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I'm feeling like this at the moment, I want to be away from people. At work I am the same way, I come in and say good morning to everyone, but deep inside I just want to go straight to my cubicle, be left alone, do my work, and then leave. I'm also the same way at church. When I come to church and everyone is smiling and being so friendly, but down all there is is 'hi' and 'bye', small chit chats, i find it superficial at times. No real relationship develops, they all just want light hearted conversations etc.

Maybe it's an ISfj thing or because of my personality, but I long for deep friendship where we can discuss serious topics about ourselves. It's so difficult to find a genuine friend.

I'm not sure if this is an introvert thing or if its because I am depressed at this time, but I just want to shut myself out from people. I always feel like I'm always behind my sisters shadow, who is a social butterfly and is loved by everyone. Always being compared to her, and me coming up short because of my personality.

At work people always comment that I'm quiet etc as if something is wrong with me. Why can't I just be accepted for who I am? Why do they notice me so much? why can't people leave me alone?

I'm so weary and so tired and at times just want to hide. It takes so much energy to be with people. Sometimes I pray to God to turn me into an extrovert. Sometimes I just wish that I could find a job where I can be a fully functioning unit, without people being hurt if I don't talk to them etc.
 

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I don't like to force chit-chat...so, often I just say "Hello"(instead of "How are you?" when I don't care) to people to be kind of friendly. It's one of my pet-peeves to have people ask, "How are you?" and when you reply they just walk by....ugghhh....well, this is kind of my own thing I wanted to share.

But, yeah, people aren't always comfortable with a person who don't feel the need to know or ask how other people are doing. The best thing I decided to do with people is to ONLY talk to them when I am REALLY interested in what they do or what they wear (cool t-shirts, ;)) It's if you're just getting into conversation when you are focusing on something or you don't wanna know or care. I guess we've got our duties or other things we want to focus on. It's better at times to do what you do...maybe not all the time, but I feel like I want to be honest and really interested in the other person(or people) I am speaking to with.

(EDIT) I didn't answer the thread question...YES!!! More often than I feel I should.
 

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(Read the thread about confidence ... I could pretty much copy/paste what I wrote there to here) :)

I do feel the way you feel, and pretty much recognize that which drains me. Try to do something for yourself, b/c it doesn't feel good to be running on empty. Perhaps this is one reason ISFJs become the proverbial housewife, especially if they cannot find a job that doesn't drain their energy. Are you able to look for a job that allows you to be productive without having so many co-workers or change your position within your company? In my past work experience, this was incredibly important to me and I worked very well in this scenario.
 

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Ever feel like you want to shut yourself out from the world?

...all the time.

I hate talk just for the sake of talking.
Can't stand being around people who think somethings wrong if nothing is being said. There's nothing wrong with a little silence that's for sure.

I think we ISFJ's come across as quiet and shy but I think that's just how we come across to people we are filtering through to see if we want to let them in our inner circle. Once I let someone inside and form a bond, I'll talk your ear off.
I crave deep, close bonds with people not tons of friends I only know on the surface.

I feel for you paintingSkies I too have a tough time finding close friends. Had a few real close ones but they have moved and one I left behind when I changed jobs and find myself currently with not one good friend except my wife.....who I'm sure wished I'd find one soon!

Please don't turn into an extrovert...bla,bla,bla....blablablabla all the time LOL!

you are who you are...nothing wrong with that.
 

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I ALWAYS want to shut off from the world. Sometimes life can be overbearing and it's easy to deal with it at first, but being an ISFJ, I pent up all these bad feelings and emotions until I basically shut down and shut out the entire universe. Kind of like a survival action in a sense. I understand what you mean by quickly wanting things and events to go by just so you don't need to talk to anyone, too. That's basically my life. Having genuine friends is one of the greatest treasures of life, but it may take a long while to find the true ones that will stay with you for many many years and to share you deep and inner feelings with. You'll find them, I promise you will, because you'll draw them to you :) Life really sucks sometimes, and we all get in our little ruts, but eventually people come along and pull us out! Like Java Man said, You are who you are! So don't change your wonderful self! Keep your head up!
 

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I completely agree with you. It's hard for me to get out of my shell, myself and just be real- and without a place to do that- it's really despairing.. This is why I LOVE LOVE LOVE the internet!!!!!
Most of my friends are online and I can have deep honest friendships without all the shallow beginnings. I'm christian myself and I don't like going to those churches where you only see the people on sundays.. church is supposed to be your family. My husband and I just moved and have been trying to find one- we found a church plant and the people are so personal and want to KNOW about you- your testimony and.. just everything- and I love that :p

But yeah, I completely relate with that feeling.
 

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I'm feeling like this at the moment, I want to be away from people. At work I am the same way, I come in and say good morning to everyone, but deep inside I just want to go straight to my cubicle, be left alone, do my work, and then leave. I'm also the same way at church. When I come to church and everyone is smiling and being so friendly, but down all there is is 'hi' and 'bye', small chit chats, i find it superficial at times. No real relationship develops, they all just want light hearted conversations etc.

Maybe it's an ISfj thing or because of my personality, but I long for deep friendship where we can discuss serious topics about ourselves. It's so difficult to find a genuine friend.

I'm not sure if this is an introvert thing or if its because I am depressed at this time, but I just want to shut myself out from people. I always feel like I'm always behind my sisters shadow, who is a social butterfly and is loved by everyone. Always being compared to her, and me coming up short because of my personality.

At work people always comment that I'm quiet etc as if something is wrong with me. Why can't I just be accepted for who I am? Why do they notice me so much? why can't people leave me alone?

I'm so weary and so tired and at times just want to hide. It takes so much energy to be with people. Sometimes I pray to God to turn me into an extrovert. Sometimes I just wish that I could find a job where I can be a fully functioning unit, without people being hurt if I don't talk to them etc.
A little late, but just wanted to say, please don't feel ashamed or feel inferior for who you are. You are valuable and loved and special, and people either understand that and appreciate it or they are not important. Just noise. Never apologize for who you are. Accept yourself and everything kind of makes sense afterwards.

I know I'm quiet and generally don't extend myself into long periods of chit-chat, but I like to do what's necessary and at least let the other person know that I'm interested in what they have to say and feel, even if I generally don't share much about myself. Part of getting to know me is realizing I tend to be quiet and a bit serious, but hey, that's who I am!

Just do you. You're good at that. :)
 

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The thing about us ISFJ's is that we care about people, but when we get hurt, we REALLY hurt. I came from some relationships in the past where they betrayed my trust in them and I felt it so deeply that I went into a very depressed state. I was living like a hermit shut off from the world. It's funny because when my family tried to get me out of the house I didn't want to because I didn't want to load them with my problems (since I cared about them). So it can be an introvert thing partly but if you've had certain experiences where you've felt deeply it can sometimes turn you off to be around a lot of people. It is hard for us to find someone we can trust since we are so emotionally invested and nurturing. Maybe you can slowly build that trust with someone after you've established that they are who they say they are. At church just take the time to get to know a couple people. Same at work. I personally hate having to talk when there are multiple people but if I'm focused on one or two people I'm okay. I definitely know where you're coming from. My depression has dramatically decreased although I'm still not quick to trust people. I still care so deeply for people that I don't want to hurt them or have them hurt me either. It's a balance, so just work your way up to it.

P.S. it also helped me in joining a support group at church. Chances are you've had something that made you depressed or hesitant around people even though you want to put yourself out there and make friends. As you can see from my story, you're not alone, even when you sometimes feel like you are. I've felt alone more times than I can count because I didn't think anyone understood. I was just going through the motions sometimes, smiling at people then shaking it off and hiding my true feelings. I hope this helps.
 

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For me, it depends on where I am and how I'm feeling.
At home, I prefer mostly just my family, I don't want anything but quiet evenings or carefully planned, small events.
I love my job because it doesn't require me to deal with the general public. It's a small organization where I see the same people everyday. I know them well, they've become a second family. I don't want to shut them out! But beyond home and the job, yes, I really do want to shut the world out.
 

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Absolutely. I feel like running away and going somewhere else for awhile. Which is totally against my nature. I have one kid with another one on the way. Its scary because I feel Im going to be so tied down and restricted.. Possibly losing my identity. I feel bad because thats not morally right for a mother to do. I dont think I could ever really do it but I think and even fantasize about it.

Another note: I dont have any friends... just my sister which im very close to. Some days I want a social life and other days I could care less. I feel I really dont "need" anybody and can deal with stuff on my own. My boyfriend is the opposite so hes always trying to have some kind of connection to people... which is okay for me because I can just live through him, so-to-speak. But going to work... I feel that exact same way. Just running to my station and doing my job then leaving.. Hoodini comes to mind lol. Even though I hate being inside too long I do feel very much like staying in just to avoid people. Its not very "nice" of me but its just how I feel.
 

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Definitely. I go through ups and downs though. During an upswing I am not as bothered by all the social stuff. During a downswing like I'm in now (late summer & Fall are very hard to climb out of) I crave not just quiet but much, much, more solitude. I find I am more sensitive during these times as well. I am not sure if its due to my strong introversion or my Social Anxiety/Depression that I live with.
Check out the book "Quiet" by Susan Cain if you haven't already. It's much more insightful than I thought it might be regarding introversion and all that comes into play.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free
 

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I think i understand how you feel. I often just want to hide away in a hermit hut somewhere, in some lovely quiet area, preferably near a beach so i can listen to the waves crash against the shore. I can't stand regular chit chat, and neither can my mother who is the quintessential ISFJ. When i was working during the summer holidays i often wanted people to leave me alone so i could just work, and whilst at uni i often crave isolation so i can work and then do my own thing. Sometimes, i just wish that people would go away and leave me alone. But my ISFJ nature makes it hard to say no to others, so i often don't get that time alone.

Why be an extrovert when there is nothing inherently awful or wrong with how you are now? Try and find some isolation, take up hobbies that will earn you time alone and achieve some peace of mind.

Hope all is well now, take care.
 

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I'm always hiding away in my man-cave.

I do not care much for acquaintances.
I don't care much for friends who I can not talk openly about deeper things.

The problem is, I do need the company of other people, yet I hide away because if I have to change myself to have friends then it is not worth having them.

Finding people who I do not have to change for in some way has been very rare.
 

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I am much the same, the relationships i care to maintain are the deeper ones i have with a select few, and they're the ones i cherish. I have difficulty mustering the energy for simple chit chat or superficial conversations, i crave more than that.
 

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I am much the same, the relationships i care to maintain are the deeper ones i have with a select few, and they're the ones i cherish. I have difficulty mustering the energy for simple chit chat or superficial conversations, i crave more than that.
Do you feel as a male it is a hard thing to find other males who can talk about emotions without awkwardness?
Kind of like you know what you want to say, but you do not want to sound like a wimp?

I believe due to society men are brought up with the belief we are not to talk about deeper emotions.
We are made to think we just get over it.
We are made to think, no one is going to come running.
 

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Do you feel as a male it is a hard thing to find other males who can talk about emotions without awkwardness?
Kind of like you know what you want to say, but you do not want to sound like a wimp?

I believe due to society men are brought up with the belief we are not to talk about deeper emotions.
We are made to think we just get over it.
We are made to think, no one is going to come running.
Absolutely. I've had a few conversations with other males about emotions before, but that was during a break up and they were being supportive friends. For the most part, my relationship with my male friends doesn't extend to talking about our emotions. I have a few strong relationships with girls that are deep in that we discuss our emotions, and it's healthy and beneficial. My friendship with the other males is different, we may not talk about our emotions but it is still a deep connection in that we talk more about our ambitions, work and hobbies/shared interests. It's a different kind of relationship, but sometimes i'd like to get them talking, especially when i suspect that something is bothering them or if i'm bothered.

It is sad that the stereotype is that men aren't overly emotional and don't have any real desire to talk about our emotions deeply, and that only women discuss how they feel. I know that that isn't how i am, being an ISFJ male i am very aware of my emotions and the emotions of others. Men should be encouraged to open up and not take such an old fashioned macho attitude, as not talking about our feelings is imprisoning; talking about them can be liberating. But as you say, there is a certain stigma about men who talk about how they feel, and they can be labelled as "wimps", which works to condemn such behaviour and sustain the macho stereotype that dominates society. Culture and society has created this stereotype to maintain the dominant position of men in society, we just need to break free of that in order to create more meaningful relationships, as it would be nice if being emotive or discussing how we felt wasn't frowned upon by the majority.
 
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