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This was an interesting thread to read. I don't think things ended up well, either. The ISTP seemed checked out. I think ISTPs can feel badgered by ESTJs at times. ISTPs like their freedom and independence...I don't think they would care much for a very directive ESTJ as a partner. Especially if it's a male ISTP and female ESTJ pairing.
 

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This is a no-brainer. He doesn’t like her. And it may be a lot worse than that.

People may opt to have sex with someone they like, love or simply find attractive in some way. They may be in dire need and look for almost any port in a storm. But an ISTP male is not likely to engage in sex with someone he really dislikes or finds revolting. Some ESFJ females and some ISTP males are perfectly capable of reaching the situation described by the OP.

He may have reached the point where he found/finds her utterly repugnant and is not about to have sex with her. There is no attraction or desire when the situation comes to this point. He won’t submit or participate and she can’t make him. This will only grow worse.

This is not as much a matter of persons as it is a matter of personality. She may be a delightful human being and he a gracious gentleman. As the male partner stated, there her things about her personality that he did not like. She cannot change her personality (and shouldn’t) and he is not about to change regarding what he dislikes about her. What is, is.

This marriage, if you call it that, does not need a band-aid or a tire patch to prop it up. What is described is hell on earth for both of them. They should consider finding a way out.

I can tell you what has gone through his head, and perhaps hers as well. “I wonder what it would be like to be married to someone I actually like?” When someone asks themself that question, theirs is a terrible state of being.

There is an old movie about the U.S. Civil War that addresses this. A young man comes to a father to ask for his daughter’s hand. The father asks “Do you like her, boy? Do you really like her? Love will come later. But do you like her, because liking is really important.”

Yes, liking is important. When loathing becomes its substitute marriages change for the worse. Even the grave appears as a place of refuge.

I hope they found a way out.
 
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