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I want to compare how I, a ESTP, compare to others of my type when dealing with anger.
I am a person constantly dealing with negative emotions. My anger is probably my strongest emotion, I always get ticked off. I often feel envy and jealousy and sometimes hatred towards others for being better than me or having something I don't, whether its physical or mental. I don't try to turn these emotions off. In fact, I go towards them. I like the way anger makes me feel, strong and independent. As for the way I handle it, I'm explosive when it comes to things like sports, competition, video games, etc. But when it comes to people,especially the ones that I'm close to or is family, I hold it in and withdraw. I don't talk as I know if I do I'll let the anger be heard in my voice and fake my feelings to avoid awkwardness or conflict. I hate to fight with friends or family, especially ones I look up to. I wish I didn't care like I do in other moments but I cant bring myself to unless I reach a boiling point. I hold grudges though and don't easily forget things done to me.
An example is just yesterday. I've been trying to learn how to do flips so I could take my parkour to the next level but find myself scared to attempt any kind of stunt. But yesterday my brother, an ISFP, was able to do a front flip off of playground equipment on his first try with no practice ever done at all. It pissed me off how this kid, who sits inside all day doing nothing but playing games or watching youtube, is able to be so flexible and do things I've been practicing. I withdrew and avoided him and said whatever or straight up ignored him when he tried to show me again to get my approval, and my positive attitude changed for the whole day. My mom noticed this and gave me a mouthful but I don't care, I still feel envy towards him.
So tell me, how do you guys deal with anger?
 

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I do have an anger problem but not in the same way with you. If someone out does me at something I care about I examine. If I respect them or such I be a good sport. If someone out does me in a way which I regard disrespectful and I actually care, well I don't actually respond in the moment. This would actually be a case I am a manipulative lil shit. Anyways someone has to be a prick for me to do this. But the best taste of medicine is really not to react and set back and wait and perfect the art of whatever. I am actually really patient in this way. As I said though I really only feel the need to put disrespectful shit heads in their place. Otherwise I have never been all that competitive with others. I am only competitive with people who give me good reason or with myself.

Shrugs I guess in this way I am fortunate.

Eh my anger issues come out in other ways road rage would be a better example.
 

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I want to compare how I, a ESTP, compare to others of my type when dealing with anger.
I am a person constantly dealing with negative emotions. My anger is probably my strongest emotion, I always get ticked off. I often feel envy and jealousy and sometimes hatred towards others for being better than me or having something I don't, whether its physical or mental. I don't try to turn these emotions off. In fact, I go towards them. I like the way anger makes me feel, strong and independent. As for the way I handle it, I'm explosive when it comes to things like sports, competition, video games, etc. But when it comes to people,especially the ones that I'm close to or is family, I hold it in and withdraw. I don't talk as I know if I do I'll let the anger be heard in my voice and fake my feelings to avoid awkwardness or conflict. I hate to fight with friends or family, especially ones I look up to. I wish I didn't care like I do in other moments but I cant bring myself to unless I reach a boiling point. I hold grudges though and don't easily forget things done to me.
An example is just yesterday. I've been trying to learn how to do flips so I could take my parkour to the next level but find myself scared to attempt any kind of stunt. But yesterday my brother, an ISFP, was able to do a front flip off of playground equipment on his first try with no practice ever done at all. It pissed me off how this kid, who sits inside all day doing nothing but playing games or watching youtube, is able to be so flexible and do things I've been practicing. I withdrew and avoided him and said whatever or straight up ignored him when he tried to show me again to get my approval, and my positive attitude changed for the whole day. My mom noticed this and gave me a mouthful but I don't care, I still feel envy towards him.
So tell me, how do you guys deal with anger?
It sounds like he may be younger? Trying to get your approval, not show you out? I have dealt with the dreaded favoritism factor (still dealing with it when it is so blatantly obvious to everyone but, my mom, dad and (favorited) younger sister.) I have an anger issue more so when, I have been wrongly judged for no reason. (NOW) Or someone constantly attacks my character. When I was your age I would get angry and explosive but, now looking back it only hurt me. Most people that are being shit heads sleep just fine and you are the only one bothered by it, why do that to yourself? It took soooooooo many years to realize that is like waking up every morning and taking a shot of poison. I by no means have perfected it and when everything is going wrong, it is easy to target people but, if you can learn anything now and save yourself the time I have wasted then retrain your brain now. It really is a waste of energy and time you could put to soooo much better use. Turn the competiveness into a motivation in any area of your life for the positive. : )

I have not perfected ignoring stupid people (if that is a deeper issue for you) but, I try. You do not sound like you are bothered by personal attacks per se more of an almost egotistical thing (unless I am wrong and there is more to the story?). I do not like losing at anything either. I am not malicious in my kidding around, even being competitive in anything (unless it is turned on me in a negative way because of their hang ups and shit)then it is more of a they can go fuck their self...may be considered anger.... It takes a lot now to get me angry. Annoyed eh, I almost consider anger a burning rage at this point(take cover when I get there lol) in my life. Have you considered taking some form of martial arts?

The best advise I can give you is,be happy for others and not compare~ what flows through you, flows to you. Anger was one of the easier emotions for me to have when I was younger, the strong you speak of is, offsetting the other emotions you are actually feeling(stuffing or not understanding). MA gave me more of a balance.
 

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No, you're right about the egotistical thing. Whenever my friends make jokes about me being cocky or what I'd say to a authority figure, I enjoy it and laugh at it, it lets me know they think about me how I want them to think about me. But I am enviousy and have a ego and hate when others are better than me, especially if it's friends or family, as I hate being compared and being known as second place.
 

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Damn, you're one of the most patient ESTP I've ever seen on this platform. Lol I wonder how it feels, I though like I said like being known as a hothead or short tempered, I like the reputation that it gives off to others, to back the fuck off . Makes me feel strong and powerful, I think this is because I'm a enneagram 8
 

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Standing at 6鈥0 223lbs I become the juggernaut on roids when I get pissed. Had a dude try his luck by slapping my hand one night in a bar. Motioned to him to try his luck, he swung and I paried him off and kneed him in the chest and gripped him up and threw him outside. The manager banned him from the establishment and offered me a bouncer job, which I declined.
 

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As an ESTP, anger and annoyance will probably always be the easiest emotions for you to access and express, but you will learn to control them as you get older.

I agree with @Enigma. I think exercise would help. It can be a positive outlet for the negative energy. I went through an ongoing stressful period of time a few years back. I used exercise to get my frustrations out. Very helpful.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
I'm like that too, I'm explosive and quick to anger with situations but implosive and bottle up my anger with people, though I will eventually blow up if I continue to be messed with
 

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I don't have any problems with anger. If someone irritates me, I tell them straight away so very rarely does something ever build up. And I always tell everyone about anything bad happening and dress it up with a bunch of jokes so I don't really bottle anything up to cause anger.
 
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I bury most of my negative emotions deep in the ground. Sometimes when I'm so angry about everything and nothing all at once, I run for a long time, or go kickboxing. Very therapeutic.
 

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To start, one of the most common traits listed in ESTPs description, is "optimistic".

I really relate to the optimism part, but I can also say that when it comes to negative emotions, I resort to anger over crying/being sad and depressed. Everyone says I'm scary when I'm angry, because I'm usually not. I have a very chill personality, but the top 3 things that make me angry are:

Anyone hurting my family or close friends in any way. I'm quick to tell someone off and go rage mode. When I was in my younger years, even early 20s, I had no problem doing this in public and didn't care who was listening or watching either. Now that I'm 27, I obviously have matured a bit so I'm civil.

鈼 A big one for me that I still can't be civil about, is people trying to control me. This stems from even early childhood. I was always a defiant kid, got in too much trouble driving my parents crazy with how much i talked back to them if I thought they were wrong, and generally had no regard for rules in school or in life. I haven't done relationships for a couple years now, because of a jealous ex that always tried to control me (a year into our relationship), constantly got jealous and I hated that it felt like I couldn't live my life doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to - just to appease someone else's feelings and jealousy. I've even had friends who have gotten waaaaay too attached (also weird?) and passive aggressive about my not returning the same attention. This kind of stuff always resorts to being guilt-tripped and emotional manipulation. It's like I have to apologize for not acting/thinking the way others want me to, and I just can't deal with anyone trying to take away my independence. I don't live to please others and their unreasonable/endless needs. So, if it comes down to it where I'm feeling attacked by someone for all the things above, I will tell them off. What makes me REALLY mad, is when I explain my POV, the other person is too selfish to really respect what I'm saying. I'll always end up dropping people who try to control me.

鈼 and lastly, is when I feel wronged. When things are unfair, I believe in compromise. If there is no compromise reached and my side of something is ignored, I'm mad. This mostly refers to the bulletin above.

That being said, I also work in a professional setting as the supervisor of a school. One thing I've mastered is keeping my cool, because I have to. We're part of the Union, so anything I say can be used against me. Personally, I think that having the ability to control your emotions and remain levelheaded is super important if I want to keep advancing and moving up in my career path. I also just think I'm too old now to carry on that way.
 

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Most of our type has learned to control their emotions but I personally don't, I want to be even more expressive than I am now. Anger and emotions like it make me determined and strong and competitive, if I was always happy I doubt I would've accomplished some of the things I have in my past 16 years of life
 

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I'm like that too, I'm explosive and quick to anger with situations but implosive and bottle up my anger with people, though I will eventually blow up if I continue to be messed with
I realized a long time ago, I usually will let someone know I do not like something they are saying or doing nicely the first time, some people miss it, forget and do/say it again or are intentionally doing it. I then make the statement again. (as you said "bottle it up") By the third time, I tend to get pissed. Either they are disregarding it, being an ass or testing me. Either way, I take that as disrespect. Dependent on circumstance and person I will either shut down, blow up (which is probably different than yours) or write them off. I do not like expending my energy unnecessarily.
 

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Most of our type has learned to control their emotions but I personally don't, I want to be even more expressive than I am now. Anger and emotions like it make me determined and strong and competitive, if I was always happy I doubt I would've accomplished some of the things I have in my past 16 years of life
You need a good outlet. You mentioned power several times... Some shitheads instigate for a reaction. In that case who really has the power? There is more power in learning to control your anger. : ) Hard but, possible.
 

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You need a good outlet. You mentioned power several times... Some shitheads instigate for a reaction. In that case who really has the power? There is more power in learning to control your anger. : ) Hard but, possible.
^^^ Agreed 100% !!
@OP , That doesn't go without saying that I am still very determined, strong and competitive. With a clear mind, I get quite a lot done. I personally experience my levelheadedness as a weapon when i'm in "determined/strong/competitive" mode, which I like to think of as "balance". When I go hard, I'm driven by my strive to win, and to be on top, and that alone. It takes a steady hand. Anger has proven to be the very thing that fucks something up for me. oh my god, i can't even stop to think back to how monumentally fucked my anger has left me in any given situation.

With sports, I can understand where you're coming from about the explosiveness/bursts of intense energy, such as anger, but even so, anger ends up playing out as a ton of offense, and leaves a blindsight for defense/strategy. I'm not much of a team/ball sport player but, when I was your age I was all about gymnastics, kickboxing, iceskating, and pilates. I totally had the spotlight with gymnastics -socially, plus being hella praised by my parents and coaches on the regular) because I'd spend hours everyday after school training (lol and not doing my homework whoops) I was determined to be the best, and I had an attitude that truly believed I had an edge that made it possible for me. But anyway, I eventually taught myself how to do a ton of really hard moves, and it got easier to train/ be better. If you really want it, you can be driven by that powerful force without having to channel anger. Loud,energetic music REALLY helps me stay in the zone. Of course, it's your call at the end of the day.

P.S.
the more I read about ESTPs (our type) and how our cognitive functions work, the more I'm convinced that our personality type is somewhat prone to having an easier time with it all? I mean, I can't say for sure, or speak on behalf of all ESTPs but I've always felt this way on a personal level. The way Se-Ti is often described, is totally me to a T. I just found something here about ESTPs and their Se-Ti function order.
Disclaimer: Might be wrong information, because the functions and their precise definitions are clearly up for debate across this website lmao whatevs, check out the link anyway.
 

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Apparently I posted in this thread before, but I can't be bothered to go back and recall what I wrote. Ah, the joys of aging...

Anywho, I deal with my anger by letting it happen and then just forgetting about it. I try not to vent on others, but the more sensitive types in the vicinity can experience collateral damage. I think I'm usually pretty easy going though.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
@Selinda I don't like to explode on friends or family though because I see us having awkwardness or avoiding each other if I were to speak my mind. That's why with them I don't talk unless I'm pushed more and more. For me, it's either 0 percent or 100 percent
 
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