyal and we will be honest and eventually very dedicated. Its nice to have someone who can make you laugh, is extremely warm and outgoing to compliment you.

I'll have to add more later because work is so busy today!

 

[Diamonic]

@Ahiko Can't wait to hear more!

 

[Ahiko]

Back!

Background story: We met when we were 20. I crashed a party at his house and he was the random, nerdy, computer science major who liked video games. At the time, I was just an avid socialite, going to every party I could to meet people and make friends. (We were both in our own frat and sorority.) I'm also a nerd, too. I loved playing video games so I would literally spend most of my time watching him play haha. He was really friendly, so I never thought much of him, but there was always a mutual "good friendship" connection. As friends, we were great together. We would seem to gravitate toward each other with talking and conversations. The conversations were always good and happy. I did end up rejecting him three times because I wasn't ready for a relationship. He gave up for a bit, but after not seeing or talking from Halloween to New Year's, we started talking again and I finally gave him a chance. It was worth the wait and all the rejection. I was emotionally ready to be in a relationship, and he was willing to put all the effort into making it work out. I guess all the rejection made us want to work harder in our relationship for each other.

As more than friends:

This quote stuck out at me!

Its hard to love an ESTJ, but we are loyal and we will be honest and eventually very dedicated.

I actually found him to be the most lovable out of all the guys he lived with in his house. I was instantly drawn to his intellect, our similar interests, and his kindness. Even before we started dating, I would keep denying that he would ever like me because he was "too nice", and that I didn't deserve that amount of kindness. (Hence all the rejection by me LOL!) :X But whenever we would party, he would always be the one willing to take care of me. No one ever wanted to cuz I would always drink myself to tears, but he didn't mind. Even his frat bros didn't think we would work out together because we were so different. He was always the cool-headed one and I was the loud, over-enthusiastic, crazy one. >.<

When we started dating, he would plan all the dates and I would always return the favor with enthusiasm and appreciation. I loved hanging out with him and getting to know him, and I'm sure he felt the same. I was scared of moving out of friendship, but the dating and relationship stage with him was infinitely better.

He really fits the guardian type. He would comfort me, be patient with me and stand up for me no matter what. And I would always shower him with affection, gratitude and admiration for making me feel beautiful. Even when school, my sorority or parents were giving me a hard time, he would do anything he could to cheer me up. Sometimes if my day was bad enough and I just needed a hug or to see him, he would drop everything to let me come over and cheer me up.

Our personalities together:

• He's logical and rational. I'm not. His logic and reasoning really helps keep me down to earth.. because if I didn't have someone keeping me in check, I'd have my head in the clouds getting myself ready to fly up to the moon.
• He's usually good with money. I'm not. But he says when the woman comes in, he can be bad with money. He likes to spoil me with food, but that's also my fault because I have this weird skill of making food sound sooo good. Dx
• I can get really emotional. It never bothers him, but he's always willing to understand where I'm coming from and how all my crazy feelings are triggered. He's always interested in how I feel and would always approach me with "Tell me what's on your mind", and that eased me into being completely open with him about any emotions I have.
• I'm very ambitious and have huge aspirations. He seems to be amused and genuinely interested in them. I'm going back to school to study computer programming. I want to get a bachelor's, but I have to settle for an associate's degree first. He's willing to help me and loves tutoring me, even though I frustrate him when he has to go over a concept a few times.
• He's a great teacher! Good with words and very good at explaining things to me!
• We can easily have intellectual conversations with each other. Even though I can act like an airbrain at times, he knows I'm not stupid (my parents think I am) and we respect each other's intelligence. Our different viewpoints allows us to challenge each other's intellect. It also helps us to expand it by giving us different insights.
• We inspire each other. Food, activities, etc. It seems like we feed off of each other's energy and enthusiasm.
• He admitted that being with me has helped him to be more patient and understanding of people. I can get pretty out of hand emotionally. I get put down by my parents.. they don't like that I didn't want to do anything with my Public Health degree and am switching my career concentration to computer programming.. and he's usually the one picking up the pieces. When I get emotionally unstable, I push people away, but he would stick around until I told him what was going through my head so that he could understand me.
• We're both good socially. Me more than him, but he can easily win the hearts of people, too. He's a little more reserved in that he prefers hanging out with his close friends than meeting new people. It would get frustrating at times to get him to come out with my friends. :/ But I'm slowly learning to accept it. I'm okay with meeting anyone and making friends with them, so it was a little hard to accept that about him at first.

There's more, but I can't think of them right now LOL. If you have any specific ones you'd like to know, feel free to ask!

On the next update, I'll let you know about how our one year mark has been. :]

And another good thing with our relationship is that we always have good hangouts, especially with our common interests. I'm off to visit him & we're gonna go to LA to visit some fish stores for his new aquarium! Grab yummy Chinese food from a local mom & pops store that we love and then head back to his place to work on our programming projects. He's gonna tutor me too! Yay.

I hope this helps. More soon!

 

[AgAu]

I've been married almost 16 years to an ESTJ. It's a pretty amazing dynamic. We really do build each other up, and look out for the other's blind spots. Feel free to search my posts, I have written a fair amount on the topic.

For the most part, my experience has been similar to what @Ahiko posted above.

@Diamonic Is there an ENFP guy you have your eyes on? If so, tell us about him...

 

[WickedQueen]

I find it easy to open up with my ENFP friends too. The conversation I enjoy the most with them is usually about the deeper meaning of life and self-fulfillment. Not sure if I want to date them, though. Not because I don't find them attractive (especially their beautiful hearts), but most of the times it's because I'm afraid that I will only hurt them and destroying their optimist attitude on life. I like them just the way they are.

 

[Diamonic]

Thanks guys for all your input. @Ahiko, I noticed in some of your post before that you were trying to figure out what type your guy was and you thought maybe he was an esfj. Has he tested more that made you know for sure he was an estj. Just curious. Can't wait to hear about your one year mark!!

@WickedQueen The thing I love the most about my enfp is that beautiful heart. Thats the one of many things he has that I covet. I know how we can be joykills so I really try not to that. When he comes up with some of his wild ideas I try to mention just a little practical thing about it he might think about and I notice after a few days he's on to something else. lol

@AgAu I've been dating an enfp for over 2 years now and I must say its been very growth filled relationship. It definitely has its challenges but being with him has made me a better person for it. I'm so much closer to the person I've wanted to be and have so much more self awareness now. I think me being 40 helps with working on myself more as well.... I believe his heart is perfect and love that about him. He is so much fun and makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. He's written me 3 songs and numerous poems. I've always said I wanted Edward from twilight and he is definitely right up there with him. So there's some of the positives....

The negatives are..... he's messy, kinda lazy, watches to much tv, not good with money and is currently starting a whole new career. I know there are things we have to compromise with any relationship and we have both done that. But there are some things that are our core and we cannot compromise.
Mine are security and stability and that is something that alot of enfp's know nothing about. LOL I need those things inside as well as externally. I need to feel secure on the inside that I can trust him and that he loves me no matter what and I know that enfp's can have some commitment issues. He's never been married and is 44. He said he never found the one and wanted to marry me after a month of dating. Also, I need security as in retirement and not wanting to struggle later in life either.
I need stability externally, as in he HAS to work! lol And I would prefer he stay at the same thing cause to much change freaks me out!! hehe I'm divorced and said if I ever marry again then the unsaid part of the vows would be, I will not tolerate an alcoholic, drug addict and I WILL NOT support him! hahaha
So glad to hear your combination has worked for you and your estj. I told my guy I would love to meet a couple with our combo. We could definitely have some laughs!
Would love to hear your or anyones thoughts on this! Thanks

 

[cyamitide]

I'm sure there is post here somewhere about this combination in a relationship but didn't want to look that long. Any experiences with this combo?

There is some advice in relationship combos for ESTJs in these articles: Love Types ESTJ

 

[Le Beau Coeur]

ESTJs are great! I don't know what it would be like to be in a relationship with one but I do admire their abilities.

 

[iemanja]

I know one. He's young and is less able to control his emotions. He got suspended from school the other day for losing his temper very badly. A lot of people dislike him because he is blunt and doesn't care about other people's feelings. He's generally got a pretty sulky attitude and isn't impressed easily. He is stingy with the respect he gives out.
In short, I absolutely love his personality. Why? Because I live to win people over. He's like a challenge.
He's got a temper? I'll calm him down, because ENFPs like to make people happy. He's blunt when he finds things are not up to his standards? I'll push myself to meet his standards and exceed them, because ENFPs need motivators or they never get their work done. He's not impressed easily? Well hell, I'll be good at everything I do, so I can impress him. And he's stingy with respect? Good, because when I win it, I'll feel all the more special. It'll also mean he has standards for the people he surrounds himself with.
And those were the bad things about him. Good things about him include his dedication to be a part of the school community, loyalty, self confidence and a strong set of values. Those stuck out to me the first time I was around him and impressed me, because there's nothing more I like more than a 'can-do' attitude, which he certainly has. And the best thing is that he'll give respect when people deserve it, which I think ENFPs like because they love being recognised for the things they do.
I think the main problem ENFPs may have with ESTJs is that ESTJs may be too rigid in their thinking and come across as being a bit boring and restrictive (they're certainly not as wonderfully weird as INTJs or sensitive and warm as INFPs). It's the S and N thing - the T and F isn't really a problem to me personally because I understand how Thinkers work (I've been around an INTJ after all). So the S/N difference is the main hurdle IMO.

 

[Ahiko]

Thanks guys for all your input. @Ahiko, I noticed in some of your post before that you were trying to figure out what type your guy was and you thought maybe he was an esfj. Has he tested more that made you know for sure he was an estj. Just curious. Can't wait to hear about your one year mark!!

I did a lot of reading and showed him some articles, too, and he identified more with ESTJ than ESFJ. Mostly the logical aspect and his way of thinking. He couldn't identify with the emotional approach ESFJs took. He does seem to identify with ENTJ a lot, but he does value tradition a lot and feels it's necessary, although he doesn't know how to explain his reason why.

Here's our one year:

1 Year

15 months in and we're doing well, still going strong.

We had our 1 year. To some people, it might not have been "anything special". I was so busy that we probably wouldn't have been able to see each other. I was running a sorority meeting late that night and the next day, I had work and class until 10pm. It seemed impossible to meet. Dx I finished the meeting around 11pm, noticed I wasn't tired and decided to drive 1 hour to his house to surprise him. He IM'd me around 11:45pm, asking me how I was doing, but I didn't respond -- I was frantically looking for a cake, candles and matches to surprise him with. I found them at Jack-In-The-Box and 7-11. I had to jump the fence to his house and called him at 11:59pm.

Me: Hi!
Him: I was just thinking about you. What are you up to?
Me: Open your door.
Him: Why?
Me: Just do it.

I had the cake lit and everything and before I could sing "Happy Birthday to us" (yes, wrong song hahah but I thought it was funny), he blew out the candle thinking I would drop it or light my hair on fire. HAHAHA. And then he just kissed me and hugged me, saying how happy he was to see me cuz he thought we wouldn't get the chance to meet. The next day, we had dinner together.

But yay to the one year! I'm glad it wasn't anything fancy or expensive cuz it's really only one year. I think what we really loved about it was how hilarious and surprising it was that we made time to spend with each other made it more memorable.

@AgAu I've been dating an enfp for over 2 years now and I must say its been very growth filled relationship. It definitely has its challenges but being with him has made me a better person for it. I'm so much closer to the person I've wanted to be and have so much more self awareness now. I think me being 40 helps with working on myself more as well.... I believe his heart is perfect and love that about him. He is so much fun and makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. He's written me 3 songs and numerous poems. I've always said I wanted Edward from twilight and he is definitely right up there with him. So there's some of the positives....

He's admitted those things to me, too. We're both turning 23 this year, so we've got a lot of figuring out with ourselves alongside nurturing our relationship together. I'll tell you more in the next post.

The negatives are..... he's messy, kinda lazy, watches to much tv, not good with money and is currently starting a whole new career. I know there are things we have to compromise with any relationship and we have both done that.

I'm all those and I'm sure he's noticed, but he never criticizes me about it. x__x He's supportive of my career change too, but I have a feeling he's wondering if I'll see it the whole way through.

But there are some things that are our core and we cannot compromise. Mine are security and stability and that is something that alot of enfp's know nothing about. LOL I need those things inside as well as externally. I need to feel secure on the inside that I can trust him and that he loves me no matter what and I know that enfp's can have some commitment issues.

I have a feeling he's a big advocate of security and stability too. He makes it very clear through his actions, and when he reassures me that he's "bound by the rules of a relationship" that he wouldn't cheat or do anything sly like that. Definitely no commitment issues for this ENFP, though. I think I made it explicitly apparent to him somehow, because he the main reasons he would find it difficult to leave me is because of how loyal and good-hearted I am. If security and stability are that important, I'm hoping I hit the nail on the head with that! >.<

But we're still pretty young, so we still have a few years down to see how we work together before we can step into greater commitments.

I think a lot of difference goes with our roles being switched. I feel like if he were the girl ESTJ and I were the guy ENFP, I would be way too all over the place or doubtful if I could commit just because of how I am. With my ESTJ boyfriend, I feel like I don't have to worry about stability and security because I know he'll use all his power and ability to be successful to provide for his family. If I were a guy, it would really take A HUGE conscious effort for me to get to that level. ESTJs seem to already be there.. ENFPs are a little more scattered.. in that respect, but if we have the motivation and drive for it, we'll definitely go into overdrive to make things happen, especially for the ones we love.

A few months after our 1-year, lots of frustrations, struggles and communication/POV differences are surfacing. >.< Maybe you will be able to relate? Next post!

 

[Le Beau Coeur]

I haven't tried this but I really think it could work in some cases. I have an ESTJ female friend who married an ENFP guy and they are very happy.

When I think of an ESTJ male I think of someone very confident, aggressive, strong and hard working. Even just being in this part of the forum makes me feel safe.

 

[Diamonic]

@Ahiko, Thanks for all your input. When such opposites are together there will definitely be some struggles and we've had ours but with that said, it would be boring if it wasn't somewhat of a challenge. lol
I think it helps with us that we're older and tend to be a little more patient though. I think its awesome that you guys have a heads up on each other by knowing the different personality types. You're going into the relationship with more self awareness and understanding of your differences.
Most people have no clue about the personality types so at your young ages you definitely will have more self awareness than many 40 yr olds and that will help you both tremendously. Hang in there, girl! Sounds like you have an awesome guy!

 

[Mausi]

Just wanted to chime in:

My mom's an ESTJ... and we definitely have had our rocky patches in the past. Of course, it's to be expected especially during adolescence, but even before I found Myers-Briggs, I felt criticized, like a failure or a disappointment, like I couldn't do anything right.

I think something important in this relationship to remember is: the ESTJ looks to their external environment to find the blame ("This is wrong. Who did this? Obviously not me," whereas the ENFP looks internally to find blame: "This is wrong. It must be my fault.") And I think this is where a lot of problems can get out of control with this particular relationship. So, it's just something to watch for.

Also, I can have deep conversations with my mom, but it's every once-in-a-while, as opposed to every day. I learned after a while to sort of keep some thoughts to myself, as they didn't feel appreciated. A lot of times, I'll want to go into the subtleties of something and my mom will be like, "Uh, does everything we talk about have to be deep? I just want to chill out." And sometimes it hurts my feelings or sometimes I'll hold back, but it's hard for me because as an ENFP, I really like to THINK ALOUD and that's what's fun for me. Which is another thing: sometimes, an ESTJ will think that you're thinking-aloud is actually you making a decision, which comes across as flaky. So that's something to keep in mind.

Also, in arguments, I've found that sometimes my mom will use information I shared with her in a moment of vulnerability against me. I mean, when I was feeling vulnerable, it was nice to have her as a protector and comforter. She's amazing at that. But if she's angry, she will use that same information (that I would have guessed to be off-limits) in order to hurt me or to get me to feel something. She's also the only person that I can get to the point of yelling with... mostly because I feel like she isn't listening or acknowledging me if we get to that point. Though, I will say this: after we said all of the mean things and got to that point and cooled off, she would always come back and apologize if she thought she was wrong -- or even about going about it in that way. So, she could definitely swallow her pride, just not in the heat of the moment (she will believe she is RIGHT, even if she is wrong... which is frustrating in an argument, haha).

So, those are SOME roadblocks to keep in mind. But here's the other side: my mom is an amazingly strong woman. She knows how to take care of business, she doesn't apologize for being herself, and she upholds her morals like no others. She is consistent, she is a leader and leads by example, and she is extremely LOYAL. She is also extremely loving and will show it in all of her actions (which is REALLY easy for the ENFP to take advantage of or take for granted, admittedly). She makes sure her family is taken care of and she is a rock. And as she's gotten older, she's also done more introspection and is taking steps to sort of soften her harsh edges.

And the BEST thing about our relationship? That we can LAUGH! We laugh together SO much and so hard! I found as a child that we were able to bond through television. We liked the same shows and it was always so amazing to sit next to her and hear her laughing. It made my day. And I also learned as I got older to just not take things seriously... so if we started to get heated in an argument, I'd do something that I knew would make her laugh (like dance in a goofy way or something) and it would ease all of the tension. My mom probably laughs the hardest at my jokes and that makes me feel really good.

Of course, this is only an ENFP's perspective, but I would say: if you are going to enter this relationship (or any), make sure you are a strong ENFP... strong enough to stick to your ideals and hold your ground. You can't be TOO sensitive or you will get SUPER hurt. As an ENFP, you'll probably never (naturally) do your fair share of the housework or stuff like that compared to an ESTJ (or do it to their high standards), but at least make an effort to have a base-level that you stick to. Be okay with being quiet or separate from your loved one as well and definitely make use of your wide range of friends to stimulate other parts of your personality. Laugh often with the ESTJ, connect through music or TV or some sort of art, be LOYAL, let them know when you are just mulling things over rather than when you make a decision, and when you do make a decision that you feel will have some opposition, make sure you have ALL your evidence gathered and also that you are PERSONALLY convicted by it, because an ESTJ will "tear it down" really quickly... they don't dream the same way we do... they are very realistic and that can feel like an attack, but I've learned to use it as the fire to prove that I can make my dreams happen, that I can do anything. And when they see you all focused, they get so amazed!

 

[Ahiko]

Pros & cons list of ESTJ male and ENFP female dynamic. @iemanja @Diamonic

Pros:

• He's very thoughtful through his actions. I'm sure we both know pretty well that ENFPs can be really scatterbrained. He's the one who will do little random acts of kindness without me asking or without it even crossing my mind. If I forget to bring slippers to the bathroom, he leaves them for me outside the shower. If I'm carrying a lot of heavy things, he will take them off my hands without me asking. It's the little acts of kindness that I think ESTJs are really thoughtful with. It's really charming.
• He keeps me grounded. When I'm on an emotional trip or if I'm having a moment of insecurity from taking time to contemplate on things, he will be the one to sit and listen to my thoughts even if I ramble a lot. He usually provides his input in a really logical, rational way that always surprises me, especially since ENFPs tend to not think naturally rational.
• His logical and rational thinking matches that of INTJs, but not as weird and quirky as they are.
• Sex drive and physical attraction to match our ENFP needs ;P
• Very traditional and loves his family, and I can see him being a great father figure. My family loves him too.
• Very mature, good with money, definitely capable of offering security and stability to his significant other, which I believe many NFs desire deep down.
• Very confident, high self-esteem and low insecurities. He even said without hesitation, "Why be insecure? There's nothing for me to be insecure of." That amazes me and makes me want to be like him..especially since I'm such a Feeler, I have a lot of insecurities and doubts when I think too deep into possibilities. ):
• Very blunt and straightforward. Just as blunt as any TJ would be. He never sugarcoats things and tells it as it is. He's not afraid to hurt my feelings when he knows I'm being out of hand.
• He only really shows his true self to me, so that makes me feel special.
• He loves cuddles and hugs. Very physically affectionate and kind. ESTJs are known to have to always be doing something productive or active otherwise they see it as a waste of time, but he doesn't mind spending a few hours just cuddling and being away from his games and the internet. They really know how to make you feel cherished.
• He loves holding hands in public.
• We can be separate at social events and be okay with it (unlike some couples who are inseparable). We usually revisit each other throughout the night and by the end of the night, we share our stories and findings.
• He's kind of predictable with his daily schedule.. which is a shocker for us ENFPs since we're so spontaneous. It actually gives me peace of mind that he generally does the same thing every day. I don't have paranoia that he's cheating on me or doing anything that would hurt me (like a previous ex did).
• When I have something on my mind, he will patiently ask and is interested in knowing what it is. He's very open to understanding what goes on through my head and half the time, he's smirking wondering where I come up with things. xD
• Very good with words. Very good in social settings. Very charismatic and intelligent. Very hardworking.
• Very honest and open. He always assures me that he has nothing to hide, which I feel is very courageous of him to admit.
• Very efficient.
• Very loving and will really forgive you for your faults, especially after all the little troubles I get myself into. >.<!

Cons:

• He's not as in tune with his emotions as I am. He actually puts a front up when he's around his friends, so he does switch between personalities depending on the people he's around. It took me a while to understand this, but I did get upset one time when he joked about me in front of his friends. He did admit that one of the things he admired about me was that no matter who I was around, I was always myself.
• There will be emotional disconnect: He doesn't seem to engage in deep conversations all the time.. He quickly goes through situations with extreme rationality and logic, and his good way with words usually generates a simple response that hits the point straight on. It actually leaves me somewhat satisfied and somewhat appalled/amazed at his logic and thinking, but sometimes I want more conversation. I had to learn to accept his word as exactly what he means and also accept that he's not always going to get too involved in deep conversations.. This can be a killer for me, though. >.< But when I started withdrawing from him because I didn't want to bog him down with too much emotional banter, he kept asking sadly that he felt like I couldn't come to him to talk about what's on my mind and he reassured me that I could always come to him for anything. He's really attentive to my feelings and what I'm thinking which I love about him. I learned to turn to other friends to have deeper, intellectual discussions, especially because of this next point:
• If a conversation or idea won't benefit him or isn't relevant to him, he will bluntly say, "Why does that matter if it doesn't have to do with me?" ENFPs tend to think about random things, pulling ideas from many places and trying to make sense of the world, social interactions, etc.. ESTJ doesn't seem to find it interesting unless it involves them. It fascinates me, though, and I love talking about it. >.<
• He's not as adaptable to his surroundings compared to how ENFPs are. He seems to be extremely cautious of how he needs to act around new people. For me, I'm usually my normal quirky self and people seem to be fine with me. XD Maybe it's an ESTJ thing?
• He can be too blunt sometimes. To the point where it hurt my feelings a few times, but I need people to be blunt and straightforward to me because a lot of people are actually too afraid to say things because my feelings get hurt easily.
• He can be impatient.. especially when he's waiting for a response. I was upset and it took me a long time to finally find the words to say it to him because my emotions were all tied up. He grew to finally be more patient with me, as I grew to be quicker and more comfortable shoving my insecurities about my thoughts aside and easily communicating them to him. He did thank me that being with me has helped him learn patience even though it was "painful."
• He can be lazy, and often take a day off for down time. I think it's just how much he needs to recharge.
• Very sociable especially with his guy friends, so I had to not get too jealous when he was having guys' night outs and I was stuck at home. >.<
• He has an EXTREME dislike for inefficiency, ESPECIALLY repeated mistakes. He scolded me once for forgetting my ID twice, which ruined a date for us, so I deserved it, but I did feel very belittled for being scolded like a kid. He made it up by softening his tone and telling me to not feel bad, but it took me a good 5 minutes to be okay again cuz I felt like I really disappointed him.
• Since he's so constant and somewhat predictable, it can conflict with ENFP's desire for freedom and excitement. It's slowed down a bit, but as long as I remind myself how loving and caring he is, it keeps me from wandering or getting bored of the relationship.

Wow this was really long. Hope this helps! Let me know if you have more questions.

 

[iemanja]

@Ahiko oh you are amazing :kitteh:

Hehe I'm older than my ESTJ crush. It's just a couple of years, but I'm in my late teens. And a 2.5 year gap seems like it's more when you're a teenager. I'll probably look like a terrible role model (if that's what older teenagers are meant to be to the younger ones) because he's SO much more organised, serious and rational than I am.
Which leads me to ask the question: do you know anything about young ESTJs? Or actually, would an older ENFP and a younger ESTJ lead to a disastrous relationship?

 

[Ahiko]

@Ahiko oh you are amazing :kitteh:

Hehe I'm older than my ESTJ crush. It's just a couple of years, but I'm in my late teens. And a 2.5 year gap seems like it's more when you're a teenager. I'll probably look like a terrible role model (if that's what older teenagers are meant to be to the younger ones) because he's SO much more organised, serious and rational than I am.
Which leads me to ask the question: do you know anything about young ESTJs? Or actually, would an older ENFP and a younger ESTJ lead to a disastrous relationship?

Ohh, the late teen years.

I'm not really 100% sure about younger ESTJs, but I'm sure there might be some threads on their forum.

I actually tried fishing it out of him, but he's really good at dodging me when he doesn't feel like chatting about trivial things, especially when it's about himself. xD It's 4am though and we've been studying since, so I can understand. I'll try to get you some true information from him some time.

Here are some of my observations:

He did mention that was a lot more impatient before. Efficiency and productivity seem to be a big deal to him and he would get easily annoyed if things weren't done efficiently enough. That's a problem for us ENFPs cuz most times, we're not efficient at all! Dx I can see it setting an ESTJ off if they don't have the patience for us. It also doesn't help that depending on our emotional/mental healthiness, ENFP can seem like we don't take ourselves seriously or think it's not a huge problem how we approach something as long as we get it done (although I do remember myself taking things too seriously and being too hard on myself). I think an ESTJ would need to be open and accepting of that with us otherwise there will be conflict. I can see it more of a problem for less mature types.

He also mentioned that he would look down on people if he felt like they weren't on the same level of intelligence as he was. I was actually the same way too, when I was younger, but the main differences I can see are confidence and self-esteem. Depending on your level of confidence, I have a feeling ESTJs beat us with that, hands down. It seems like ENFPs when we get into our internal thinking mode, we tend to doubt ourselves and our place in our environments, etc. I would guess younger ESTJs may have their own doubts, but not to the extent as I had when I was younger. >.<

He also mentioned he would be in a lot of bad moods in early college. I think this was after his first relationship ended. You might want to look up how stressed ESTJs act, because it seemed like he went through a long period of deep stress. I remember his friends would say that he would always be angry and isolate himself to only play video games.

As for older ENFP female and younger ESTJ male.. I think it depends if the ESTJ guy is okay with you being the younger. I get the vibe that ESTJ seem to value tradition and the norm (social norms) a lot. It seems like my ESTJ internalized and already had it set that he would be the provider in the relationship, no matter what. I have a feeling their values and ideas of these things are the same too, when they're younger. I believe ESTJs will tend to fit what they think is their their natural societal role (males being the provider, females being the supporter) perfectly. With my ESTJ, he loves being the dominant role -- he likes being the one to pay for dinners, do any manly labor and be a good partner. Anything that emasculates him really doesn't make him feel good. So I feel like for a younger ESTJ male, it would still be the same.

Oh, and my ESTJ is actually 3 months younger than me, but we didn't feel that gap was significant enough to affect our relationship dynamic. As long as he's playing the role of the man in the relationship, he's very content. It also helps a lot that we're practically on the same level on many things (intellectually, maturity, emotionally, age) so being on the same page and seeing eye-to-eye and seeing each other as equals helps a lot.

Other things to note, ENFPs especially younger can get really intense and clingy in relationships. My SO said that stuff is a massive turn-off. It also seems like ESTJ take their time with relationships, so building up that trust through a solid friendship will be a good starting point if you want to take it to the next level after. :] Also, my ESTJ likes his alone time, especially with his guys. Even now, I get jealous and have trouble not getting needy, but it's something ENFP will really need to learn too -- patience!

I think ENFP and ESTJ combo is good because our differences complement well. There are also obvious strengths in certain values that each type finds in the other. It does take conscious efforts on both parts to make the relationship work, though, but if you're both willing to work through it all, it's worth the challenge and both people will definitely grow from this kind of relationship. Doing good so far! :]

Good luck with your ESTJ! Feel free to let us know how it goes.

 

[iemanja]

Ohh, the late teen years.
Good luck with your ESTJ! Feel free to let us know how it goes.

AHHHHH THANKS x100000000 AHIKO! You're my special guidebook roud:
Yeah I know I was a bit worried that he might think the age gap was a bit weird and I can tell he DOES like being a "man". I think he'd be confident to flirt with an older girl, but a relationship... I'm not so sure.
Anyway, it's a bit early on for me, so it's just a crush, not some full blown obsession omg-I-think-it's-love thing. I liked your advice about building up a friendship first; that makes a lot of sense.

OMG SO TRUE, he loves hanging out with his guy friends! It's kind of sweet watching him though because I can tell he really cares about them haha. Of course if I was going out with him I'd totally be jealous too!

Do you know how ESTJs show that they think you're cool/that they're interested in being friends (so how do ESTJs show interest in a platonic, non-romantic way)? We only started REALLY talking a few weeks ago (although we knew each other since last year, but I wasn't interested in him at the time) so I don't know where I stand with him yet. Also, what do you think is the best approach at getting to know him?

If you (or anyone else here for that matter) could answer those two questions^ that'd be great too; I hope I'm not overloading you!!! THANK YOU AGAIN GAAAAH. I bet you write for a living looking at the essays you type, haha!

P.S. there doesn't seem to be much on PerC about the ENFP/ESTJ dynamic, also the ESTJ have a less-lively forum than us NFs! Oh well. :/