Personality Cafe banner

1 - 1 of 1 Posts

1 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
My ESTJ ex-boyfriend is typically healthy (mentally/physically). We broke up over bizarre circumstances:

Fell in love on the job. Totally compatible in almost all hobbies, music, television, political interests and family values.

He typically is honest with strong integrity, HOWEVER- was going through a divorce (marriage ended a while ago and was supposed to be final months before we met, but she held out for more money) and I'm a staunch believer in NOT dating anyone divorced under a year.

I finally got him to crack about the divorce after he snapped at me a few times when I pried (he was afraid of losing me). Within weeks, we broke up mutually. He was losing his job for the first time in his life, had no home (his temporary housing is on his years long construction projects) and he was dealing with custody and child support uncertainties.

Because I love him- I wanted to help, so I bought him a house. Now I never wanted to be involved in another's divorce because I'm a helper by nature and I like to fix things. I think he felt threatened or intimidated by this (he's a provider at a loss and we're both traditional).

He said some things I'm sure he didn't mean and I reacted the same way. My emotions were off kilter for about a week and we totally disconnected when I finally texted him that I was deleting his number, but that I still loved him.

I'm very loyal to him and truly love him and I know he will adjust to the loss, but we never argued before. I'm trying to give him some space to finalize his divorce and hopefully get grounded in a job we were both trying to line up for him.

I still need time to process all that happened as we were absolutely happy in our relationship until then, but as much as I want to email him and reach out- I don't exactly know what he needs so I figured I'd give him another month or so for us both to digest everything's without hashing things out over who's right (ESTJs think they are anyway- haha).

I just care and want to get ESTJs feedback on what and when they would want to hear from someone that they mutually love deeply. I don't want him thinking I resent him or that I've discarded him altogether as we are both very loyal by nature.

I've exercised no contact for 3 weeks.
1 - 1 of 1 Posts