ISFP 4w5 5w4 8w7 sp/sx
Everybody have an issue. Everybody who can feel are suffering in their own way. It's natural. And It's because we are human. In another words, because we love and hate everything. We have opinion about everything. Even if it's more neutral, you put everything you see, hear, feel on your own spectrum and there are love and hate at both of the ends. And that's why i'm trying to talk about healthy way to feel and express love and hate with you guys. I have had loud, confusing and turbulent relationship with emotions that comes from love and hate, which i see as an unhealthy one. I will talk about whole theme of 'Love and Hate' and unhealthy relationship with this, as i make not being like that again a promise by telling you about it. Also it can encourage you guys to know or feel something you didn't know, right? I will post more of this whole 'Eulogy thing' on this forum and show my will to put an end to my unhealthy mentality. Plus, i believe that i can make safe place to share our precious experiences with each other by doing this. This is my journey toward finding healthy myself and you guys are invited.
Before reading this and sharing your opinion or experience, remember that I don't appreciate any hate and attack, criticism towards specific person's personal things. We all should feel safe sharing what we have deep inside our heart here. Thank you.
First of all... What is love? What is hate? Are they in opposite positions like linguistic say?
Love is everything, right? It can come from sharing intimacy that is full of secret and attraction with lover. It can come from when you pet your dog or reunite with your family after a long time. It can come from sweet ice cream in summertime and friendly "Hello" from stranger. It can come from viewing yourself as precious and competent human being too. And as you feel love, you can feel everything. That's how it goes in my opinion. You can feel pain, surprise, fear, even hate because you have this positive gratifying feeling which is called love toward something. We are born to feel. We are born to love. That's why i believe that everybody deserves love. Why not say we are born to be loved when we are born to love? We need to feel love to feel other things. And we need to feel things to feel alive. Not getting love means death. No one who believes in love deserve to die.
How about hate? Where does it come from? It can come from love or other emotions evoked by also love. If someone threatens who you love, you are supposed to hate that person. Or it can come from... well, sheer hate. Nature force us to lose something someday and feel hunger towards what we don't have. It's about survival. We are not born to hate. But we are supposed to hate something to survive and it's healthy thing. There is one more important role of hate. Hate offsets love and make us be realistic, get out of dreamland that never existed, venture through prosperous but dangerous earth. That's why we need also hate, to feel alive. But not like love, we are not born to be hated. We don't necessarily and naturally die because we lack hate. No one who believes in love deserve to be hated.
Now i am gonna talk about power play between love and hate. They are in opposite positions for sure. But you have to know that being in opposite position doesn't mean it's perfectly different. They just offset each other. They make each other complete. Like two remaining puzzle pieces. They are quite similar as i said, we need both love and hate to navigate our life throughout lots of adversity. But remember. We are born to love not hate. We need love not hate to be alive. We deserve to be loved not hated.
Now, I wanna talk about why people get unhealthy with love and hate. I partly blame this on broken social structure. So broken that make some people believe they can survive without being loved or they deserve to be hated. Remember. I blame this society for amplifying unhealthiness, not creating it. And i don't really think one individual neither built this system nor ruined it. Maybe we can complain about this whole social system a bit, but i believe we can truly be healthy by overcoming it, not just bashing or complaining it. Also, There is positive side of our social system too.
Someone with broken heart or no love can be extremely brutal. And i think this whole thing started with someone lack of love and needed to feel alive. So desperate to feel alive that needed to hate. If hate dominate our brain, we focus only on our own survival. It's called greed. Greedy people stop at nothing to secure their own insecurity which is lack of love. They collect material obsessively, by any means. By dividing everything on earth to something lovable or something hateable. Because then it will be easy to sell something or persuade and possibly manipulate someone, right? They make it social norm to hate or love something. Which can't be true since everybody have different opinion. Many people say "I love it!" and "I hate that!" toward from something small like car, purse, make-up product to something big like weather, season, earth. And i don't think it's really wrong since it's important to have preference in our life. But the problem is when we make it social norm or even say that to someone. Some personality trait. Some physical trait. Specific kind of people. And putting that judgmental finger to even ourselves. I don't think that greedy people are evil or obeying this system that is made through thousands of years human history is wrong. But in general, few of us are making a living by spreading 'self-hate' because there is no option or thought of living other way. I want to say i don't really blame any single person in our society for this frustrating situation.
And in modern world, this trend became more extreme. They even started to sell 'self-love' related product. They say if you get prettier or taller, you can love yourself! If you believe in this stuff and that, you can truly love yourself! You can be saved! Or make it ideology or political things saying 'If you don't love what i love, you are wrong. you must hate yourself.' or 'If you don't hate what i hate, you are wrong. I won't perceive you as same human'. Politic should be about logic, moral and fairness. Not love and hate, right? And it's more extreme in cultural things. They show us perfect people growing up perfectly and loving themselves even though suffered same thing with us in same social structure. Saying maybe your personality or preference is wrong and you should fix it. And even this 'cancel culture' appeared and some people love and hate famous people instantly. Some people destroy celeb's life then completely ignore their responsibility. Eventually it made people seek 'fake emotionality' like celebrating some stranger's birthday and grieving local teenage's suicide after ignoring bullying.
Let's get deeper from now on, guys. It's time to talk about how this broken system affected my mentality and how i realized something is wrong with me. First, I loved what i love so extreme that idealized them, became clingy to what i love, felt betrayal by something even though i wasn't that loyal. And worst of all, I didn't share or embrace my urge to get loved and thought i could live without love. Second, I hated what i hate so extreme that abominate everything about it, became whiny about what i hate, couldn't tell apart hate and healthy criticism. And worst of all, i hated myself and thought i was born to be hated. Also i started to have symptoms of bipolar disorder at 14 and it got so extreme that became dangerous. After that, lots of thing happened around me and no one really was by my side except my family. And i realized what an idiot i was and how precious my family was. Dropping out of high school and having some time alone also helped me recovering myself from this toxic mentality. I'm telling you all this because i want you to know that how unhealthy this relationship with 'Love and Hate' is. It can kill yourself or someone around you. It can hurt someone who deserve love not hate.
So, after my drop-out, i started wondering how to change myself into healthy person. And i haven't figured it out yet and still tries to prepare for college right now. Yeah, I'm that young and probably doesn't have enough experience like you guys, having no say in it. But i really wanted to share this thought and develop healthy mentality with you guys' company. This part is where you guys come in. This thread is the place sharing opinions and experience about how to recover from this toxic mentality and social structure.
As far as i figured out, my opinion is 'share' and 'embrace'. We should share love and embrace our urge to be loved to feel alive. We should know we deserve love not hate. We are born to love not hate. Also love is not what you can get by eliciting or twisting one's arm. We should remember that too. And sometimes we need to stop excusing ourselves and face the hate or criticism even though it feels very unfair to get hated. Yeah, we don't deserve hate but avoiding it never helps.
What about you guys? Have you ever suffered this mentality before like me too? If then, How did you guys recover from it? What's your opinion on whole love and hate thing? Do you agree with me? If not, post below. Let's debate calmly about it! Also, if you need help right now or feel emotional about something. You can post below. I don't mind even if it's off-topic. But remember. Never attack someone personally. Thank you for reading this long rambling! It will be thankful if you post anything below and share your thoughts.