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I'm married to the King of ESTJ - topia! and looking for some help here. I am ENFJ, he is ESTJ, obsessive complusive, control freak. No one does anything as right as he. t's as if he thinks he is a God. He has progressively become more and more controlling and judgemental as he's gotten older.

I'm not as organized, but every bit as successful. Is it just in the nature of ESTJ to tell everyone how and what they SHOULD be doing? There is not a soul that escapes my husbands judgement. Respect - he demands acknowledgement and respect, yet rarely feels the need to reciprocate. When he does, he makes a point of positioning that person below him first. Seems to care less whether or not his children love or adore him, but cares immensely that they respect him. When he's not showered with praise, he lashes out abut how underappreciated he is, and amps up the nitpicking and nagging to extreme.
He becomes incensed if his advise is not implemented, and goes ater that person with a strange aggressive disdain kind of thing. Kids avoid him like a plague, and he wonders why. I've told him its not what he says, but how he says it that determines how it's received, but because he is Mr. right, he doesn't open himself up to considering a different delivery.
Then he sulks for DAYS, if I or anyone else disagree with him, and immediately becomes aggressive, pacing around, being extremely curt, and pushy... you can see the lower lip tightening...
I recently made a tire purchase, which I'm fully capable of doing, and I heard for weeks after, how I should have chosen the ones he recommended. Really? Im 48. I thiought there were TWO adults in this house!!!

I can understand to some degree wanting to control your environment, but what compels him to give other people advice, on how to do things right? To criticize how long their hair is, or why their tire is more than 5 inchs from the curb. It's like living with constant nag nag nagging!! Are these common traits with ESTJ's, or does he have something more going on?

After 22 yrs, I think I've done my time, and this is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.

Any ideas on how to best work with him?

Thanks much.
 

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QUOTE: I'm married to the King of ESTJ - topia! and looking for some help here. I am ENFJ, he is ESTJ, obsessive complusive, control freak. No one does anything as right as he. t's as if he thinks he is a God. He has progressively become more and more controlling and judgemental as he's gotten older.

OMG- sorry to say but i think my mom will disagree as she's married to the ESTJ KING! :crazy:

Your hubby sounds so like my step-dad! He generally has great advice but jees does he deliver it very badly! And try to have your own conflicting viewpoint and world war 3 erupts. Oh and of course it's always my mom's fault!
 
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