ESTJ's - In your life what is your biggest problem?

hmmm that is a very good question. There are a couple things I really struggle with.

Impatience is probably a good one. I tend to like to make really fast decisions and they are often rash ones as well. I get very frustrated when people cant come to a conclusion, and especially with decisions that are stressful, I tend to get more upset the more time I spend coming to a conclusion.

Speaking with my head most of the time instead of my heart also is a struggle. I often then seem overly critical, and not very friendly. I say things in such a non-feeling way sometimes that especially for my F friends this really may hurt their feelings. The extroverted thinking part of me also doesn't make me a very good listener a lot of the time, so I have been trying really hard to listen more carefully before responding.

Control. Most personality profiles talk about this, and I have to say it is something I struggle with. It frustrates me when I think people aren't doing what I consider the right thing. This isn't everything, but many things. Especially when I think someone I care about is in danger, I get so nervous because if I can't stop them I am totally out of control, which then often leads me to say things that can be hurtful, or do a ton of yelling, and then tell them that they're wrong and stupid or a bad person for doing what they did. This is something I have been trying the hardest to stop because it makes me stressed and it makes the people i love upset and it's just a horrible cycle I dont really want to be a part of anymore.

Opposed to change may be one, but I have been surrounded by P's for most of my life and so they have really taught me to take more risks.

I like that you want to learn so you can grow as a person. That is exactly what learning all this stuff did for me. It's so amazing.

Well I can answer this with absolute assurance because my sister is an INFP and so we are constantly getting into fights. I will therefore clue you in on something most people don't know about guardians.

Obviously we are incredibly loyal, and I would say our main mission in life is to care for and protect the people we love. Therefore, to have someone that we care about, and it doesnt even have to be in the family, or a best friend, just someone we have a connection with, say that we are hurting them is a killer. I myself get kind of teary, which doesnt happen as often, if this happens because to me it means that I am not doing a good job caring for this person if i am hurting them. So absolutely tell them exactly that it hurts your feelings and really say it with a lot of confidence. The moment somebody tells me specifically that whatever i did hurt them I almost never do it again. Of course it has to be a specific thing because saying yelling is a little hard to stop all together. But my sister one time told me it hurt her when i called her stupid, and so I stopped saying it all together. We still get into fights all the time, but the more she tells me these things the more i can change myself so that at least in the heat of the argument I'm not saying things i dont mean that hurt her.

Not all guardians can change as easily, but the ones that I know at least are completely willing to change a phrase to make sure the other person doesnt get hurt. Often we say things that we don't even realize may hurt someone, so telling us is actually a huge help! Plus we appreciate people who are very straightforward.

Aww good. So many people see the harsh exterior we have, but everything is based around caring for people. The controlling behavior is all about protecting those who seem to be in harms way. Its not a good way to handle it i know. And same thing with the criticism. We think that we are actually being helpful by telling you all the ways that you are wrong straight up. Again, doesn't make much sense, but we're not as good with emotions and so everything comes out all "thinkingish" instead of with feelings.

You kind of have to think of us like chow dogs. We definitely have a bite and a bark, but we are incredibly loyal to those who capture our hearts.

My sister would say to watch out for the controlling part, she hates that, but she knows i care so she'll just say "stop bossing me around you cant control everything i do, even if you care a lot". The impatience will have to be a compromise thing. She and i got in a fight today because I was planning things and she couldn't decide whether she wanted to come or not but the plans kind of revolved around whether she came or not so that made me very anxious. But those things are really not that big of a deal.

Just like my relationship with her made both of us grow a ton, you may definitely learn a lot from him.

Ya, my mom is an ENFP, so my sister and I are close I'm assuming because of her. She is constantly trying to make me more open and feeling and less controlling, which is nice to have. My sister also was in a lot of trouble when she was little and so I was constantly worried about her, but in high school she grew up some and realized that the things she was doing weren't safe for her. She's the younger one too, so we often fell into the role of her being the child and me being parent-like which is not healthy for siblings. When she became more of an adult, and I became her sister instead of her parent, we became best friends. She has this way about her that i never noticed before because I was so worried that then i was trying so hard to control her that i didn't notice who she was. She has a great empathy for people that i just never had, and although she isn't very timely, or decisive or tells us how she feels as often, she has the ability to see what i cant about people and so i am careful to listen more to her about these things.

I think this personality stuff really allows people to realize why it is that they are the way they are. And then allows them to know what they should focus in on and try to change about themselves.

Also with him, he may talk a lot, I know I do, so my sister always tells me she needs quiet time. And I just realized another one of our problems is the black and white thing. It makes us unchanging and unspontaneous and unwilling to listen to what others have to say. And it wasn't until I realized i was hurting so many people with my harsh tongue that I tried to step back and fix this too.