Personality Cafe banner
1 - 20 of 65 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
On one hand I have an ESTP friend that has no idea at all when someone fancies her but on the otherhand I would imagine extraverted sensing would give it away? Can you tell?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
I'm totally clueless when someone is into me. Unless they are just overly obvious I miss it. I've missed it my entire life. I've had people blatantly tell me they liked me for so many months, and I respond with "Seriously?" every single time.

Now, that being said, it seems to deal with me. I'm oblivious about when someone likes me.... However, I can tell when someone likes my friend or my friend likes someone... I'm just clueless about myself. *cough* low self esteem *cough*
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
I'm totally clueless when someone is into me. Unless they are just overly obvious I miss it. I've missed it my entire life. I've had people blatantly tell me they liked me for so many months, and I respond with "Seriously?" every single time.

Now, that being said, it seems to deal with me. I'm oblivious about when someone likes me.... However, I can tell when someone likes my friend or my friend likes someone... I'm just clueless about myself. *cough* low self esteem *cough*
Is this true for the guy ESTPs too? They always seem so confident and have high self-esteem!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
Is this true for the guy ESTPs too? They always seem so confident and have high self-esteem!
People that don't know me think I have high self esteem because most of the time I'm smiling and not shy about talking to people... I'm racking my brain trying to think if any of my guy friends are ESTPs... If I can think of one I'll come back and update.
 

·
The Doer King
Joined
·
13,681 Posts
Is this true for the guy ESTPs too? They always seem so confident and have high self-esteem!
I think I do know if a girl likes me although sometimes I guess I don't admit it. I prefer that I get proof if I can. Such as the person admitting it. I some times manipulate situations to get it in the open. I might not make the first move but I will set it up so that the girl will usually either make the move or it will be quite obvious. It's fun and it works well for me. ESTP's come off as if they have self esteem but I think maybe it is really a front.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
I think I do know if a girl likes me although sometimes I guess I don't admit it. I prefer that I get proof if I can. Such as the person admitting it. I some times manipulate situations to get it in the open. I might not make the first move but I will set it up so that the girl will usually either make the move or it will be quite obvious. It's fun and it works well for me. ESTP's come off as if they have self esteem but I think maybe it is really a front.
I can agree with this... I too manipulate situations to see if someone likes me. I hate to manipulate, but I'd rather not be blunt about being interested in someone, unless I'm almost positive the feelings are mutual.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I'm totally clueless when someone is into me. Unless they are just overly obvious I miss it. I've missed it my entire life. I've had people blatantly tell me they liked me for so many months, and I respond with "Seriously?" every single time.

Now, that being said, it seems to deal with me. I'm oblivious about when someone likes me.... However, I can tell when someone likes my friend or my friend likes someone... I'm just clueless about myself. *cough* low self esteem *cough*
This is exactly like my friend I am amazed she can't see it. To me some guys are practically wearing "I LOVE YOU" t-shirts, there was this one guy that laughed at all her jokes all night, followed her about the bar, smiled at her constantly and when she left shouted "no please don't go" and she STILL couldn't tell!




Is this true for the guy ESTPs too? They always seem so confident and have high self-esteem!
I was wondering this too...


I think I do know if a girl likes me although sometimes I guess I don't admit it. I prefer that I get proof if I can. Such as the person admitting it. I some times manipulate situations to get it in the open. I might not make the first move but I will set it up so that the girl will usually either make the move or it will be quite obvious. It's fun and it works well for me. ESTP's come off as if they have self esteem but I think maybe it is really a front.


I can agree with this... I too manipulate situations to see if someone likes me. I hate to manipulate, but I'd rather not be blunt about being interested in someone, unless I'm almost positive the feelings are mutual.

What if the person couldn't admit it, how would you find out? Try to make him/her jealous... see if she laughs at your witty repartee that kind of thing or something more obvious?

Not wanting you to devulge all your secrets.... just a couple of little hints :crazy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
I think I do know if a girl likes me although sometimes I guess I don't admit it. I prefer that I get proof if I can. Such as the person admitting it. I some times manipulate situations to get it in the open. I might not make the first move but I will set it up so that the girl will usually either make the move or it will be quite obvious. It's fun and it works well for me. ESTP's come off as if they have self esteem but I think maybe it is really a front.
Ha well, you are going to have a lot of trouble scoring those INFJ females then if that's how you handle potential love interests. I have been known to make subtle moves, and even did once confess my feelings to a guy (not ESTP), just because of my wish to just be sure that the feelings aren't mutual before dropping the case and moving on, just to do full justice to the feelings. However if it gets to that point, I (and I'm sure many other female INFJs) HIGHLY resent the fact that the guy let it come to that.

There's also the fact that the one time i did confess my feelings, they ended up not being mutual. This was emotionally devastating to me (internally of course) and humiliating such that I swore NEVER to do such a thing again. I kiiind of did it again with a recent love interest (an ESTP this time) who seemed to also be interested (via lots of body language), but i used MUCH more restraint and did not actually completely admit it. I just said I thought he was an intriguing guy and I enjoyed getting to know him. But again, I am extremely resentful of the fact that he let it come to that point.

Every time this happens I am less likely to make a first move in the future. So, beware. I know a bunch of INFJs who will absolutely not make a move.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
This is exactly like my friend I am amazed she can't see it. To me some guys are practically wearing "I LOVE YOU" t-shirts, there was this one guy that laughed at all her jokes all night, followed her about the bar, smiled at her constantly and when she left shouted "no please don't go" and she STILL couldn't tell!

What if the person couldn't admit it, how would you find out? Try to make him/her jealous... see if she laughs at your witty repartee that kind of thing or something more obvious?

Not wanting you to devulge all your secrets.... just a couple of little hints :crazy:
I'm curious, is your friend a very modest person? Anytime I get a compliment about anything, my reply is almost always something to the effect of "Oh stop, I'm nothing special." I think internally (sometimes) I know when someone does like me, BUT I don't want to feel conceited by admitting it to my friend, so I play it off as nothing.

Well, every person that couldn't admit it... years later ended up admitting it after it was too late. So, if they won't admit it, I accept that I was wrong (or thought I was) and move on. I've actually talked to friends of guy's I used to be interested in that have said "You know so and so had the biggest crush on you back then...but they didn't think you were interested." Sometimes subtlety is not the answer I guess. :tongue:
 

·
The Doer King
Joined
·
13,681 Posts
Ha well, you are going to have a lot of trouble scoring those INFJ females then if that's how you handle potential love interests. I have been known to make subtle moves, and even did once confess my feelings to a guy (not ESTP), just because of my wish to just be sure that the feelings aren't mutual before dropping the case and moving on, just to do full justice to the feelings. However if it gets to that point, I (and I'm sure many other female INFJs) HIGHLY resent the fact that the guy let it come to that.

There's also the fact that the one time i did confess my feelings, they ended up not being mutual. This was emotionally devastating to me (internally of course) and humiliating such that I swore NEVER to do such a thing again. I kiiind of did it again with a recent love interest (an ESTP this time) who seemed to also be interested (via lots of body language), but i used MUCH more restraint and did not actually completely admit it. I just said I thought he was an intriguing guy and I enjoyed getting to know him. But again, I am extremely resentful of the fact that he let it come to that point.

Every time this happens I am less likely to make a first move in the future. So, beware. I know a bunch of INFJs who will absolutely not make a move.
I am thinking maybe you missed my point. I handle myself quite well and I think I could nab an INFJ :wink: I manipulate the situation not people. There is a difference.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
55 Posts
I am thinking maybe you missed my point. I handle myself quite well and I think I could nab an INFJ :wink: I manipulate the situation not people. There is a difference.
I apologize, I think i was unclear. I didn't mean to harp on the manipulation aspect. Heck I do that too. I'm just saying if you try to get the girl to confess her feelings, you're not going to find many INFJs, cause we tend to be very reluctant to do so. And IF we do, we resent it. That's all i meant.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'm curious, is your friend a very modest person? Anytime I get a compliment about anything, my reply is almost always something to the effect of "Oh stop, I'm nothing special." I think internally (sometimes) I know when someone does like me, BUT I don't want to feel conceited by admitting it to my friend, so I play it off as nothing.

Well, every person that couldn't admit it... years later ended up admitting it after it was too late. So, if they won't admit it, I accept that I was wrong (or thought I was) and move on. I've actually talked to friends of guy's I used to be interested in that have said "You know so and so had the biggest crush on you back then...but they didn't think you were interested." Sometimes subtlety is not the answer I guess. :tongue:
Hmmm is she modest....she is super smart, brilliant with words, excellent at socializing and has a really good sense of humour...yeah I hadn't thought about it before she is modest. There are so many people with much lesser talents that blow their own trumpet really loudly. She's not like this, don't get me wrong she's no wall flower blending into the background but she's not in your face. She is VERY thoughtful... careful at avoiding subjects that would make a person uncomfortable (she wouldn't ask how a job interview went for example this could be taken as rude but she doesn't want to put the person on the spot if they didn't get it). She alway wants to make sure you have a good time in her company. She may think these guys fancy her but doesn't want to admit it sometimes she fishes to see if I think they fancy her which would indicate she has an idea.

Is there a difference between manipulating feelings and situations? Experiencing a situation creates a feeling which you act upon does it not? Can we not call it *influencing people* and feel good about the little games we play? :tongue:

I shouldn't be talking with *you* ESTPs today anyway a different ESTP has really pissed me off... forgot my name and I hate to admit but it really hurt my feelings :crying: I know I don't say much but come on I have been hanging around for ages and doing all these favours for you! Guess I'm not really on the radar after all. What's more annoying is I actually give a sh*t.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
Alright. So if I want an ESTP guy who seems to be interested to er... take it to the next level, all I have to do is... Do what he's doing? Do more than what he's doing? Play the aggressor for a change?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
Hmmm is she modest....she is super smart, brilliant with words, excellent at socializing and has a really good sense of humour...yeah I hadn't thought about it before she is modest. There are so many people with much lesser talents that blow their own trumpet really loudly. She's not like this, don't get me wrong she's no wall flower blending into the background but she's not in your face. She is VERY thoughtful... careful at avoiding subjects that would make a person uncomfortable (she wouldn't ask how a job interview went for example this could be taken as rude but she doesn't want to put the person on the spot if they didn't get it). She alway wants to make sure you have a good time in her company. She may think these guys fancy her but doesn't want to admit it sometimes she fishes to see if I think they fancy her which would indicate she has an idea.

Is there a difference between manipulating feelings and situations? Experiencing a situation creates a feeling which you act upon does it not? Can we not call it *influencing people* and feel good about the little games we play? :tongue:

I shouldn't be talking with *you* ESTPs today anyway a different ESTP has really pissed me off... forgot my name and I hate to admit but it really hurt my feelings :crying: I know I don't say much but come on I have been hanging around for ages and doing all these favours for you! Guess I'm not really on the radar after all. What's more annoying is I actually give a sh*t.
I can understand where she's coming from. I'm very similar. I tend to keep quiet about my accomplishments most of the time. Odds are, deep down she may have an idea that someone is interested, but not want to toot her own horn about it. I tend to play things down a LOT. Except my current accomplishment, because I never dreamed that I would get an A in a Government class. LoL!

Essentially, you can manipulate a situation to achieve the feelings you are looking for. :wink:

Oh! Don't be upset that an ESTP forgot your name! I forget names all the time when the person is right in front of me... And then two or three hours later I do the "Ohhh! THAT'S what their name was!!!"

Alright. So if I want an ESTP guy who seems to be interested to er... take it to the next level, all I have to do is... Do what he's doing? Do more than what he's doing? Play the aggressor for a change?
I would think that being a little more aggressive would work. I always like it when someone I'm interested in shows more initiative.
 

·
The Doer King
Joined
·
13,681 Posts
Oh! Don't be upset that an ESTP forgot your name! I forget names all the time when the person is right in front of me... And then two or three hours later I do the "Ohhh! THAT'S what their name was!!!"



I would think that being a little more aggressive would work. I always like it when someone I'm interested in shows more initiative.

Funny enough I forget people's names all the time. I will work with people for years and when I need to introduce them to someone I freeze up. I am not good with spur of the moment things. My mind just goes blank!

If you like and ESTP and you think he likes you I would be a bit more aggressive. Not too much though. Just enough to show you like him. We like plain English and we like confirmation. The ESTP if he likes you will do the rest.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
Funny enough I forget people's names all the time. I will work with people for years and when I need to introduce them to someone I freeze up. I am not good with spur of the moment things. My mind just goes blank!

If you like and ESTP and you think he likes you I would be a bit more aggressive. Not too much though. Just enough to show you like him. We like plain English and we like confirmation. The ESTP if he likes you will do the rest.
Yep, I forget names all the time. It's ridiculous. I can remember the letter than their name starts with usually.... But always struggle with the name. :confused:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
114 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
I can understand where she's coming from. I'm very similar. I tend to keep quiet about my accomplishments most of the time. Odds are, deep down she may have an idea that someone is interested, but not want to toot her own horn about it. I tend to play things down a LOT. Except my current accomplishment, because I never dreamed that I would get an A in a Government class. LoL! Essentially, you can manipulate a situation to achieve the feelings you are looking for. :wink:
Oh! Don't be upset that an ESTP forgot your name! I forget names all the time when the person is right in front of me... And then two or three hours later I do the "Ohhh! THAT'S what their name was!!!"

I would think that being a little more aggressive would work. I always like it when someone I'm interested in shows more initiative.
Congrats on the A! :wink: I'm feeling the ESTP love again today....aggggh I can't stay mad at you guys for long. I sat last night an imagined lots of revenge scenarios 1) saying no get someone else to do your tasks 2) introducing myself AGAIN to the ESTP (which would be weird) or my favourite 3) calling the ESTP by the wrong name (oh sorry who are you again). I swore to myself I would stay angry and wouldn't do any more favours but it's hard to hate an ESTP, it's like punching an excited puppy. I can't stand the disappointed look I get if I say I can't do something right that second, I give in just to see a smile.

Funny enough I forget people's names all the time. I will work with people for years and when I need to introduce them to someone I freeze up. I am not good with spur of the moment things. My mind just goes blank!
Hmmm maybe it's type related! This particular ESTP is also under a lot of stress so maybe that's a contributing factor. I hate it when my mind goes blank , it usually happens during a presentation or at the supermarket when I'm trying to remember what I need to buy. I end up wandering around the aisles in no particular order hoping that the item I've forgotten catches my eye. Then as soon as I'm home I remember the thing I've forgotten and I have bought a bunch of stuff I don't need. :crazy:

Yep, I forget names all the time. It's ridiculous. I can remember the letter than their name starts with usually.... But always struggle with the name. :confused:
Lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
Funny enough I forget people's names all the time. I will work with people for years and when I need to introduce them to someone I freeze up. I am not good with spur of the moment things. My mind just goes blank!

If you like and ESTP and you think he likes you I would be a bit more aggressive. Not too much though. Just enough to show you like him. We like plain English and we like confirmation. The ESTP if he likes you will do the rest.
Oh dear. Time to step out of my comfort zone. I've really never done the initiating business, but I think this potential is worth pursuing.

That reminds me to not take it personally when somebody forgets my name. I don't think forgetting names is purely an ESTP problem, or a purely E problem, so if somebody spaces out (unless they're really close friends), just smile and take it in stride. I remember that just last week, I looked at an acquaintance that I'm rather fond of, and couldn't attach a name to his face. So I asked if I could ask him a very personal question, and asked him for his name. By the time he started making a joke out of it, I already remembered. We introverts forget as many names as extroverts do (at least I do), but since I rarely call people by the name (I've never used my piano teacher's name, and after years of lessons from her, I still can't tell you her name) anyway, you just can't tell that easily.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
243 Posts
Hm, some of this that they're saying may or may not be ESTP behavior in particular but personal traits. I don't know. In Keirsey Temperament Theory we're supposed to be good at remembering names, and I usually am, although I'll admit that sometimes I'm very embarrassingly bad at forgetting a few names. There's this dude that I went to a community group with for about a month but it's been about as long that I haven't been, and I work in the department next to his (now only on weekends though), and today I forgot his name, although I've said it every time I've seen him for the past couple of months... kinda weird, huh?

Artisans (SPs) can be very forgetful since we live in the moment, and obviously his name wasn't near as relevant to me anymore (I really only see him for a few seconds at work since I'm back in the bakery) but like Keirsey's son says, our type has a very convenient memory, hahaha. So that's probably the issue here.

Onto the main subject:

I can't read anyone's minds like an NF evidently can. Alot of times I have a hint that someone likes me, but it's always never for sure. I have to keep reading clues and if the current clues don't match up it throws all past speculation into doubt. I'm not real good with it. What's weird is that's another thing that we're SUPPOSED to be good at, knowing just what other people are into at the moment (makes for a good salesman ;)) but of course that's a strength that has to be worked on from the reverse side (observation), not by being empathetic, and thus stronger yet more hidden feelings will be almost totally unobservable by us. I can't FEEL it, so I have to rely on observing and oftentimes that fails you.

Usually my gut instincts are right, though. Sometimes I think too much (go figure, right?) about it, and end up talking myself out of the idea that they like me. But I like leaping into action (some will call it taking risks) if I like her and finding some way to make her fall for me. If she likes me then that's a really good reason right there to go for her. I like pretty much all flavors and styles, so as long as you're relatively attractive you probly have a good chance. Personality is a big factor, too, though. I have to see that we'd have good chemistry.

There was a girl this summer that I wasn't sure if she liked me or not, so I went to visit her in Oklahoma (well, I went to visit all my friends there) only for her to hook up with her guy friend. It was devastating at first but once I realized she wasn't mainly interested in me (I'm pretty sure she had a little flame, though, even if just sparked by my pursuit of her) I let it go, and realized how cute of a couple they are. I have the amazing ability to turn my feelings on and off like that. Not immediately, especially after I get them pumping and my emotions are running like a huge powerful uncontrollable faucet spurring me to action, but after a bit of time and some solitary walking or whatever I can usually get it back under control.

There was another (ENFP) chick that I ended up meeting and we talked alot on the phone, etc, and it didn't hit me that she liked me until she started saying things like, "Well when we meet the others maybe we can already be there and just to shock them be making out or something." hahaha. I didn't realize she liked me even though she kept wanting to talk on the phone with me and we'd racked up almost 2000 texts! I had subtle hints, but then after that I really started watching it. (Either that or it was after she said she was addicted to me, obviously kidding on the square.) We ended up hooking up but I broke it off after a bit because I just didn't think it was a good match and she lives three hours away.

Anyway, one big reason we probably don't always "GET" it is because for one, we have such one-track minds, we're really independent and for another because we're so vivacious and full of life that everybody around us is set on fire by that, and we tend to act outrageously, etc, etc so someone showing affection for us is seen in the same light. We'll flirt with anybody and everybody even if we're not interested (if nobody ever got the wrong idea I'd constantly flirt with every girl out there). The other aspect of this is, we're great at picking up on things like sensual attraction of every sort (not just erotic, but any kind of impulse involving the five senses) but when it comes to ROMANCE, like the intangible stuff that poetry's made of, we're terrible.

I hope that helps. And yes, I've been quite oblivious to many the heavy crush. The heavier it is, the more likely I am to miss it.

You just have to be upfront and show us in some tangible way that you want to go on a date, and from there you can keep it going by showing more and more affection. I don't think ESTPs are the only ones who can learn to manipulate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,921 Posts
Don't get me wrong. I normally am really good with names... But if I haven't seen anyone for awhile or haven't heard anything about them, it's a guarantee I'll have forgotten their name... But after racking my brain will remember it later on...
 
1 - 20 of 65 Posts
Top