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ESTP's can you tell when someone fancies you?

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32K views 64 replies 24 participants last post by  Jaune 
#1 ·
On one hand I have an ESTP friend that has no idea at all when someone fancies her but on the otherhand I would imagine extraverted sensing would give it away? Can you tell?
 
#2 ·
I'm totally clueless when someone is into me. Unless they are just overly obvious I miss it. I've missed it my entire life. I've had people blatantly tell me they liked me for so many months, and I respond with "Seriously?" every single time.

Now, that being said, it seems to deal with me. I'm oblivious about when someone likes me.... However, I can tell when someone likes my friend or my friend likes someone... I'm just clueless about myself. *cough* low self esteem *cough*
 
#7 ·
I'm totally clueless when someone is into me. Unless they are just overly obvious I miss it. I've missed it my entire life. I've had people blatantly tell me they liked me for so many months, and I respond with "Seriously?" every single time.

Now, that being said, it seems to deal with me. I'm oblivious about when someone likes me.... However, I can tell when someone likes my friend or my friend likes someone... I'm just clueless about myself. *cough* low self esteem *cough*
This is exactly like my friend I am amazed she can't see it. To me some guys are practically wearing "I LOVE YOU" t-shirts, there was this one guy that laughed at all her jokes all night, followed her about the bar, smiled at her constantly and when she left shouted "no please don't go" and she STILL couldn't tell!




Is this true for the guy ESTPs too? They always seem so confident and have high self-esteem!
I was wondering this too...


I think I do know if a girl likes me although sometimes I guess I don't admit it. I prefer that I get proof if I can. Such as the person admitting it. I some times manipulate situations to get it in the open. I might not make the first move but I will set it up so that the girl will usually either make the move or it will be quite obvious. It's fun and it works well for me. ESTP's come off as if they have self esteem but I think maybe it is really a front.


I can agree with this... I too manipulate situations to see if someone likes me. I hate to manipulate, but I'd rather not be blunt about being interested in someone, unless I'm almost positive the feelings are mutual.

What if the person couldn't admit it, how would you find out? Try to make him/her jealous... see if she laughs at your witty repartee that kind of thing or something more obvious?

Not wanting you to devulge all your secrets.... just a couple of little hints :crazy:
 
#9 ·
This is exactly like my friend I am amazed she can't see it. To me some guys are practically wearing "I LOVE YOU" t-shirts, there was this one guy that laughed at all her jokes all night, followed her about the bar, smiled at her constantly and when she left shouted "no please don't go" and she STILL couldn't tell!

What if the person couldn't admit it, how would you find out? Try to make him/her jealous... see if she laughs at your witty repartee that kind of thing or something more obvious?

Not wanting you to devulge all your secrets.... just a couple of little hints :crazy:
I'm curious, is your friend a very modest person? Anytime I get a compliment about anything, my reply is almost always something to the effect of "Oh stop, I'm nothing special." I think internally (sometimes) I know when someone does like me, BUT I don't want to feel conceited by admitting it to my friend, so I play it off as nothing.

Well, every person that couldn't admit it... years later ended up admitting it after it was too late. So, if they won't admit it, I accept that I was wrong (or thought I was) and move on. I've actually talked to friends of guy's I used to be interested in that have said "You know so and so had the biggest crush on you back then...but they didn't think you were interested." Sometimes subtlety is not the answer I guess. :tongue:
 
#13 ·
Alright. So if I want an ESTP guy who seems to be interested to er... take it to the next level, all I have to do is... Do what he's doing? Do more than what he's doing? Play the aggressor for a change?
 
#19 ·
Hm, some of this that they're saying may or may not be ESTP behavior in particular but personal traits. I don't know. In Keirsey Temperament Theory we're supposed to be good at remembering names, and I usually am, although I'll admit that sometimes I'm very embarrassingly bad at forgetting a few names. There's this dude that I went to a community group with for about a month but it's been about as long that I haven't been, and I work in the department next to his (now only on weekends though), and today I forgot his name, although I've said it every time I've seen him for the past couple of months... kinda weird, huh?

Artisans (SPs) can be very forgetful since we live in the moment, and obviously his name wasn't near as relevant to me anymore (I really only see him for a few seconds at work since I'm back in the bakery) but like Keirsey's son says, our type has a very convenient memory, hahaha. So that's probably the issue here.

Onto the main subject:

I can't read anyone's minds like an NF evidently can. Alot of times I have a hint that someone likes me, but it's always never for sure. I have to keep reading clues and if the current clues don't match up it throws all past speculation into doubt. I'm not real good with it. What's weird is that's another thing that we're SUPPOSED to be good at, knowing just what other people are into at the moment (makes for a good salesman ;)) but of course that's a strength that has to be worked on from the reverse side (observation), not by being empathetic, and thus stronger yet more hidden feelings will be almost totally unobservable by us. I can't FEEL it, so I have to rely on observing and oftentimes that fails you.

Usually my gut instincts are right, though. Sometimes I think too much (go figure, right?) about it, and end up talking myself out of the idea that they like me. But I like leaping into action (some will call it taking risks) if I like her and finding some way to make her fall for me. If she likes me then that's a really good reason right there to go for her. I like pretty much all flavors and styles, so as long as you're relatively attractive you probly have a good chance. Personality is a big factor, too, though. I have to see that we'd have good chemistry.

There was a girl this summer that I wasn't sure if she liked me or not, so I went to visit her in Oklahoma (well, I went to visit all my friends there) only for her to hook up with her guy friend. It was devastating at first but once I realized she wasn't mainly interested in me (I'm pretty sure she had a little flame, though, even if just sparked by my pursuit of her) I let it go, and realized how cute of a couple they are. I have the amazing ability to turn my feelings on and off like that. Not immediately, especially after I get them pumping and my emotions are running like a huge powerful uncontrollable faucet spurring me to action, but after a bit of time and some solitary walking or whatever I can usually get it back under control.

There was another (ENFP) chick that I ended up meeting and we talked alot on the phone, etc, and it didn't hit me that she liked me until she started saying things like, "Well when we meet the others maybe we can already be there and just to shock them be making out or something." hahaha. I didn't realize she liked me even though she kept wanting to talk on the phone with me and we'd racked up almost 2000 texts! I had subtle hints, but then after that I really started watching it. (Either that or it was after she said she was addicted to me, obviously kidding on the square.) We ended up hooking up but I broke it off after a bit because I just didn't think it was a good match and she lives three hours away.

Anyway, one big reason we probably don't always "GET" it is because for one, we have such one-track minds, we're really independent and for another because we're so vivacious and full of life that everybody around us is set on fire by that, and we tend to act outrageously, etc, etc so someone showing affection for us is seen in the same light. We'll flirt with anybody and everybody even if we're not interested (if nobody ever got the wrong idea I'd constantly flirt with every girl out there). The other aspect of this is, we're great at picking up on things like sensual attraction of every sort (not just erotic, but any kind of impulse involving the five senses) but when it comes to ROMANCE, like the intangible stuff that poetry's made of, we're terrible.

I hope that helps. And yes, I've been quite oblivious to many the heavy crush. The heavier it is, the more likely I am to miss it.

You just have to be upfront and show us in some tangible way that you want to go on a date, and from there you can keep it going by showing more and more affection. I don't think ESTPs are the only ones who can learn to manipulate.
 
#21 ·
Hm, some of this that they're saying may or may not be ESTP behavior in particular but personal traits. I don't know. In Keirsey Temperament Theory we're supposed to be good at remembering names, and I usually am, although I'll admit that sometimes I'm very embarrassingly bad at forgetting a few names. There's this dude that I went to a community group with for about a month but it's been about as long that I haven't been, and I work in the department next to his (now only on weekends though), and today I forgot his name, although I've said it every time I've seen him for the past couple of months... kinda weird, huh?
Artisans (SPs) can be very forgetful since we live in the moment, and obviously his name wasn't near as relevant to me anymore (I really only see him for a few seconds at work since I'm back in the bakery) but like Keirsey's son says, our type has a very convenient memory, hahaha. So that's probably the issue here.
Convenient memory indeed! I'm sure there will be no problem with my name next time the ESTP wants me to do something!!!! As an INFJ I live mostly in the land of future possibilities or in imaginary worlds I create to entertain myself, I like ESTPs as they are so present focused and ground me back in reality. They drag me out of the clouds and remind me that I actually need to do things. The downside of this can be a reality check as while i'm off imagining lots of scenarios involving people for me it's real so even though they are not there I could have been hanging about with them for ages in my head. Months could pass and they are still on my radar but possibly in the world of an ESTP they have moved on to other interesting opportunities in the present.


I can't read anyone's minds like an NF evidently can. Alot of times I have a hint that someone likes me, but it's always never for sure. I have to keep reading clues and if the current clues don't match up it throws all past speculation into doubt. I'm not real good with it. What's weird is that's another thing that we're SUPPOSED to be good at, knowing just what other people are into at the moment (makes for a good salesman ;)) but of course that's a strength that has to be worked on from the reverse side (observation), not by being empathetic, and thus stronger yet more hidden feelings will be almost totally unobservable by us. I can't FEEL it, so I have to rely on observing and oftentimes that fails you.

Usually my gut instincts are right, though. Sometimes I think too much (go figure, right?) about it, and end up talking myself out of the idea that they like me. But I like leaping into action (some will call it taking risks) if I like her and finding some way to make her fall for me. If she likes me then that's a really good reason right there to go for her. I like pretty much all flavors and styles, so as long as you're relatively attractive you probly have a good chance. Personality is a big factor, too, though. I have to see that we'd have good chemistry.
I would quite like a guy leaping into action and finding a way to make me fall for him... it's soooo proactive/ romantic. However I would imagine I would find an ESTP hard to handle in a relationship. I'm very independant so would fit from that aspect however I get jealous easily and would probably end up a crazy woman due to the ESTPs flirtatious nature.

For me attractiveness is not that important but chemistry must be there (and a lot of it). I wouldn't care if I was dating the worst looking guy on the planet as long as we had chemistry. Personality is probably the most important thing in my book. I'm pretty good at predicting who will *get it on* on a night out. I would say I can read body language reasonably well. I can also pick up on the emotional state of people which helps when working out these types of things.
 
#22 ·
You know, you say you like how ESTPs can keep you grounded and bring you back to reality... And I like my INTJ best friend because he keeps me grounded, reminds me that some actions have nasty consequences!

Flirtatious nature? What ever do you mean? :blushed:
 
#23 ·
You know, you say you like how ESTPs can keep you grounded and bring you back to reality... And I like my INTJ best friend because he keeps me grounded, reminds me that some actions have nasty consequences!

Flirtatious nature? What ever do you mean? :blushed:

hahahahahahaha you know full well what I mean!!!
 
#34 ·
Well I am after their lips at the time.

Also Bluebird, it isn't a trap. We don't admit it to ourselves that we really know. If you are an INFP and he is an ESTP then I can say he most likely likes you. Lucky bastard
 
#39 ·
hahahahahahhaha... as it turns out, an attraction has been growing between me and the girl I've been BFFs with for a really long time... not that I was clueless, at least not the past few weeks, but I guess she was more aware than I was? An ISFJ girl. I go to her house like every day pretty much, and we both miss each other alot when we don't hang out.

This is freakin CRAZY! Ok, Imma try this out and see how it works.
 
#40 ·
hahahahahahhaha... as it turns out, an attraction has been growing between me and the girl I've been BFFs with for a really long time... not that I was clueless, at least not the past few weeks, but I guess she was more aware than I was? An ISFJ girl. I go to her house like every day pretty much, and we both miss each other alot when we don't hang out.

This is freakin CRAZY! Ok, Imma try this out and see how it works.
I bet she has fancied you for ages!!!!
 
#41 ·
i'm kind of on the border but i'l answer anyway. i usually can't tell if someone is interested in me unless they are really upfront about it. i'm pretty notorious for being invited out on what they think are dates but since I don't know I end up inviting other people along...oops...

also if i know the other person is into me (and i'm into them) then i kind of prefer it if they admit to me before i tell them. it's kind of a competition thing i guess, the first person to admit it is so gonna be the other person's bitch. :crazy:

I'm good at remembering names as long as I find the person interesting. if i don't then I'm not going to remember their name, face yes but name probably not.
 
#42 ·
i'm kind of on the border but i'l answer anyway. i usually can't tell if someone is interested in me unless they are really upfront about it. i'm pretty notorious for being invited out on what they think are dates but since I don't know I end up inviting other people along...oops...

also if i know the other person is into me (and i'm into them) then i kind of prefer it if they admit to me before i tell them. it's kind of a competition thing i guess, the first person to admit it is so gonna be the other person's bitch. :crazy:

I'm good at remembering names as long as I find the person interesting. if i don't then I'm not going to remember their name, face yes but name probably not.
Years ago I met a guy for a date and he had brought his friend. We ended up kissing (for a long time) and his friend just sat there... I felt terrible.... lol well a bit bad at least.... in my defense I really fancied the guy so I didn't want to miss out on a kiss. :laughing: His friend didn't like me much after that and happily told me about all the other girls this guy was dating to wind me up.... guess I asked for it :crazy:
 
#48 ·
Yes, I think I can be fairly certain if someone fancies me.

If it's a stranger, I look for a collection of subtle non-verbal cues: a girl standing near me, a girl primping her hair or makeup while looking at me, a girl invading my personal space, an innocent touch during a conversation...laughing at almost anything I say, inviting me to be closer to her....

If it's not a stranger and someone I already know, I look for constant flirting from the other person. If I flirt and they flirt back and we are both single, well, you get the point.
 
#49 ·
Yes, I think I can be fairly certain if someone fancies me.

If it's a stranger, I look for a collection of subtle non-verbal cues: a girl standing near me, a girl primping her hair or makeup while looking at me, a girl invading my personal space, an innocent touch during a conversation...laughing at almost anything I say, inviting me to be closer to her....

If it's not a stranger and someone I already know, I look for constant flirting from the other person. If I flirt and they flirt back and we are both single, well, you get the point.
Interesting... the male ESTPs seem better at identifying when someone fancies them (or maybe the girls are being modest).
 
#53 ·
Oh dude, this thread is old. But interesting one.

I think it depends. if person shows some signs (even the little ones) including body language, facial expressions, gestures, eye contact etc it's most easy for me to pick it up. Sometimes opposite sex even want to cover this fact, saying they don't like me but they are doing something that shows so obvious she's interested and can't move her attention eslewhere. but that has also negative side to it - if you caught them on this and go straightfoward saying "don't give me that bs, you play with your hair since 10 minutes and smile to me all the time" they get so stressed and scared out by this they are very likely to run away like gazelle from the tiger.
wait that made me thing... So we have to be subtle about using it and not be straight. Hate being subtle...
shit now I'm thinking again : /

On the other hand, when girl is showing her interest by emotions, like in first posts are described, by talking, being symphatetic, helpful, caring etc I just never get it. EVER. I think I consider it so normal that someone is positive towards me, that I don't see anything unusual in this, and also had people telling me "she reall likes you' or "she's so into you" how cant you see this? My respond is mostly "lol 're you serious? she's just friendly"
There's was one girl in my class, like INFp or ISFP something, 5w4 or something like this, really weird to me but always friendly. She was very reserved, quiet, always with headphones in her ears. Once I was talking to her but she didn't hear due to music, so I told her smth like "You never listen what people are talking to you, no wonder you are ain't got friends" with no intention to be mean just straight, and she answered "i'm always listening but nobody listens to me", so I told her "well I didn't hear your voice since 3 years so it's kinda hard for us to listen to someone who ain't talkin". Didn't saw her for few days, and few days after this one of the other girls told me "she likes you so much, why was you so mean?!" and I'm like WTF because I talked with the girl maybe 3-4 times or so in year and didn't even wanted to be rude just told her the truth everyone knew. lol.

Yeah that are 2 main reasons I'd ever fail with a girls, either not seeing their emotional affection or scaring them with strong straightfowardness. Shit that made me think again...
 
#54 ·
I can most definitely tell. It's not even about body language or tone of voice or whatever. It's just the way they look at you, like suddenly something snaps and BAM, they're looking at you with these hungry eyes that are either scanning your every move to make sure you're actually the person they think you are, putting you up on a pedestal or just plain lust and wow, I want this girl.

Pretty funny actually.
 
#55 ·
If the person is interested in me, they have to knock me out with a club and take me to their place. Or something like that. I'm not great with subtle hints. I'd rather they tell me. I'm not going to be the one going over to them.
 
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#57 ·
I'm not a romantic at all, I don't think two humans can get together and love each other without wanting to murder everyone/thing and themself at least every other day. I haven't had many relationships, because I get anxious when someone does like me and blow them off. But there haven't been many, maybe 5-10 in the last 3 years (I was very quiet and lazy *cough fat cough* until that time). But that's just the ones who I know of, the ones who have come up to me and said "Be my girlfriend?" But I hate the idea. I don't want to feel owned.
I think I can sometimes tell when people like me, but I think it's just usually because they're desperate. Most guys I just see as friends, and I'm pretty sure that's what they see me as. But as soon as I know someone wants to date me, I start hating them because I don't like being seen that way or I start thinking that they're desperate (they really are) and it makes me feel bad about myself, like I'm seen as someone who would go for a desperate guy. I'm in love with the freedom of being alone :)
 
#62 ·
Depends on the person, sometimes the person can make things really obvious and other times the person may have to smack me over the head with a sign saying that they are interested in me or I think their just being nice. I know I am an incredible flirt and tease so, even if a guy kisses me I still think he is trying to get into my pants and not so much into me. I have confidence but at the same time, I need a lot of action from someone to understand what they are seeing as fwb, girlfriend,home girl , future spouse, etc.
 
#63 ·
I think I usually might pick up on a sense of it vague. But I do not trust my intuition (even if I think I am likely right). So unless it is more out on the table I am not going to read much further into it. I might think in the back of my head tho. It has been later confirmed alot more so in life that I was right in retrospect. Just like guys from highschool pursuing me and professing secret crushes from way back when or something like decade plus later. And then I have been like hmm shrugs turns out I was not imagining that.
 
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