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ESTJ's and cheating

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ESTJ's, what are your views and thought about cheating?

I have an ESTJ friend who seems to keep his gf a secret and is always flirting with the ladies and has even made some advances at a friend or two, yet when you ask about the way he thinks, he says he's very loyal and is just 'friendly'..

just wondering if there is a correlation with his type or if it's just HIM because i thought ESTJ's are very boundaries- based and usually have a high ethical compass..
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I suppose it depends on your definition of cheating. In my opinion cheating is when you intentionally have sex with someone other than your partner or kiss them for a prolong period of time. I am not a cheater, nor will I ever be one and those who do end up cheating lose my respect almost immediately.

But I do understand completely what your friend is talking about/doing. I myself am a big flirt. I love talking to people, laughing with people, teasing people, making others laugh etc. Often this can be seen as flirting, when really all I notice is that I'm being really friendly with people. I think in general this is often associated with extroverted thinker types. We love to be out talking to all sorts of people and having a good time with them, so naturally we're all a bit flirty. However, we are also T's so what comes out of mouths most likely has nothing to do with intense feelings we have for someone, in fact I tend to back down and become more serious if I actually am interested in someone. But for the rest of the people in the world they get to have my light flirty side.

I will say though, that if it does make our partner a bit jealous, and we know it that almost makes it more fun. We tend to be pretty confident, but occasionally its nice to know that your partner can get jealous if you're talking to someone else for a long time. Every needs to feel really wanted now and then. :)

Also, as someone who has a degree in biology, I will say that there's a very human nature side to cheating. Monogamy really doesnt occur very often in the world. In fact its very very rare. So even if we are monogamous there will always be a part of us that may find someone else a bit more attractive or more fun to be with. Its not ideal of course especially if you believe in soulmates, but it happens. Its just whether you act on it or not that makes you cheater. I once had some guy kiss me when I was already involved with someone else. We were having a good time and I think I just may have given him the wrong idea accidentally. But when it happened I just told him that I was involved with someone else and he and I were just friends. I actually did tell my boyfriend about this later. At first he got really mad and jealous, but then I explained that he is also a flirt and sometimes leads people on as well, so he got pretty quiet after that lol.

So ESTJ's as cheaters? Absolutely not. Flirty/friendly? Yes, I would say most definitely
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I have never cheated on my girlfriends. I've been told I have a "flirtatious" personality and don't shy away from talking to women while I'm in a relationship, but of course I am cautious with boundaries.

In the hypothetical situation I did cheat on my girlfriend, I don't think I could live with myself. I think I would fess up pretty quickly and face the music, or otherwise I might try to hide it but I'm not sure I'd be very successful. At the very least, I would feel truly bad about it regardless.
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ESTJs are very flirtatious because we're confident and friendly people. But when we're bound in a relationship, we are mostly very loyal. Even though we are flirtatious, we know our limit and won't cross it.

To be honest, IRL and online, there are many guys who thinks that I like them or have a crush on them, while the truth is I was just joking around with them.

Example, I was talking about the guy I have a crush on to to a male friend. When I was talking, my friend just looked at me with a blank stare. I said what's going on?
He said: "Nothing. I just... I used to think that you had a crush on me."
And I was like: "Whaaaa....???" :shocked:

That situation happens ALL the time. Seriously. :frustrating:


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i get acused of doing that too, i thought most enfp's do. i would never ever ever cheat tho. i just like being honest and open with everyone.
My ESTJ father.

"Cheating on people is almost as bad as being a half ass!"
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well he's admitted to cheating before.. and said it was a 'moment of weakness'.. so it just confused me.
I couldn't cheat, ever, the guilt, I am so loyal....it's sick. When I'm in a relationship I only have eyes for him and my heart is his.

niweet - I think it's just HIM, as a fella - being flirty.

I'm very friendly with people too, I find it much easier talking to men (because they're not bitchy and gossipy) and I have had incidences that I make new male friends and after chatting with them they think I fancy them and ask me out, and I'm thinking "what???!!" (same response as Wickedqueen lol), and then I'm completely put off talking to them. And then I think back and wonder "How did that come across as me fancying them?" I've uhhh....even had some female strangers come onto me, and that ain't me striking up any conversation with them - I found it quite shocking and amusing :/

If I really really was interested in a guy I would actually not talk so much to him because of the intense feelings I have inside, and I'm afraid it would be so obvious...and I would be afraid of blushing as that would be the SIGN wahaha.
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I couldn't cheat, ever, the guilt, I am so loyal....it's sick. When I'm in a relationship I only have eyes for him and my heart is his.
I am exactly the same. I think I'm incapable of cheating. There seems to just be a brick wall that stops me from considering it when I'm in a relationship.

Flirty ESTJ's? Well I have been told that I apparently lead girls on unintentionally through kindness and being friendly. I've found myself in a few pickles trying to explain that I never meant to give them the wrong impression. Maybe I should try being more of a douche :frustrating:
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I am exactly the same. I think I'm incapable of cheating. There seems to just be a brick wall that stops me from considering it when I'm in a relationship.

Flirty ESTJ's? Well I have been told that I apparently lead girls on unintentionally through kindness and being friendly. I've found myself in a few pickles trying to explain that I never meant to give them the wrong impression. Maybe I should try being more of a douche :frustrating:
And then when you act like a douche, people think you're stuck up and arrogant...can't win! It either happens that the man thinks I like him because I listen intently and am into the conversation and being nice and interested...and then he asks me out or starts looking at me differently OR the man gets scared and nervous around me - and usually this type really annoys me the most - I just think "can I not be caring and kind to you WITHOUT fancying you?" Of course I can. Just cos I'm nice to some men don't mean I fancy them, and it's more often the men I am more nice to I don't fancy them.

What?! *looks at herself* that don't make no sense. Someone knock some sense into me - I should be MORE nice to men I am interested in. :confused:
And then when you act like a douche, people think you're stuck up and arrogant...can't win!

Well these douches can obviously win....

wahaha I got the meaning of douche wrong....oh American slang
I have an ESTJ friend who seems to keep his gf a secret and is always flirting with the ladies and has even made some advances at a friend or two, yet when you ask about the way he thinks, he says he's very loyal and is just 'friendly'..

just wondering if there is a correlation with his type or if it's just HIM because i thought ESTJ's are very boundaries- based and usually have a high ethical compass..
He sounds to me like a) he's full of it, and b) he's not functioning properly. I have definitely witnessed instances of what's interpreted as ESTJ flirtatiousness, but it's usually just them trying to be friendly, and they themselves don't realize the implications of how they're acting. An emotionally mature ESTJ will not cheat, I don't think it even occurs to them as an option. The idea that he keeps his girlfriend a secret is pretty surprising to me, in my experience an ESTJ in love has a tendency to bring their significant other up quite frequently in conversation, sometimes to the point where it gets kind of annoying for other people, haha.
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I suppose it depends on your definition of cheating. In my opinion cheating is when you intentionally have sex with someone other than your partner or kiss them for a prolong period of time. I am not a cheater, nor will I ever be one and those who do end up cheating lose my respect almost immediately.

But I do understand completely what your friend is talking about/doing. I myself am a big flirt. I love talking to people, laughing with people, teasing people, making others laugh etc. Often this can be seen as flirting, when really all I notice is that I'm being really friendly with people. I think in general this is often associated with extroverted thinker types. We love to be out talking to all sorts of people and having a good time with them, so naturally we're all a bit flirty. However, we are also T's so what comes out of mouths most likely has nothing to do with intense feelings we have for someone, in fact I tend to back down and become more serious if I actually am interested in someone. But for the rest of the people in the world they get to have my light flirty side.

I will say though, that if it does make our partner a bit jealous, and we know it that almost makes it more fun. We tend to be pretty confident, but occasionally its nice to know that your partner can get jealous if you're talking to someone else for a long time. Every needs to feel really wanted now and then. :)

Also, as someone who has a degree in biology, I will say that there's a very human nature side to cheating. Monogamy really doesnt occur very often in the world. In fact its very very rare. So even if we are monogamous there will always be a part of us that may find someone else a bit more attractive or more fun to be with. Its not ideal of course especially if you believe in soulmates, but it happens. Its just whether you act on it or not that makes you cheater. I once had some guy kiss me when I was already involved with someone else. We were having a good time and I think I just may have given him the wrong idea accidentally. But when it happened I just told him that I was involved with someone else and he and I were just friends. I actually did tell my boyfriend about this later. At first he got really mad and jealous, but then I explained that he is also a flirt and sometimes leads people on as well, so he got pretty quiet after that lol.

So ESTJ's as cheaters? Absolutely not. Flirty/friendly? Yes, I would say most definitely
I concur, cheating has never cross my mind. But if I am interested in someoneelse while being with someone I WILL split up first
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Then why do many celebrity ESTj's cheat on their wives, like Sean Penn?
I am exactly the same. I think I'm incapable of cheating. There seems to just be a brick wall that stops me from considering it when I'm in a relationship.

Flirty ESTJ's? Well I have been told that I apparently lead girls on unintentionally through kindness and being friendly. I've found myself in a few pickles trying to explain that I never meant to give them the wrong impression. Maybe I should try being more of a douche :frustrating:
I know what you mean. I'm just not the cheating kind. And it's not just sentimentality...it's just not prudent to cheat. It makes you the bad guy if there is a break up, and you need to maintain the higher ground. But I have never been even tempted.

I married a 28 year old at 19 (I wasn't pregnant). I have had to be very careful about how I converse with men because they think that if you are laughing at what they say, you want to get busy. I always had a lot of male friends, but I have had to curb my associations.

Of course, my ISFP husband of 10 years knows I would never cheat, but he is in the army, surrounded by infidelity. Occasionally when he is gone I get the phone call at 1 am:

"You'd never cheat on me, would you? If there was someone else, you'd just tell me, right?"

"Ugh, YES! I'm sleeping. Alone. Good night!" :dry:

Damn all those army wives who cat around.

Then why do many celebrity ESTj's cheat on their wives, like Sean Penn?
I don't think celebrities should count. They don't live in the real world.
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I concur, cheating has never cross my mind. But if I am interested in someoneelse while being with someone I WILL split up first
DITTO! If I want to cheat on someone, it's because I don't want to be with them in the first place so will end the relationship!
Just found out my ESTJ stepdad cheated on my mother. Quite angry right now. Even though I'm trying to tell myself personality doesn't have anything to do with it. It's more - a sick mind I guess. :angry: :unsure:
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