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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Another pointless thread from me.

Do you ever get the feeling that loads of people love you but people just aren't attracted to you?

Basically i'm not the most blessed in the looks department, but after getting to know me people always want to be around me and are genuinely excited to see me, as in I get people crossing the road to have like a minute of my time.

With girls I thought it was just friendliness, but with guys in my head I used to think for some reason maybe it was a bit more, until I realised no-one is ever attracted to me in that way. Likea guy told me he loved me the other day and by the look in his eye I could see it was true, but it was the same way someone would love their sister.

I feel like I make people feel so great about themselves and everyone wants to be around me, but at the same time it saddens me that i'm an object for use and no-one really wants to see what I can offer in that way, if you know what I mean?

And all the other girls who don't say much or aren't as fun all have someone to adore them. I guess it doesn't help that because this has happened for so long I kind of force people tonot see me in that way so as to not get hurt.

Can anyone else relate to this?
 

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With the exception of my ex and my current boyfriend, I was almost always rejected, because the people I spent time with always thought of me as "the friend". Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I know how it sorta sucks... Especially when other "more attractive" friends were getting into happy, successful relationships. But I am in one now, so it has passed, but I can definitely sympathize. It was the story of my life up until a little while ago. (Although there were one or two people who admitted they liked me after the fact, but I never would have noticed the signs of it when I had been single.)

Although, you never know, there is always the chance that a friend might like you but is way too shy to say anything or show it.

The best advice I can give is to be the initiator. It took a lot of times of rejections, but neither of my relationships (including my 2+ year current one) were initiated by the guy. I had to get off my butt and pursue the guys, prepared to get unsavory responses sometimes. But when you do finally find just the right guy, all of that stuff is totally worth it. :)

Best of luck!
 

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I definitely agree with Zobster about certain girls. Though I've felt it was just their sky-high physical expectations and many of the girls I kinda liked but who expected the world are still waiting...Because 6'5 male models with zero body hair and an 18 pack of chiseled abs don't grow on trees in small town Canada.

That said, I've attracted some very attractive girls. One I dated, one I turned down, one I repeatedly turned down and still do every couple of months on MSN lol. Why? All had what I called SERIOUS self-esteem issues which led to some very strange behavior from them. I'm actually very stable in my ENFP instability...I can't deal with someone else's serious issues while trying to keep my own head under control.
 

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Another pointless thread from me.

Do you ever get the feeling that loads of people love you but people just aren't attracted to you?

Basically i'm not the most blessed in the looks department, but after getting to know me people always want to be around me and are genuinely excited to see me, as in I get people crossing the road to have like a minute of my time.

With girls I thought it was just friendliness, but with guys in my head I used to think for some reason maybe it was a bit more, until I realised no-one is ever attracted to me in that way. Likea guy told me he loved me the other day and by the look in his eye I could see it was true, but it was the same way someone would love their sister.

I feel like I make people feel so great about themselves and everyone wants to be around me, but at the same time it saddens me that i'm an object for use and no-one really wants to see what I can offer in that way, if you know what I mean?

And all the other girls who don't say much or aren't as fun all have someone to adore them. I guess it doesn't help that because this has happened for so long I kind of force people tonot see me in that way so as to not get hurt.

Can anyone else relate to this?
I can relate in a very big way. But first I want to tell you how rare you are. Do you know the way people are busy loving you is much deeper than the type of love you feel you're not getting? I know. It doesn't make it any easier right now. But I think it will eventually.

You are the type of person who is deep. Someone that others can go to and be themselves. People can drop their guard with you and feel accepted. You also show them the best they can be. What person is really going to want to risk all that they are receiving from you and take it to a sexual level? Do you see what I'm saying. I know. It's very important to be validated physically as well. And as an ENFP we want both. We want people to be attracted to us and for people to understand our depth. We want so much.

In my teens, I didn't care about dating. I just never went there. I hung out with gay men, I was completely on the edge. I didn't even want to worry about dating. I had no idea who was going to reject me or who wasn't. It was too scary for me to go there. BUT, I was everyone's best friend.

Even some of my girlfriends would have boyfriends that "needed someone they could talk to". I remember it well. I was the "best friend" to just about everyone. I was also the person who would march around protecting the underdog if they were being hassled.

I wasn't into cliques or popularity. I couldn't even play that game. I just hung around on the outside, sticking up for people and befriending the types of people who I felt needed a real friend. I just really gave up on trying to get people to like me. But I suppose that attitude did eventually attract a few people. It always shocked me. Hearing I was "cool" made me laugh because all I was doing was just being myself and not giving a crap anymore what other's thought. I also allowed my creativity spill out onto my fashion choices and hair styles.

And honestly, I remember feeling like most of the guys in my high school were completely too shallow to date or to be even friends with. But maybe perhaps not wanting them or not caring about them was also another way of protecting myself? Wow. It's no wonder musical theater saved my life.

Dear God, if I were to show you my pix about how I didn't care if I "looked great" just so I could be attractive to the opposite sex, you would prolly laugh.

Of course that did change. In my senior year, my own hormones finally shouted out. They told me that I was attracted to boys and I sort of stopped being so "non-conformist".

But I was a very late bloomer when it came to dating. But I wouldn't change that for the world. I know who I am inside, and what I project on my outside is just "dress up" for me. I will be forever grounded in that girl who kept herself separate enough so she could watch how people behave, and who were genuine, etc.
 

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I find it ironic that I read this thread immediately after getting a text from a girl saying she couldn't go to Applebee's with me because "her roommate and she always cleaned out their room on Thursdays." Right... :dry:
 
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I will be forever grounded in that girl who kept herself separate enough so she could watch how people behave, and who were genuine, etc.
Amen. Knowing who is genuine or not in this world is one of my everyday battles. And even though I'm a positive, happy-go-lucky kind of guy if I find real deception or manipulation I turn into the ruthless modern day spawn of Senator Joseph McCarthy and I weed you out!
 

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I think most people can relate to this, including myself. This is part of life and particularly when dating. It's as if nature intended compatibility to be so incredibly difficult. On the other hand, if finding someone truly attracted to you wasn't so difficult (and I'm not just talking about looks), the rewards wouldn't be so unlimited. The essence of dating is that you face A LOT of rejection, no matter how anyone looks, or behaves; and this goes both ways since there are often times you will need to do the fair share of rejection (which is equally as hard if not more for us ENFPs).

The most important part is being able to take a step back, learn from each experience and not let it get to you or interfere from you being yourself or your value system. I’m even guilty of this after a slew of unsuccessful dates, which is why I only do it in spurts. If things don’t go well after a period, I focus on other areas in my life that help build my confidence, and then when I’m ready I will take another turn at the plate. I guarantee you there are plenty of men out there that are waiting for someone like you, and will love you more than in a sisterly way. After all you are an ENFP and have a natural ability to inspire others. However unfortunately you have to sift through a tonne of garbage and put yourself out there to find them.

I find it ironic that I read this thread immediately after getting a text from a girl saying she couldn't go to Applebee's with me because "her roommate and she always cleaned out their room on Thursdays." Right...
Do you mean that she is obviously not an ENFP?
 

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Do you mean that she is obviously not an ENFP?
I just highly doubt that she conveniently forgot that she needed to clean her room, especially if she does it as regularly as "every Thursday night." I feel as if it's just an excuse to "let me down easy" (how ill contrived that thought is) instead of outright saying, "I don't want to go out with you."
 

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I just highly doubt that she conveniently forgot that she needed to clean her room, especially if she does it as regularly as "every Thursday night." I feel as if it's just an excuse to "let me down easy" (how ill contrived that thought is) instead of outright saying, "I don't want to go out with you."
Yep, if she didn't suggest an alternative day she doesn't have interest.
 

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Because 6'5 male models with zero body hair and an 18 pack of chiseled abs don't grow on trees in small town Canada.
Lol what girl actually wants that? I'm 5'8 and the last guy I liked was about 6'2 I think... just tall enough to make me feel small even though I'm not, to feel safe and protected and like I could look up at him. That fantasy was nice well it lasted lol.

I don't think excessive height, a lack of body hair or a six pack is really something most girls are looking for anyway. 6'5 sounds like a bit much.

Omg I hope you aren't describing yourself... *hides head in shame*
 

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I find it ironic that I read this thread immediately after getting a text from a girl saying she couldn't go to Applebee's with me because "her roommate and she always cleaned out their room on Thursdays." Right... :dry:
Oh damn, you lost a date with a uncreative, passive aggressive girl who lacks tact. Thank goodness. Come on....you are way too deep for sort of nonsense. Don't make Moby slap you now. :tongue:
 

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Another pointless thread from me.

Do you ever get the feeling that loads of people love you but people just aren't attracted to you?

Basically i'm not the most blessed in the looks department, but after getting to know me people always want to be around me and are genuinely excited to see me, as in I get people crossing the road to have like a minute of my time.

With girls I thought it was just friendliness, but with guys in my head I used to think for some reason maybe it was a bit more, until I realised no-one is ever attracted to me in that way. Likea guy told me he loved me the other day and by the look in his eye I could see it was true, but it was the same way someone would love their sister.

I feel like I make people feel so great about themselves and everyone wants to be around me, but at the same time it saddens me that i'm an object for use and no-one really wants to see what I can offer in that way, if you know what I mean?

And all the other girls who don't say much or aren't as fun all have someone to adore them. I guess it doesn't help that because this has happened for so long I kind of force people tonot see me in that way so as to not get hurt.

Can anyone else relate to this?
I have this issue from a male standpoint. All I can say is...... Amen sistah.:frustrating:
 

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Oh damn, you lost a date with a uncreative, passive aggressive girl who lacks tact. Thank goodness. Come on....you are way too deep for sort of nonsense. Don't make Moby slap you now. :tongue:
Correction:

I lost a date with a hot, uncreative, passive-aggressive girl who lacks tact. :laughing:

For real, though, she's actually a pretty nice, intelligent girl; I think she just doesn't really get the fact that I prefer honesty over whatever that was. Regardless, I've moved on. I don't need that bullshit; I'm in college. :p
 

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My inbuilt gaydar doesn't work - only a small minority of boys are gay - I don't know which ones - and I feel I'm too young to date anyways (well, it's more like the rest of the 15 year olds are immature, though I guess I just kinda matured really quickly - due to my active interest in psychology, etc. :mellow:)

I'm too shy.

And I don't know how to approach people - especially boys - at high school, who I'm not even sure fancies men/women.

Sigh, what a pity :crying:!
 

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Amen. Knowing who is genuine or not in this world is one of my everyday battles. And even though I'm a positive, happy-go-lucky kind of guy if I find real deception or manipulation I turn into the ruthless modern day spawn of Senator Joseph McCarthy and I weed you out!
Omg, manipulative or mean people suck so bad.....
 
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Thanks guys for the really great responses! It just feels so unfair, it's like people are taking so much for me, but nobody wants to give back. Like they love how I make them feel but they won't let me get to share in it.

I was getting over it when after I posted this like a couple of days ago, Ithought someone might've liked me, but it was really someone else and I was the go to person to express these feelings.

It sounds stupid but sometimes I just want some assurance that people can love me like that too. But alas it never happens and I hate thet it makes me sad.

I hate being so emotional, but I feel like I can't even express it, maybe because i'm not a cute petite girly girl and it just seems like it would be wrong.
 

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Maybe it's because I'm becoming more "balanced out" as my Fe side is developing.

But I currently am trying to force myself to stop liking an ENFP. In the looks department, she really isn't anything special. When I first met her, we just exchanged the usual 5 minutes of small talk and went our ways before we somehow wound up spending time together on and off. I got exposed to her personality too long and as a result fell for her.

I don't know whether this will ever happen again, but I hear it's not uncommon for ISTJs to fall into the same "trap" that I did.

Believe me when I say that some of us out there don't really give a damn if our girl doesn't look like Scarlett Johansson, Lucy Liu, or Beyonce.


Hope that helps.
 
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