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I'm an ESTJ female as well.
It's very hard to find descriptions for us because very few are willing enough to write about us, if so, favorably.

I'm not as cut-throat and strict as the stereotype portrays. In fact, I'm very open to a lot of new things if you can convince me otherwise.

I'm still hoping I can get an ENTP into my life, but the unfortunate part about us is how intimidating we can be or how we can put relationships as if it's a job interview, which is very restricting for NTPs.

~still waiting tho~
 

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I am an ESTJ female. I knew only one other, and not my age either she was 40 years my senior and she's now dead, she's been dead for 3 years. I don't see myself as a female much, gender wise. I am not going to change my sex though, not transgender. I sort of resemble a guy more. I think most are sort of scared off by me. I unlike the last poster most times can be really inflexible. Sometimes you can convince me but it's usually not easy and I'd probably have made fun of your choices beforehand. hahaha! I am super assertive and if you get on the wrong side of me I can be a little aggressive, not violent though. I try not to be aggressive but I can tend to be. I have to have lost it or be really socially stressed out by you. I can also be a bit non-pragmatic sometimes and socialize but I think that Irene the ESTJ that I knew who died could also be like that.

It's different though because females will never see it my way mostly. I scare a lot of males too I think especially the more sensitive ones.
 

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I have a female ESTJ teacher in university.Personally I quite like her strong harsh personality even though I don't agree much with the way she teaches.However EVERYONE else in the class (and I am talking about 150 people),seem to hate her to the point that nowadays we are only like 15-20 people in her class

Generally I really appreciate ESTJs cause despite being fundamentally different to me to the point that it's annoying,they are honest,logical,realistic,straightfoward and when you get to know them you understand that behind all that harshness there are actually some hardcore values that most F types could only wish to have.
 

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So I'm an ESTJ female and I feel horribly lonely. My relationshipw ith my INFP (?) husband is failing. I like to weight lift and be physically active, sociable, working on my second Masters, two kids. I'm direct and forthright. I don't really get it when people don't say what they mean. I'm just lonely. If you speak out ppl find it strange. I don't think anyone thinks Im awesome btw. I ahve strong values. My husband's seems to dislike who I am fundamentally. Starting to feel like being female and ESTJ is a curse....:-(
Yeah...I'd have to say that your husband has not had a chance to blossom yet. It takes a long time for INFP men to mature into their full potential. ESTJ women should be on the lookout for INFP men that are older than them; anywhere from 5 to 15 years older. ESTJ women take on a lot of responsibility at work and with kids. It will be hard for an ESTJ woman to feel loved if she does not receive adequate private time to be submissive to her husband. In public the ESTJ wife will do her best to present a unified front and may or may not expect the same of her husband. In the bedroom however the ESTJ will need to let her hair down and become the object of her INFP husband's desires. INFP/ESTJ couples should sit down and have an adult conversation about what they feel comfortable with exploring a few days in advance of experimenting in the bedroom. Just as an example, some wives find spanking very therapeutic however it must be agreed upon in advance. My point is that the typical no-nonsense ESTJ woman will be happiest with an INFP man that is warm and loving but not too clingy outside the bedroom, but the INFP man will need to step up to the plate and be the dominant force in the bedroom.
 

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Yeah...I'd have to say that your husband has not had a chance to blossom yet. It takes a long time for INFP men to mature into their full potential. ESTJ women should be on the lookout for INFP men that are older than them; anywhere from 5 to 15 years older. ESTJ women take on a lot of responsibility at work and with kids. It will be hard for an ESTJ woman to feel loved if she does not receive adequate private time to be submissive to her husband. In public the ESTJ wife will do her best to present a unified front and may or may not expect the same of her husband. In the bedroom however the ESTJ will need to let her hair down and become the object of her INFP husband's desires. INFP/ESTJ couples should sit down and have an adult conversation about what they feel comfortable with exploring a few days in advance of experimenting in the bedroom. Just as an example, some wives find spanking very therapeutic however it must be agreed upon in advance. My point is that the typical no-nonsense ESTJ woman will be happiest with an INFP man that is warm and loving but not too clingy outside the bedroom, but the INFP man will need to step up to the plate and be the dominant force in the bedroom.
My issue wouldn't be stepping up and being dominant in the bedroom, it would be not being clingy outside the bedroom. If you have all this love and you've been waiting to pour it on to someone, it's hard when they only want a little at a time.
 

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I know in my experiences society doesn't like women who say what's on their mind and don't have the 'normal' feminine response to emotional situations. I've been getting called 'cold' or 'unfeeling' my whole life while the men around me who act the same are 'strong' and 'the rock of the family'. Frustrating really but ESTJ characteristics are seen as stereotypically positive male traits. Plus that pesky extroverted thinking makes me unable and unwilling to filter myself for others (another positive male trait that females aren't praised for). Although in my very biased opinion, this is totally unfair and ESTJ females get a bad rap especially on the forums. Wish I could find more estj women to hang out with haha
 

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Yeah...I'd have to say that your husband has not had a chance to blossom yet. It takes a long time for INFP men to mature into their full potential. ESTJ women should be on the lookout for INFP men that are older than them; anywhere from 5 to 15 years older. ESTJ women take on a lot of responsibility at work and with kids. It will be hard for an ESTJ woman to feel loved if she does not receive adequate private time to be submissive to her husband. In public the ESTJ wife will do her best to present a unified front and may or may not expect the same of her husband. In the bedroom however the ESTJ will need to let her hair down and become the object of her INFP husband's desires. INFP/ESTJ couples should sit down and have an adult conversation about what they feel comfortable with exploring a few days in advance of experimenting in the bedroom. Just as an example, some wives find spanking very therapeutic however it must be agreed upon in advance. My point is that the typical no-nonsense ESTJ woman will be happiest with an INFP man that is warm and loving but not too clingy outside the bedroom, but the INFP man will need to step up to the plate and be the dominant force in the bedroom.
I met him 16 yrs ago. that long enough ton 'blossom'?. No idea why you tangented off about the bedroom. The fact hes never home doesn't earn money complete tasks and just sits around idealistically hoping a money tree will grow might be part of the problem.
 

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Just want to show some love for female ESTJ's. One of my best friends is an ESTJ. The qualities I love about her are her straightforwardness, AWESOME sense of humor (she can be SO blunt / sarcastic), intelligence, great ability to see a project through to completion (and attention to detail along the way), ability to get things DONE without letting her emotional state get in the way, and amazing work ethic. She is an exceptional person and I look up to her in so many ways. She is one of those people that is an open book--she sets boundaries immediately and without hesitation and you know how she feels about certain subjects, what her tastes are and what she thinks from the get go. It makes her a pretty uncomplicated person and I really appreciate that. Even though she's a sensing type, she's open to discussing nearly any topic and continues to be one of my favorite people to talk with to this day (we've been friends for over 10 years now). It makes me sad to hear some less than positive posts about ESTJ women and that being a "curse." It absolutely is not and I encourage you all to keep being who you are and sharing your unique gifts with the world.
 

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Starting to feel like being female and ESTJ is a curse....:-(
I feel you.
I'm an INTP Male, 6 foot 4, and my most compatible types are the most dominant females - which are also the rarest.
When you're as massive as I am, people expect you to be dominant, assertive, and a Type A.
But I'm not. So it's a little hard for me to find an ESTJ/ENTJ female that isn't a midget compared to me, or just find one in general.
Even then, if she's the Type A in the relationship, then it looks a little funky having the guy who eclipses her in size.
I don't know.
F*ck my life.
 

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Well, I have known a number of ESTJ females and I really, really like them. One of them even saved my life once. I did notice a number of things about them:

ESTJ in everyday life
1. They are like strict, but secretly caring mothers
2. They have a soft side people will rarely see, unless they are close
3. They compartmentalise things: being the perfect employee at work, the perfect housewife at home, the perfect girlfriend in public and they adapt their behaviour accordingly. They can be dominant in some contexts, but uncharacteristically submissive and quiet in others.
4. They can break down and cry when pressure is high
5. They seem somehow drawn to quieter, more sensitive guys

ESTJ at work
1. They are very good at their jobs
2. They can be very micromanaging managers, which is annoying for me
3. They can be abrupt with people and not even be aware that people are bothered by this
 

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Well, I have known a number of ESTJ females and I really, really like them. One of them even saved my life once. I did notice a number of things about them:

ESTJ in everyday life
1. They are like strict, but secretly caring mothers
2. They have a soft side people will rarely see, unless they are close
3. They compartmentalise things: being the perfect employee at work, the perfect housewife at home, the perfect girlfriend in public and they adapt their behaviour accordingly. They can be dominant in some contexts, but uncharacteristically submissive and quiet in others.
4. They can break down and cry when pressure is high
5. They seem somehow drawn to quieter, more sensitive guys

ESTJ at work
1. They are very good at their jobs
2. They can be very micromanaging managers, which is annoying for me
3. They can be abrupt with people and not even be aware that people are bothered by this
Damn, I feel like I have seen all these as well.

Especially no.3 in everyday life. Like if an ESTJ shows up to an event they will dress perfectly for that event, whether it's a job fair or a party, they dress the part.
 

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One of my best friends is an ESTJ girl, and I've met a few others. ESFJ's and ISFJ's are definitely more common amongst women, though.

She struggles with her more aggressive nature and her femininity (my friend), especially because traditional perceptions are important to her. I try to tell her that if someone truly liked her it wouldn't matter if she had the subtlety of a sledge hammer, and that a lot of people appreciate that sort of directness. I know my ISTJ friend gets along with her really well because of that. She still finds it difficult, though, because I think she feels she can never live up to her parents expectations of a quiet, ISFJ-esque girl.

I can only hope this gets better with age.
 

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"I'm an INTP Male, 6 foot 4, and my most compatible types are the most dominant females - which are also the rarest.
When you're as massive as I am, people expect you to be dominant, assertive, and a Type A.
But I'm not. So it's a little hard for me to find an ESTJ/ENTJ female that isn't a midget compared to me, or just find one in general.
Even then, if she's the Type A in the relationship, then it looks a little funky having the guy who eclipses her in size."

If you're concerned about having a dominant but physically smaller girlfriend in public, then I wouldn't worry. Other people will have no idea what your relationship is like behind closed doors, so you being taller won't matter (in most couples, the man is taller anyway so it will look normal). My partner and I have a very S&M based relationship at home, despite him being 6'1 and me 5'5, and I've dated taller men who were just as submissive. If you ever go to S&M events, you'll realise that there is a huge variation in physical types and everyone has different preferences. I only date taller men, as I get a huge kick out of having someone physically stronger submit to me. There are also certain activities that my smaller size makes easier (I'll avoid going into detail here, but I'm sure Google will elighten you).

I'll just add that when a man is handcuffed, chained up, roped, or otherwise restrained, a few extra inches of height makes no difference whatsoever!
 

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I have a female ESTJ teacher in university.Personally I quite like her strong harsh personality even though I don't agree much with the way she teaches.However EVERYONE else in the class (and I am talking about 150 people),seem to hate her to the point that nowadays we are only like 15-20 people in her class

Generally I really appreciate ESTJs cause despite being fundamentally different to me to the point that it's annoying,they are honest,logical,realistic,straightfoward and when you get to know them you understand that behind all that harshness there are actually some hardcore values that most F types could only wish to have.
ahahahaha the bolded!!


Makes sense. Due to levels of estrogen and certain stereotypes it's assumed that most girls are F's and most boys are T's.
One of my best friends is a female ESTJ, and she is typically more forward about things than most girls. For example if my friend's mother hadn't been around she would have, as she put it, said some things to this group of guys the other day when they were being rude. Not only is it rare for girls to behave this way, it's less socially acceptable.
To paraphrase Nikki Manaj (who actually seems like a respectable person) when a woman is assertive she's a bitch, when a man is assertive he's a boss. There's no negative connotation behind boss. There's lots of negative connotations to bitch.
An assertive woman only looks like a bitch if they are doing emotions along with the assertiveness.

Men also have the bitch mode when they get emotional.
 
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