I know that we should all try to love one another, treat others as you want to be treated, be a good person, show love to those who need it (well, to EVERYONE), etc. I am a moral person and want to do the right thing. Recently I had a Reiki session done in which I found out that my purpose in this life is to learn about love. Ironically, I have never been in love before until now (i'm 40 years old), and the man that i'm in love with is one of those types that is closed off emotionally, he's jaded and bitter towards women, doesn't involve feelings with women, told me he doesn't talk about his feelings, he doesn't want a girlfriend, etc.
We are not in a relationship exactly, i'm not even sure what we are...I haven't had sex with him though but we've spent a lot of time cuddling, making out, doing non-sexual things too of course, we're pretty inseperable at work. We've known each other for a year now, we work together. Everyone there thinks we are boyfriend and girlfriend, and when people make comments to us about it he will agree and he won't deny that we aren't a couple. I know he isnt trying to use me for sex because he knows I won't do it with him yet he still acts like we're a couple. But I often find myself upset or depressed because of all this, because while I was falling in love, he wasn't (as far as I know, anyway!) and it hurts not to be able to be WITH him.
All i've wanted my whole life was a boyfriend that I could love who loved me back. I've had a few in the past but none came close to how I feel about this guy. Anyway, the situation with our job is that we work 85 hours a week, 6 weeks at a time. We live on the job site too. So our lives ARE our jobs, and this job is so good that neither of us wants to quit.
So here is my dilemma...even though this guy "can't" love, should I continue to show him love? I am not one to lower my level of treatment towards someone just because they can't reciprocate my feelings, but I also don't want to get hurt any more than I am. But there really isn't anything I can do though because neither of us wants to quit our jobs (this is the best job i've ever had and the only good thing I have in my life, so I refuse to quit). But it hurts being in love with someone who doesn't love me back. But I don't want to quit my job just so I can get over him, and I also don't want to confront him or give him an ultimatum or pressure him into telling me his feelings, that will only make things awkward and uncomfortable at work and that's one of my biggest priorities is keeping things from getting so wierd that one of us is forced to quit. It would most likely be me since I'm a woman, therefore emotional. He NEVER shows emotions. He is, however, extremely affectionate. More affectionate than any man i've ever dated or known! He gives me multiple hugs every day. When we share a bed together, he will hold me most of the night, and he will kiss my hair or my shoulder when he thinks i'm sleeping. He always does this hug/cuddle thing where he'll come up behind me, put his arms around me, hold me close, put his face into my hair, sometimes he'll softly go "mmmm", we'll rock back and forth as if there was music playing, and he will do this in front of anyone, he doesn't try to hide it. We spend our breaks together and when we sit on the couch to watch tv he'll have his arm around me. I really don't understand why he acts this way when he doesn't want to BE with me and knows he isn't going to get sex from me.
I know that he needs love, I mean all people do, deep down. I know that he's had bad experiences with women (he thinks they're all crazy because they get too attached and go nuts when he wants to break up with them). I know the right thing to do is to show him love and no matter how cold he might seem sometimes or how distant he gets I should still show my unwavering unconditional love...but on the other hand, that's not very smart, I mean most people say if someone is withholding love from you, you shouldn't give it to them. But at the same time, I am a spiritual person who is trying to raise my vibration and elevate my consciousness and embody love as much as possible. So I'm torn on what to do about this situation. Part of me wants to love him so much that he learns how to love too and part of me wants to quit talking to him to show him that I won't stand for this halfway-relationship/thing/whatever it is. Should I show that I care about him and not hide my feelings (so far he doesn't know the extent of them), risking things getting weird? Or should I continue to go with the flow, hug him back, flirt with him back, but just stay casual even though it hurts because I want more? Or should I come out and say i'm not getting what I want so therefore I shouldn't let him hug me anymore, or talk to me, just cut off all communication and interaction even though it will make things very difficult at work? Or even a more general question, at what point does even an enlightened awakened highly conscious person turn their back on someone who is broken like this? I keep thinking if this were Ghandi or the Dalai Lama or Jesus, they would just keep showing this person love even though they're not getting it. Is it spiritually healthier to love someone who can't love you back, or to protect yourself in any way possible? I guess there is a fine line between letting yourself get hurt and being a Godlike person.