I am a christian, non-denominational. So I met this really amazing woman at a fundraiser, she is best friends with my friends wife . We both met with others for lunch after a fundraiser and she and I began talking and just really easily clicked together with our personalities and interests at hand. we both love the bible, and read it and talk excitingly about it because we on our own time enjoy reading and praying and praising God. What hurts me is that over the past 5 months I have become closer and closer to her and trusting her, feeling like she was opening up her life to me, even inviting me to come with her next time to california with her roomates , or she would say "We should" and I said yes to all that. I was excited, my sadness was actually beginning to turn into hope because I have been so alone all my life. I hide my loneliness as much as I can, but its unbearable! Even as a christian it is unbearable, I cannot relate to people easily, they hurt me often and I have a wall of pride and wounds that go deep that I have been trying to heal for a long time. I feel like nothing but having a hope and future in a wife will ever heal these wounds, how can a man go to sleep just thinking of how alone his life has been? I have no one to talk to after dinner time, no one to spend time with in my home and in my room when it is night time. I just felt that this woman I met was amazing because we would talk for hours and hours until a starbucks closed down ...we would go to the park and walk for hours around the park just talking non stop back and forth. It felt so peaceful and good. She told me she was sick and tired of men playing the "field" at church, dating multiple people, or jumping from one woman to the next. I am similarly disgusted with that too. I have never even had a girlfriend, because by the time I begin to open myself up Im abandoned . I started a new job in January after being laid off in december, its been rough all last year but this year is a bit better, I had hope , and I finally started working 40 hours a week which is a huge blessing because I can pay some bills and fix my broken car. By the time I had my first paycheck I asked her out to dinner, with no response, I thought she was busy maybe or tired she works full time. I asked her out a week later and she told me "Sorry but I have plans that day with my boyfriend". This is new, she didn't have a boyfriend before. She did mention many times "You should come to my bible study with me!" . I wanted to go to her bible study, I have felt abandoned even by many people at previous churches(those are long stories, I discovered a pastor was stealing money and I left a church and it hurt me a lot because I didnt know what to think for a while about going to church). She opened up all these ideas and hope for me. She did mention the bible study leader by name and kept saying "you are so analytical, and you should come and discuss the scripture with him and the bible study, hes very analytical too". She kept mentioning similarities, even though she was single and I dont feel comfortable being compared to other men, its similar to the rudeness of comparing women to other females physically or intellectually. I didnt think much of it , but I realized that maybe she didnt think I was interested in her because I never told her my feelings (because I am slow to open up but was starting to)...she is now dating that man who leads the bible study. It really hurts me that she would open up so much to me and even when I said yes and began opening up to her, and asked her out it feels like multiple doors were slammed on my heart, like a bunch of daggers. I feel abandoned, and like she is already forgetting who I am. I was so upset when she told me she had plans with her boyfriend that I mocked it and said "oh so now you know why christian men are sick of christian women" and "Ill take back the dvds you borrowed, and planned on having me come see with you". She had been inviting me to see movies with her just a week before. "We should watch_____ together." She is involved with missions organizations and really does take the bible seriously, I think she made a big mistake, maybe she doesn't realize it yet or is afraid to admit it now that she committed . I don't even know why she said yes to date that man, I don't think he has any integrity considering that her bible study group must have heard about me multiple times. I feel once again like a "church" of christians was just a gossip club that cultivated a cult following to 1 man, and then reinforced an idea that "oh you should just stop seeing him, because hes not part of our bible study". I just get this vibe that her bible study group has convinced her that I wasnt interested or that Im somehow not good enough to date her? Im not rich, i dont have much, no degree but I am faithful and I work hard and im gentle,also unfortunately im shy. When I told her "We aren't friends anymore" i felt extremely hurt, I hurt myself and I felt that what I said was so bad, and just so terrible because I shouldnt be hurtful to her even if she did something wrong, I really cared for her...so it took me a few days and lots of nightmares and coldsweats until I apologized to her. I sent her james 5:16 and told her I was wrong about everything I said to her, and it was wrong and Im sorry. I felt better for at least apologizing, because despite feeling like she hurt me so badly, I don't want to hurt her back. In the past she had this anger in her towards her ex boyfriend and mentioned how he bought her " mace" for her birthday, I am not that kind of man and I dont know why she tried to draw that up in a conversation to me. after she forgave me for the "we aren't friends anymore" I sent her flowers a day later. I wrote "as a symbol of my reconciliation to you, God bless you _____" i meant it genuinely, it was a topiary with stars of bethlehem and lillies,hydrangea and pink roses...I sent it to her work place and she received them. She told me "Thanks for the flowers" and I told her you're welcome , and she said "I appreciate that" and I just told her i found some peace in reading the bible and told her "Have a nice week _name___" . She said "Thanks you too". Its so painful to me, extremely painful. I really honestly feel shes worth trying to marry. People now days don't take marriage seriously, but both my grandparents have had 50 + years of marriage and both of those men really went above and beyond to marry their wives, one showed up at her house the day he met her near his work place so that he could meet the parents and meet her and that was a pretty brave thing. the other grandpa met my grandma while walking down the street to work and she was being courted by a rich man but my grandpa traveled in a model T car to find her in california before she could marry him and he asked her before the other man had the chance. I felt like sending her flowers was not just genuine about my apology but I am trying to show her that I really am willing to try , i don't want to be an ordinary man who doesnt even try. did I do the right thing? and will she even remember me and how I feel towards her? Women I am asking for your input, how would a woman feel in this situation?