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Me: I need to just order mum's phone for Christmas.
Sis: *while writing up stuff about chicken embryo development* Oh yeah.... I need to order.... a brain (meaning to say 'book').
Me: .... Yeah. You do.
Sis: *covers face*
 

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ENTJ friend and I were talking about the merits of investing in Uber and joking about how they could expand into armored and military transport.

UberARMORED
For when you're having one of those days.
 

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Since we're getting close to Christmas, I remembered this gem of a letter that I wrote in high school for English class seven years ago. The assignment was to write a persuasive letter to Santa Claus explaining exactly why he should give us the presents we asked for. Of course, I didn't believe in Santa Claus, so I thought the assignment was stupid and pointless. My mom challenged me to just have fun with it. While my classmates wrote letters asking "for an iPod so I won't bother my parents", I wrote the following (note: I was [and still am] a Star Wars fanatic, so Harrison Ford was my celebrity crush at the time):

***

Dear Sir:

Since I have never written you before, this may not be your typical “Dear Santa”. I would like to discuss with you the matter of what I want for Christmas. First off, I am not a snotty-nose six-year-old asking for something stupid like a bee bee gun or a Red Flyer wagon. I am a delightful, fifteen-year-old, altruistic young lady. If I don’t get what I want on this list, I am apt to sue.
Enclosed is a 300-page alphabetized list of my Christmas wishes for this year. If your workforce is unable to get it done in time, here are a few of the most important items: a black Yamaha grand piano, a date with the cutest guy on the Willamette Valley basketball team (#31), an instantaneous college education, a leather jacket with matching sunglasses, and a full-size Harrison Ford poster.
Out of the kindness of my heart and considering your workload, I will give you reasons why I want these five items in particular. I want the piano because it would look great in our living room and everyone would think we’re loaded (if you think that you would have a problem getting it in through the chimney, feel free to send it via FedEx). You should know why I want a date with the cute guy because you’re always supposed to be watching us “to see if we’re naughty or nice” anyway. I want an instant college education that can be acquired within two minutes. When this is accomplished, I will go on Jeopardy and win millions of dollars like Ken Jennings. When I get that rich, people would try to kidnap me for ransom. Of course, this problem can be solved by a disguise, and that’s where the leather jacket and sunglasses come in. They make you look like a CIA agent, then nobody will bother you; and besides, they’re cool-looking.
My last request is kind of tricky to explain, but look at it this way. I come home from school with all its stress, cares, and worry. I look at my bedroom wall – and there HE is – instant stress relief, better and less fattening than chocolate.
Remember, if I do not get all of the above for Christmas, not only will I sue, but I will systematically, using the principal's hunting bow, proceed to slay your sleigh reindeer in the order that they are mentioned in the classic poem, “T’was the Night Before Christmas”. Rudolph will not be spared in this homicidal endeavor.

Merry Christmas to all,
DragonWriter

***

My INTJ tendencies started early :cool:
 

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ESFJ best friend, ISTJ husband and me were window-shopping and had a look around a gift/novelty shop.

Me: LOOK! A Star Trek TOS lunchbox! I want it!
ISTJ: *grumpy face*
Me: What? Is it too kitschy?
ISTJ: Yes.
Me: My little TOS lunchbox!
ISTJ: What kind of gun is that?
Me: It's some kind of phaser rifle, but they never use it in any of the episodes only in merchandise pictures.
Me to ESFJ: What do you think?
ESFJ: If you like it. :) :) :)
Me: It is too kitschy.
ESFJ: Hehehehe. :) :) :)
 

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main dev/business analyst at this new job: so how does a test case actually look like?
me: O_O well, i usually start with . . .
him: no don't tell me. show me. take a use case and make a test case so i can watch you do it.
me: -_-. okay, well. *writes out theoretical test case on whiteboard* so you make a title that makes the reason why the tc exists instantly clear.
him: mphn.
me: okay. then steps. so in this example use case we were just talking about, 'step 1. log in as user a'.
him: isn't that part of the pre-conditions?
me: -_- no.
him: but it is a pre-condition. you have to be logged in in order to do the test.
me: -_- no. pre-condition is data, typically. this is an action so we make it a step.
him: that's how i'm writing the use cases. everything's in the preconditions. and then the flow part is just one single action and then the result.
me: *thinks* yeah, i know. and that's why your use cases are meaningless. among other reasons for that.
me: *out loud* here's the traditional structure for a test case though.
him: okay, well. *patronizing expression* if that's how you do want to it . . . *condescending little fake laugh*
me: it is the way that it's usually done. are we ready to go on?
him: sure, sure, go ahead.
me: okay. so then, i'd uh -
him: i just think it belongs in the preconditions.
me: :dry:
him: it just makes more sense to put it there.
me: we could discuss this for a long time, but it's a) semantics and b) not the way that test cases work.
him: oh really?
me:
him: i just think it's more work to do it your way
me: :dry: how is it more work? you're either writing it in the preconditions or as a step; it's the same number of words either way.
him: *unconvinced expression* yeahhhhh . . . but . . . .
me to self: *starting to think he's an intp*
him: well, okay then. do it however you like *false laugh* it's just not the way that i think that it ought to be done, that's all.
me to self: :angry: i think he's an iStp.
 

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arcane lily-kid injokes in the lily kitchen. this happened without either party ever un-turning their back.

me: *stirs or fries or chops something, or something, i forget now*
kid: *enters room, occupies other counter*
kid: *plastic bag rustling. bowl fetching. spoon location*
kid: *specific semi-rigid-plasti-safety-seal-snapping sound*
me: that sounds like ice cream.
kid: yeah. *spoon clatter*
me: didja get a haircut?
kid: yup.
me: awww. that makes me mushy.
kid: heh. *opens freezer*
me: such a traditionalist.
kid: heh. *closes freezer, leaves room*
 

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This one time, in Germany, we were having breakfast on a Saturday morning when a cold-caller rang.

*phone rings*
ISTJ husband answers: Hello?
female voice: This is a survey about pets. We want to make sure your animal receives the best care.
ISTJ, *hangs up*: BLOODY COLD-CALLERS, I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT MY ANIMAL CAN DO!
Me: Hehehehehehe, shame on you, you're not supposed to show random women what your animal can do.
ISTJ: Huh? .... Oh... Hehehehe.
 

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I don't see any indication that this thread is for INTJs only so...

Me: *rambling about MBTI*
INFP friend: Stop trying to put me in a box!!!
Me: You know... Now that I think about it, MBTI is four-dimensional. So I'm not putting you in a box. I'm putting you in a tesseract.
INFP friend: -_- Okay fine, stop trying to put me in a tesseract!
 

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Me: *asleep in bed*
husband: I've got to fill in this form for the recruitment agency.
Me: *grunts*
husband: I can't give ENTP ex-boss as a reference because I'm not in touch with him.
Me: Oh sugger, that bucks. ..... I mean, bug that suckers.
husband: Hehehe.
Me: Bleh, I can't even speak. I meant OH BUGGER, THAT SUCKS! Ha, I've got it.
 

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Me: That girl is pretty cute, I think she's an INFP.
INFP friend: What makes you think she's INFP?
Me: She just looks like one, look at her face! That's a very INFP expression.
INFP friend: Yeah I can see it... She's wearing an INFP hat too.

Unrelated conversation a couple weeks later

INFP friend: I think the devil is a woman. An INFP woman.
Me: Well the devil DOES wear prada after all, so it makes sense.
 
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A couple of months ago, when my husband's ENTP boss was still around (Let's call him 'Joe'):

ISTJ: Joe is my work husband. :)

Me: And <my ENTP boss> is my work husband.... except he's got about 20 work wives, the poor man. OMG, I can't believe it, we've got so much in common! Both our work husbands are ENTPs! We can be girl friends and bitch about them!

ISTJ: Hehehe.

ISTJ's boss left.

ISTJ: They had a card for him. I wrote "The office won't be the same without you."

Me: Oh no, how romantic! You're so cute!

ISTJ: But I can't go to his leaving do. I told him I can't make it.

Me: Did you say anything else? What did he say?

ISTJ: No, there's nothing to say.

Me: Oh, no! You haven't got a work husband anymore!

ISTJ: I'll just have to get used to it.

...
...
a few weeks later:

Me: Look! Your husband is on facebook! Is that him?

ISTJ: Yes, it looks like him, but that photo is at least five years old.

Me: Look at his big troll eyes! Does he have big troll eyes like that? I'll add him on your account.

ISTJ: NO!

Me: Why not, it's only facebook? What's the worst thing that could happen?

ISTJ: I don't think he even uses it anymore. Look: the last time he wrote something was years ago.

Me: So I can add him, because he'll never see it anyway but if he does see it, he can add you.

ISTJ: NO!

Me: There, I've sent him a request from your account.

ISTJ: Grrrrrrrrrrrr, it's silly. *blush*

.....
.....
a few weeks later:

Me: Your lazy husband still hasn't added you.

ISTJ: Grrrrr.

 

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History Professor: What was (insert theologian I don't remember) using to argue against (insert "heathen" belief)?

Me: His imaginary friend?

Cue offended and confused looks from classmates and suppressed laughter from prof.
 

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In parking lot when we pass a car with a dog in it. I stare at it and growl/bark.

Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Antagonizing a puppy.
 

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I wrote this down during a Ph.D.-level Stats class (which I abhor) a few weeks ago:

ESFJ classmate: "One's caffeine and one's no caffeine. What's the population? Where does that come from? Is that something I should understand?"

INTP professor: "I don't know what you mean by understand."

Me (inner monologue): Someone, please shoot me...
 

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My family did Christmas a couple days late because of schedules. I had wrapped all my presents in paper grocery bags and left over ribbon because I didn't feel like going out again to get wrapping supplies. (FYI they did look nice and not just thrown together. I have a fairly large craft stash).

Brother (some kind of ENXJ. We get on well now that we're older, no longer living together and he doesn't try to make me attend every single event): So, was there any reason you chose to recycle grocery bags instead of real wrapping paper?

Me: Well, it was one of two reason. Either I've decided to become an environmentalist or I'm a cheapskate. You choose.

Brother (with straight-face mock disapproval): I always knew that that one day your bleeding heart would crack open and you would do some shameful thing like joining the Greens. You probably won't want to damage the environment next month in coming to nephew's birthday, so I'll save everybody the trouble of inviting you.

Me: Well, I'm only doing out of consideration for the future generations. They need a planet that they can live on and enjoy too Think of it as nephew's gift that I won't be coming, so as to preserve what I can for him to be able to go out and play without first having to don a hazmat suit.

Dad (ISFJ? has been listening and but doesn't realize we're messing with each other): Nephew is going to be really disappointed if you're not here. And all this global warming stuff is a bunch of bull.:angry: The global climate is cyclical. The ice caps have melted before. Just because we're coming out of colder period now and all they have are records since the last mini ice age does not mean that the world is getting ready to explode or that it's all our fault.

Brother: We know :rolleyes:

Me: Yep, I'm cheapskate really and have no problem letting people know it.

Brother: Aren't we all.

Brother and I move on to doing other things but dad is still upset about the climate change issue and won't let it go
 
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