[thegirlcandance]

Have you ever noticed about yourself that you have a lot of trouble setting boundaries? I've noticed my natural tendency is to just get along with everyone and, basically, not being very demanding. I want others to feel comfortable and feel free to speak and contribute. For some reason I've found it hard to set my boundaries.

Other INFJs relate?

 

[myjazz]

It is very important for me to set boundaries as if it was air. If someone gets passed those boundaries I am in so much trouble and it would be time to re-group and re-think. Luckly rarely happens though.

 

[Bright Laughter]

I'm HORRIBLE at setting boundaries. I'm so good at "walking a mile in another's shoes" that I excuse....well...everything. I'm assuming it was a survival tactic from growing up. I've at least gotten to the point where I realize that it's a problem...now...where do I draw that line in the sand? :crazy:

 

[Resolution]

My friends can tell when I'm about to put my foot down because as my friends say it "It looks like you're debating something inside yourself."

Before I ever put my foot down on my issue, I check with myself thoroughly to make sure it's justified.

 

[annemarie]

yup, ive had this problem all my life.

It has also created difficulties in some of my relationships. Let me explain (Apologies in advance for the long story). I had a male friend from college ( who i am sure was an ENTP, but i will never know for sure lol). He was a really good friend of mine and we spent alot of time hanging out. He indicated to me on several occasions that he wanted to be more than freinds. I was ANXIOUS about doing somethingabout it, and decided to ignore the vibe i was getting.

After several years (lol) of our friendship ( and the continuous chasing by him) i plucked up the courage to say i didnt have romantic feelings for him. After my "confession" to him he still pursued...

This used to piss me off so much, but because i didnt want confrontation or hurt his feelings, i didnt say anything.

Eventually I stopped speaking to him. It was tricky because we were close friends but i alwaysknew i didnt have feelings for him.

Over the years I have also learnt that TACT can be very usefull in dealing with some people.

 

[Anahata]

Something horrible happened to me back in Junior High School and it had to do with my family. This incident caused me to become absolutely ruthless about my boundaries, but I've often wondered if I wouldn't have difficulty with setting boundaries if that trauma hadn't happened to me.

 

[annemarie]

Something horrible happened to me back in Junior High School and it had to do with my family. This incident caused me to become absolutely ruthless about my boundaries, but I've often wondered if I wouldn't have difficulty with setting boundaries if that trauma hadn't happened to me.

My negative experiences have definitley made me more assertive. Your post also reminded me of some really awfull things which happened to me at school and another time when i was young. I think it's really important and helps to build confidence-by knowing what you do and dont like and telling people that when appropriate.

 

[thegirlcandance]

yup, ive had this problem all my life.

It has also created difficulties in some of my relationships. Let me explain (Apologies in advance for the long story). I had a male friend from college ( who i am sure was an ENTP, but i will never know for sure lol). He was a really good friend of mine and we spent alot of time hanging out. He indicated to me on several occasions that he wanted to be more than freinds. I was ANXIOUS about doing somethingabout it, and decided to ignore the vibe i was getting.

After several years (lol) of our friendship ( and the continuous chasing by him) i plucked up the courage to say i didnt have romantic feelings for him. After my "confession" to him he still pursued...

This used to piss me off so much, but because i didnt want confrontation or hurt his feelings, i didnt say anything.

Eventually I stopped speaking to him. It was tricky because we were close friends but i alwaysknew i didnt have feelings for him.

Over the years I have also learnt that TACT can be very usefull in dealing with some people.

An ENTP being that persistent over getting an INFJ?? I would've never guessed!!: :laughing:


I don't mean to sound on his side a bit but you probably could've gave him a shot just to see what happens. I will admit us females sometimes don't ALWAYS see what would be great for us.... and us INFJs can sometimes be too stubborn about it.
That being said, the ENTP that was going after me I thought was weird and just an action oriented ESTP. Then eventually his humor caught my attention... then I realized his views of the world were so similar to mine... and eventually I'm thinking he is just Mr. Wonderful. Of course, I'm not with him though because they're flighty and that one lives states away from me.

Anyway... I will admit that sometimes when you give them a shot you then realize why they were so motivated.

 

[annemarie]

An ENTP being that persistent over getting an INFJ?? I would've never guessed!!: :laughing:


I don't mean to sound on his side a bit but you probably could've gave him a shot just to see what happens. I will admit us females sometimes don't ALWAYS see what would be great for us.... and us INFJs can sometimes be too stubborn about it.
That being said, the ENTP that was going after me I thought was weird and just an action oriented ESTP. Then eventually his humor caught my attention... then I realized his views of the world were so similar to mine... and eventually I'm thinking he is just Mr. Wonderful. Of course, I'm not with him though because they're flighty and that one lives states away from me.

Anyway... I will admit that sometimes when you give them a shot you then realize why they were so motivated.

Actually he did say that to me once " please! just give me a chance!"

He wasnt a bad person really, i just thought he was abit arrogant and condesending.

 

[Werewolfen]

Idiom: Put your foot down> When someone puts their foot down, they make a firm stand and establish their authority on an issue.


Not at all for me.

 

[Daveman]

I used to. :wink:

(You knew I would say that, didn't you?)

 

[annemarie]

Idiom: Put your foot down> When someone puts their foot down, they make a firm stand and establish their authority on an issue.


Not at all for me.

I suppose what i am advocating is assertiveness. I agree that putting your foot down sounds quite aggressive. i think assertiveness is about looking for win win solutions for others and yourself.

 

[curious0610]

My friends can tell when I'm about to put my foot down because as my friends say it "It looks like you're debating something inside yourself."

Before I ever put my foot down on my issue, I check with myself thoroughly to make sure it's justified.

I agree Btmangan. I am going through something similar, and my ISTJ friend has commented that I have every right to "put my foot down" on this, but I always precede this action with a huge internal debate.