This is a fascinating topic. I myself am an INFP and my sister is an ESTJ. We've always had a hot/cold relationship, although I'd hoped we were getting along a bit better in recent years. Unfortunately she seems to be getting more and more caustic to me lately, seemingly out of the blue. Maybe you're right that she's just trying to "help" me by pointing out my "flaws" but it's really hurtful! It seems to make matters worse when I tell her she's hurting my feelings. She says she's constantly walking on eggshells around me as it is, which was never my intention.
I try to explain myself to her, that I can't always do social things b/c it wears me out. She takes this personally and thinks of it as proof that I don't like or respect her. She says she goes out of her way to include me in things even though it's difficult for her. I don't want to be included in something out of pity! If she (or anyone) says they want to be around me, I take that at face value and enjoy being with them. To me, big parties and events don't fall into this category b/c there's no quality time being spent anyway (aka: one-on-one time).
Still, my sister doesn't seem to make this distinction and seems to be increasingly frustrated at my constantly inviting her to small gatherings when I also constantly refrain from joining her at large ones. She says I'm being hypocritical. I'm just trying to find a way to connect w/ her! It is very hard to know what to say to her, as every time I try to be truthful and honest, she uses it against me or says that I'm being weak and selfish for not going along w/ her plans.
I try to explain myself to her, that I can't always do social things b/c it wears me out. She takes this personally and thinks of it as proof that I don't like or respect her. She says she goes out of her way to include me in things even though it's difficult for her. I don't want to be included in something out of pity! If she (or anyone) says they want to be around me, I take that at face value and enjoy being with them. To me, big parties and events don't fall into this category b/c there's no quality time being spent anyway (aka: one-on-one time).
Still, my sister doesn't seem to make this distinction and seems to be increasingly frustrated at my constantly inviting her to small gatherings when I also constantly refrain from joining her at large ones. She says I'm being hypocritical. I'm just trying to find a way to connect w/ her! It is very hard to know what to say to her, as every time I try to be truthful and honest, she uses it against me or says that I'm being weak and selfish for not going along w/ her plans.
